


Three Types Of Fear

by Sugar_and_Salt



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Asexuality, M/M, Panic Attacks, Polyamory, Romance, Sexual Content, alternative universe, mild social anxiety, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-04
Updated: 2017-11-13
Packaged: 2018-05-18 05:20:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 102,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5899861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sugar_and_Salt/pseuds/Sugar_and_Salt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When it's time to overcome the rivalry between the nations, a team of three young representatives is put together to work for a good cause. Unfortunately, their team is the embodiment of inefficiency.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Misconception

**Author's Note:**

> ~crossposted from AFF~
> 
> This story is still ongoing, so the rating and tags will be added as the story unfolds - I'm not gonna spoil this, after all~  
> As always I'm gonna tell you that I'm no native speaker and any form of feedback is greatly appreciated ♡
> 
> Love,  
> Sugar_And_Salt

** Next generation overcomes century-old hate! **

**These three talented young man unite their skills and prove that rivalry is a thing of the past!**

The whole nation has been waiting for it and now the time has finally come - project "Future Care" has officially been launched!  
The nationwide sister project of the biggest charity organization CARE has been confirmed at a press-conference in the capital of the West. Here the associates revealed not only the exact purpose of the project but also it's multinational members.  
Vice president Zhang Yixing revealed the program to be focused on the maintenance and refinement of orphanages. The team of Future Care will first be working on various projects to get an insight on the field but everyone holds great hopes that they will soon show their full potential and bring new and innovative proposals to the table on how to raise the children's educational opportunities and overall quality in life.  
It's obvious where they take the grand expectations from - after all, the team they put together is more than promising.  
Park Chanyeol(22), Do Kyungsoo(22) and Kim Jongin(21) may only have graduated this year but they have each been selected by the boards of education in their respective countries, making us look forward to actually seeing their talent play out.  
  
At this point we've all heard and read stories about **Park Chanyeol** , the bright Southern university student who has won multiple awards for his activism, concepts and innovative campaigns, so it's hardly a surprise the Southern state chose him as a representative. Even before this project he has been overcoming the state's rivalry by making girl's hearts skip a beat whenever he appears in interviews - no matter which state they come from.  
Meanwhile the North isn't slacking off, sending their own respective young genius **Do Kyungsoo**.  
As we have all known and acknowledged the North for being excellent economists, Do Kyungsoo's record does not disappoint either. Always on top of everything that needed careful calculation at his university rumor even says he has been invited to join the North's secret service.  
And even though he appeared quiet on the conference people confirmed his morals to be firmly set as repeatedly stated he was in on this project a hundred percent.  
The East stays unpredictable as ever, sending **Kim Jongin** , a total newcomer for most people. Mr. Kim has not even graduated with the best set of grades unlike the other two but the board has made it clear that this is indeed their choice and that he would be the most suitable for the job. So far Mr. Kim seems really charming and we look forward to discovering the Eastern wit in him.

With these three participants uniting their skills on neutral Western ground the project has long gone viral as a symbol for international cooperation.  
When asked for a short statement about the project the three young man answered decisively, giving us reasons to hope.

  
**Park Chanyeol**   
_"I'm representing the social awareness the South stands for but I'm willing to not only learn but embrace other cultures and approaching methods. I firmly believe that a raise in variety opens up more opportunities."_

**Do Kyungsoo**   
_"I'm honored to be a part of this project. Origins or rivalry do not matter to me since the children this project is about hardly care about it either. I'm willing to work on improving their daily lives."_

**Kim Jongin**   
_" I might not seem like the first choice next to my two outstanding team members, I realize that. But I will work hard to live up to the expectations and fulfill my part within the team and make use of the strengths I do have."_

 

* * *

 

 _"I might not seem like the first choice next to my two outstanding team members, I realize that."_  
What a moron, Kyungsoo thought and tossed the newspaper aside.  
He was moody. Then again, when wasn't he ever? He'd had his fair share of doubts about working together with a Southener but it turned out the guy from the East was ticking him off far more. As much of a pain Chanyeol was on a daily basis, he knew how to be useful if it came down to it. He had the ability to appeal to people, to know exactly how to approach them to get their proposals signed.  
Jongin on the other hand...  
Kyungsoo sighed full of annoyance as he (quite violently) mashed the backspace key to re-type a wrong calculation.  
Jongin was neither well-versed with people like Chanyeol, nor exceptionally skilled behind a computer. He kept making mistakes and leaving Kyungsoo with more work than before.  
 _Useless._  
He knew he was being harsh but they only had a team of three members and the whole world eyeing them. They didn't need an additional burden.

  
They had their own office at the main quarters of CARE and even though it wasn't very modern or luxurious Kyungsoo was grateful to have an own work space. Located so far at the back of the ground floor that people rarely stumbled across them it was rather quiet. And to be honest, Kyungsoo silently liked it when the sunlight filtered through the typically half-closed shutters and made it all look like an old-fashioned detective office.  
Above all that it brought a privacy that was direly needed by the team.

As soon as a fourth person would enter the scene, the FutureCare team transformed into a group of professionals who calmly discussed the latest layouts, calculations and proposals with a friendly smile on their face.  
Now it wasn't that they didn't work when no one was around. Actually none of them were lazy(except maybe Jongin, Kyungsoo bitterly thought).  
After all, they all cared about their future, their career... and the children.  
Yes, Kyungsoo may not look like it but coming from an orphanage himself he was obviously invested on this. And if spending a few nights over calculations would cause some kids to grow up with more books or trips to a zoo, then so be it.  
That this team was a constant pain didn't make it any easier though.  
"So I say we should try negotiating with YG electronics about the sponsorship. They may be keen on getting their hands into the FutureCare project." Kyungsoo proclaimed, tapping his pen against the side of the table impatiently.  
"Yeah, but can they be trusted?" Chanyeol piped in, leaning back in his chair with his arms crossed.  
"I don't know if they're reliable enough. Previous deals have proven them to be more about words than actual deeds."  
"Why don't we ask SM?" Jongin casually asked with his chin rested on his hands.  
Kyungsoo sighed.  
"Because they've been in a fixed contract with CARE for almost five years already. Do your research." he snapped and Jongin flinched, instantly hunching his shoulders a bit.  
As it was in his nature Chanyeol immediately lifted his hands to amend.  
"Well, well, but the contract ends in a few months so we might be able to persuade them into staying in cooperation. I'm sure that's what Jongin meant, right?" he quipped with a friendly(and far too wide) smile but Jongin only averted his gaze and the faintest scowl grazed his features. Kyungsoo resisted the urge to roll his eyes at the childish behavior.  
"Fine, go on sulking then."  
Again, Chanyeol went back to the topic before it could escalate any further.  
"Now that you said it... if you think it through logically YG would make a bigger show of it since they're new to the project. SM doesn't need to establish their beneficial side anymore so they'll most likely be more subdued about it. It might also make a point about setting FutureCare apart from the original CARE organization."  
"But in turn CARE would probably lose SM for good. They wouldn't support the same organistaion as their closest rivals." Kyungsoo pondered, the pen still tapping.  
He could see Chanyeol's smile twitching a little at the sound. It gave him a silent gratification that he could at least pass some of his annoyance on. He wasn't obvious about it, not at all. But Kyungsoo still sensed that the tall guy disliked him, even though he was subtle about it. Kind of a pity considering he was obviously a bright one he could work with.  
"Yeah, you could make it work but SM is far too proud for that. I've met those representatives once. No way in hell would they get their shit together. The world could go down and these two wouldn't cooperate." Chanyeol added, ruffling through his freshly died silver hair.  
"I'm sure the upper ones won't permit an idea that will possibly ruin their relationship with SM."  
That was the advantage of having Chanyeol in their team. If he said they wouldn't budge, Kyungsoo trusted him. His judgment on people was uncanny.  
Suddenly Jongin spoke up.  
"Why don't we ask JYP Music then? They're in no direct competition with either of them, different field and all."  
Oh god just shut up, Kyungsoo thought.  
"That sounds like a great idea!" Chanyeol exclaimed, clapping his hands once and causing Jongin to flinch and shoot him a fleeting but noticeably dirty glare.  
"I don't know..." Kyungsoo protested moodily, tapping the pen a little more insistently against the wooden surface.  
"JYP has been decreasing in profits lately. I doubt they'll boost us a lot."  
"But it's a music company! What better way to reach people? And their band Got7 is on the road to becoming a crowd favorite!" Chanyeol gave back with wholehearted protest written all over his face.  
"Yeah but what if they fail? Then JYP will be completely useless." Kyungsoo countered without missing a beat. Finally raising his voice a little in annoyance Chanyeol threw his hands up.  
"Stop being a dick about it just because it was Jongin's idea and _COULD YOU STOP DOING THAT WITH YOUR PEN_?!" he exclaimed in exasperation and Jongin flinched once more.  
"Could YOU stop being so fucking loud?!" he hissed at him and Kyungsoo knew that was the end of discussions for the time being. Jongin was the first to get up, always shy of confrontations.  
"I'll go and eat lunch."  
"Yeah just run away before someone might snap back at you." Kyungsoo called after him but the door was closed without any further reaction, leaving him alone with an equally annoyed Chanyeol.  
"Yeah, that was totally necessary. Helped the situation a LOT."  
With this he got up and threw on his jacket to go and get some fresh air, leaving Kyungsoo behind. Alone, and maybe pricked by a tiny bit of guilt. Since in a way, Chanyeol was right. Though he had probably just said it to spite him cause while Park Chanyeol loved the whole world, he certainly didn't like Kyungsoo.  
For a moment he sat in silence, willing the headache away he would always get when feeling annoyed. Finally he huffed and also got up.  
"Fine. Whatever." he mumbled to no one in particular and went back to his laptop, opening a chart he had been working on. There was enough work to do, after all.

In the end they did decide on approaching JYP Music for a cooperation.  
While Jongin and Chanyeol gathered ideas on possible projects they could launch together Kyungsoo ran the calculations on each of them and with lots of bickering from every side they had finally narrowed it down to the most useful ones.  
Chanyeol had already managed to get them an appointment with one of the higher-ups and had persuaded CARE to give them the go-ahead on this.  
This only left one question.

"I actually think Jongin should go to the meeting."  
Chanyeol's proposal was met with two stares, differing in the amount of nastiness and simple disbelief.  
"Are you nuts?" Kyungsoo inquired blankly and for once, neither Jongin nor Chanyeol seemed inclined to fire back. It was almost a given that Chanyeol went to present their team. For obvious reasons. As much as Kyungsoo wanted to agree that Jongin should be forced to do at least something, he wouldn't want to risk the success of their project.  
"No, I'm serious." Chanyeol calmly replied with an earnest expression.  
"JYP is a Southern-based company. I'm pretty sure you would clash with them in an ugly way, equality or not." he said, directed at Kyungsoo and before said one could protest, he cut him off.  
"And sending me would seem like a cheap strategy. Sending 'one of them'. No, I think sending Jongin would be the best strategic choice."  
No matter how reasonable it sounded, Kyungsoo could hardly overlook the main issue.  
"But he SUCKS at dealing with people!" he exclaimed incredulously.  
"Ah, stop talking like Jongin's not even in the room!" Chanyeol countered with his brows slightly furrowed in annoyance once more.  
"I really don't wanna do it though..." Jongin mumbled and caused Kyungsoo to sneer.  
"Of course not, contributing something must be painful, right?"  
"You don't need to worry, I have a feeling they'll like you!" Chanyeol said encouragingly, completely ignoring Kyungsoo and beaming at Jongin's more than reluctant face.  
"He'll completely embarrass himself! He'll probably trip and faceplant as soon as the JPY guys do so much as LOOK at him!"  
"Yeah well, maybe that would be an icebreaker and make them laugh a little." the immediate response came. Kyungsoo felt like shaking his head wouldn't even do it anymore.  
"What's there to laugh about? There's nothing funny about being an embarrassment!"  
It seemed as if Chanyeol had run out of patience as he turned to fully face Kyungsoo and raise his voice.  
"At least Jongin isn't an anti-social prissy bitch unlike someone! Why in the world are you so afraid to laugh once in a while?!"  
"Why are you so afraid **not** to?" Kyungsoo retorted instantly and Chanyeol's eyes widened in surprise.  
For three long seconds it was quiet and Kyungsoo bit his lips. He hadn't meant to actually say it but Chanyeol's misconception angered him and had caused it to slip before he could help it.  
"Guys, let's just send Chanyeol and leave it at that. I really don't want to do it anyway." Jongin piped up carefully only to get another glare from Kyungsoo.  
"Of course you don't Mr. I-don't-give-a-fuck-about-our-work!"  
"Oh shut up. Jongin does care about our work, you just don't see it!" Chanyeol barked back and now it was Jongin's time to look at him in surprise.  
The tension was almost tangible as they both fumed in silence.  
Until it was broken by a short humorless laugh from Jongin who had obviously regained his composure.  
"A triangle." he huffed quietly in an for Jongin very unusal sardonic tone.  
They both turned to him.  
"What are you talking about?" Chanyeol asked, a bit of his anger already dissipating.  
But Jongin only leaned back in his chair and sighed tiredly.  
  
"We are the worst team on the planet." he murmured and for the first time in his life, Kyungsoo was inclined to agree with him.

 


	2. Cards on the table

**Park Chanyeol**  
_"I'm representing the social awareness the South stands for but I'm willing to not only learn but embrace other cultures and approaching methods. I firmly believe that a raise in variety opens up more opportunities."_

 

* * *

  
_"I firmly believe that a raise in variety opens up more opportunities."_  
_You don't say Captain Obvious_ , Jongin thought with an internal scoff as he skimmed the page of the newspaper.  
That was such a redundant and useless statement. But why would the great Park Chanyeol care as long as people reacted with awe and admiration? It was all about making them believe in him, no matter what nonsense he spluttered. Park Chanyeol was the picture perfect example of being 'all talk' and the amount of success he was experiencing on a daily basis due to his ability to sweet-talk was sickening him. Greatly so.

 

"It's an honor to finally meet you."  
"Oh no, the pleasure is all mine, Mr. Park." Jongin replied in an almost sweet voice, his head shyly lowered as he slipped into the seat of JYP Music's CEO.  
He seemingly forced himself to look up and smiled hesitantly as it was expected of him.  
"I'm Kim Jongin, from the FutureCare project-" he began and was already cut off by the enthusiastic CEO.  
"Ah, of course I've read about you! You're the Eastern representative, right?"  
_Yeah, just cut me off. Rude much?_ , he thought but it didn't reach his expression.  
"Y-yes. That's right. I hope you don't mind they sent me instead of Chanyeol."  
Mr. Park only laughed good-naturedly and dismissed the thought, asking his secretary to bring them a cup of tea.  
_And here goes another Southener acting all socially aggressive._  
He was beginning to wonder whether they were taught this behavior at an early age to grow into it that much. Still Jongin's smile didn't even twitch once during his careful presentation of the proposal they had prepared.  
As expected the CEO was more than interested since the project was still rather fresh on people's mind and the opportunity too good to pass up.  
"Our company has always been known for showcasing equality between the states! We've got plenty of idols and trainees from all the nations! Even from the North!" he exclaimed confidently and faking surprise, Jongin repeated "Really? From the North as well?" so that the guy could generously dismiss it as if now it wasn't that big of a deal anymore.  
"Of course! The ones from the North are all about technique and precision, they make the best vocalists!"  
_U-huh, sure. All about equality but categorizing the whole North._  
Completely undeterred the man continued.  
"But of course everyone has their strengths! We got a few from the East as well, you know? Those are all about intuition and passion. They never fail to show a unique style. And the ones from the West-"  
_I'm calling bullshit on your concept of equality right here._  
Of course Jongin didn't voice this opinion. He knew when to shut up and when it wasn't worth the effort. This case clearly belonged to the first category.  
So he only kept his sigh internal as he faked shy interest and left the man to wallow in a digusting amount of self-praise.

  
"I say that's _**bullshit**_."  
"You didn't even let him finish!" Chanyeol directly jumped in and was swiftly ignored by Jongin. He felt like the best way to stand people like Chanyeol was to ignore them. It had worked quite well so far.  
Kyungsoo didn't seem fazed either as he crossed his arms.  
"I don't need to let him finish, I know JYP's marketing strategy very well."  
Jongin didn't even try to pick up where he had left(at re-telling JYP's proposal), preferring to listen and observe.  
"I've been going through their strategies of the past three years and their way to promote is far too shallow for our purpose. They keep mentioning NOT having prejudices while at the same time putting way too much emphasis on people's origins. It doesn't make any sense. If we'd aim at silly teenagers this might be working but the whole goddamn world is looking at us."  
This shut Chanyeol up, for the moment at least. Of course it did since it was nothing but the truth.  
And that was the reason Jongin liked Do Kyungsoo.  
He wasn't afraid to be blunt and voice his honest opinion, regardless of social conventions. He had a goal in mind and was armed with enough skills to reach it. In fact he was sure Kyungsoo would be able to replace both of them. Sure, he was really more of a practical guy and didn't try to suck up to the higher ups but... if the world was fair, someone like Do Kyungsoo should be far more successful than the likes of Chanyeol.  
"If we are going to cooperate with JYP we gotta be the ones coming up with the concept." Kyungsoo said decisively and Chanyeol nodded along, seemingly thinking about it.  
"Yeah... JYP is not THAT proud, we might put it in a way that sounds like we're merely trying to take the burden off of him. It might work."  
_Yeah, why don't we manipulate him a little, twist the words a bit... We're gonna make it work._  
Cause apparently stupid people don't deserve any better.  
A knock on the door ripped them from their discussion and Junmyeon, a co-worker, poked his head inside.  
"Hey guys. vice-president Zhang would like to know how the meeting went. Are you free right now?"  
Chanyeol threw a quick questioning glance at them and Jongin only blinked. They weren't even remotely ready. Kyungsoo threw him the 'we definitely AREN'T free'-look but Chanyeol had already turned to the front again and smiled that far too toothy smile.  
"Sure, we're free!"  
Jongin wanted to groan. Instead he put on a strained grin.

The day had started off bad enough when Chanyeol had ran into him on his way to the bus stop and wouldn't stop annoying the hell out of him with all sorts of questions he didn't intend to answer. It had gotten worse when the three had to talk about the JYP issue.  
But it reached the level 'worst' and swiftly crossed over into the 'terrific'-category with flying colors during their meeting with vice-president Zhang.  
It didn't even have a good start with Chanyeol and Kyungsoo both cutting Jongin off and correcting him all the time. He could already see Mr. Zhang's eyebrow slightly rising at them and even though he discreetly slapped Chanyeol's thigh under the table(which earned him a flinch and a kicked-puppy-look) the big idiot couldn't refrain from jumping in, mentioning side details he would have gotten to later while Kyungsoo kept throwing his judgment in.  
Then it got down to their future plans for the project and that's where the actual trouble arose.  
"We were just discussing this matter when we came here." Chanyeol piped in, still smiling.  
Maybe he hoped that this would make the guy smile and give them more time.  
But obviously Mr. Zhang wasn't playing the social game with him as he leaned back with a small smile.  
"Oh, how very interesting. I'd love to hear your thoughts so far."  
Just great. Why didn't that moron say they hadn't gotten around to talking about it yet?!  
He couldn't help glaring at Chanyeol from the side. Luckily he continued, going through with the mess he had started.  
"We've already figured that JYP's general course of promotion is not suited for our purpose as it's too shallow to convey the concept of FutureCare."  
_There's no 'we' in Kyungsoo. YOU didn't figure out shit._  
Mr. Zhang only nodded amiably. Patiently. Waiting for a conclusion.  
"That's why we gotta stray from that, adapt it to something more genuine." Chanyeol went on but he could sense the uncertainty in his voice as it raised the tiniest bit to make it sound like an open question.  
"Uhm. I haven't had time to think about it yet though. Any ideas Jongin?"  
_Oh no you didn't._  
Jongin would have loved to turn the phrase 'to glare daggers at someone' into something very literal.  
"Uh. I've... There are several possibilities of course, and it has to be considered who we're aiming at." he quietly rambled, his thoughts racing. But he felt exposed and his head was completely blank.  
"I think the main point is to get the idols in contact with the children. Maybe have them visit orphanages in every country, if their schedule allows it-"  
"That'll do nothing for the kids.", Kyungsoo swiftly interfered and for once Jongin wished the boy would have held back on his opinion but it was too late, "This would just benefit the idols. It'll make the children look like a joke."  
"Uh yeah. The children should be the main focus, after all. " Chanyeol added as the lamest amount of damage control in history.  
"Maybe send them to the idols instead? Give them the opportunity to experience something new?" he blabbed on and Jongin could hear the faintest annoyed sigh of Kyungsoo.  
"That would cause the exact same problem PLUS the fact that you're basically rubbing in their faces that this exciting experience is a one-time thing."  
This was obviously as far as Chanyeol's patience lasted.  
"Well, it doesn't have to be. Can't the whole point be to motivate them to pursue their dream?"  
"Can we maybe not choose the least likely career they'll be able to pursue?" Kyungsoo gave back and Chanyeol didn't even miss a beat as he heatedly replied.  
"Shouldn't we focus on EXACTLY this career then? If you don't aim high you'll never be able to achieve anything!"  
"If you try to get it all you end up with nothing!"  
"Better try to get it all than not even trying in the first place!"  
"Guys."  
They all froze at the calm voice of Mr. Zhang whom they had completely forgotten about. He didn't look angry but rather pretty disappointed as he lifted his hands in a calming gesture.  
"It's evident that you need more time to think this through. Just address me as soon as you're ready. And please try to stay professional both in and out of my office."  
"Yes Mr. Zhang. We're terribly sorry." Chanyeol murmured and even Kyungsoo had lowered his head, looking as guilty as Jongin felt.  
They all got up, trying not to look too eager as they exited the office.

Jongin wanted to kick something(or someone) in frustration. This definitely shouldn't have happened. He could only hope that vice-president Zhang was nice enough not to report them.  
They trotted down the deserted hallways and Kyungsoo spoke up in an angry mumble.  
"Well that went fantastic. Thanks for all the great input by the way, Jongin."  
Chanyeol only groaned at this and turned to look over at him.  
"Please, as if it wasn't all your fault. Couldn't you keep your temper in check just this once?!"  
"God, just gimme a BREAK already." Jongin hissed before he could help it.  
Usually he wouldn't voice his true opinion like that but Chanyeol had been going on his nerves all day long and he had to vent the bottled up annoyance. Park Chanyeol always jumped to his help immediately, no matter whether he asked for it or not. He imposed his supposedly good nature on everyone and Jongin in particular was the one forced to sate his ego all the time. Disgusting.  
Now one could argue that Jongin wasn't any different from Chanyeol, constantly putting up a front of being a gullible pushover. Except he was.  
He just didn't want to get into trouble. He didn't want any praise or fame or fake friends. Any kind of trouble was a form of stress to be avoided.  
"Yeah, because you didn't have a long enough break just now." Kyungsoo replied bitingly.  
"Slowly I'm beginning to think the Eastern board sent you just to spite us!"  
Jongin didn't say anything in response though he couldn't deny the pang of hurt at this words.  
"You can't be serious." Chanyeol cut him off, already throwing up his hands in anger.  
"You know, ever since I was young I actually, TRULY believed in everyone being equal and now I'm forced to work with you! You're the personification of every stereotype they tell about the North! I've never considered myself a racist but for you I might just become one if it goes on like this!"

And as they rounded the corner the terrific day became disastrous when the trio was faced with a surprised-looking Bang Yongguk -founder and respective CEO of CARE- who had stopped in his tracks, a paper cup of tea halfway to his lips.

  
An hour later they received their short but highly unpleasant scolding by the vice-president who -in behalf of Mr. Bang himself- told them that it  couldn't go on like this.  
That the last thing they needed was everyone finding out the world's first real project of unity was a big scam.  
To make matters worse he was one of those 'I'm not angry but I'm very disappointed'-persons which fueled the guilt like nothing else could.  
"I realize that you have all been ripped out of your homes and it's always difficult to work in a foreign environment within a new team. We do want you to succeed though. That's why I'm telling you now to take it easy for the time being. I know you are eager to show the world your potential and to make a change. But it's completely alright if this doesn't happen today. Learn to get together without clawing each others eyes out and then present me with a completed concept for the collaboration with JYP at the end of next month."  
"That's gonna waste so much time!" Kyungsoo fell in before catching himself and lowering his voice.  
"I mean. That's an awfully long time, Sir."  
The Western guy didn't even flinch and though his expression was blank, his voice told them that resistance was futile.  
"Mr. Bang has specifically ordered it. You may leave now. We can't expect of you to love each other but please try to behave professional in the future."  
"Yes, Mr. Zhang."

This time neither of them spoke a word, not even when the office door closed behind them and they all sank in their respective chairs around the table positioned in the middle. Jongin sighed almost inaudibly as slumped together, the tension slowly leaving his body.  
There was no sound except for the faint squeaking of Chanyeol turning from side to side in his swivel chair.  
Kyungsoo only rubbed his temples to leave his face buried in his hand.  
"Fuck." he mumbled into the silence and Jongin hummed in agreement.  
Chanyeol threw his head back to lowly hum to himself.  
"Bus-ted."  
Neither Kyungsoo nor Jongin reacted and it grew silent once more. No one -not even Kyungsoo- seemed inclined to throw an insult since they were probably all well-aware of the fact that every single one of them was to blame.  
Since silence obviously wasn't in Chanyeol's nature he was the first one to voice the question looming above them.  
"What now? What are we gonna do?"  
Kyungsoo snorted bitterly.  
"Improve our acting?" he jokingly replied but it lacked the usual venom.  
Chanyeol seemed not in the mood to bicker either as he just let the words hang in the air and evaporate.

Jongin was also thinking about it.  
What to do.  
Thing is, he hated Chanyeol's guts. If he had the choice, he'd just walk out right now and never face this person ever again. Unfortunately he didn't have a choice. And this was what he was best at, right? Finding solutions. Solving a problem the best way possible with the resources they had.  
Luckily for him the other two kept their mouth shut for once, wallowing in a moment of hopelessness and it allowed him to actually hear himself think.  
And he did come up with something.  
Once again he would've loved to avoid the confrontation but there was no choice. Besides, they'd probably never be as receptive as they were now so he just decided to go for it.

"Guys. I might have an idea."  
They both looked at him and as he had predicted, no immediate obnoxious complains or praises arose. He sat up straighter and reached for a wad of colorful memo's at the edge of the table and three ball pens.  
"I need you to just go along with it though. I think we should... No, I **_want_** everyone in this room to write his opinion on the other two on one piece of paper each. His _honest_ thoughts."  
"How is this gonna do any good? Sounds like an elementary school method." Kyungsoo protested mildly but Jongin only shook his head.  
"Go along with it. If it proves to be useless you can still yell at me later."  
This argument effectively shut Kyungsoo up even though he didn't look any less unhappy about it.  
"Fine." he said begrudgingly, reaching for a pen and starting to scribble possible vicious words about Jongin.  
Chanyeol easily followed along but Jongin didn't miss the flash of hesitation on his face as the tip of his pen hovered over the paper.  
"Your honest opinion. Don't even try to sugarcoat anything. That's important." he strictly added and Chanyeol pouted at his harsh tone, causing Jongin to hate him just a little bit more, if that was possible.  
They all took their time writing and after Jongin collected them, he immediately handed everyone the two pieces of paper dedicated to them.  
While Kyungsoo instantly turned them with the blank sides upwards, choosing not to read them, Chanyeol seemed fidgety, as if he wanted to read and waited for permission.  
"This is hardly anonymous, you know." Kyungsoo said and Jongin only nodded.  
"I know."  
"So what are we supposed to do with them now?" he inquired in a challenging tone and this time he shrugged.  
"No idea. It's up to you what to do with this information." he simply said.  
Neither of them looked any less reluctant but there was a tinge of curiosity in between the hesitation. Jongin reached for his own two notes and got up, preferring to leave first as always.  
"I just felt like we needed to finally put our cards on the table. Let's call it a day and let it all sink in for now."  
"Okay." Chanyeol agreed quietly albeit readily and Jongin hurried outside the office before the giant idiot decided to stick to him like he did that morning. But he didn't.  
His legs were still shaking a little from the unfamiliar attention and the paper felt like it was burning a hole through his pocket.  
He was itching to read them while at the same time he craved nothing more than to throw them into the next trash bin. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I'm gonna apologize for messing up the update order - it won't happen again ._.


	3. Right and Wrong

"I'm honored to be a part of this project."  
_What a liar_ , Chanyeol had thought with a disapproving frown when his eyes first fell on the printed interview.  
Honored, my ass. If any it would be the exact opposite - Do Kyungsoo clearly loathed the fact that he was part of this team. Asking him in private he'd probably state that both him and Jongin were utterly useless. And even though Chanyeol was rational enough to readily acknowledge his computing skills any day, Kyungsoo was so extremely lacking in the social department it wasn't even funny anymore. He'd probably been the type of kid able to even turn a basic elementary school presentation into some social warfare.  
Kyungsoo thought he was all that and completely disregarded the fact that there were far more factors than numbers alone. And not only went anything social beyond his understanding, he was also too narrow-minded to acknowledge this and kept verbally attacking Jongin with no holding back whatsoever.  
His choice of words almost accounted as being vicious and why anyone would be like this towards Jongin was completely beyond him when in reality, Kyungsoo could learn a great deal of things from the quiet Eastener.  
That was his opinion before the whole memo-pad thing Jongin had started.  
Now Chanyeol held two pieces of paper with one baring a huge surprise.

 

* * *

  
Chanyeol really liked Jongin. Not in a weird way, but in a way that he had respect for him. Jongin was neither the smartest out there nor very slick with human interaction. But he knew his own traits extremely well and found a way to get the most out of it. And even though not conventionally smart he had a way of thinking outside-the-box and thus coming up with fresh ideas perfect for their purpose. Which is why he had blindly followed his suggestion to write down his opinion on those memo notes. Maybe the positive effect had yet to show but reading the opinions of the other two definitely got him thinking. Not only about the ones he had received, quite the opposite. He couldn't stop re-thinking and regretting the words he had written down about Kyungsoo. Sure, he had been honest, just as Jongin had suggested. But being so blunt and straight-forward with a negative opinion felt foreign to him and would probably haunt him forever with biting second-thoughts.

When the three met up at the office the next day, they all seemed keen on ignoring everything that had transpired the day before. Kyungsoo just curtly announced he'd continue to do the charts he had been working on and so Chanyeol followed suit, making a few calls and the usual routinely tasks. If they wanted to take their time, so be it. It wasn't like Chanyeol had a better idea anyway. But while they both worked in different corners of the room he couldn't miss the way Jongin was seated around the table in the middle, taking care of simple accounting-related stuff on paper(basically the only thing Kyungsoo would entrust him with) and taking a few rather long breaks spent quietly and lost in thoughts. Maybe he was brainstorming?  
Chanyeol almost sighed in relief when the youngest called for them in the late afternoon and they gathered around the table. Yes, Chanyeol was all for peace and harmony and the eternal bickering was wearing his patience down but awkward silence was even worse. Silence in general was something Chanyeol could barely stand and due to all the calls he couldn't put on some music or anything either. Just deafening, awkward silence with occasional rustling of paper and his voice talking into the room.

"So... I've been thinking." Jongin carefully said, avoiding both the glare of Kyungsoo and Chanyeol's attentive eyes.  
"Now that's some news." Kyungsoo uttered perfectly audible and Chanyeol forced himself not to say anything in return as he rolled his eyes in annoyance. Where did he even take the energy to keep picking on Jongin for anything and everything?  
Luckily, Jongin didn't seem fazed as he went on, his voice all hesitant and slow.  
"And no matter what I'm gonna come up with... It's not going to work if none of us are willing to stray from our current position. What I'm trying to say is... we can't work it out without making _some_ form of amends."  
"So we could as well give up now or what?" Kyungsoo blankly added and Chanyeol couldn't resist firing back this time.  
"You could stop trying to make this all even MORE difficult, that would be splendid."  
Kyungsoo only huffed and averted his gaze, causing a surprising prick of guilt at the memory of the green note he had currently pinned to his wall at home.  
He blinked the feeling away, ruffling his hair in frustration.  
So confusing.  
"There's no such thing as a shortcut anyway.", Jongin continued, completely ignoring the bickering, "So I think the best way of tackling the issue is to go about it in pairs. Because, obviously... if it's us three..."  
"-we'll claw each others eyes out." Chanyeol completed the unspoken sentence and no one seemed inclined to disagree.  
"So what are you suggesting? Couple-therapy sessions?" Kyungsoo dryly threw in and Jongin flinched a tiny bit, calling out to Chanyeol's sense of protection.  
"I really think you need solo-therapy sessions first." he said without thinking and getting a quick but apprehensive glare with a flicker of something else.  
Was it hurt? Why did he feel this prick of guilt again?  
It was stupid. Kyungsoo was nothing but a jerk. If any, he _needed_ the occasional jab or he'd get even more full of himself.  
"I don't know, just something to bond..." Jongin mumbled, fiddling with his ball-pen.  
"Shouldn't it be different for every combination? Maybe we should take turns. This way everyone can think of something he deems appropriate. I mean... I'm not the leader here, so..."  
"But you have the best ideas!" Chanyeol blurted out even though he should have known better. After all, Jongin didn't like him. He had already felt it before but the second memo on his wall had definitely confirmed his suspicions and more.  
As expected, the brunette didn't spare him a glance and looked at Kyungsoo instead.  
"So who's gonna start?" he inquired, straight-forward as always.  
Three drawn wads of paper later Chanyeol didn't know whether to feel lucky for being chosen or unlucky. For being chosen.

"Me?" he helplessly asked and while he thought both should be feeling relieved, they looked anything but calm.  
"Well. Congratulations." Kyungsoo threw in, sounding not so dry this time.  
"So who are you gonna choose?"  
"Choose? Oh. Right. Choose." he uttered dumbfounded, his fingers drumming against the table under the expectant eyes.  
"And I can just choose whatever activity, right?"  
He was met with two very reluctant faces but also vague nods.  
Chanyeol leaned back in his seat, thinking about it. Actually, there was something he'd like to do. So he looked back at them barely ten seconds later, firmly calling out his choice.  
"Kyungsoo."  
While Jongin didn't even try to conceal his relief( _thank you very much_ , Chanyeol bitterly thought), Kyungsoo had a look of honest surprise written all over his face. Obviously he hadn't expected Chanyeol wanting to do anything with him.  
"O-okay. Sure. What do you have in mind?" he retorted nonchalantly.  
Was that a stutter? That was definitely something new.  
Chanyeol shrugged, tossing the piece of paper that had so graciously elected him into a trash bin.  
"I still gotta set it up. I'll text you the details. You're free on Friday?"  
Another wary nod followed.

 

Actually he should have noticed it sooner, Chanyeol thought while his hands instinctively flew up to correct his hair once more with the wind messing it up again right away.  
That even though Kyungsoo was so snarky and bitter about everything he rarely talked back to him. He would indeed snap back if Chanyeol started it, but he didn't take the initiative and go out of his way to criticize him.  
The wind kept ruining his attire but overall he was glad for the mild spring weather. It was refreshing.  
Confirming the time once more -it was almost two in the afternoon- he rounded the corner to find Kyungsoo already waiting at a stone pillar right next to the entrance of one of the capital's orphanages. He was huddled into a generously padded jacket, making him seem even smaller and oddly informal. He also carried a pretty stuffed-looking bag Chanyeol didn't dare questioning. Only then did it occur to him that he had never met Kyungsoo outside work and the awkwardness rushed back at once. Meeting someone you didn't particularly like _was_ awkward, after all. The perpetual guilt over the words he had written on the note didn't help a tiny bit either.

"Hey." Chanyeol greeted him breathlessly and not commenting on him being late, Kyungsoo merely nodded with a curt 'Hey' on his own.  
There was no malice in his voice and even though he was obviously just as uncomfortable as Chanyeol himself, he seemed rather... eager?  
"Are we going in then?" he inquired with his eyes flitting to the entrance and Chanyeol only agreed dumbly, assuming that Kyungsoo wanted to escape any moment spent with him alone.  
It wasn't the biggest orphanage in town. In fact, it was the most unknown one. Chanyeol didn't want this to become a publicity stunt, after all. He had merely intended to pay a visit with Kyungsoo to loosen him up a bit. Make him a little less scathing and cold. He'd figured that spending some time with the kids they were actually supposed to care about could accomplish this. Seeing him so eager surprised him quite a bit to be honest. He had imagined Kyungsoo to be the type to avoid kids at any given opportunity.  
The duo hadn't lost a word to each other until they found themselves in front of one of the care-takers.  
"Park Chanyeol?" the young man asked with a friendly smile, inviting them in easily.  
"Then you must be Do Kyungsoo, am I right? I read the articles about your project. Looking forward to what you got in store for us!"  
"And you are...?" Kyungsoo only asked skeptically(receiving a nudge from Chanyeol because _rude_ ), causing the man to laugh heartily with his head thrown back.  
"Sorry man, I tend to forget the formalities. I'm Kim Jongdae, the main care-taker of this facility. If you have any questions, feel free to consult me."  
They were led to the generous common room where a bunch of kids of all ages were lounging around, seated on the simple but cozy couch, around the table or spread on the carpet around an old-fashioned gaming console.  
Not missing a beat Jongdae clapped his hands once, causing several heads to fly up(and  a few to glare at the sudden disturbance) and he spoke up cheerily.  
"Guys, we have two visitors today! They'd love to spend some time with you so be nice, will you? You want to introduce yourselves?"  
He threw them a look and Chanyeol suddenly felt nostalgia washing over him. Like old times, when he had transferred schools and was asked to introduce himself in front of an expectant class. He had done it a lot but the reminiscence alone filled him with something akin to nervousness. So he fell into the natural routine of smiling extra brightly as he searched the different faces.  
"Hello everyone! I'm Park Chanyeol. I've been born in the South but now I live here. I love gaming and music. Let's have lots of fun together!" he ended with a playful salute. Kyungsoo flashed him a look close to amusement at his speech that really did sound like an exact copy from his childhood times. Not waiting too long, he cleared his throat and introduced himself in a similar fashion though much more calm and reserved.  
"Hi. I'm Do Kyungsoo. I don't think it matters where I come from as long as I'm here now. It'd be nice if we could hang out a bit. Also...", he continued, lifting the bag he had brought, "-I don't mean to buy your attention and you don't have to take any of it but... Here's some stuff you might like. Just a few books, CD's and games. It's all second-hand though."  
Chanyeol blinked in shock. Was it an unwritten rule to bring a present? He didn't prepare anything. That certainly was the most embarrassing moment ever since... alright, ever since the CEO had caught them not too long ago. But still.  
As if he had sensed his uncomfortableness, Kyungsoo calmly went on.  
"They're a present from the both of us. Feel free to split it all between yourselves."  
He was met with a few unsure glances, some more eager than others but soon a hand was lifted and a little girl -no older than seven at most- spoke up.  
"What kind of books do you have Mister?"  
And instead of the usual cold Kyungsoo he was met with yet another surprise as he smiled an inviting, heart-shaped smile.  
"Why don't you come and find out yourself?" he offered, kneeling to the floor and emptying the bag's content onto the plush carpet. This seemingly broke the spell and more and more kids jumped up to pad closer, if only to satisfy their curiosity.  
Soon Chanyeol sat on the floor with Kyungsoo, surrounded by noisy kids who reached for different items and bombarded them with questions about them while negotiating between each other who should receive what. And even though he had stated the items to be used ones Chanyeol felt that a few looked a bit too new to be secondhand. Not to mention Kyungsoo's lack of knowledge about most books.  
"Can I keep this one? I already have the first one!" the tiny girl from before asked with her fingers tightly holding on to the second volume of Harry Potter.  
"Of course you can." Chanyeol replied easily, his heart blooming at the way her face lit up. He really liked making people happy. Even though technically, this was Kyungsoo's doing. Said one seemed pretty fond of a rather bratty teenage boy who kept watching over the younger ones with hawk eyes, repeatedly complaining whenever they asked for something he deemed not appropriate for their age.  
In a way he reminded him of Kyungsoo himself, Chanyeol thought.

After that, everything came easily to him and he spent the next two hours playing outside with the younger kids who had immediately clung onto him. They played catch and other games that were vaguely familiar though they had other names for them in the West.  
Chanyeol had no idea what Kyungsoo was doing, but when they all returned inside at the call of Jongdae he found Kyungsoo in the common room, sitting at a table with a few kids playing some pen and paper game. It seemed to be a typical Kyungsoo-thing to do but the kids didn't seem bored at all which made Chanyeol happy for him. It really did seem like a good idea to introduce him to this.  
After a bit of cleaning up(including Chanyeol who looked every bit as dirty as the kids he had chased around) he was prepared to launch into another game when Kyungsoo suddenly spoke up, asking the kids about their homework.  
As expected he got a row of whiny _no's_ he paid no heed.  
"You really wanna do homework?" Chanyeol asked a little incredulously, feeling like one of the kids for a second. At least the look he got was suggesting this.  
"You may think it's lame because it is, sort of. But think about it - we've already finished school and university. How often do you have nerds like us helping you? You should seize the opportunity. I bet we can finish them quickly together."  
The kids still didn't seem all-too happy and Kyungsoo sighed quietly.  
"Just until dinner. After that, we can continue playing. Alright?"  
"So... You're super smart or something?" a boy asked with doubt clearly written all over his face. Chanyeol dismissed him with a chuckle.  
"Just look at him. You bet he is." he reassured them with a look at the serious Kyungsoo.

"...You have NO clue, do you?!" Chanyeol exclaimed as he burst out in laughter.  
"Well. I've never been good at Science!" Kyungsoo defensively gave back under the amused eyes of two ninth grader girls.  
"Seriously?! You look like such a nerd! How can you be good at all this computer stuff?!"  
Kyungsoo only looked a little miffed as he shrugged his shoulders.  
"Well, computers usually do the math for you. I did study but I never said I was fond of it. But why are you even talking? You're horrible at any given language - I'm surprised you can talk in your own mother tongue without an accent!"  
"Ah, nonsense! Languages come second in communication! You don't need grammar to express yourself!" Chanyeol retorted with a mock-pout on his face.  
"Quit the talking and just explain how to solve this!" Kyungsoo instructed in a bossy way, tapping the sheets with neatly copied physics assignments.  
"You mean including to you?" he laughed and Kyungsoo's ears turned a shade of red at the edges even though no denial followed and Chanyeol graciously let it go, lounging into a simple explanation - all the while keeping eye contact with his three students. And although Kyungsoo seemed more distracted than anything, even he was able to solve the problem in the end.

Dinner followed with Kyungsoo having a word with the women working in the kitchen and Chanyeol chatting with the kids. Only when it turned eight P.M and the younger kids had to go to bed did he feel a bit restless once more. Until then, mostly the young kids had clung to him and he wasn't sure where to start with the teenagers. To be perfectly honest, they didn't seem too keen on spending time with him. The looks on their faces reminded him of the ones Jongin had for him.  
Lucky for him, Kyungsoo chose this moment to pull out a box, revealing a huge stack of cards.  
"You know Bastra?" he asked and for some magical reason, he had most people's attention on him. A few kids nodded and so he went on.  
"And Rummy?"  
No one responded except for a few clueless looks that got exchanged.  
Kyungsoo smiled.  
"Good. I like Rummy more anyway. Want me to teach you?"

It turned out to be a good thing he brought so many card decks since very soon the table was crowded and including the two visitors 10 people participated, making every round pretty long. A few kids chose to watch and act as a consultant for others.  
Chanyeol had stopped feeling guilty ever since Kyungsoo had kicked him out to buy snacks and was now happily playing along(though he kept losing miserably).  
With every round taking its sweet time, Chanyeol had time to observe Kyungsoo. He was still rather quiet but gave off a comfortable and content aura as he kept guiding the ones new to the game patiently. It was funny how even in private Kyungsoo dressed entirely in black with black jeans and a loose dress shirt. Next to Chanyeol's rather worn-out hoodie and comfortable sneakers he still looked rather formal.  
"You're such a pro at this!" one boy almost accusingly exclaimed at Kyungsoo who swiftly took advantage of his previous sloppy move.  
"I always used to play it when I was a kid.", he replied with a tiny shrug, "-the older ones never showed mercy on _me_ either. You'll get better at it."  
Chanyeol perked up at this but one of the cheekier girls got the better of him.  
"Either? Did you also play with with adults?"  
"Hah, you call us adults?" he quietly asked with a self-depreciating laugh, making his next move before continuing.  
"I didn't play with adults, I played with the other kids in the facility."  
_What...?_  
"You've lived in an orphanage as well??"  
Chanyeol almost fell off his chair at the revelation. _He did what?!_  
Kyungsoo dismissed it as if it was nothing.  
"Well, you need something to pass the time, don't you? Playing rummy is actually quite practical since the number of participants is variable."  
The kids went on and on, bombarding Kyungsoo with questions about his orphanage but Chanyeol kept his mouth shut for once, still processing everything. Kyungsoo had come from an orphanage himself. That explained the whole preparation and ease he was handling the situation with. Chanyeol wanted to faceplant into the desk.  
He was such an idiot. Why hadn't he known about this?

 

It was actually half past ten when they exited into the cool evening air, their breaths leaving in faint white puffs.  
"Woah, it got so late!" Chanyeol rambled, rubbing his hands together to create some warmth.  
"Yeah..." Kyungsoo mumbled, sounding a bit tired.  
Beneath the nonchalant tone, guilt was still gnawing at Chanyeol. He had been so ignorant, assuming that Kyungsoo didn't take their tasks seriously and bitching for the sake of being a jerk. Now it was obvious that he had merely been the one to understand orphaned children better than any of them.  
And even though Kyungsoo hadn't been hostile towards him, he had automatically assumed the worst. He felt awful and so he immediately stopped in his tracks as soon as they had rounded the first corner.  
"Look..." he began, rubbing his neck sheepishly.  
"I'm sorry."  
The words had burst out before he had thought about what to say exactly and Kyungsoo's surprised owlish eyes blinked up at him, waiting for him to continue.  
"I was being an idiot. Without knowing about your... background I assumed stuff and... that was wrong. You even jumped to my help in there more than once. What I wrote on that note..."  
Kyungsoo's expression flickered a tiny bit but he remained quiet while Chanyeol kept fidgeting.  
"-it wasn't right. I mean. I still think you're tending to be an insufferable jerk-"  
At this he saw the lips of the shorter one twitch.  
"-but the thing about our work... I take it back. Definitely. I was wrong on that."  
He warily looked down at him, hoping to at least receive a second chance. Kyungsoo looked a bit taken aback and it took a while until he slowly uttered a few words, sounding astonished.  
"You're so... honest. You're always so honest. Like you actually mean it."  
"I _do_ mean it!" Chanyeol quickly reassured him and Kyungsoo averted his eyes, burying his hands in the pockets of his huge jacket.  
It looked like he came to a conclusion when he faintly nodded to himself and lifted his head with a careful, almost shy lopsided grin.  
"Let's visit them again one day?"  
He lowered his gaze before hesitantly flickering back to him.  
"With... with Jongin."  
Chanyeol was startled at the sudden mention of the third team member's name but he quickly got the underlying message. It was an offer of peace since Kyungsoo knew he preferred Jongin's presence over his'.  
And surprisingly enough he found that he wouldn't mind returning with Kyungsoo only.  
He still flashed him a smile.  
"Yeah. We could do that."  
And Chanyeol didn't know about Kyungsoo, but he himself quite liked the way 'we' sounded.  
As if there was a 'we'.

 

  
That evening Kyungsoo returned home and took a pencil to add two delicate brackets to one of the two paper notes.

 _I think of you as someone who knows his stuff but has NO idea whatsoever_  
about people. You're inconsiderate and uneccessarily  
aggressive, **(** just trying to bring everything down out of pure personal spite. **)**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we have a bit about Chansoo. Those two are pretty simple since Chanyeol is very honest and open about everything.  
> Unlike a certain someone who's gonna make an appearance next...~
> 
> Thanks for reading and leaving any type of feedback ♥  
> Love,  
> Sugar_and_Salt
> 
> Edit: I kinda made an uploading mistake, marking this as the second chapter originally. Sorry for the inconveniences, I still feel like such a rookie on Ao3... ._.


	4. What you see, what I see

Jongin was in a bad mood.  
He wasn't the type to let other people know but an observant person would have easily noticed the increased pressure he was using on the completely innocent ballpen. In fact it wouldn't come as a surprise if his hand-written mindmap would be engraved into the table's surface forever.  
Jongin would readily agree to being moody, hotheaded even(his friends had never failed to remind him of that) but he usually didn't get salty without a reason.  
So what was the reason for his bad mood?  
Well, there was his first issue already. He wasn't entirely sure what the main factor ticking him off was which in turn made him even more annoyed.  
For once there were the two paper notes currently folded into a secret pocket in his wallet.  
They most certainly annoyed him for various reasons each.  
He would have loved to indulge himself in the illusion that this was the only thing getting on his nerves.  
  
But there was also the way Chanyeol and Kyungsoo had greeted each other that morning. It hadn't been overly friendly or elaborate. Just a mere 'good morning' and a tiny uncertain smile sent each others way. It was nothing much but the atmosphere was completely different. Even though Chanyeol used to greet Kyungsoo with a broader smile, it was always nothing but obviously faked politeness. The two could have just as well been strangers the way Chanyeol used to treat him.  
And now it was different. More careful, more acknowledging, more respectful.  
From Chanyeol's side, that is. Jongin had always had the impression that Kyungsoo wasn't too put-off by the boisterous Southener - not the way he was, at least.

And while this should mark a huge success and Jongin should feel quite pleased with himself that his idea showed some results(however tiny) that quickly... he was still annoyed enough to not even attempt concealing his scowl.  
Again, he would have loved to stay oblivious but sadly Jongin had always been a master at self-evaluation, knowing himself maybe a little too well.  
He felt left out. Something had occurred at the weekend and this mysterious something had managed to push his other two team members closer together.  
It **annoyed** him.  
It annoyed him because he was really fond of Kyungsoo but said one chose Chanyeol over him.  
It annoyed him because he thought Chanyeol was a big dumb idiot.  
It annoyed him that they got along so well after just one meeting whereas he would probably not make any progress at all in the next ten months.  
Which in turn would make him feel even more left out.  
  
He exhaled loudly, slamming his pencil onto the table with unnecessary force that had Kyungsoo flinching and shooting him a withering glare from across the room. For once, he didn't care about his reputation, didn't want to uphold the sweet front. Instead he grabbed his jacket and left the room without a word, intending to get some fresh air under the imploring gaze of Chanyeol following him until he had almost slammed the door shut.

Of course it was awfully childish, very obviously so.  
He was scared to be left out and even though he had brought the idea to the table, deep inside he didn't even _want_ this team to work out. He didn't want to like Chanyeol, he knew Kyungsoo didn't like him...  
Subconsciously he took out his wallet, fishing out the two pieces of paper.

 _You're neither well-versed at the computer nor skilled with people._  
On top of that you're indifferent and lack any form of drive or ambition.  
You're definitely not suited for this team.

He laughed soundlessly as he traced the letters with his fingers.  
Harsh.  
But no matter how offensive, at least Kyungsoo was being truthful, like he always was. Not that it hurt any less having a person you respect resent you to that extent.  
And then there was Chanyeol...

 _I have a lot of respect for you, Jongin. Instead of controlling things_  
you know how to guide them smoothly to make the big picture work.  
You're witty, too, and able to think outside the box. You're the key to our success.  
Thanks for that.

How he had even managed to scrawl all that on the small paper was beyond him. And no matter how flattering it may have been if anyone else had said it - if it was Chanyeol, he didn't believe any of it. Chanyeol was just so extremely... fake. He was trying so damn hard to get Jongin to like him, it was disgusting.  
Well, Kyungsoo thought differently, obviously. About Chanyeol. And about him, too.  
Jongin sighed in frustration. Frustration at the overall confusing feelings and his own childishness.  
He stretched his stiff muscles and made his way back. Overthinking was of no use anyway. There was nothing he could do now anyway and at the end of the day there was still plenty of work waiting to get done.

"Hey, Jongin?"  
"What?" he muttered under his breath, not even looking up from his written calculations and decisively ignoring the tall figure blocking the sunlight.  
He had only been back for about five minutes and already had Chanyeol all up in his face. Great.  
"Uh... You free at the weekend?" he asked in an unusually meek tone.  
At this he looked up and regarded the sheepish, lopsided grin with a raised eyebrow and a voice dripping with suspicion.  
"Why?"  
Chanyeol took this as a sign to continue and sank into the chair next to him to his utmost dismay. He could see Kyungsoo watching them from the edge of his vision.  
"I just thought we don't need to draw anew every week with only three people. We could just take turns from there on and I asked Kyungsoo whether he wanted to go next but he declined-"  
At this, Jongin's head instinctively flew over to Kyungsoo whose eyes flitted to the ground, avoiding eye contact.  
"-and that leaves us, so how about it?" Chanyeol concluded obliviously with that annoyingly over-the-top smile of his.  
The following silence ripped Jongin out of his bitter thoughts and he looked back at Chanyeol's expectant face. Well, damn. He really didn't want to but this was his idea and he had to go through with it, no matter how unwilling he was.  
He shrugged which the dumb Southener easily interpreted as an agreement, beaming extra brightly.  
"Great! So, you want to suggest something we can do?"  
He shrugged once more.  
"I don't know..." he muttered vaguely but once more Chanyeol easily fell in and clapped his hands once.  
"That's alright as well! We can just take it easy or something. How about Saturday evening?"  
 _Yeah. Great._

 

* * *

 

 _What a way to spend a Saturday evening_ , Jongin thought as he strolled out of the underground station, deliberately taking his time. Not that he had any friends to hang out with(not in the West at least), but he liked to think that any evening wasted with staring holes into his ceiling would be more fun and productive than meeting up with Chanyeol. At his apartment on top of that.  
It felt far more private than it should.  
He was surprised when he finally stood in front of the sky scraper matching the address the guy had sent him. It was even closer to their work place than he had assumed. The office was basically five minutes away. He wondered how much of his payment went into the rent, considering that this was the heart of the city.  
Even after the elevator's button had already been pressed and the number '22' was blinking at him almost tauntingly he couldn't help repeating over and over in his head how much he wanted to go home.

Chanyeol's apartment was located at the end of the floor and Jongin pressed the bell without hesitation, tired of annoying himself with his own childish antics.  
 _Let's get this over with._  
The door opened a few seconds later and he came face to face with a casually dressed Chanyeol, the dress shirt replaced by a silly fluffy pullover and dark jeans.  
Even in socks he remained taller than Jongin. Another annoying fact.  
"Hey, you found it!" Chanyeol exclaimed and quickly scooted to the side to invite him in.  
"Come in, make yourself at home... I'm not that much of a neat freak but I guess it's bearable." he said, rubbing his neck sheepishly.  
Jongin only hummed noncommittally and after slipping out of his shoes and placing his jacket next to Chanyeol's, he followed him to the living area. In fact the whole apartment was cut rather unusually with a very generous room combining living room and bedroom with a wide window front. It was basically one big room with a tiny entrance area and two very small rooms he identified fleetingly as a kitchen and a bathroom.  
Instead of sitting down on the couch in the center of the room Jongin went up to the window front, looking down on the street. It was already getting dark but during daytime you probably had a fantastic view on the bustling main street.  
"The view is great, isn't it? To be honest it was my main focus while searching for an apartment. It may be a bit expensive and I kinda have to put myself on a leash with the way things are now, financially speaking, but the view is all worth it!" Chanyeol rambled from somewhere behind him.  
"Stupid." Jongin mumbled audibly as he scanned the surrounding buildings and watched the cars drive by in a flash far below.  
"Wasting so much of your pay on unnecessary high rent. It's stupid."  
Chanyeol didn't even sound the least bit ticked off even though the first thing his guest did was being straight-out offensive.  
"Hm...", he hummed thoughtfully, not stepping up next to him which Jongin appreciated very much, "It may seem useless to you, but not to me. I like being close to everything. As if the pulse of the city is right beneath your fingertips, so to say. But at the same time you can distance yourself, being this high up. It's comforting for me."  
Jongin disagreed. He had never felt comfort by masses of people; everyone was pushy, selfish, loud. It was nothing but stress.  
"Where do you live?"  
"Downtown." Jongin shortly replied, not the least bit willing to engage in small talk. Finally he turned around and saw Chanyeol sitting in front of an open cupboard, scanning the content.  
"We could watch some movies but..."  
At this, Chanyeol looked up and smiled as he found Jongin turned towards him.  
Annoying. How quickly he plastered a smile to his face when he felt people watch him.  
"-I've noticed that you like to play games on your phone so I was wondering if you also like gaming consoles!"  
 _Was this guy stalking him?_  
Jongin shrugged.  
"What do you have?" he asked blankly and the messy mop of white hair disappeared into the cupboard once more.  
"I got a Gamecube, a Wii and an Xbox360 but I hardly have any multiplayer games for that one. I didn't take my Playstation when I moved unfortunately."  
His look was judging at best but Chanyeol was too busy rummaging through the games to notice.  
 _Okay. Either you're a geek... or rich._  
"We can play Mario Kart or Mario Party. I also have a few Beat 'em ups and Hack'n Slays, though I dare say the latter are quite boring... I do have a few adventures, too, but those only have limited cooperation modes..."  
Unfortunately Jongin was a geek and therefore not only able to keep up with this but also feeling a tidbit exhilarated at the promising prospect of kicking this annoying guy's ass in some video games.  
So he plopped down onto the couch and crossed his arms.  
"Sure. Let's play." he said in a purposefully casual manner.

  
"Urgh, I hate you SO much right now!"  
Chanyeol only shrugged, his eyes not leaving the screen.  
"Told ya I'm good with Talim."  
The tiny girl Chanyeol had chosen to fight with slid across the virtual grass to tackle down Jongin's warrior and he almost threw his pad at him in return.  
"I don't know why you're so riled up in the first place - you won so many matches, you could just indulge me once in a while~"  
 _Yeah because I'd just give up to make **you** feel better, out of all persons._  
" _Out of all persons?_ You do hate me a lot, don't you?" Chanyeol replied airily while his face remained scrunched up in concentration, sending the little girl to dance around Jongin's character, dodging the sword and waiting for the right time to strike.  
 _Oh shoot. Did I say that out loud? Fuck._  
"Why do you even fight with a little girl?!" he barked instead, almost mashing the buttons at this point.  
"Because she's agile and quick - short people advantages, man."  
Jongin kept quiet and only focused on the match but a split-second delay caused the girl to take the upper hand and a series of kicks later he had lost. The condemning screen of the little girl posing in triumph had only had his blood boiling even more.  
"Let's play something else. How about Mario Kart?"  
He was unbeatable at Mario Kart.

Turned out that he might not be _completely_ unbeatable, after all.  
Jongin had always been a video game nerd and on top of that he had always been a very sore loser, preferring to obsess over games until no one would beat him anymore. Now Chanyeol wasn't that much better than him but these were his games so obviously he had played them a lot as well. He just wasn't a noob and got more than the occasional jab at him which was enough to bug him. The fact that he had to acknowledge Chanyeol's skills, in whatever field, was an unwelcome thing.  
Chanyeol wasn't even mocking him. Though he was obviously not going down without a fight either, his tongue stuck between his lips in concentration (which went unnoticed by Jongin who kept glaring at the screen).  
After a very much frustrating star cup rally - this didn't even have a lot to do with Chanyeol since the star cup was the embodiment of stress all on its own already - Jongin groaned and sank back into the couch.  
Chanyeol also sighed and put down the gamepad to stretch his limbs.  
"Alright, I guess we stop here before we start killing ourselves in real life." he suggested easily, laughing as if it was all a joke. By then he should know better.  
Jongin got up to search for the next game he'd like to beat the crap out of the Southener in when a certain game caught his attention.  
"What about this one?" he asked and when Chanyeol didn't reply immediately, he turned towards the boy on the couch who looked... hesitant?  
"Uh. Sure. It's an RPG though. But the fights are cooperative-"  
"I know the Tales of Series." Jongin rudely cut him off, turning the game to read the information on the back.  
"I just don't know this one. Never had a Gamecube."  
"Oh. Okay, then. Go ahead.", Chanyeol offered easily, "You take the first player though. I know this game like the back of my hand. Won't be any fun this way!"  
All the better. There wouldn't be any virtual killing Chanyeol, but maybe he could get the most out of this frustrating evening this way. Playing a good RPG he had always wanted to try while having Chanyeol as nothing but an unwanted side-kick sounded good.  
He was greeted by an opening screen and pressed a random button to get to the menu.  
And there was something Jongin had noticed multiple times already. Just like all the other games they had tried, the main slot was called "Baekyeol". This time it was even more obnoxious with no less than five slots named that way, all harboring an excessive amount of hours(a few being three-digit numbers).  
He stared at the screen in light bewilderment.  
"Why do you keep naming yourself Baekyeol?" he asked while creating a completely new game altogether, naming it 'Kai' - his artist alias. Not that Chanyeol knew.  
"Oh. That wasn't my idea. It was a friend's."  
"Huh."  
No more questions were asked as the introduction went off and Jongin let himself get sucked into a dying fantasy world where a chosen girl was supposed to take off on a journey of salvation. It really was basically just him playing a game and Chanyeol joining in on the fights. And true to his words and amount of gaming hours he was indeed a pro at this one. Even though their resources were laughable and he let Jongin play the hero - a fighter with two swords, easy to handle - while he himself was stuck with the magician who was slow as hell and knew only one weak fireball attack, they kept advancing smoothly.  
"Why do you keep using our items?!"  
"Because you were dying??" Chanyeol gave back guilelessly.  
"I would have made it!"  
"Naw, you wouldn't. You're not exactly dodging a lot and those things can heal themselves."  
Jongin decided to ignore this and let out his aggression on said enemy who had no chance whatsoever.  
"I don't mind healing. I used to play Raine- ah, sorry for the spoiler. She'll join in later on..."  
It wasn't that much of a spoiler with her turning up soon after and indeed Chanyeol chose her without complaining. Jongin never liked to be stuck with the boring task of healing and was glad to have someone do it. And he did it undeniably good to the point that Jongin could completely neglect his health points in favor of finally learning about controlling and timing.  
"You're pretty good considering this is your first time playing! You're significantly less suicidal than my friend used to be, makes it a lot easier-"  
Chanyeol cut himself off as if he had said something wrong and quickly changed directions.  
"-say, are you hungry or anything?"  
Actually... he was starving.  
"A bit."  
"I can cook us something real quick. Do you like curry? Or I could just put in a frozen pizza. Or make something entirely else-"  
"Don't care. Anything's fine."  
Chanyeol only nodded as he jumped to his feet.  
What did it take to put this guy off?  
"Cool, I'll be back in a bit~ You can just put me on auto, I don't mind."  
"I wouldn't have asked."  
 _Oh, did I say that out loud as well?_  
Jongin sighed. What was wrong with him today? He felt even more snarky than usual.  
  
Chanyeol hopped off into the kitchen and he kept playing. Unfortunately he had to come to terms with the fact that the computer played far worse than Chanyeol, leaving him in an embarrassingly wounded state at the end of every fight (instead of the usual flawless one). He kept watching back warily in case Chanyeol saw his humiliating status details but the tall guy was humming to himself as he bustled around in the kitchen.  
He soon gave up before wasting all their items and paused the game, looking around the room instead.  
He saw a row of books, an even longer row of mangas, a keyboard leaning at one wall and drumsticks stuffed into a cup on a desk. The whole wall adjacent to the window front was plastered with photos, tickets and snippets of other random things. Curiosity getting the better of him he walked up to inspect it closer.  
There were lots of photos of Chanyeol posing with his friends or co-students. Most included his stupid v-pose, but there were exceptions where he had been caught off guard. Some showed him playing instruments at different occasions. Only one photo showed his parents, shot at what looked like a Christmas diner.  
Another photo that got his attention was one with what seemed to be an idol group, all gathered around Chanyeol and his friend, making silly poses for the camera.  
Now that he thought about it... the boy he was standing together with appeared on a vast number of the photos. His best friend, obviously.  
  
"Haha, they're all not that interesting to you, are they?" Chanyeol suddenly said and Jongin jumped.  
"Uh. They're just... photos. I guess." he lamely said, definitely not ready to admit that he found them not uninteresting at all.  
"Yeah. They piled up over the years." Chanyeol said while drying his hands on a cloth.  
"Is that Seventeen?" Jongin asked instead, pointing to the idol group.  
"You know them? Soonyoung will love to hear that!"  
"Soonyoung...?"  
Chanyeol scooted next to him, invading his personal space as he tapped his finger against a row of other photos.  
"You see him? He's part of the band. Nickname's Hoshi. Has been a friend of ours for a long time. He trained for a so many years, it was pretty rough. This year they finally debuted and I really hope they'll make it. He'd deserve every bit of success. But hearing an Eastener know them makes me hopeful!" he concluded happily.  
"Well. I looked up bands for our work..." Jongin dismissed quietly.  
"Oh, either way you know their name, that's enough... Oh, but don't rat him out on anything you see on the photos. The public can be pretty sensitive."  
As if Jongin had any interest in that. But there was something else.  
"'Ours'? You're talking of that red-headed guy?"  
Chanyeol looked at him quizzically.  
"Red-headed... Oh! You mean this one?", he asked, tapping on the friend he was posing with next to the band, "Yeah, that's Baekhyun, my best friend. He had red hair at that time. In fact I think he had all the hair colors by now. Except for silver. Maybe I should tell him to dye his hair silver...", he trailed off lost in thought while padding back to the kitchen.  
Jongin looked after him. What a weirdo. Though it must be nice to have someone that close to him. Now that he was certain of the changing hair colors he could spot him in even more pictures, his eyes flitting over vacation photos, snapshots at manga conventions where they had dressed up and graduation photos where they had _actually_ dressed up.  
He was determined to find a difference in the way Chanyeol held himself. Surely he must be different with his actual friend around, right?  
But all he could see was Chanyeol smiling, laughing, looking oh so carefree.  
It was angering him.  
And his anger was confusing him.  
He refused to accept that Chanyeol was just so... easy. That couldn't be it. No one was that simple-minded. No one was that... trustworthy.

His eyes suddenly fell on two very familiar sheets of paper pinned to a small bulletin board.  
One was more familiar than the other.

 _You keep trying to force everyone around you to satisfy your ego_  
by shoving your supposedly good persona down everyone's throat.  
You're shallow and manipulative and I refuse to play along with it.

 

He re-read the lines he had scribbled down in a fit of annoyance and found them to still be true.  
It summed up Park Chanyeol perfectly in only a few lines.  
The other one depicted a far more delicate handwriting that, while poisonous in it's choice of words for Jongin, held nothing but genuine admiration.

 _I perceive you as someone who's able to adapt to different people's ways of thinking_  
and bring out the best in them. Even though you only truly care for few people you're  
not trying to harm others, keep your mind open to anyone and manage to be genuine.  
That's impressive.

  
He didn't know how long he had been staring at the note until the sound of clattering plates on the table woke him from his reverie.  
Still, he didn't turn around.  
Not even when Chanyeol called out to him in a questioning manner.  
"Jongin? The food is ready...?"  
Instead, he let his fingers gently brush over the note.  
"What he sees in you... I don't." he mumbled.  
"Huh?"  
He turned to face Chanyeol, a mix of frustration and apprehension on his face.  
"I don't see it. What Kyungsoo wrote about you. I don't get it."  
The Southener looked a bit taken aback before averting his gaze for once.  
"Ah, I'm not even sure I see it myself. The way Kyungsoo sees me... it's a bit... scary."  
"Scary?" Jongin replied immediately but Chanyeol only shrugged and offered him a seat next to him which Jongin reluctantly took.  
"Isn't it always scary if people all of a sudden look inside you so deeply? Aaah, and of all people Do Kyungsoo thinks of me this way - who would have thought that someone so aggressive and bitchy would look up to someone like me. It's a surprise."  
Chanyeol seemed pretty comfortable talking about it as he casually took his first spoon of steaming hot curry.  
Jongin followed suit and almost burnt his tongue due to being lost in thought.  
After a few seconds of silence, only made possible due to Chanyeol being busy with chewing, Jongin finally spoke up.  
"I don't think Kyungsoo is intentionally trying to be a jerk."  
His voice had been quiet but he could basically feel all of Chanyeol's attention on him.  
  
"You know... I'm not _**actually**_ scared of people. I'm really not. But I think Kyungsoo is."  
  
It was a huge revelation on Jongin's side but it slipped during the process of defending Kyungsoo. But Chanyeol shot him nothing but a look of mild surprise.  
"You think so?"  
"Yeah."  
Chanyeol only nodded and went back to his food.  
Jongin was about to give him credit for being serious (and quiet) for once in his life when he reached for the gamepad again.  
"Let's not waste any time, I still wanna get Sheena into our team today!"  
He groaned. So much for anything productive going on in Park Chanyeol's head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S.: Yeees, that's Tales of Symphonia.  
> P.P.S.: Only cool people are able to handle Sheena.


	5. I don't get you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Credits go to the CinemaSins for reminding me of the reasons why exactly /I/ hated 2012 back when I watched it with my date.

_Hello Kyungsoo!_  
How are you doing?  
I'm sorry for not replying yesterday... I was a little worn-out from the sleeping pills I got.  
Those things make you really woozy and stuff.  
Mr. Jung said I'm doing well these days though! I'm still hoping I can come to visit you one day. I've never been to the West - is it really as warm as they say?  
Is there anything fun over there we could do? Like-

"Good morning, Kyungsoo."  
Kyungsoo merely hummed at the shy voice, not even lifting his gaze from the phone though he did go out of his way to roll his eyes.  
"Morning."  
He really wanted to continue reading -however diligent of a worker Kyungsoo might be, some things came first, after all- but Chanyeol's loud voice immediately interrupted the peaceful silence.  
"Morning Jongin! Did you get home safely last Friday?" he inquired brightly only to be shot down by a curt 'obviously' by Jongin. Not that it deterred the relentless Southener.  
"That's good to hear! This morning I heard about the latest political issues between the East and the West. They're all over the place! I hope your family is alright." he continued to gush, and Jongin continued to scowl while setting up his workplace.  
"It's just political issues. Not a war."  
The attitude surprised Kyungsoo a little. Normally Jongin was groveling to an extent that it was a sickening sight. It seemed as if Friday's bonding session had made matters worse if even low-key Jongin became snappy like that.  
Kyungsoo idly played with his pen while waiting for several programs to launch.  
He wondered what exactly about Chanyeol was ticking him off.  
Even now he couldn't hold back a tiny smile at the memory of their last meeting at the orphanage. He'd had a great time. To be reminded on why he was going through all this, to feel welcomed and accepted... It had felt like coming home after a long time. Even though it hadn't been Chanyeol's intention, it was exactly what he'd needed.  
And even though the other had been completely out of his comfort zone, he'd handled everything well and treated the children with respect.  
If he had secretly admired Chanyeol for his skills before, he could now wholeheartedly say that he even liked him as a person.  
So what could possibly annoy Jongin so much about him? Then again the Eastener was hardly more than a kid himself on most areas so he was probably just being sulky about something minor.  
 _Immature brat._

 

"Sounds good. Then let's propose the active continuation next week on Monday. Any complains?" Chanyeol asked, giving Kyungsoo an openly pointed look. Instead of looking actually annoyed he seemed more mock-exasperated though and Kyungsoo found it to be almost amusing.  
He simply shook his head.  
"Lucky us. Alright, then that's settled! What are you two doing on your date this weekend?" he asked with a giddy smile directed at Jongin who grimaced, pulling his chair further away from the space-invading mop of white hair.  
Then he shot Kyungsoo a helpless look as if the scornful look from before had been nothing but his imagination.  
Maybe the guy had schizophrenia.  
Only when Chanyeol turned to look at him as well with big, questioning eyes did Kyungsoo realize that an answer was probably needed.  
A little startled his eyes went from Chanyeol to Jongin and back again.  
"Why would I tell you? It's none of your business." he stated with the slight stutter betraying his hesitation.  
Damn. He hadn't spend a single thought on that yet with all the other issues there had been.  
'Still are', he corrected himself.  
"Actually I had plans for the weekend." he reluctantly offered even though Jongin looked a tad disappointed and Chanyeol was obviously having none of it.  
"That's not how this is supposed to go! You can't get away just cause you don't feel like it. You don't have to spend the whole weekend together, after all."  
"But..."  
Another pointed look by Chanyeol, this time an honest one. Kyungsoo sighed.  
"Fine." he murmured in defeat.  
He had really wanted to go home for the weekend but it was hardly possible with one day missing. Well, he'd had to wait another week, then.  
"Friday, then. Are you free on Friday?"  
Jongin nodded meekly, as if apologetic for ruining his plans. As if being the key words.  
"You got anything in mind?"  
A sheepish shake of his head. Kyungsoo sighed once more, closing his eyes from the headache-inducing reality.  
"Thought so."

  
"So what are we even gonna watch?" he asked in a monotone voice.  
It was admittedly lazy but Kyungsoo really couldn't think of anything better.  
"Uhm. I don't know. Anything you like...?"  
And as he heard the passive boy's reply he really couldn't find it in himself to care anyway.  
"Then it's gonna be Basic Instinct, sorry not sorry." he dryly replied, nodding over to a movie poster that showed a naked couple and the explicit promises of plenty of sex scenes written below in the form of a movie critic. Jongin's head whipped down from the schedule board to look at him with a faint blush on his face.  
"You watch these kind of movies at the theater...?" he asked quietly, his widened eyes giving him a scandalized expression.  
Kyungsoo sighed soundlessly, giving up.  
"Seeing as I'm zero percent interested in heterosexual sex scenes or bad movies... _No, I do not watch these kind of movies at the theater_." he deadpanned and the brunette looked a bit startled.  
"Oh." he dumbly said, his eyes flitting back to the board with his cheeks still being slightly flushed.  
 _'Oh'? You wanna make a comment on my sexuality?_  
Of course you don't.  
Cause you're a coward.  
"Then... Uhm. I... I don't know, actually."  
Tired of wasting time, Kyungsoo stepped forward and simply asked the cashier.  
"Hello. What's the least sold out movie you got starting in under an hour?"  
The woman blinked. Obviously this wasn't the most common question but she answered nonetheless, slightly intimidated by his unrelenting look.  
"That would be '2012', since it's in its last week now. It's only a small theater as well so-"  
"You know that movie?" Kyungsoo asked with a look over his shoulder to Jongin who only shook his head.  
He turned back to the woman.  
"Great. Two tickets, please."

So what if he was lazy? Thousands of people before him had had the same train of thoughts. Including people who'd had to think of an actual date.  
Kyungsoo took a sip of his ridiculously expensive sprite while making himself comfortable in the plush seat.  
He was in no mood to have any bonding time with this kid. The most obvious solution was to do something that required no talking. Hence the cinema visit.  
If he was completely honest he felt a tidbit guilty though.  
A sideglance to Jongin told him that the boy was fiddling with the fixture for his coke and he glanced down at his dim phone screen, opening the second screenshot showing a handwritten note.

 _I really think highly of you for not playing any social games._  
And even though you're harsh you're just being true to yourself and don't lose reason.  
Above that you're very skillful. You probably don't even need us to accomplish your goals.

If he wouldn't be sitting right next to him this moment, Kyungsoo would have groaned in frustration.  
He really wanted to dislike Jongin.  
So why did this brat have to make it so complicated by flat-out admiring him?  
Kyungsoo didn't even know what to make of this.  
People mostly respected him. They rarely liked him.  
They most definitely didn't **admire** him.  
And even though this didn't change the fact that he depicted Jongin as useless and annoying he couldn't help feeling this extremely annoying prick of guilt. Still... was it his fault that Jongin was incapable of developing a backbone? He didn't think so.  
While he could see the brunette fidgeting awkwardly in his seat he himself didn't feel uncomfortable at all, leaning back to indulge himself in the first movie he'd see on the big screen in ages.

"God. A divorced dad, the bitchy teenage kid, ex-wife with a new jerk boyfriend... Gimme a fucking break." Kyungsoo whispered more to himself than anything else. He had really tried to keep it in but only a few minutes into the movie his patience was wearing thin with all the cliches being thrown right at him.  
To his surprise Jongin replied with a whisper of his own.  
"What do you expect? They're measuring in **feet**."  
Despite it all he found himself shrugging. Not that the brunette was seeing this.  
Fair enough.  
For a few minutes it was silent, until Jongin spoke up again.  
"This guy has three pens on his lab coat. Three."  
"Pens equal importance, didn't you know?" Kyungsoo whispered back dryly.  
Jongin scoffed ever so slightly and while he kept his eyes on the screen, Kyungsoo couldn't deny his mild surprise at the boy's attentiveness and attitude.  
Not that he minded.  
So he unconsciously stopped holding back and soon Jongin grew bolder as well, not trying to be subtle anymore in order not to disturb the other people - which had been useless in the first place since the only other viewers consisted of some guy who had fallen asleep the minute his head had hit the headrest and the obligatory couple on the top row, decisively more busy with making out than anything. Kyungsoo liked movies, he really did. He also liked movie theaters. But if there was even the slightest possibility to avoid obnoxious people in close proximity, he'd take it. Though it was a pleasant surprise to find the theater this empty.

" _'Download my blog_ '? Who the fuck would download a blog?", Kyungsoo asked incredulously, barely whispering anymore as he was this close to throwing his hands up in exasperation, "Sure, on Monday I'll ask Chanyeol right away how many people have ever downloaded his blog!"  
"Chanyeol has a blog?" Jongin asked with his head turned towards Kyungsoo and for some reason he felt flustered.  
"Well. Yeah. He's always had one, didn't you know?" he gave back more quiet than before.  
"How do you know?"  
In a fit of some random bright shot he saw the mixed emotions on Jongin's face.  
Kyungsoo didn't know what to make of them.  
"Huh? Obviously I'd research the basics about our team. Besides that Chanyeol has always been all over the news anyway."  
Jongin only hummed softly, turning back to the movie and leaving him with the vague feeling of having said something wrong.  
At first he thought that these few lines had destroyed whatever they'd had going on and Jongin wouldn't say another word. A disappointing thought, it had just begun to be fun.  
But a few minutes later he heard him complaining about the second car in a row that wouldn't start as if nothing had ever happened and so the movie's flaws were thrown back and forth between them.

"Those guys are the suckiest scientists in history."  
"The world has officially ended but sure, the cellphone signal is on point."  
"U-huh. Of course no one has a problem breathing at the top of the Mount Everest."  
"Well someone has moved on fast." Jongin stated dryly after a woman threw herself at her ex-husband mere seconds after the tragic death of her boyfriend.  
"I'd say she moved back." Kyungsoo gave back equally enthusiastic.  
Jongin snorted at the lame pun.

 

Kyungsoo always felt a little dazed when stepping out of a movie theater. There was a different reason for it this time around though. As soon as they had exited the dark theater the spell was broken and neither of them said a word as Kyungsoo took wide strides towards the exit with Jongin shuffling behind him, nervously slurping the last drops of Coke (presumably mainly to keep himself busy).  
 _So awkward._  
It almost seemed as if none of it had every taken place. But back there, Jongin had been so... different.  
A little more like the boy who sent dirty glares Chanyeol's way.  
More sharp, definitely more snarky and less gullible. It defied his image of Jongin and while anyone else would probably have their complains about the sudden change of attitude Kyungsoo had to admit he had found it quite pleasant.  
Unfortunately -and this was currently very obvious- Kyungsoo was horrible with words. He had no idea how to express his thoughts properly, mainly because they were so confusing. Do Kyungsoo had always seen himself as a very straight-forward person. If there was something that had to be said, he would do so without sugar-coating it. That much was true.  
But this was about feelings and he didn't know what to say as it was impossible to come to a definite conclusion. Nothing had changed his view on Jongin's skills but he had gotten a glimpse of his personality instead. And while he actually appreciated this side of him, it only added to his confusion.  
He just didn't get Kim Jongin.  
Why was he being so snappy in one second and all coy in the next? What was wrong with this guy?  
What was going on inside his head?

And so they found themselves standing in front of the cinema, their breaths coming out in faint puffs against the chilly air without having exchanged a single word.  
They both stood there, unsure of what to say. Jongin shuffled his feet anxiously and finally broke into a sheepish lopsided grin.  
"So... the film kinda sucked. Sorry for wasting your time." he softly murmured, rubbing his neck and avoiding eye contact.  
Like a completely different person. It was bizarre.  
"I liked it." Kyungsoo broke out before he could help it.  
It was nothing he could explain but it felt like rebelling against this sight.  
"H-huh?"  
"This side of you. I like it more than the one you show during work."  
"W-what?"  
If Jongin had been surprised before, he looked entirely startled now. And also highly flustered.  
"See you on Monday." Kyungsoo simply replied and with a curt wave he turned to leave first.  
Sometimes he wished he wouldn't be that blunt.  
Maybe this had come out the wrong way?  
Kyungsoo put in his earbuds and turned up the music, vainly attempting to drown out the torturing second-thoughts he was having already.

 


	6. A matter of trust

  
_The sun shines everywhere!_

_blog entry #744_   
_Wah, today I was almost late!_   
_I woke up to the sunrise and I was like 'Oh, relaaax, the sun just rose'_   
_..._   
_...but in the west the sun rises much later! *shock*_   
_I was SO late!_   
_My hair was so wild I felt like a poodle ._._   
_Why does this event try to negate my blog's title?_   
_Let's rephrase: the sun shines indeed everywhere, at least in our hearts._   
_Too greasy? I'd call it deep!_   
_Gotta work now~_   
_Have a wonderful day everyone~_   
_#sunshine_

With a few additional taps he added a picture of this morning's sunrise and saved the entry.  
He had been blogging for quite a long time now and it had initially been a method of stress relief and to tell Baekhyun what he was up to. Even he had no explanation as to where he got all those followers from. But at the launch of the FutureCare project the number had risen considerably once more. Now he could look at a logic-defying number of over one million followers.  
All of a sudden he had become some sort of messenger, some symbol.  
And even though Chanyeol was truly a positive person, there was no denying that he wasn't as free anymore as he'd have liked. One example being that he had never even once mentioned their teamwork (or lack thereof). He tried to stay clear of anything work-related in general.  
Now he _had_ to be happy, even in his own online diary.  
He was a happy person, really. He'd just like to have a choice.

"Kyungsoo?"  
At the sound of the shy Jongin daring to approach Kyungsoo he looked up from his screen. Jongin was standing by the Northener's desk, clasping something behind his back as he carefully tried to get his attention.  
"What?"  
The reply was curt but not as scalding as it used to be. He would be genuinely happy for them if they'd managed to at least overcome a few of the misunderstandings between them. Maybe Kyungsoo had finally realized what a great person Jongin was.  
"I was just-... are you alright?" Jongin stammered, changing course midway and now Chanyeol's attention was definitely perked.  
"Yes." Kyungsoo merely replied but really, he sounded different. Tired maybe?  
"Your eyes are all red."  
He craned his neck to confirm that yes, they were pretty red. Even on good days Kyungsoo was rather pale from staying inside all day long but today he looked almost sick.  
"Allergy. Now what do you want?!" he snapped in the annoyance they knew him for.  
"It's... nothing. Just forget about it. Sorry." Jongin mumbled and from his point of view he could clearly see him crumble the paper in his hands.

 

"So you're telling me that the project's outline is ready. Are you sure about that?"  
"Yes." Chanyeol confidently replied as the three sat across at a thoughtful-looking Mr. Zhang.  
"And you have sorted our all your personal issues."  
"Yes." Jongin answered quietly, surprising Chanyeol a little. Well, Jongin probably knew he was a horrible liar.  
"Is that so." he hummed, giving them a very sharp once over.  
"...you don't look all that thrilled to me though."  
"Well, everyone has a bad day once in a while Sir." he quickly threw in, acutely aware of how quiet Kyungsoo was being, completely void of any snarky remark.  
"Oh. Who is having a bad day here?" he asked in interest, looking at them inquiringly.  
A beat of silence followed until-  
"Me!" - "Me."

Chanyeol's head whipped over to Jongin who had simultaneously decided to jump in.  
"Uhm. Us. Yeah. That's why it's so quiet, haha. Then again we both have a bad day - that might speak for unity between us, no?" Chanyeol jokingly added and while Mr. Zhang was giving them the skeptical 'oh really?' look completed with one raised eyebrow, he seemed fairly amused himself.  
"If you say so Mister Park. I think the world would be a happier place if more people had your attitude. Alright. You have my permission to present the outline to the board. Lucky for you there's a meeting this afternoon. The schedule's not too stuffed either if I remember correctly. We should have some time to spare for you. Or do you need a bit more time to prepare?"  
Chanyeol couldn't help throwing a side-glance at the hollow shell of what used to be Kyungsoo and was about to propose a different day when the shorter one beat him to it.  
"We're ready." he exclaimed in determination but considerably less firm than usual.

 

Chanyeol managed to keep in the relieved exhale until they had left the board meeting and the door to their office was closed securely.  
"We did it." he said, almost not believing it himself.  
Jongin wore a tiny, happy smile as he spread the documents on the table while Kyungsoo wordlessly plopped down on his chair, a much less happy sigh on his own lips.

They had indeed presented their concept named "Art is the handwriting of your soul", proposing that both kids and idols would engage in all different sorts of creative activities such as painting, dancing, filming or crafting. As expected the idea itself was taken very well by the board members and even the founder of CARE had been present, agreeing just as much.  
Everything aside from the idea had been a mess though. The technicalities were all set up and worked pretty well considering the short amount of time Kyungsoo had on his hands to accommodate their existing presentations. Chanyeol had dared to drink a cup of iced macchiato, knowing very well that a tad more energy would always produce good results.  
They had been considerate enough to place Kyungsoo behind the computer in order to get him out of their inquiring eyes. It wasn't that he had a lot to do there, but he kept awfully quiet nonetheless. So much that one board member seemed fixed on getting him to join the conversation by asking continuous questions. Whenever spoken to Kyungsoo appeared a bit startled and replied in a correct albeit extremely hesitant manner, lacking all the vigor his team members and even the board had learned to fear.  
To Chanyeol's surprise Jongin liked to take over in situations like these, speaking up in this shy and cute manner Chanyeol just knew the board was in love with. In the meantime he tried to subtly position himself in a way that Kyungsoo wasn't as visible to them and could do nothing but pray that the shorter one wouldn't ultimately explode and go into his infamous fury-mode.  
But it didn't happen. The idea was happily accepted, a further schedule briefly laid out and now they were back in their office.  
It was almost too easy.  
And a reasonable voice would now state that it was remarkable how well they worked together if only the stubborn Northener shut up for once. But Chanyeol wasn't exactly reasonable and in his opinion they were lacking a certain something without him.  
No matter how much he wanted this team to success, he wouldn't want it to do so on the expense of one member. Even if he did disapprove of his aggressive ways. That's ultimately Kyungsoo's nature and it shouldn't be oppressed because of their work.  
He watched Jongin as he shyly attempted to approach him once more - the poor boy was obviously torn, fidgeting on the spot and opening his mouth just to close it again.  
If Kyungsoo had been able to see him he'd probably already scoff at him now but he didn't. Instead he locked gazes with Jongin who looked a little indignant at first, fighting an inner battle before losing it with a soundless sigh. He padded over to Chanyeol instead and offered the pieces of paper he had hidden behind his back all the time.  
"Here." he curtly said, clearly reluctant to give them to him instead. Blinking dumbly he accepted what he assumed to be a ticket, not breaking their gazes as he tilted his head in question. From the corner of his eye he could see Kyungsoo watching them with half-hearted interest.  
"Those are just... tickets." he stated vaguely, gesturing as if to downplay their importance. Chanyeol was confused. Was Jongin asking him out? Voluntarily? As a second choice but still.  
"Tonight's a show and... you should go there.", he said, lowering his gaze, "-with Kyungsoo."  
"Huh?"  
"That is, if you want." Jongin quickly added, glancing over at the silent Northener who looked like he was fighting a battle on his own.  
"I... I don't want to... Sorry." he finally mumbled with an averted gaze.  
_Did he just say sorry? It must have slipped him._  
Do Kyungsoo just apologized for being anti-social.  
"I understand. Sorry for bothering you..." Jongin dejectedly answered.  
Chanyeol took the chance to properly read the tickets before coming to a decision.  
He went over to Kyungsoo, placing both of the tickets on his desk. The miserable boy looked up at him in mild confusion.  
"Let's go together Soo. I'm giving you both tickets so you really have to show up or else I won't get inside!"  
It almost hurt him how passive he reacted.  
"Don't call me Soo. Why would I care if you don't get in. It's your own fault." he blankly replied, shifting the tickets across the table and back at him.  
"Kyungsoo." he earnestly said, waiting until the boy looked up at him.  
His eyes were really red. And suspiciously wet, too.  
"Please. Let's go there together. Okay?"  
He knew that he was pressing his luck and also kind of used the amount of admiration Kyungsoo harbored for him which pricked him with guilt. But he was certain that this was a good idea and when Kyungsoo finally caved in, sighing a heavy 'Fine' into the room he was determined to make it all work out.

 

"Wah, the view is so nice!"  
Chanyeol had been careful not to be late and as he sank into a plush chair next to Kyungsoo he couldn't help but be delighted at their seat's position, taking a quick snap with his phone camera. Kyungsoo didn't even scoff at him, too busy absently looking checking out the venue. It was a small yet very impressive theatre, looking as if it usually hosted operas. They were seated in the first row on the front balcony and the view was excellent.  
The posters had told him that this was an event showcasing contemporary dance. It was definitely nothing he had ever seen before.  
"I'm pretty excited, dancing is so awesome!"  
He was well-aware that whatever he said would just get lost in the black hole that was Kyungsoo's presence but that didn't deter him. He had a certain suspicion that had to be confirmed and that's why they were here.  
It was pretty late when it finally happened. Chanyeol had begun to relax into his seat, watching the various choreographies of different dancers, trying to pinpoint their individual styles while occasionally glancing over to Kyungsoo who looked as if he was in some sort of pain. As if it was taking all of his willpower to stay put together.  
Chanyeol wanted to ask him what's wrong. But of course it wouldn't be of any use. Not even because he was big, dopey Chanyeol. He was pretty certain that Kyungsoo wouldn't tell any living soul what was on his mind right now.  
So they sat in silence until the last quarter of the show when a new dancer stepped on the stage and Chanyeol tried not to squeal like a girl.  
"There he is! I knew it!"  
Even Kyungsoo seemed ripped out of his reverie, leaning a little closer over the balcony to get a look at the new addition.  
It was Jongin, clearly. Clad in tight pants and a loose blouse fluttering with every move. Chanyeol couldn't even find the words to describe how much he was entranced by his performance. The way he moved couldn't be called anything but beautiful. Controlled grace, intense expression, an overwhelmingly captivating stage presence.  
"That's Jongin...?" Kyungsoo faintly muttered under his breath, equally drawn in by the performance before wasting a split-second to look over at Chanyeol.  
"How did you know...?"  
Chanyeol shrugged as he took another few pictures before going back to experiencing the real thing.  
"I just watched him. It's something about his stance. First I was thinking about martial arts but this makes more sense."  
Kyungsoo got silent at this. Chanyeol couldn't be a hundred percent sure when it came to Kyungsoo but he was guessing that the boy felt guilty for underestimating Jongin. He had surely looked up all types of information that could be found on the net instead of looking at him properly for once. But again, that was just the way he was and this wasn't meant to make him feel bad, so Chanyeol spoke up once more, a little softer this time.  
"I think it's nice of him to invite us to see this side of him. Pretty brave, too."  
Kyungsoo only nodded faintly.  
Jongin was the first to go out of his way and bare himself. Chanyeol had invited him over, yes, but this was different. More intimate.  
He wasn't sure what kind of reaction he was expecting from Kyungsoo but him suddenly leaning into his side surely wasn't it. To be honest he even flinched slightly before hurrying to carefully put his arm on the narrow shoulder to assure him that it was alright. It had been an instinctive movement that he was having mixed feelings about now. Since this was still Kyungsoo. He didn't particularly like him. But feeling the way his overly stiff body relaxed into his ever so slowly he would never have the heart to reject him. Subtly looking down he observed the way the colorful spotlights were reflected in his shimmering eyes as he leaned his head into Chanyeol's shoulder. His gaze was empty as if he was watching right through the happenings on stage.  
A little unsure of what was even going on he angled his arm to be able to rest securely on Kyungsoo's upper arm, pulling him towards him in a more firm manner.  
The action was met with a sigh of contempt and Kyungsoo finally closed his eyes, whispering the faintest 'Thank you' he could only hear because his ear was so close to him.  
Chanyeol watched the performance below while racking his brain for the right words to say. He could just stay silent but then he'd never know.  
"Is there something we can help you with?" he finally asked lowly and instead of getting angry Kyungsoo only lightly shook his head, his eyes still closed.  
"Just... don't move."  
He complied without a word and it was obvious that Kyungsoo was having an internal battle of whether or not to add something to that. In response Chanyeol showed patience and only  after an especially stunning pirouette marking the end of Jongin's performance did he speak up once more.  
"I was going to visit my friend this weekend." he murmured almost too quiet for Chanyeol to hear him, causing him to lean his head a little closer to him, looking ahead in concentration.  
"Oh. Did the performance ruin it for you?" he asked in concern but only received another shake of his head in response.  
"No. He had... a genetic illness. Ever since birth. It... Yesterday it caught up to him."  
Chanyeol held his breath, not wanting to understand what this meant.  
Kyungsoo closed his eyes again.  
"He always wanted to stand on a stage-" he added even more quietly, not able to prevent his voice from breaking.  
Speechless, Chanyeol tightened his hold a bit more, leaning his cheek against the mop of black hair. A few moments later he offered his free hand to Kyungsoo who decided to grasp it with his own pale, shaky fingers to squeeze the life out of it. Chanyeol didn't mention it.  
They only got up when the cleaning lady was shooing them out of the vicinity.

 

Much later Chanyeol fell face first into his mattress, lowly whining. He was feeling extremely down now even though he was relieved that Kyungsoo had opened up about it. He couldn't imagine the difficult boy to have any friends in this foreign city.  
Friends. Chanyeol had no difficulty labeling people as friends and he wondered whether Jongin and Kyungsoo would consider him a friend.  
The sound of his phone vibrating ripped him out of these thoughts and he quickly turned it to see whether it was an important message by one of his team members.  
It was a different message, sent by an anonymous number.

00:12  
The conditions have changed.  
100.000.

Sighing dejectedly he threw the phone under the bed, deciding to curl into a ball beneath his plush blanket. Pulling his limbs together as tight as possible, trying to drown out the tension in his body with more tension.  
He really wished Baekhyun was here. Baekhyun always knew what to do.  
But Baekhyun was far away and busy. To be honest Chanyeol only wanted someone to hold him, too. Even if it was someone like Jongin who didn't like him. Or someone like Kyungsoo who hated skinship.  
_Just anyone._ _Anyone I can trust, please?_

Obviously his pleas remained unanswered and with a bitter smile he closed his eyes, waiting for sleep to arrive and carry him into another day.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise, it's getting a little more angsty here... cause I can't ever stay away from angst for too long, haha~


	7. Karma.

"Something's wrong. With Chanyeol."  
Jongin only hummed in disinterest, his posture slightly slumping. Whatever else had he expected when Kyungsoo had voluntarily approached him? That he congratulated him on his dance performance? Hah. Of course it was about Chanyeol.  
He shot him a quick look out of the corner of his eyes - there he sat, long limbs folded, heavy headphones in place and his chin rested on one hand as he looked up god knew what on his computer.  
"Huh. You think so?" he quietly grumbled, half of his attention already back on his screen. Chanyeol seemed dumb and merry as ever.  
But Kyungsoo insisted, even going as far as pushing Jongin's laptop across the table.  
"I mean it. Something's off." he said in a hushed voice.  
Jongin sighed.  
"What makes you think that?"  
"Well. His behavior. It's just different. I don't know when it started but I can definitely see it now."  
"Maybe Mr. Sunshine has a bad day." Jongin moodily chipped.  
"Don't be ridiculous.", Kyungsoo hissed, obviously done with his attitude and Jongin almost physically flinched, "I think it's something serious. I saw him talking to one of the higher ups and looking really frustrated afterwards. What if it affects the team?"  
Jongin blinked. Affect the team? Chanyeol could have filed a complain and ask to be moved but this possibility had never before crossed his mind. Chanyeol was always the uncomplicated one. For some reason it irked him that he decided to cause trouble now.  
Was he being a jealous bastard? Oh yes, probably.  
"Why don't you just-"  
"-ask him? Yeah, tried that one. Didn't work. Maybe you should try it. He... kind of likes you, doesn't he?"  
At this, Jongin resisted the urge to roll his eyes.  
"He's not gonna tell me shit. Even if -and I'm saying if- there's something wrong, he'd never speak up about it. Did you ever hear this guy say something of actual value? Ever?"  
Kyungsoo's expression softened at this and Jongin didn't like it.  
"Yes. Quite a few times, to be honest. But you might be right. He's not the type to search for help."  
Yes, of course he'd put it in a way that made the Southener look good. If he didn't knew better he would have guessed that Kyungsoo was sort of crushing on him. Not in an obnoxious, obvious way but a more subtle one. The one including a certain amount of attention and bias. He did know better, obviously. In no way was he denying the truth because it would annoy him even more.  
Jongin sighed again, internally this time.  
 _Pfft. Knowing it better. My ass.  
Darn my self-awareness._

 

* * *

 

"Uh. Hey."  
Chanyeol immediately took the headphones off and placed them around his neck, a questioning smile on his stupid face as he looked up at Jongin who stood next to his desk.  
"Yeah? You need anything?"  
Jongin hesitated but a very pointed look of Kyungsoo from the other end of the room made him give in.  
"I just found something. Uh. You should take a look at it." he uttered awkwardly, gesturing over to his screen. He knew that Kyungsoo was facepalming without looking. Chanyeol shot him a quizzical look -it had been quite a long time since he had used his sweet farce on him, after all- but got up nonetheless and Jongin lead him over to his desk.  
He offered him his chair and took the one next to him, scrolling down a web page. It was ridiculous, the way his fingers were trembling. From the corner of his eye he could see Kyungsoo rising to his feet to quickly slink over to Chanyeol's desk, reaching for his phone. Jongin felt like a little kid trying to be stealthy and failing miserably. Good thing that Chanyeol was so dumb.  
"I was researching and, uh, look. Isn't that the band you've met up with?" he lamely said, pointing at the screen.  
Chanyeol smiled excitedly.  
"Yeah, Seventeen! They're getting popular these days, aren't they?"  
"I guess. They got first at this music show. Just thought you may want to congratulate them or anything."  
He didn't seem the slightest bit annoyed at the non work-related talk (of course he wasn't, the eagerness over Jongin talking to him obviously outweighed it) but then he agreed and Jongin saw his mistake coming. Kyungsoo, too, looked up from where he sat at his desk, fumbling with Chanyeol's phone.  
"Good idea! Thanks, Jongin. I'll text him right-"  
"-AND. And there was something else I was going to tell you!" Jongin hastily cut in, placing one hand on his upper arm in a fit of panic, trying to physically stop him from turning around.  
"Oh? Okay?"  
Now he looked a tidbit suspicious and Jongin was starting to grasp at straws.  
"The dance performance. I haven't thanked you yet. For showing up, I mean."  
This seemed to hit home as every doubt was dispersed instantly and the far too-wide smile was back. Chanyeol had gushed over his dance performance the moment he had set foot in the office earlier. But at that time, Jongin had only gruffly brushed him off. The invitation had originally been meant for Kyungsoo, anyway. But said one had done nothing but nodding slightly behind the chatty Southener. What a disappointment.  
"You shouldn't thank me. We should thank you for inviting us! We'll gladly come again, if you have us. Especially Kyungsoo was paying reeeally close attention. Isn't that right, Kyungsoo?" he chirped, turning around to the third person in the room and Jongin held his breath. But while Kyungsoo's head flew up from the phone screen hidden behind his laptop at the mention of his name, his face betrayed nothing.  
"If you say so."  
It was a pretty vague reply but any more enthusiasm would have been suspicious.  
"See, he loved it. My favorite part was the one towards the end where-"  
Jongin wasn't sure whether he was supposed to force a grin or grimace.  
He decided to keep it neutral until he saw Kyungsoo placing the phone back on his desk, just to try his hardest to shoo Chanyeol away afterwards. Which wasn't easy, considering that he was  a talkative pest, latching onto him with every said sentence; not unlike an octopus.  
What a shitty day.

 

"I knew there was something wrong. But this..."  
Jongin had joined Kyungsoo at his desk where he was logged into the web version of Chanyeol's chat program. It had been Kyungsoo's idea. All he needed was to scan the QR code with the phone to connect the devices. Jongin had expressed his worries about getting caught but Kyungsoo brushed it off, stating that it would only screw up his notifications and Chanyeol wasn't the type to think anything into this.  
It was an utterly shameless invasion of his privacy but Jongin was a pretty subjective being and since he didn't like Chanyeol anyway he was not the least bit interested in whatever he was exchanging with his friends.  
Besides, he might have felt a tad guilty if it had been a false alarm. As things were, however, Kyungsoo's worries were justified.  
Currently the Southener was out having lunch which gave them time to talk.  
"He's being blackmailed. The number is anonymous but you bet it's this guy I saw. Chanyeol gets weird whenever he's around.", Kyungsoo mused, scrolling up the conversation which mainly consisted of numbers and demands, "All flighty and defensive. Strained. I knew it."  
Jongin was completely taken off guard by the actual amount of perception Kyungsoo had towards the tall idiot, possible cursh or not. He himself had sensed nothing of this sort.  
"But what is he getting blackmailed with..."  
Finally they reached the top of the conversation, showing a single audio file. Kyungsoo quickly plucked in his headphones to give it a listen. Jongin watched his expression go from confusion to surprise, just to end in an exasperated frown.  
Alright, now he was curios. Wordlessly, Kyungsoo handed him the earbuds.  
The sound quality was awful and Jongin guessed it to be part of a live performance.  
A deep voice was roaring into a microphone and oh, that was Chanyeol's voice, wasn't it?  
"- _and I say **fuck** the passive West and the weasels of the East-  
And the stuck up North? All about numbers, lacking a soul? Yeah, fuck those, too-_"  
The snippet was roughly cut off and Jongin had to repeat it, doubting his ears. That was supposed to be Chanyeol?  
"Isn't it a fake?" he mumbled after the second listen but Kyungsoo shook his head.  
"He wouldn't react that way if it was a fake."  
That was plausible. Jongin wanted to plant his face on the desk.  
"This is gonna _ruin_ us. Some stupid teenage rebellion is going to ruin us." he groaned, his dislike for Chanyeol reaching a whole new level. Even Kyungsoo couldn't deny that, nodding along gravely.  
"This means so much trouble. But still. Something's fishy. I just can't imagine Chanyeol spouting such racist shit, even at whatever age he'd been there."  
Jongin blinked. He really wanted to call Kyungsoo delusional just to ruin his image of Chanyeol.  
 _Maybe they'll stop texting then_ , he thought, bitterly looking at the unopened but recently active chat window of Chanyeol that read 'Kyungsoo'.  
Still, deep down he knew that he was probably right. After all, Chanyeol had already won awards of equality and whatnot at the age of fifteen. Surely he had been a pretentious bastard ever since he was a little kid.  
"Fine. But what do you suggest we do now? Confront him?"  
"I don't think that'll solve anything. It'll only put more stress on him. If he doesn't know how to help himself, talking to him won't benefit us."  
 _Sure, the poor boy is stressed._  
Kyungsoo tapped the pen against his desk.  
"There must be someone who knows the whole story. But Chanyeol usually holds back on pulling people into the spotlight-"  
"Baekhyun." Jongin suddenly cut in, the words tumbling out before he actually realized it. Kyungsoo shot him an odd look.  
"Byun Baekhyun.", he elaborated, already halfway back to his own laptop to search him up online, "He's Chanyeol's childhood friend."  
"Are you sure he'll know about this particular event though?"  
He thought back to the wall plastered with pictures and the way his name rolled off the Southener's tongue.  
"I'm absolutely certain."

 

* * *

 

The following weekend Jongin found himself pressed into a narrow seat on the train, right next to Kyungsoo. They were traveling to the place they really hoped this Baekhyun person was. It was a long ride and the quickest route led through the Northern country. Byun Baekhyun seemed to be a curios person. While both Jongin and Kyungsoo were quite good at researching, there was not a lot to find about him. Byun Baekhyun first appeared when he became an apprentice at an insignificant tailoring shop, and only because someone mentioned him in a local news article.  
From there on he became a fashion designer, switching companies every few years. The last he had been seen was when he joined a quite famous fashion brand a year ago, as part of the menswear design team. That was the last time anyone had heard of him and they could only hope that he was still there.  
Jongin stretched his legs as far as he could and yawned. Any form of passive traveling would manage to make him sleepy within minutes. And they had a long ride ahead of them, aiming for the Northeastern border where they aimed to search for Baekhyun on a nearby island.  
He glanced on his watch. Eleven hours and thirty minutes left.  
Before changing the train. And switching to a ferry.  
What a way to spend his weekend. Though he certainly didn't mind Kyungsoo's presence. It would be far more enjoyable if the Northener would actually talk to him, but it was better than having Chanyeol with him. Take what you can get.  
Kyungsoo already had his laptop propped up and the first movie ready. It took ten minutes of Jongin discreetly glancing at his screen before he got an earbud offered. Thirty more minutes and he was fast asleep, his head resting on the shoulder of an unhappy-looking Kyungsoo.

 

Jongin was really quiet for the rest of the ride and Kyungsoo seemed fine with it. He appeared determined to binge-watch as many Sherlock episodes as he could, ignoring the way his seat neighbor was fidgeting.  
Jongin wanted to cry. Why did he always behave like an idiot in front of people like Kyungsoo? His body didn't seem to run out of energy any time soon and the mere memory made him blush, even after all this time.  
 _'Yes, you totally drooled all over me.'_  
He wanted to make a squirmish and very unmanly noise. And bury himself under the seat.  
A look to his watch only left him groaning faintly. Seven hours left.

 

* * *

  
"So..." Jongin mumbled unsurely, staring at the dirty name plate.  
"This is it?"  
Kyungsoo only hummed, rechecking the house number.  
"I guess. It's not like that's a common name."  
They were standing in front of a very run-down apartment building that Jongin would hardly pay to live in for. Well, capitalism made it possible and since the island mostly consisted of this huge city there were not a lot of other options.  
As usual not one to hesitate, Kyungsoo pressed the bell and they waited. Nothing. He rang again. A third time.  
"Maybe he's not home-"  
That moment the door opened with a buzzing sound and they hurried to enter. Jongin wasn't sure what he had expected but this poor excuse of a home wasn't it. Then again Baekhyun _**had**_ been fired quite a few months ago. Living the luxury life was probably not an option anymore.  
"This looks kinda awful." he dryly commented at the peeling tapestry while they padded down a dimly lit corridor after taking a few flights of chairs.  
"Hm. Doesn't look not much different from where I'm living." Kyungsoo curtly gave back and Jongin cringed.  
 _Social faux pas of the day? Check._  
But really, Kyungsoo should be able to afford something better - Jongin definitely could.

They ended up in front of a very much closed door at the end of the corridor, though the name plate didn't lie. With a light frown Kyungsoo rang the bell once more.  
Finally the door was opened a tiny bit to reveal a pair of sparkling eyes peeking out between dirty blonde hair.  
"Yes?"  
"Hello. Are you per chance Byun Baekhyun?" Kyungsoo asked, being as straight-forward as ever.  
The blonde pulled a grimace full of regret.  
"Aaah, no. Sorry to disappoint. Should I give him a message?"  
And something about the easy way he said it, the way he held himself, made Jongin narrow his eyes at him.  
There was no doubt that this was the guy they were searching for. Even though he emitting a completely different aura there was just something in his airy smile and open expression that resembled Chanyeol. Maybe it was the natural ability to piss him off.  
Kyungsoo continued, completely unfazed.  
"It's something about Chanyeol. We're his team members. Working colleagues, so to say."  
At this, the door was opened without hesitation and the boy regarded them with a genuinely curious, if not slightly worried expression.  
"What, did he get into trouble? Come on in, then."  
They followed him into the crammed apartment that held an orgy of evidence that a fashion designer was inhibiting it. Piles of clothes, both wearable and artsy ones were spread all over the place while the floor was almost drowning in paper patterns and shreds of fabric.  
"Make yourself some room, feel at home, blah blah. I got nothing but tea - you like chamomile?"  
Not particularly, but oh well.  
They carefully pushed aside a lump of something unfinished and crammed each other on the sofa, their sides pressed together. Jongin would have loved to apologize for that but he figured that they should at least give the impression of being friendly with each other.  
After placing two steaming mugs on the last available space of the low table, Baekhyun unceremoniously kicked a few patterns aside to plop down on the carpet cross-legged.  
"Sorry for the rude introduction earlier, I thought you were bringing a payment reminder or anything. You're the two Care team members, no? I've read about you in the news though the photo quality kinda sucked. So what happened to Yeol? Something serious?"  
God, they were best friends. Baekhyun was just as chatty as Chanyeol himself. Jongin vowed to himself never to be in the same room as those two.  
He left it to Kyungsoo to curtly explain the situation while Jongin searched for further reasons to dislike anything Chanyeol-related - in this case, Baekhyun. He had to give it to him, he looked much better in real life than on the photos. Rather shortish, slim and with the distinct features of a trouble maker. He saw it in the way his droopy eyes were twinkling and he didn't like it.  
Currently a look of bewilderment had taken over said features.  
"What? Racist? Must be a fake, it happens from time to time. Yeol attracts these type of haters. Since he's too much of a softie to defend himself, you know." he conversationally said, swaying from left to right, clearly unable to sit still.  
"He was like that from the moment I met him. Back then -we were twelve- I literally crashed into him after climbing over the facility's fence. I thanked him for being so chubby and padding me so well and he had the nerve to say 'you're welcome'. Such a push over." he laughed, imitating Chanyeol as he casually talked to them as if they were talking about a mutual friend. Which he thought they did. Jongin wondered what kind of a facility he was talking about. But not enough to actually ask.  
"You sure you're friends?" Kyungsoo blankly asked, obviously unimpressed at Baekhyun for being a jerk years ago but the blonde only dismissed him.  
"Best friends. That's how they work. Besides, I kept him busy enough and he's not chubby anymore today, right? Let's see the incriminating material, then. You have it?"  
Kyungsoo played the audio's copy on his phone and the crackling sounds filled the room. In a matter of two seconds recognition washed over the blonde's face and he drummed his fingers against his thighs.  
"Ah... Hm. This is..." he trailed off, making a few silly sounds as he racked his brain for something.  
"It is him, isn't it?" Kyungsoo inquired and got a quick nod in response.  
"Oh. Yeah, that's Yeol. But the song's name... Can I listen to it one more time?"  
He listened to it a third time, his lips silently moving along as if trying to get to the song's refrain. Then he jumped up to rummage through the chaos on his desk, all the while distractedly talking.  
"I think I got it... This could take some time. It's a really old recording of that one live gig downtown... You probably know he used to be in a band and shit. But he also did a bit of rapping, kinda cute lyrics in retrospect, but we were what? Sixteen? I know I got the recorded version somewhere... Such a tiny gig, I wonder where this snippet surfaced from. Though he did perform that song more than once."  
He pulled out his laptop and settled back on the floor with a bunch of external hard drives.  
"So those were the actual lyrics?" Kyungsoo asked, the disapproval clearly audible in his voice.  
"Just wait and see. Or no, wait and listen. As I said, this could take some time." Baekhyun mumbled, opening one of many video files.

It did take long, almost two hours of walking down the memory lane of someone Jongin could hardly care less about. Jongin and Kyungsoo were left listening to bits and pieces of countless live performances and at some point Baekhyun had settled in front of them, the laptop propped up on the table so they could see the visuals, too. Once in a while he drifted off, leaving the videos to play a little longer than necessary and while Jongin wasn't the type to get snarky and call him out for it, Kyungsoo seemed genuinely entertained, his dark eyes glued to the screen.  
He had to admit that he was surprised. All the instruments he had seen at Chanyeol's place suggested that he was into music but these performances... they weren't bad. Not nearly as bad he had expected them to be. He saw Chanyeol playing the drums in a band, playing the guitar during calm duets with Baekhyun, singing along. And even though rap in itself wasn't his forte he couldn't say that those stages were embarrassing, as Baekhyun had put it. It was incredibly unfair that even at the tender age of sixteen his voice was deeper than Jongin's had ever gotten up to this day. Even petite Kyungsoo had a deeper voice. It really wasn't fair.  
"There! HAH!"  
Jongin almost fell off the couch as Baekhyun all but jumped up, flailing his arms.  
"THAT was it, I remember! Damn, that was a long time ago! Look, we both had red hair back then! Ahaha, I remember how we were both forbidden to bleach our hair and yet we still did it! Good times."  
The video quality was shaky and overall bad but it was undeniable - this was the full performance. They even compared it to the audio on Kyungsoo's phone, just to make sure.  
There was Chanyeol, clearly excited but also a tad more fierce as he kept jumping from one side of the stage to the other, supporting his lines by heavy gestures. From the angle it was taken from they could also see Baekhyun sitting at the sidelines, his legs dangling from the stage, clapping along. And now that they heard the full song it was clear that there was nothing racist about it. Quite the opposite, even. The compromising snippet they'd heard actually lead to a rant about stereotypes. It was just heavily cut to his disadvantage, being completely out of context. The lyrical paragraph actually began with a much longer list of Southern stereotypes such as them being social butterflies and dimwits who did nothing but play and laze around all day just to end in a refrain ranting about people not using their brains being an international thing. A sigh of relief escaped him and he relaxed into the sofa, carelessly crumpling a few shreds of paper.  
Jongin still hated his pretentious do-good attitude. But he was still glad that they would get out of this. For the team's sake.

They left shortly after, a copy of the full stage safely tucked away.  
"How come Chanyeol didn't ask you?" Kyungsoo inquired and while Jongin hadn't been in the mood to show any interest, this question had occurred to him as well. Baekhyun guiltily rubbed his neck, shifting his weight from one side to the other while they slipped into their jackets.  
"Well. We didn't exactly talk over the last two months."  
"Why?"  
Gee, Kyungsoo really didn't care about social finesse. Good thing that Baekhyun wasn't easily intimidated.  
"Ah. You see... I just got fired. I'm basically living off nothing at the moment. It's kinda pathetic. I'm not the type to lie so I figured I'd just call him when things are a little better. You know Chanyeol. He'd be hellbent on helping me and I really wanna do this alone." He ruffled his hair and shot them a lopsided grin.  
"Besides, that idiot is looking up to me. Like, a LOT. He always has. Wouldn't want to shatter that or cause him trouble while he has enough of his own. You know how it is."  
Jongin wasn't sure whether he knew what he was talking about but for some reason he could imagine Chanyeol admiring Baekhyun. From what he had figured so far the blonde seemed like a free spirit, doing whatever he liked whenever the opportunity presented itself. It was irresponsible and selfish. Maybe Chanyeol secretly liked the idea of being exactly that.  
Jongin was sure that he'd act the same way as Baekhyun if he got into a similar situation.  
Still, the memory of Chanyeol hesitating to mention his friend a few weeks ago was fresh on his mind and so he spoke up for what might have been the first time that day.  
"You should call him anyway." he mumbled, distractedly zipping up his jacket.  
"And dye your hair silver."

 

"What was all that about the silver hair?" Kyungsoo asked but Jongin only shrugged, unwilling to talk any more about Chanyeol than necessary. With an odd look he accepted it, looking ahead while leaving his pale fingers to play with the usb device carrying the copy.  
"So. I guess that's settled." he spoke into the silence after a few minutes of silence.  
Jongin's eyes flickered over to him, his hands buried in his pockets, seeking shelter from the cold wind.  
"Yeah? What are we going to do?" Jongin asked.  
Kyungsoo looked at him in question. It was a change from the usual look that suggested that he was too stupid to follow his train of thoughts. To be honest he hadn't seen him use that look on him the whole weekend.  
"We just hand over the footage to the police and explain the case?"  
Jongin hummed, clearly not convinced.  
"And provoke a huge scandal with lots of witness questioning?"  
The Northerner frowned.  
"It's the most logical thing to do. You have a better idea?"  
Jongin thought about it, absently scrolling through the chat copy on his phone.

 _'Imagine what this will do to your little team.'_  
'100.000'  
'The conditions have changed.'  
'100.000 for each team member.'  
'There are no other recordings, all destroyed. You can report me but the tape will surface, then.'

Jongin snorted involuntarily. Hah. If someone dared doing this to him...  
He wanted to laugh at the pitifulness that was Chanyeol but something about the way this guy used his team against him was pissing him off big time. Something about the way he imagined Chanyeol's face to be while reading those messages...  
The thing was, Kyungsoo was smart but very uncomplicated and practical.  
Much unlike Jongin.

  
To be completely honest there was a reason for his best friend Sehun to endearingly call him a vengeful little bitch.

 

* * *

 

The following Monday Jongin lazily lounged in his office chair, much earlier than usual while Kyungsoo sat at his desk, typing. Early as usual.  
Around nine, Chanyeol burst into the office, heavily panting. Late. As usual.  
"Morning. Wah, Jongin, you're early. Now I feel bad for being late." he rambled, placing his phone and bag on the table to slip out of his ridiculously huge, padded jacket.  
"Your phone is blinking." Kyungsoo blankly stated and Chanyeol dismissed it.  
"Yeah. I'm getting messages like crazy today, must be the blog post from yesterday. I'm at work now, though. No private messaging at work."  
Kyungsoo hummed, resuming the typing. Jongin had to hand it to him, Kyungsoo was an excellent actor.  
Shortly after, the office door opened to reveal Mr. Zhang. He smiled at the way all three of them instinctively flinched as if awaiting a scolding.  
"Good morning everyone. Chanyeol, can you please come to Mr. Bang's office? Don't look at me like that, you're not in trouble."  
With a puzzled look the tall guy followed him, not before throwing a helpless look at them. Jongin didn't dignify him with a reaction. Just to be in character, of course.  
The moment he was gone the two jumped up to casually follow them, waiting in the main hall for the outcome. They settled on a bench, watching the receptionists do their work while people bustled over the several visible floors of the circular hall. They had a good view on the CEO's room which was located just over the reception at the second floor.  One wall was showing the daily news -as always-, projected all over the white stone to proved everyone with the latest happenings in their field of operation. Well, everyone but one late Southener who had obviously rushed by this morning, not sparing it a glance. Otherwise he might have stopped to see his face plastered all over the wall with a tacky headline.

**Rapping for equality - the Southern pearl keeps shining  
Just when you thought the Southern poster child Park Chanyeol wouldn't get any more perfect - the latest recovered footages proves that the idea of equality has always dominated his actions. While other teens got drunk he got up on stage with a clear message.**

Jongin didn't bother reading further than the headline, settling for a roll of his eyes at the euphemistic choice of words. It never ceased to disgust him to what extent the country adored this idiot. Meanwhile the door to  Mr. Bang's office opened and a slightly confused but happy-looking Chanyeol exited. They waved him down and waited for the Southener to skip over to them, throwing a distracted look at the news article.  
"Everything alright?" Kyungsoo asked and the tall guy nodded, sending his hair flipping like a dog.  
"I guess so. Some weird old stuff surfaced and he praised me about it. To have this discovered at this point..." He exhaled deeply and this time Jongin didn't miss it. The thing Kyungsoo had mentioned, the fine nuances of his smiles. This one was far too much for such an officially small matter - though Jongin of course knew the story behind that and Chanyeol was probably beyond relieved that the blackmailing material was now void.  
"Don't let it get to your head." Jongin only grumbled and turned on his heels. Chanyeol laughed in that annoying, over-the-top manner of his' but the way Kyungsoo silently smiled to himself convinced him that he had indeed done the right thing. If it made Kyungsoo that happy, so be it.  
Besides, there was enough reason for Jongin to be happy as well.  
And even though he didn't turn and crane his neck to look into the glass office he knew that a certain employee would get up to his suddenly active fax machine any time soon. A fax machine that would spew out continuous confirmation copies of the documents sent to the CEO - copies of chat histories and faked bills all proving severe cases of embezzlement, blackmailing and fraud.  
Chanyeol's story was not among them. Chanyeol wouldn't have to add a single word to get this man fired for good.  
Jongin imagined the guy to wear a horrified expression until he got to the very last copy where he had used a red marker to add a small, personally written message.

**KARMA**

Jongin smiled.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, the chapters are getting longer and longer. I'll never be able to keep anything sweet and simple.
> 
> As always, feel free to leave any form of feedback~  
> Love,  
> Sugar_and_Salt


	8. I'm trying.

It was a gradual process, beginning with a few subtle signals no one paid a great deal of attention to.  
But when the fever set in and Kyungsoo almost knocked the printer off the table at a sudden wave of dizziness, they forced him to go and see a doctor. It took both Jongin and Chanyeol to convince the glassy-eyed Northener but as soon as they'd left the office in order to do so, his complains stopped, as if he'd resigned himself to his fate. Even Chanyeol had a considerable amount of pity at the miserable sight. Kyungsoo was nothing but an empty shell, obviously not able to focus on anything but _breathing_ while he pliantly let himself be dragged around. Chanyeol had told Jongin that he would accompany Kyungsoo but the dancer refused to stay behind. It was really nice how worried he was. Yes, Jongin was a nice person. Even worrying for someone as difficult as Kyungsoo.

Three hours later, Kyungsoo was comfortably lying on Chanyeol's sofa, buried in a generous amount of blankets and cushions and Chanyeol had no idea how any of this could have happened so fast.  
He still padded around, gathering necessities like water and tissues, running on autopilot.  
"Thanks." Kyungsoo rasped with half-lidded eyes, only vaguely following the movement of a glass being placed on the low table.  
"It's nothing. The medicine and inhalation are due at six, but I'll remind you again later." Chanyeol gave back purposefully quiet.  
"Jongin will return soon, with your clothes."  
Kyungsoo only made a weak, hoarse sound while Chanyeol kept bustling around, aimlessly cleaning a few things to distract himself.  
"Just... for one day..." he slurred under his breath and it hitched audibly when Chanyeol placed a cool face-cloth on his sweaty forehead.  
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Just get better. Try to sleep for now." Chanyeol absently said, all-too aware of the fact that the boy suffering from a severe inflammation of his larynx was currently anything but receptive.  
It was obvious that he needed supervision in this state and since Chanyeol lived that close to their workplace, they'd chosen his apartment. Well, Chanyeol wasn't unreasonable or selfish and the boy occupying his couch couldn't be called a nuisance. In fact, Kyungsoo was half-asleep before he was even done calling their boss to explain the situation. He was pretty lucky that their working place was so relaxed and allowed him to work from home for the time being. Unlike Kyungsoo, Chanyeol was mainly making calls and the likes, so that wouldn't be a problem. He threw a last look at the dozing boy and reached for his laptop, ready to settle into his bedroom when a weak voice spoke up.  
"You can work here." he half-whispered, his eyes squinting at the rays of sunlight reaching him. Chanyeol dismissed him with a wave of his hand.  
"Oh. It's alright, I have another room-"  
"Please?" he added, his voice slightly cracking.  
He halted in his movements and sighed soundlessly. He wasn't terribly keen on having Kyungsoo watch him work, even though the boy was barely conscious. He'd probably keep nagging and criticizing his methods as soon as he was able to. Still, Kyungsoo was sick and Chanyeol wasn't an asshole and if he needed entertainment or company then fine, so be it.  
With another suppressed sigh he fell into his chair, the laptop placed on the desk.  
"Thanks." he heard Kyungsoo mumble and it was minutes later, when he was about to call JYP and assumed Kyungsoo to be asleep already, when his faint and croaky voice prove him wrong.  
"I like your voice. It's soothing. Makes me believe."  
Chanyeol shot a look over his shoulder but Kyungsoo had his eyes closed, looking unusually small and fragile in the plush blankets. It was probably the fever talking. Yes, definitely the fever. Kyungsoo wasn't the type to voice out compliments.  
Besides, what did it even mean, it made him 'believe'? In what?  
Chanyeol decided that it wasn't worth wasting too many thoughts on someone's fever-talk.  
Still, for an unknown reason he felt uneasy, his fingers slightly shaking around the phone as uncomfortable warmth crept up his ears.

Kyungsoo was indeed easy to take care of.  
He spent most of the day dozing and whenever he was conscious, he'd force himself to drink plenty of tea and inhale saline water, without Chanyeol having to remind him. For a long time, Jongin had been lurking around as well, sitting close to a sleeping Kyungsoo, fiddling with his tablet when it was more than obvious that he was just unwilling to leave. It was a little odd for all three of them to be in the same room though technically off work, in a way. Eventually Chanyeol was running out of work-related things to busy himself with and even though he liked Jongin, he was relieved when the flighty boy decided to leave in the afternoon, muttering something about being of more use at the office. This left Chanyeol with his quiet patient who didn't particularly ask for anything. He still made him a soup and watched the way his face scrunched up every time he had to swallow. It looked really painful and had him unconsciously mirror the expression which earned him a funny look from Kyungsoo.  
"I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to make fun of you." Chanyeol quickly reassured him and the other only nodded, resting his vocal chords as prescribed.  
The silence was killing him.  
 Silence was one of the things Chanyeol really couldn't deal with but turning on some loud and aggressive rock music seemed like too much of a dick move. He usually avoided talking to Kyungsoo as it would more often than not be a severe mood killer but now that Kyungsoo couldn't talk back and it was so silent, Chanyeol found himself awkwardly talking, more to himself than Kyungsoo. ' _I'll finish this and then I'll go take a shower_ ,' he'd say and Kyungsoo would blink.  
' _I'll watch a movie after that, should I mute it for you?_ ' he'd add and Kyungsoo would shake his head.  
And while the refreshing hot water loosened his tense muscles, Chanyeol couldn't help but wonder. Wonder about how difficult it was to remember the reasons he disliked Kyungsoo in the first place when the latter was communicating without using words.

It should have felt odd. Unusual, maybe even wrong.  
But for some reason it wasn't all that bad, waking up with the knowledge of not being alone in his own apartment. The sight of a sleepy Kyungsoo rubbing his eyes with his hair wildly sticking into every imaginable direction... it wasn't weird.  
And maybe that made it weird.  
Jongin came over around noon with a light meal for Kyungsoo and fast food for the other two and for the first time ever, they all sat around a table and ate together with Kyungsoo being perched up on the couch while Chanyeol and Jongin sat on the floor cross-legged. It wasn't the most comfortable atmosphere but their work served as a good source of small talk which involved Chanyeol and Jongin going over the progress they'd made. Unfortunately, Kyungsoo deemed himself fit enough to start nagging again. His coarse voice was barely audible as he relentlessly listed all the things they had yet to do and when Jongin reassured him that he'd taken over for Kyungsoo, said one looked terrified at the mere thought and went into a full-blown rant on why this was such a horrible idea.  
"You don't know the system or methods I use-"  
"There are separate versions only I have access to-"  
"And the rounding settings, you always mess them up-"  
"Kyungsoo, please. Stop talking. You should REST." Chanyeol firmly intervened, one hand unceremoniously pushing Kyungsoo back into a lying position to save Jongin from further embarrassment (a faint blush was already dusting his cheeks because he may or may not feel guilty, regarding the rounding settings); Kyungsoo's eyes widened at the gesture and he finally shut up, looking up at him like a startled rabbit.  
"Give your vocal chords a break. One day is not enough to recover from a laryngitis. Have some faith in Jongin, he'll make it." he added and while Kyungsoo looked defiant, he obediently kept his mouth shut.

Neither Chanyeol nor Kyungsoo noticed the unhappy way Jongin was looking at them.

 

Kyungsoo didn't speak up for the rest of the day. Chanyeol worked, texted his friends, cleaned the kitchen and Kyungsoo napped on the couch. He wasn't sure how to read the atmosphere and for Chanyeol, that was a rare thing. One moment he felt slightly tense, bustling around under Kyungsoo's attentive eyes, the next everything appeared completely comfortable. Maybe something was gnawing at Kyungsoo? Chanyeol shrugged to himself as he scrubbed a pot. Well, knowing him he was probably thinking about work and internally cursing out Jongin or something.  
Which the poor boy didn't deserve, obviously.  
With these thoughts still in mind, Chanyeol returned to the living room with a fresh cup of chamomile tea for Kyungsoo. He received a silent but grateful nod and before he could settle at his desk on the far-end of the room, Kyungsoo had scooted a bit to the side, an almost hopeful gleam in his eyes? Chanyeol took him up on the offer even though he was mildly confused as he always was when dealing with Kyungsoo lately. Was he seeking company? It wasn't like he demanded any attention of him though he felt his eyes on him while he busily typed a blog article on his laptop.  
He would have taken the quiet Northener to be someone to value alone-time and he'd definitely been short of that the last two days. Then again there remained the fact that Kyungsoo liked him. A tiny detail that he all-too easily forgot most of the time since with Kyungsoo, it was hard to tell.  
His fingers swiftly moved over the keyboard as he wrote a bit about his recent scandal. Obviously he'd let out the part where someone blackmailed him (someone he hadn't seen ever since but he wasn't going to question that), but in turn he talked a bit about his musical activities back during his teenage years.  
"You're lying."  
Chanyeol almost jumped off the couch. He'd just managed to forget about Kyungsoo's presence.  
His voice was still scratchy and he had to clear his throat after this short statement.  
"What do you mean?"  
The shorter one hovered a finger over an older article suggested at the side that was praising their team.  
"About us. It's all a lie."  
Chanyeol blinked and opened said article in another tab.  
It was one of the most popular articles on his blog, the one where their team had went public for the first time.  
"Well, I could hardly tell the truth, couldn't I?" Chanyeol shrugged though it did prick him quite a bit. A lie. He used to only write the truth, back then. Before this project. Kyungsoo was scooting a little closer, to the point that his messy hair was tickling Chanyeol's face as he skimmed the article. Then he sat back with a deep exhale.  
Was that disappointment?  
  
"You didn't lie about Jongin. You actually believe that."  
His voice appeared mildly accusing and so Chanyeol re-read the article while the other busied himself with taking deep gulps of tea. His brows knitted in a mix of disapproval and confusion.  
"I just wrote what I thought of Jongin that time. That he seemed like a thoughtful, smart person. I don't see anything wrong with that. Why do you dislike him this much anyway?" he asked, turning to face Kyungsoo who had a faint look of contempt on his face.  
"What exactly makes you hate him so much?"  
It wasn't Chanyeol's style, going full confrontation, but this had been irking him for awhile now.  
Kyungsoo looked apprehensive, his eyes flitting between Chanyeol and his tea.  
"Why do I _have_ to like him?" he asked instead, stubborn despite his state. Come to think of it, his face was burning up again. Chanyeol absently put the back of his hand across his forehead which Kyungsoo took with a light twitch. Yes, definitely the fever.  
"You don't have to like him. But I just don't see why you don't." Chanyeol called after him as he strode to the bathroom in order to get a fresh, cooling face-cloth.  
"After all," he began, wordlessly gesturing Kyungsoo to lie down again so he could place the wet cloth, "Jongin has never done anything to upset you. He's been worried sick about you. Spent hours by your bedside."  
"He did...?" Kyungsoo asked quietly and he could see him getting hazy from the fever.  
"And yet you keep being harsh and unfriendly. Did you ever get the idea that praising him would be much more encouraging than your constant nagging?"  
"Well-" Kyungsoo stammered, looking a little pained, "if he does something wrong, I'll tell him. If I think he's annoying, I'll tell him. That's the way I am. What's so terribly wrong about that?"  
Chanyeol sighed in exasperation, slumping down beside the couch.  
"Do you want people to treat you that way? It's not fun, you know. Does it hurt to be a little more friendly?"  
"I don't care whether people treat me this way. You can do so. Aren't you doing it, right now?"  
Chanyeol hesitated and Kyungsoo soundlessly laughed, causing him to cough a bit.  
"No. Of course not. If you'd be honest, you'd be much more direct."  
Before he had the chance to deny anything, Kyungsoo went on, his eyes now closed.  
"You can be harsh. I can take it. But I can't put up an act. I can't. It's my biggest fear. Not being true to myself."  
That hit home and Chanyeol shut up, trying to process this information and how it changed his view on the feverish boy.  
"I'll never... ever... want to be ashamed of myself." he whispered, both hands clawing into the blanket at his sides.  
"Jongin keeps bowing and bending to everyone's wishes." he added with obvious disapproval in his coarse voice.  
"He's just trying to do the right thing." Chanyeol softly intervened before he could help it.  
Kyungsoo opened his eyes and now he was sure that the pain reflected in the glassy orbs had nothing to do with his sickness.  
"I'm trying, too. I'm trying. What do I have to do for you to like _me_?"  
Chanyeol blinked with his lips slightly parted, for once completely out of words to say.  
Kyungsoo only closed his eyes and after awhile Chanyeol silently got up, muttering a 'good night' before he went to sleep, the laptop lying on the table, completely forgotten.

 

Chanyeol was still silent the next day, when Jongin sauntered inside so they could all eat breakfast together. He was busy gathering the supplies from the kitchen but didn't actually see them, his head still filled to the brim with conflicting thoughts.  
Why did he make it sound like he was so desperate to be liked by him? And the thing about his fear... Chanyeol couldn't help replaying every moment he could remember, trying to add this factor and see whether Kyungsoo's behavior made more sense now.  
The glass of strawberry jam almost slipped his hand at a sudden movement out of the corner of his eye. It was Kyungsoo, looking a little better already. Chanyeol knew that he was probably looking like a deer caught in the headlights and the other stilled as well. For a moment, they just stared at each other before Kyungsoo broke the silence first.  
"Don't stress yourself too much over what I said yesterday." he muttered, his gaze lowered as he grabbed the juice and a few glasses to joining Jongin at the table.  
It may be silly but the revelation hit him across the face, now that he experienced it live.  
Kyungsoo really was nothing but true to himself.  
Jongin would have denied the words he'd said, Chanyeol would have blamed it on the fever. But Kyungsoo neither denied nor apologized. He'd meant what he said and stood to his words. And somehow... it amazed Chanyeol. Amazed the boy who was currently weighed down by other people's expectations and tried so desperately to please those around him. Kyungsoo knew that he himself was the top priority, the main lead of his own life. It was actually admirable and he didn't know whether he could do it.  
"Can you hurry up, I'm hungry!" Jongin called from the living room and Chanyeol quickly gathered the food and settled at the table with them.  
The air between him and Kyungsoo was still awkward though for an entirely different reason. Now he was able to see that the Northener was trying to give him his freedom, to keep his distance in order not to pressure him.  
"Did you finish the calculations on sheet 6?" Kyungsoo asked Jongin instead who bit his lip and nodded. Chanyeol silently watched the exchange around a mouth full of toast.  
Kyungsoo stared at the flighty boy imploringly.  
"I'll go over them, anyway. To correct your mistakes. It'll probably take longer than doing it myself anyway. You shouldn't have bothered."  
Jongin smiled weakly and before Chanyeol could intervene, he continued.  
"You should watch me correct them. So you'll avoid making those mistakes in the future."  
Jongin looked at him in surprise and unconsciously shared a quizzical look with Chanyeol.  
Kyungsoo seemed nonchalant as he spread some honey on his slice of toast.  
"I can't say I'm in the mood to tutor you but you can't stay clueless forever. You'll be less tired out once you got the system."  
And Chanyeol saw it now. He saw and understood that Kyungsoo wasn't shy or reluctant to acknowledge other people's hard work. Still, he was making amends now, considering Chanyeol's words and trying to improve their tense relationship by simply working on the problem at hand.  
His pale hands reached for the juice but before he could reach it, Chanyeol had snatched it away and instead filled his cup with tea, shooting him a meaningful look, complete with an amused smile.  
_No sour juice for your strained throat._ The exchange went without words but the way Kyungsoo smiled, a small, silent smile kept at bay by a bite of his lips as he lowered his gaze to his toast... yes, it definitely made something flip inside Chanyeol's stomach.  
  
Once again, neither of the two noticed the moody way Jongin was picking at his cereals while observing them.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it seems like this is going into a ChanSoo direction only but have some faith.  
> The tag says ot3 and no one shall be neglected in the long run!
> 
> Love,  
> Sugar-and-Salt ♡


	9. How to Define Courage

 

"Can't you make the writing a little more... happy?"  
"What on earth does a happy writing look like?" Kyungsoo gave back with a roll of his eyes and Chanyeol shrugged, roughly swirling a pen over a piece of paper.  
"I don't know, just more... roundish, you know?"  
"You draw like shit. And to your information, I'm no designer. Let's just flip through the fonts and you tell me which one suits your fancy."  
He sounded snarky but Jongin could tell that it was all playfulness and no bite. To say that the whole exchange irked him was an understatement. The two had been sitting together for awhile now, planning a few layouts of signs they intended to print for their "Art is the Handwriting of your Soul" project that was scheduled in two weeks. While Jongin was stuck correcting the written content Chanyeol had drawn up.  
He was so frustrated.  
Just like he'd predicted, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo were getting closer and closer every day, no matter what he did. He had tried his best, had been especially nice to Kyungsoo, had tried not to snap that much at Chanyeol (when people were around to witness), had hung around the other two in a civil manner when Kyungsoo was sick but it was just no good. The gap between them just grew every day and no matter how stupid it was, Jongin felt seriously depressed about it. It made him even more moody and while he wished the tall idiot would run into some closed door just for his satisfaction every day, he couldn't even wholeheartedly wish him this level of misfortune, since Kyungsoo would be the first to jump to his feet and check up on him.  
Jongin sighed.  
 _I'm third-wheeling in a platonic team._  
It sounded silly, but for Jongin this was a big deal. A really big one. Trying your best to be someone acceptable and getting brushed aside...  
"Jongin? You coming? Mr. Zhang has called for us."  
His head whipped up to see Chanyeol smiling at him. He felt honestly too depressed to even loathe his smile, so he just quietly got up and followed the other two.

 

"There's a problem."  
His stomach dropped and he could see in the tense posture of Kyungsoo and the twitching smile of Chanyeol that they felt the same.  
"Wow, no one hopes for a talk to start this way. Did we mess something up?" Chanyeol easily gave back, the never ending smile on his lips attempting to loosen the tense atmosphere.  
To his relief, Mr. Zhang shook his head with a small smile.  
"No, it's really not your fault. Still, it is a big problem. We just got a mail by JYP, telling us that they won't send us their idols."  
"What? Why?!" Chanyeol exclaimed in shock and now Jongin really felt sick.  
 _Damn. The project is due in two weeks._  
"They claimed that GOT7 was booked elsewhere already, offering to send you Jackson only."  
"What? How does that make sense? If they're booked elsewhere, why would one person be available?" Chanyeol asked in exasperation while Kyungsoo had gone slightly pale.  
 _There's no way we can re-schedule. All the setting up has been taken care of already.  
Postponing it would make us look like a joke and give a huge blow to our not yet existing credibility._  
"I can't tell you that, I'm sorry. All I can say is that the message has been sent to me directly, which makes me assume that the company didn't take you as seriously as you surely deserve. It's not fair, but sometimes the world isn't." Mr. Zhang said not unkindly.  
"Can we postpone it?" Chanyeol asked, obviously reaching for straws.  
"This guy sees us as a joke. We shouldn't crawl after him if he isn't serious." Kyungsoo threw in, a mix of anger and frustration on his face.  
 _I know Jackson is an excellent person for this job. But one person is not enough.  
Even if all three of us participate, it won't create enough of an impact._  
"But- that's our only option, right?" Chanyeol muttered.  
 _Think_ , Jongin urged himself on, _think outside the box_.  
"I have no solution ready. If you cannot handle this situation, the whole CARE organization could jump in. We have a bunch of connections but I doubt it would have the effect you desired-"  
" **Seventeen**." Jongin suddenly said with firm determination.  
"Chanyeol, you get Seventeen to do it instead."  
Chanyeol regarded him with wide eyes while Kyungsoo looked confused.  
"That new rookie group? You sure they'd travel all the way here on such short notice?" the Northener threw in skeptically.  
"They're not actively promoting at the moment." Jongin gave back insistingly.  
"If it's Chanyeol calling, I bet they'll come. They can need the promotion. It's gonna be a refreshing set up and the combination of Jackson and a recently hot rookie group is gonna give some good example of idol interaction."  
Two heavy hands landed on his shoulder and he flinched, looking into the awed face of Chanyeol.  
"That's it. Why didn't I think of this? You're a genius!"  
"No, you're probably just exceptionally dumb." Jongin gave back out of pure instinct and blushed a deep red when he noticed he'd actually voiced this thought out loud. Mr. Zhang only smiled and Kyungsoo seemed wary but hopeful, not minding the amount of attention Chanyeol always had for him. Jongin admired his blasé attitude. If only he could be this calm.

 

* * *

 

"Bottoms up!"  
Glasses clinked and Jongin took a deep gulp from his coke. He wasn't the only one not drinking alcohol, he tried to tell himself. Even though the only other sober people were two working colleagues who had been declared drivers. Jongin had no license and no car. Still, he knew he and alcohol didn't go too well together and deemed it wise to just stay sober.  
They occupied several long tables and there were so many employees he'd never even seen before as well as a few he'd have preferred to see even less. The number one obviously going to Chanyeol, who was laughing so loud next to him, he subtly covered an ear with his hand. The Southener had openly admitted to his low alcohol tolerance and somehow still let himself be coaxed into drinking a beer, which apparently was enough to get him more than a little tipsy. Currently he was slapping his thigh, laughing at some joke Jongin hadn't even heard the punchline of, being to distracted by being annoyed at Chanyeol's general Chanyeol-ness. He still had a sweet, shy smile plastered on his face in order not to attract any attention and leave him plenty of time to wonder how on earth he'd ended up on one of the after work parties. Oh, right, he wouldn't have been able to stand it, knowing Chanyeol and Kyungsoo went there alone, bonding even more. Jongin was torn between hating himself and... no, he was pretty sure he was hating himself. One look over to Kyungsoo told him that the latter wasn't keen on socializing (when was he ever?) but entertained enough by Chanyeol's antics as he sipped on some hard liquor.  
He wondered whether Kyungsoo would also get drunk easily. The image of a drunk Kyungsoo tumbling and seeking support on Jongin's arm was a nice one. He wondered how many shots it would take for Kyungsoo to forget he didn't actually like him, he asked himself quite bitterly.  
The time ticked by with meaningless chatter, a few annoying coos sent his way and way too much alcohol for Chanyeol. In the end it was Kyungsoo proposing they should go home and Jongin wanted to kiss him for that. It was around half past two in the morning and he really had enough of this whole party thing. Thank god he lived nearby. The only thing he wanted right now was to bury himself in his blankets and sleep.  
They left the restaurant and Jongin sighed at the refreshing cool night air hitting his face. Kyungsoo shuddered openly, his eyes looking kinda glassy as he pulled his jacket tighter. Chanyeol was still mindlessly talking about god knew what, occasionally trying to cling onto Jongin's arm and retreat with a pout, whenever he slapped him away only to eventually tumble into a lamp post.  
"Completely wasted." Kyungsoo voiced out what Jongin was thinking and he nodded with a roll of his eyes.  
"Hahaha, I think you guys might be right!" Chanyeol agreed happily, now hugging the lamp post for support, "wait, I think I gotta go take a piss before we leave. You'll wait for me, right? Right?"  
"Just go, goddammit." Jongin muttered. The tall idiot had barely stumbled back inside when Kyungsoo spoke up, clearing his throat.  
"Will you take him home with you?"  
"What. Why would I do that? He can take a taxi, I'm not his baby sitter." Jongin gave back instantly. He liked Kyungsoo but that was pushing it.  
"Look," Kyungsoo began, scrunching his brows together in concentration, "he lives away the farthest from here, taxis are expensive and in his current condition I bet he'd do something really retarded like setting his kitchen on fire or anything. I'd take him home with me but you live closer, he's more comfortable around you and I'm pretty drunk and on top of that unable to drag his heavy ass anywhere because I'm fucking short, if that fact escaped your mind." Kyungsoo listed as if he'd thoroughly thought this through, which he probably had. Jongin chewed on his lip. He didn't want to. But Kyungsoo seemed to mean it and if he kept disagreeing, they might leave together after all and who knew what would happen then, with both of them being drunk...  
The taxi they'd called arrived and Kyungsoo turned towards it, asking the driver to give him a second. If Jongin didn't know him, he would have barely noticed Kyungsoo being drunk in any way. The shorter one turned towards him, an eyebrow raised in question. Jongin groaned.  
"Fine. I'll make sure he doesn't choke on his vomit or anything." he gave back, making a show of being unhappy about it. Kyungsoo probably wouldn't remember him being rude the next day, anyway. The Northener nodded, more to himself than anything and turned around before thinking better of it and addressing Jongin once more, his voice strangely vulnerable.  
"Just for today. I would have taken him home, but I can't. Just. I'll let you have him, just for today."

  
Kyungsoo's words were still echoing through his head while he half-dragged Chanyeol down the streets, ignoring his whining about Kyungsoo abandoning them.  
What was that supposed to mean? Alright, so it obviously meant Kyungsoo wanted Chanyeol to himself. That shouldn't be anything new and therefore wasn't supposed to sting like this.  
"You're so nice though, letting me crash at your place!" Chanyeol slurred enthusiastically, sending them tumbling and Jongin cursed under his breath.  
"It's not like I actually wanted it, okay? I'm just doing it because Kyungsoo asked me to." he snapped back. No reason to hold back if no one was around and Chanyeol was dead drunk.  
"Oooh, that makes sense! Because you don't actually like me," Chanyeol stated as if it was a common fact, which, to be fair, it absolutely was, "it's okay, I still like you."  
"Fuck you." Jongin gave back in a monotone voice, reaching for his keys, thoroughly pissed at the whole situation in general.   
So much for him having his peace and cuddling with his blankets.  
"It's actually pretty funny, you know? Cause just recently Kyungsoo said there was nothing to make me like him and I think there's nothing I can do to make you like me, too. So funny, right?"  
"Right." Jongin drawled out emotionlessly, heaving Chanyeol's wobbly frame on his couch and padding off into his kitchenette, grabbing a bottle of water.  
"Can't you just accept the fact that I'm quite content remaining the only person in the world not to drool all over you?" he snapped, placing the bottle on the table and went to get some blankets for his unwanted guest. He'll definitely not get his nice one, nope. He'd probably have to burn it afterwards.  
"That's not true though! Not everybody likes me. No one is liked by everyone!" Chanyeol called after him, toeing off his socks as he tried to get comfortable on the couch while craning his neck to follow Jongin with his eyes.  
"Like, like Chaerin and Dara for example. You know them? They sat across us, and they totally hate my guts.   
You just don't see that because they're playing it off so well. Almost as good as you."  
Jongin didn't know whether to be offended or not but he definitely knew Chaerin and Dara and Chanyeol had been so damn nice to them today; just like he was towards anyone, really.  
"Why do you even bother crawling up their asses if they hate you?" he remarked instead and Chanyeol hummed, swaying a bit even in his sitting position.   
Jongin decided to get a bucket in case the guy would suddenly puke all over the place.  
"Well..." Chanyeol began, trailing off until Jongin stopped in front of him, one eyebrow lifted in expectation. For once the taller guy averted his gaze, swaying back and forth in a horrible attempt to seem casual.  
"It's normal, right? Even if you give a lot of love, there's no guarantee you'll receive love in return. You know, there are soooo many people hating me," he stated, making a grand gesture with his hands, "but it's okay as long as there are also people I make happy. Don't you think it's an amazing achievement to have a positive impact on someone's life, even if you might not realize it?" he ended with earnestly sparkling eyes. Jongin sighed. This way of living resembled walking on needles all the time. With bare feet.  
"That's utterly stupid, if you ask me." he replied and maybe it was this particular topic, but he found himself reaching for a half-finished bottle of orange juice on the table and sinking into a cross-legged position on the floor across him.  
"It's like you're asking people to walk all over you."  
"Wohoo, I'm stupid~" Chanyeol hummed, his smile coming out a bit strained towards the end, which was a rare occurrence. With a sigh, he leaned back into the couch.  
"I kinda miss Baekhyun... he made it look so easy to be better than that. To not let any hate get to you, ya know what I mean?"  
It was Jongin's turn to avoid eye contact, refusing to answer. Of course he knew what he meant. He knew it all-too well.  
"I mean, don't get me wrong! I still like you most of all people who hate me, you know? And more than many people who like me, too!" Chanyeol rambled on and in response to Jongin's exasperated shake of his head at his dumbness, he only spoke up more insistingly.  
"I mean it! Look, I'm a liiittle tipsy so now you should believe me, right? I actually like how you hate me."  
"Oookay. If you are about to say anything gross-"  
"NO-"  
"God, can you keep down the volume?!" Jongin snapped back, throwing a pillow at him.   
Chanyeol winced pathetically, being the overly dramatic hoe Jongin knew he was, before continuing.  
"Nooo. Look, you wouldn't have thrown this thing at anyone else who annoys you, right? That means you're comfortable with me. This side you show me... you show it to no one else. That's kinda cool, don't you think? I think it's cool." he ended, sounding completely convinced.  
Jongin stilled, the bottle raised midway to his lips. This kind of insight wasn't what he'd expected from Chanyeol. Jongin was someone who was very aware of his inner workings but this felt like Chanyeol shedding light on something even Jongin himself had only vaguely been aware about.  
"That's..." he began but the words escaped him.  
Not true, he wanted to say.  
Except it was.  
"You're just bringing out the worst in me." he eventually said, fiddling with the bottle to busy himself.  
"Buuut I'm bringing out _something_!" Chanyeol added almost proudly and Jongin definitely had enough of this.   
This was out of his comfort zone in every way. So he got up and rightened his sweater.  
"You're fucking wasted, there's no point in talking to you. Scratch that, there never is. You should drink this before you puke all over my couch." he ordered resolutely, pushing the water bottle towards Chanyeol. Said one only pushed it away from him, whining loudly.  
"I don't wanna drink anymooore..." he slurred and Jongin repeated the gesture just to get the bottle shoved back at him.  
"Just drink it!"  
"Don't wanna!"  
"Oh my god, you're talking like a toddler-"  
"Toddlers don't ta-AH, no!" Chanyeol yelped as Jongin mercilessly pinned him down by sitting on his lap with his thighs on each side, opening the water bottle.  
"Drink it. It's fucking water."  
"Maybe I don't LIKE water-"  
Jongin groaned, and fruitlessly tried to force the bottle to his lips which prove itself to be a difficult challenge with Chanyeol flailing around wildly.  
 _Chanyeol was such an idiot_ , he thought.  
"Stoooop, I don't want to-"  
"Do I look like I care? You think I'll brew a fresh coffee, just for you?"  
The fact that he now knew he seriously meant all of the smiles he gave out so easily, made him look even dumber. Jongin had always assumed he was calculating, when in reality he was just genuinely stupid.  
"I don't like coffee, anyway!"  
"Yeah, sure, just like you don't like water. Now stop- Doing this-"  
Displaying your true self on a silver platter for people to judge. Jongin would never be able to do that. It was the most scary thing in the world. Then again, Chanyeol was different from him. If Jongin would run around being his actual true self, he wouldn't find as much acceptance as Chanyeol or even Kyungsoo. Because Jongin was nothing but a pessimistic, snarky and unfriendly person. There was nothing for people to like about him.  
Jongin huffed and placed the water bottle on the table behind him to grab both of Chanyeol's hands, prying them down so they could look at each other.  
"Fine. So you won't drink it." Jongin said in a challenging tone and Chanyeol pouted defiantly. Jongin hesitated, wetting his lips before trying another approach.  
"Even if I'm telling you I'd really like it if you drank it? Because I want you to be less hungover tomorrow?" he asked in an unusually soft voice and Chanyeol blinked. Hesitated. For awhile, they both looked each other in the eyes silently. Finally losing the fight, Chanyeol huffed and reached behind Jongin, for the bottle.  
"Fiiiine." he mumbled, already taking the first gulp and Jongin sighed, moving back to his own feet.  
 _Why do you have to like me that much?_  
The question was burning on his tongue and Jongin was itching to voice it out loud. But it wouldn't lead to an answer anyway, and so he didn't.  
 _I could keep kicking him all day long and he'd still try to please me._  
And why? Because he's fucking brave, unlike me.  
The realization stung and he threw a long look at Chanyeol, who had already buried himself face-first in his blankets, an empty water bottle still slightly moving on the table before it finally fell to the floor with a dull thud.

 

* * *

  
"Woah, you've made breakfast!"  
"For you? Are you brain-dead? I bought it at the coffee shop around the corner."  
"But you still bought some for me as well!" Chanyeol added brightly and on top of being the most annoying drunk ever, of course he wouldn't even graze Jongin with being hungover.  
"I regret it severely if that's any consolation."  
Chanyeol only laughed dumbly before sinking his teeth into a bagel. Instead of buying just the cheapest thing he could find, he'd bought the one with bacon. Because he knew Chanyeol ate stuff like that and he was just in the mood of not giving him a hard time. It was an exception, because he assumed the guy might be hungover.  
Jongin wanted to faceplant into his own breakfast.  
He just couldn't lie to himself.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I realize Soo's PoV is kinda overdue but I've decided to shift it all a bit - I'll make sure everyone had an equal amount of chapters in the end~  
> Next to the obvious Chankai development (and the Chansoo, too?), I wanted to show how Jongin is valuable for the team. If you read carefully, you'll see that he's picking up on the same things as Chan and Soo all on his own -and much quicker on top of that- and able to find an effective solution.
> 
> Yesss, Jongin is the most difficult out of all three, but give him some time, he's a good guy~
> 
> Love,  
> Sugar-and-Salt


	10. A Thunderstorm in Summer

Kyungsoo was unimpressed.  
"You're the most unconvincing gentle big brother I've ever seen."  
Even though Chanyeol was clearly biased towards Jongin he had to agree for once, slightly nodding with a grimace. Jongin all but pouted and the two girls laughed.  
The air was full of laughter, actually. Their 'art is the handwriting of your soul' project was in full swing and the weather showed mercy on them, blessing everyone with clear sky and sunshine. Several stations had been built around the park, each challenging people in different forms of art. Each station had two fixed leaders assigned to it and currently not only said leaders - which, other than Kyungsoo, included one of the boygroup Seventeen, Mingyu was his name - shook their head at Jongin, but even Chanyeol.  
"I don't know, maybe a little more... expression?" he guessed helplessly, making a vague gesture with his hands. Kyungsoo just shook his head.  
' _You just suck_.' was what he wanted to say but in order not to kill the mood on this special day, he held in for once. Jongin was already blushing red, mortification written all over his face.  
"I don't know. Acting just... isn't my thing." he uttered quietly, his hands absently fumbling in the pocket of his jeans.  
 _How ironic, considering that in a way, he was probably the best actor of them all_ , Kyungsoo thought and just continued to shake his head as Mingyu bustled around him, improving his stance and giving him encouraging phrases. He disregarded Jongin and let himself be captivated by Chanyeol's surprisingly good acting, enjoying the pleasant tingle in the pit of his stomach when the taller one mimed someone powerful and aggressive.

After a long time of giving people clues on acting and playing little sketches, Kyungsoo took the liberty to walk around and take a look at the other stations, to see whether their efforts were paying off well. He was giving in to the temptation of watching Chanyeol teach the guitar to some kids, when a shy teenage girl asked him to accompany her to the writing station seeing as 'no one wanted to go with her'. Kyungsoo recognized her as one of the girls who'd eagerly taken books the day he and Chanyeol had visited the orphanage and couldn't find it in himself to disagree. Even if this station was supervised by-  
"It lacks a little... magic, don't you think?" Jongin carefully threw in and the other kids around them agreed wholeheartedly, not being remotely as nice about it as Jongin. _Alright, this was probably what people called instant karma_ , Kyungsoo thought bitterly as he felt his pale face heat up. Getting laughed at by little children (and Jongin!) for his sorry excuse of poetry was indeed mortifying.  
"The time's not up though. Hurry and get back to it!" Jongin scolded them gently in a way that told Kyungsoo he'd be the biggest pushover as a teacher. Jongin proceeded to slide into the chair next to him, the tip of his finger absently wandering down the few lines he'd scrawled across the paper. The task was simple - write a short essay about the 'present'. Kyungsoo had chosen to simply describe what he was seeing.  
Jongin's finger hovered over the phrase 'the sky is of a clear blue'.  
"What kind of blue is it, exactly?" he asked quietly and instead of mocking (which would probably be the right choice at this simple statement), he just sounded mildly curious.  
"Well. A clear one." he replied lamely and Jongin didn't snort or laugh at this.  
"Does it remind you of something?"  
His voice was soft though slightly shaky, as if he feared Kyungsoo would be the one lashing out at him any second. Which was quite ridiculous, considering the circumstances.  
"No."  
"Can you compare the shade to something, then?"  
Kyungsoo hesitated.  
"Uh. No." he deadpanned, feeling mighty stupid.  
"That's okay, too." Jongin stated, his eyes never leaving the paper.  
"See? You treasure this shade of blue so much that you associate it with nothing but a clear sky. So why not dive further into this? Write about why you like the sky like this. Just... it's just a suggestion." Jongin ended quietly and Kyungsoo felt really awful. There he was, trying to be genuinely helpful while Kyungsoo himself had just frowned at him before. He vaguely nodded, staring down at his paper and despite the general humiliation over his inability to word things, he decided to try. To humor Jongin, who had gone out of his way to give him tips.  
Why did he like a clear sky? Because he simply liked nice weather. Spring weather. Not the scorching heat of summer bringing nothing but sweat and dizziness. Just a light, fresh spring weather. The tip of his pen touched the paper but froze in the moment. Kyungsoo's gaze shifted to Jongin, who had his chin resting on his forearm, half-sprawled over the table like a lazy cat. He wasn't even actively looking at his paper, preferring to blink ahead, absently watching the other stations nearby. Still, Kyungsoo found himself unable to concentrate like this. It took a few seconds of silent staring before Jongin noticed the problem at hand and scrambled back to his feet and away from Kyungsoo, looking thoroughly flustered.  
But even when he was gone, Kyungsoo couldn't help seeking him with his eyes. Observe the way the golden sunlight was casting a glow on the mop of curls, the way the chocolate-colored strands flipped when he moved from table to table. How the light complimented his sun-kissed skin and made his brown eyes seem brighter. Everything about him was so warm.  
That moment Kyungsoo realized that the clear, blue sky reminded him of Jongin. Or maybe Jongin reminded him of the sky. Of a warm summer day. Not the stifling, hot type that left you in a passively foul mood but rather the one you choose to go out on, meet your friends for a barbecue and share stories and laughter. Shove each other into a cool river, and lie in the grass to look up at the sky.  
Kyungsoo blinked. And groaned.  
 _There was no way he would write this._

Kyungsoo spent the rest of the day going from station to station, loosely accompanied by Jongin. Loosely, because the latter tried his best to be subtle about it and only followed him to every second or third station. Kyungsoo let him be and managed to forget all about him while watching Chanyeol play basketball with Jackson and some of the kids. What Jackson was lacking in height, he made up for with agility and Kyungsoo could luckily say he wasn't standing out too much, since there was a constant little crowd gathered around the small playing area, including Chanyeol's friend from Seventeen who enthusiastically cheered for the opposite team. Seeing Chanyeol jump around freely and exerting a bit of the energy that was constantly thrumming beneath his skin was quite entertaining. He dared to call it thrilling, even. There was a lot his sinewy body could do...  
He was ripped out of his thoughts by the shrill blow of a whistle and hurried to get lost before any of them could force him to join in and humiliate himself. Or before they noticed his slightly red face. He definitely didn't notice Chanyeol looking after him.

Somewhere along the line, it turned into some kind of ridiculous competition. Maybe it was due to the way Jongin and Kyungsoo were evenly matched out at weaving (meaning that they both did a poor job) or the way they spectacularly lost the game taboo due to their inability to explain things. All he knew was that they had soon given up on the pretense of not attending the stations together and found themselves weaving pearl bracelets among little girls and inventing a new game of cards with a huge set of nonsense rules. Jongin made a total fool out of Kyungsoo with his amazing performance during a game of Twister, where he silently showed off his flexibility that bordered on being ridiculous while Kyungsoo got his revenge at the singing station, where he shined enough for the idols to take a selfie with him and tell him to join their agency.  
On and on they went, until they finally ended up at the painting station, where they were both required to draw their favorite animal. Kyungsoo was feeling a bit insecure but upon seeing the ominous blob Jongin called a dog, he was sure victory would be his'.  
But when even the youngest kids began to laugh and poke fun at the younger for his lack of drawing skills, Kyungsoo couldn't help feeling a little sorry. He was perfectly allowed to make fun of him - after all, Jongin had humiliated him enough already. But the others... no, Kyungsoo decided, they didn't have the same right.  
"Don't you have a dog on your phone wallpaper?" he asked him, nudging his side. Jongin, who looked very much put out at this point, nodded weakly.  
"Yeah. So?"  
"Try to draw it like this. Look at the photo and imitate the lines." Kyungsoo suggested nonchalantly, his fingers still sketching away at a simple, albeit pretty jellyfish.  
"It's okay to be a little vague, use softer strokes and correct them until you're happy."  
"Try to be as accurate as possible, even if you think a bump or curve will look strange."  
"Don't stop half-way. Pull through with it and the result will be better than you think."  
"You... you really like drawing?" Jongin asked quietly, his eyes glued to the paper where he clumsily scrawled the ear of a poodle. Kyungsoo shrugged.  
"Not particularly. It's just all I did during mat, back at school."  
"Oh. Same. That is, I preferred to write stuff." Jongin replied and Kyungsoo hummed in acknowledgment. Of course they'd be different, they always were. Chanyeol had probably listened to music during boring lessons. They were all so different, yet strangely similar.  
"It's my family's dog, actually." Jongin piped up suddenly. Kyungsoo noticed the way his tongue stuck out in concentration and lightly shook his head.  
"I miss her so much, it drives me crazy. You probably think that's silly." he continued, erasing a paw to correct it.  
Kyungsoo did think it was a little silly, but many people got silly when it came to pets. It wasn't something he'd ever understand but people were like that. There was no use in arguing with them.  
"Why a jellyfish?" he suddenly asked, looking up at him fleetingly before returning to his own drawing. Kyungsoo made a few last strokes with a blue pencil, finishing the motive, before answering.  
"They don't have a brain."  
Jongin snorted involuntarily and Kyungsoo couldn't help the smile tugging at his own lips.  
"Plus they live forever. It's kinda cool, don't you think?"  
"Yeah."  
"You think it's strange, don't you?" Kyungsoo accused him half-heartedly. He had to, because him and Jongin just didn't fit together - they found everything about each other strange.  
"Yeah," Jongin ultimately admitted with a shrug, "but in a cool way."  
Kyungsoo silently signed his drawing and thought that Jongin being a fool for animals might also be strange in a good way.

 

* * *

  
Kyungsoo thought that maybe, just maybe, things were going good. Their team work was beginning to become somewhat bearable, Chanyeol didn't throw hateful comments at him anymore and they had just wrapped up their first big project successfully. He really thought things were developing for the better. That is, until they returned to the central office and found a protesting mob of people gathered outside, holding up banners and posters with crossed out emblems and phrases like 'it's OUR future', 'Stop the Eastern infiltration of our authorities!' and the simple block letters 'West needs no East!'  
Both him and Chanyeol turned to Jongin, who looked slightly pale.

"I don't get it, what's wrong with people?!" Chanyeol complained loudly, walking back and forth in their makeshift office. The demonstrators had evidently found out about their office on the ground floor and kept camping in front of their windows until Mr. Zhang lead them upstairs to get some peace. Not that the mob of people wasn't visible through the window now. Far below them they stubbornly stood, waving their posters and chanting for 'the Eastener' to leave.  
"Political tension. It has been going on for a while already, it was just a matter of time..." Jongin mumbled, absently scrawling across his latest mind map.  
"The timing sucks. This whole thing will totally drown out all the news about our project." Kyungsoo blankly added, scrolling through said news on his phone. Chanyeol scowled at him.  
"Because that's important right now. Way to be sensitive, Kyungsoo."  
"He's right though." Jongin said in an unusually small voice.  
"All our efforts for the project have gone to waste."  
He didn't add _because of me_ , and yet Kyungsoo heard it.   
And Chanyeol heard it, too, judging by the way he sank into the chair and ranted about the unfairness of it all until Jongin snapped at him to stop.

The demonstration continued and people didn't seem willing to stop any time soon. The days passed by and Jongin became increasingly quiet and gloomy. It was painfully obvious how much the rejection weighed him down, even though he tried his hardest not to show it. Chanyeol had talked him into crashing at his place for the time being and the fact that Jongin had reluctantly agreed showed how affected he really was. While Jongin grew more quiet and Chanyeol outright frustrated, Kyungsoo felt nothing but anger building up. Yes, people were stupid and racism was stupid but why did they have to take this abusive behavior?  
He was almost relieved when Mr. Zhang let them know that the CEO had set up some sort of an official press conference in order to give them the chance to speak up. He even had a personal talk with Jongin that left the latter even more pale-faced.  
"He said he's not gonna give me a script. He'll make a statement in the company's name, but I'm allowed to voice my own thoughts..." he mumbled, with the slightest tremble.  
"We'll go out there with you. Right, Kyungsoo?" Chanyeol immediately promised and Kyungsoo shrugged. He wasn't the type to hold hands but as things currently looked like, Jongin would start crying in front of all those people and that wouldn't do it.  
Jongin didn't even try to fight him on it.  
"Stop looking like you're guilty," Kyungsoo said sharply, "it's not like you owe these people anything."  
"Yeah, right..." Jongin mumbled, but his dull eyes said otherwise and Kyungsoo didn't like how the bright summer day had turned into a depressing rainy day in mid-january.

The conference was a catastrophe. The company had given a clear statement that they didn't choose their employees based on their place of birth and that Jongin's talent was the main reason he was part of this program.  
People had protested, telling them that the whole point of the Future Care project was just to force them to accept someone from the East, throwing in issues that some politicians had raised, naming examples of awful experiences with Eastern people in the past. Throwing the occasional insult and switching to passive aggressive ones when they got strictly reprimanded. During all this, Jongin had looked pale and close to tears, studiously avoiding looking up at them for too long. When he was finally pushed into giving a statement, he did nothing but utter an apology for causing this inconvenience and disagreement.  
"I cannot step down from this project." he'd said quietly into his microphone.  
"But I'll work hard to gain everyone's respect."  
The crowd just got more indignant, throwing borderline hysterical questions and they were lead out. Jongin with a lowered head, Chanyeol with a mix of disbelief and unsettledness and Kyungsoo with clenched fists.  
"Just what's wrong with you?!" he barked at Jongin as soon as they were alone. Said one only flinched, drawing his shoulders up defensively.  
"Kyungsoo, please." Chanyeol threw in but he only continued to stare Jongin down.  
"Why on earth would you even try to crawl up their asses? What was all that about gaining their respect? Who cares about whom they respect? You didn't even do anything and they're just racist assholes-"  
"You think I don't know that?!" Jongin suddenly snapped, his eyes brimming with unshed tears but also twinkling with anger.  
"You think I'm not angry? You think I _like_ cowering in the dust? I **_don't_** , okay?!"  
Kyungsoo was slightly taken aback by the sudden outburst and just stood there while Jongin yelled at him. Even Chanyeol had frozen in his attempts to calm them.  
"But what am I supposed to do, huh? Be a bitch about it? I gotta represent a whole country here! It's not like I can do what I want and tell them the truth - that I think they're being ridiculous and sorry excuses for people! I can't, okay? I just can't..." he ended with a faint mumble, his voice slightly cracking, his head lowering again. Kyungsoo still stared at him. That was undoubtedly the real Jongin. The one only Chanyeol knew. The one who had an opinion and quite a temper. The one who wasn't only sad, but also angry and frustrated.  
"Well," Kyungsoo began in a deceivingly calm voice, "you might have to bow down for them. But I don't."  
With this statement, he turned on his heels and left the room. He heard the other two following him, telling him to stop right there but Kyungsoo ignored them and swiftly made his way into a room with a balcony facing the building's entrance. Some other employees called after them but Kyungsoo already stood outside, facing the mob of people two stories down below.

"What on earth is your problem?!" he yelled out unceremoniously and a few demonstrators looked up at him, addressed each other until all of them were paying their attention to him. A few shouted that his 'filthy Eastern friend' was their problem, but Kyungsoo ignored that altogether.  
" _No Easterner is supposed to care about our kids?_ You actually have the nerve to call them ' _your_ ' kids? Then what are you doing here, standing around and whining? Why aren't you there, spending time with ' _your_ ' kids?" Kyungsoo shouted in a mocking way. A heavy hand on his shoulder told him that Chanyeol stood behind him, but there was no stopping him now.  
"Actually I haven't seen any of you at the orphanages I've been to. Strange, isn't it? _Your kids_ , don't make me laugh - you don't even care a tiny bit about them!"  
A smaller hand was clawing at the back of his shirt. Kyungsoo absently reached back to place his hand on Jongin's vaguely trembling arm.  
"Using kids who have no one for your own personal feuds - don't you have any shame?! Unlike all of you, Jongin here is at least doing something to _try_ and make a change! He's worth more than any of you!”  
He could have gone on for quite some time, but Chanyeol gently but firmly pushed him back inside and the door of the balcony closed, dulling out the words Chanyeol directed at the crowd. Kyungsoo's breathing came out heavily and he didn't even notice Jongin withdrawing his hand. Around them, people bustled towards the balcony only to get stopped by Mr. Bang, who had come to witness the scene and told them to let Chanyeol give his talk.  
In midst of all the chaos, Jongin made a breathy sound that sounded like a mix between a laugh and a sniffle.  
"You can't do stuff like that-" he choked out and the blazing anger in Kyungsoo's eyes slowly died down when Jongin rested his forehead on his shoulder.  
"You're crazy." he mumbled and Kyungsoo didn't push him away.  
"They're the crazy ones." he mumbled stubbornly, his eyes trained on Chanyeol who gave an earnest speech.  
"I'm just strange."  
Again, Jongin did this choked off sound that betrayed his tears more than the growing wet patch on Kyungsoo's shoulder.  
"You are. In a cool way." he uttered and Kyungsoo absently placed a hand on his back to steady him. For a long time, they stood there silently and he wondered what Chanyeol might be telling the protesters. Peaceful, sunny Chanyeol who kept trying him to stop from getting angry. What might he be telling them? Was he apologizing on their behalf? Kyungsoo might feel a little bad for making things so difficult, but not to the point that he regretted his actions. One look at Jongin was enough to reassure him of that.  
It was about ten minutes later that Chanyeol joined them and some representative rushed out to declare the unofficial statements to be over. With determined steps, he approached Jongin and Kyungsoo who were standing in a corner of the room, a worried glance trained on Jongin.  
"It's gonna be alright." he said in an uncharacteristically quiet tone. His voice was hoarse from giving a whole speech without a microphone.  
"It's not an empty phrase, if that's what you're thinking." he added with a tentative hand placed on Jongin's shoulder. The latter finally lifted his head from Kyungsoo's shoulder to swat at Chanyeol, but it lacked the usual venom. He wasn't crying anymore, though his eyes were undoubtedly puffy.  
"I think I kinda got to them. Or rather, I think the news won't turn this whole thing against us." Chanyeol corrected and despite everything, Kyungsoo felt relieved that he hadn't ruined everything. Social damage control really was Chanyeol's biggest strength.  
"Okay..." Jongin murmured and Chanyeol accepted the curt response with a gracious shrug.  
"Thanks." Kyungsoo mumbled, fully expecting Chanyeol to be angry at him. Instead, Chanyeol nudged him slightly and shot him a crooked grin.  
"It's nothing. You really do have some guts, Kyungsoo. What you did was pretty awesome."  
Kyungsoo just stared at him. While the people around them declared the incident over and employees were ushered back to their workplace, Kyungsoo just stood there, looking at the floor with an unreadable expression. It was something that had bothered him for awhile now and for some reason, this very moment made him feel the weight of his emotions even more. It made him acutely aware of the hopelessness that had been nagging at his mind for far too long. Kyungsoo suddenly tugged at Chanyeol's arm, dragging the confused guy out of the room and into the neighboring one that was deserted. In one fluid motion, he pushed him up against a nearby wall in order to keep him from leaving, stood up on his toes and pressed their lips together, just like that.  
  
Because if Jongin was a warm summer day, Chanyeol represented a fresh day in autumn, with colorful leaves fluttering in the wind.   
And Kyungsoo was a thunderstorm.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because of course Kyungsoo would be the first one to break down.  
> This obviously is a turning point into a whole other direction I've been looking forward to. If you've come to this point and my super slow pacing hasn't driven you away yet - I love you very much, one digital hug from me~ ♥
> 
> Sugar_and_Salt c:
> 
> P.S.: the jellyfish facts are true and I've once watched a whole J-drama settled around those. It was awesome.


	11. Decision Tree

  
It only lasted for a split second. One second there was Kyungsoo leaning in, the next their lips touched. Chanyeol flinched back, his head met the wall with a dull thud and he yelped. Kyungsoo only stared at his lips unhappily, as if he was ready to dive back in for a second attempt. Quickly, but carefully, Chanyeol placed both palms against his shoulders, pushing him away.  
"Woah. What are you doing?" he asked and what should have probably sounded exasperated, came out more like a helpless whimper. The dark orbs teared itself from his lips to meet his. The odd determination vanished from his expression, leaving behind a blank mask. Now he looked a little speechless himself, as if he was just as surprised as Chanyeol himself.  
It must be looking ridiculous, Chanyeol thought. Two boys staring at each other with wide eyes. The truth slowly began to trickle into his brain.  
Kyungsoo had tried to kiss him. That meant he was interested in him. Romantically interested. A wave of guilt instantly crashed down on him. He was about to open his mouth when Kyungsoo panicked, all but smacking his palm over Chanyeol's mouth.  
"Don't." he muttered urgently. His fingers were clammy. A sign of nervousness. There was also a faint red dusting his cheeks, spreading quickly.   
Now that he thought about it, the extremely composed Do Kyungsoo didn't look all that put together anymore.  
"Just don't... say anything."  
Chanyeol just blinked, half-surprised, half genuinely scared for his life. He could just as well imagine Kyungsoo being the one to kill him for humiliating him. Clear the evidence. Then again, **he** was the one who got assaulted here! Before he could decide on what to do, Kyungsoo seemed to realize that his fingers probably shouldn't touch his lips like that and he withdrew them mechanically, blinked a few times, took a step back and finally left the room with quick steps. Chanyeol only gaped after him, unconsciously smacking his lips.  
 _Only Kyungsoo_ , he thought.

Only Do Kyungsoo would run up to him, kiss him, smack his mouth, get all angry because _Chanyeol evidently flustered him_ and then run away.  
What in the world.  
With a frustrated groan, Chanyeol threw himself back into his couch, both the opened laptop, the running TV and the iced tea forgotten. They had been flimsy attempts to gloss over the problem at hand, anyway. Unfortunately, the daily blog entry he was about to write reminded him instantly. What was he supposed to do? He'd had to reject Kyungsoo and that would ruin their team even further. Oh god, it would be so awkward. Not that Chanyeol was averse to the idea of being with a man. In the South, the tolerance towards people liking those of their own gender was pretty high, even higher than in the North, were Kyungsoo was from. Chanyeol had grown up with this idea being displayed neutrally and he'd seen a lot of guys he'd admit to being attractive. Attractive enough to fluster him and make him stumble across his own words, too. Though the last time that had happened was with... Jongin.

Chanyeol thought back to the day he'd first met Jongin, at their press conference. With his smooth features and the silent spark in his eyes, Chanyeol was inevitably drawn to the way his subtle, but definitely trained muscles flexed into a stance of purposeful bashfulness. A quiet, strong force performing beautifully.  
Yes. Jongin was more handsome than Kyungsoo.  
Chanyeol made a pathetic mewling noise, burying himself in the cushion. He couldn't compare them, he was such an ass. And it wasn't like the Northener was in any way _ugly_. He was shorter, yes. But he had very balanced features with a deceivingly petite built to match his soft face, round and imploring eyes and plush lips. Plush lips he'd gotten a taste of himself...  
"Ah... what am I gonna do..." he whined, pouting towards the ceiling as if it should have an answer ready for him.  
At first, he'd been so annoyed by Kyungsoo. So ticked off at everything he did - for ruining everyone's day, for being negative, harsh and overall inconsiderate. But Kyungsoo had changed. Or maybe they both had. Now, whenever Kyungsoo entered the office in the morning, Chanyeol greeted him with a genuine smile and received one in return. Come to think of it, Kyungsoo's smiles were always very sincere. He didn't smile to get sarcastic or to spite anyone but himself. He only smiled when he meant it, and he mostly smiled for him. He should have noticed the signs sooner.  
Actually, much sooner.

It wasn't easy to put it into words, but around Kyungsoo, Chanyeol always felt a little... weird. Because the peculiar, anti-social guy had always looked up to him. With his owlish eyes intently following his every move, he had never even tried to make a secret out of his admiration. He didn't flat out flaunt it, but he also didn't hesitate to admit it. And maybe it was due to the attentive way he looked at him, but Kyungsoo had always _known_. He really, truly got Chanyeol like no one ever had in such a short amount of time.  
 _You only truly care for few, but still keep trying to genuinely appease to everyone._  
That's what he had written about him. Kyungsoo knew. And there was this other occasion, during their first month, where Kyungsoo had finally snapped back at him after countless jabs and asked him why he was so afraid **not** to laugh.  
He knew that Chanyeol was scared, had always known.  
Because where Kyungsoo's biggest fear revolved around not being true to himself, Chanyeol was scared to be a burden. To be bothersome, to be not good enough. To be too loud and too energetic and too cheery. He felt like if people around him already had to endure the obnoxiousness that was him, he had somehow lost the right to take up even more of their time by complaining, needing help or causing other difficulties. No, he always strived to make everything work out and earn his place among people. It rarely felt like putting up an act, and yet the pair of dark orbs following him around made him acutely aware that this fear was a weakness. An ugly, little weakness that should be ridiculous and incomprehensible to someone like Kyungsoo, who had unyielding confidence in himself.  
And yet he chose to kiss him.  
Chanyeol felt like crying out of sheer desperation. What was he going to do? Tomorrow, at work, how was he going to greet him? He owed him an answer. His answer should be a no, right? It should be. Not that he was disgusted by their lips touching, he really wasn't. But he didn't like him that way.

 

* * *

  
"Morning." Kyungsoo casually mumbled, placing his bag on the desk on the following Monday morning.  
"Uh. Hey. Good morning." Chanyeol stammered, internally facepalming already at the suspicious glance of Jongin. If Kyungsoo noticed his awkwardness -and he probably did, given that Kyungsoo noticed _everything_ \- he didn't show it. He only shot him a small, fleeting smile and it looked a little dejected. Was he expecting Chanyeol to jump to his feet and give him an answer right then at there? The nerves made him all tingly, but his body was barely awake and no, he certainly wouldn't talk this out in front of Jongin. Again, Kyungsoo remained poker-faced and simply sat behind his desk, starting up the computer and arranging his notes. Chanyeol fidgeted. Jongin stared between him and Kyungsoo, light confusion edged into his smooth features. He'd probably strangle Chanyeol later for flustering Kyungsoo.  
That made two against one, Chanyeol thought in exasperation - he was the victim here, for god's sake!  
But Jongin was protective over Kyungsoo. In fact, Jongin barely talked at all, but when he did, it was usually either to snap at him or to defend Kyungsoo. Just like back then, when they were playing video games and Jongin had stated that Kyungsoo wasn't purposefully anti-social and just scared of people. To be quite honest, Chanyeol didn't truly understand this statement up to this day.   
His eyes wandered over to Jongin, who moodily swirled a pen in his hands, eyes repeatedly flitting over to Kyungsoo.  
Yes, maybe Jongin could actually help him.

"Why are you even telling me this?" Jongin blankly said, fiddling with the straw of his milkshake cause apparently, if Chanyeol dared taking up his time after work, he owed him at least a treat.  
"Do I look like I give a fuck? You wanna brag? Wanna have my consent?"  
Wow, Jongin was even moodier than usual. Not that it was entirely unpredictable - after all, he was pretty fond of Kyungsoo and it probably annoyed him to see someone he cherished liking someone he tried to avoid at all costs.  
Chanyeol just shook his head, messing up his silver hair even further.  
"No! I mean, we both know you wouldn't even gimme consent for a cookie. I just... I don't know what to do and I don't really get Kyungsoo and you do, so..." he trailed off, his fingers thrumming against the edge of the table.  
"So what?" Jongin only gave back, fidgeting in his seat, looking highly unimpressed.  
"It's not difficult. You wanna date him or not? What's there to get?"  
The movements of his fingers got quicker and Chanyeol made a very unmanly, whiny sound.  
"But... I gotta reject him! How do I even do that?"  
"So you don't..." Jongin began, cutting himself off to give Chanyeol's fingers a very meaningful stare until the latter sheepishly stopped the motion, "...like him?"  
"I don't dislike him! But I don't like him like _that_ -"  
"You barely even know him." Jongin threw in.  
"Exactly!"  
"So how can you be so fucking sure?"  
Chanyeol stilled. Thought about it.  
"Well-"  
But Jongin wouldn't have it, leaning forward on his elbows and pointing the end of his straw at Chanyeol, spilling stray drops of chocolate milk in his face.  
"How do you think couples get together? By looking into each other's eyes, feeling the spark and wordlessly falling into each others arms, sticking their tongues down each other's throat? Just like that, no questions asked?"  
Chanyeol flinched back in his seat with warm cheeks. Jongin's bluntness never failed to catch him off guard.  
"You think that just cause you're not walking into a door because you're so smitten the first time you see someone, there are no feelings meant to be, ever? Sounds stupid, huh?"  
Jongin leaned in even closer, lowering his voice and plastering a sarcastic smile on his face.  
"Lemme tell you why. Because it is stupid. Stupid. Like. You."  
He backed off, slumping down his chair to take a long sip of his milkshake.  
"If you dare rejecting Kyungsoo on a whim just to change your mind later when you realize what you're missing out on, I'll make your life a living hell."  
"You're saying I should... give it a try?" Chanyeol asked carefully, observing Jongin's features, unable to interpret his expression. Trying to have a relationship. It made him feel a little uneasy and pressured. What if they'd try and he had to let him down later, anyway?  
 _He'd cause so much trouble for Kyungsoo._  
"No, I'm simply saying I'll kill you if fuck it up."  
Alright, Chanyeol nodded to himself, blissfully ignoring the empty threats. Trying. Kyungsoo was the type to speak and act out his mind, so maybe, if Chanyeol was just honest, Kyungsoo would be able to accept that, too.  
Still, there was something else...  
"But what about you?"  
Jongin blinked, the milk in his straw sinking as he temporarily forgot to drink.  
"Huh? What about me?"  
Chanyeol hesitated.  
"I thought. Just... would you be okay with that? I mean, you and Kyungsoo..."  
"God, Park Chanyeol. Get the fuck out and set things straight. Out of my sight. You're really pushing my limits today." Jongin hissed and Chanyeol jumped to his feet like kid receiving a scolding.  
"Yes, sir. I'm gone. Thanks for helping me out! Have a nice day, Jongin." Chanyeol offered hastily, leaving the café with his coffee clutched in one hand before Jongin could throw some of the decoration after him.

 

* * *

  
_\- Yeah, sure. See you there -_

Chanyeol looked down at the simple message anxiously. It was probably the first time he and Kyungsoo were meeting up outside their self-proclaimed bonding sessions. He had texted him the moment he'd left the shop, asking whether he was free. To his surprise, Kyungsoo's reply came quickly. He didn't know why he'd expected the other to avoid him for a second - he should know by now, that Kyungsoo was the type to confront his problems. Well, expect for that time a few days ago, when he'd run from Chanyeol.  
The Southener shifted his weight from one foot to another before deciding to finally take a seat on one of the park benches. The area was deserted; Kyungsoo had yet to appear. Maybe he shouldn't have chugged that coffee. Anxiety and caffeine weren't a good combination, he though with a look to his jittery legs. It didn't help that Chanyeol wasn't the type to carefully decide his choice of words beforehand. Not that he didn't try.  
 _Hey Kyungsoo, so I thought about your proposal and-_  
"Hey."  
Chanyeol almost fell off the bench, head whipping around to see Kyungsoo standing behind him, grinning weakly. Carefully.  
"Oh. I didn't expect you to come from this direction. You live there? Sorry, I've never stalked your address before, it wasn't too far, was it?" Chanyeol rambled, jumping to his feet. Kyungsoo only shook his head, stepped around the bench and made a gesture of touching Chanyeol's upper arm, gesturing him to sit down again. It remained a gesture, seeing as Kyungsoo stopped himself before he could actually touch him. Chanyeol followed awkwardly and they both sat down, a polite distance between them.  
Great. His mind was completely wiped blank. How to breach the subject?  
Kyungsoo met him halfway, his eyes fixed on the little stones and dust he was absently kicking.  
"It's alright. I know you're not interested. Don't trouble yourself too much."  
 _Don't trouble yourself too much.  
But **I'm** the one about to trouble you._  
Chanyeol stared ahead, progressing this. Suddenly he snorted.  
There they were, both trying not to trouble each other. It was silly how different and yet similar they were.  
"If you're so damn sure, then why did you try to kiss me in the first place?" he replied almost playfully, high on caffeine and hormones, reminded of Jongin's exasperation. Kyungsoo turned to meet his gaze, looking a little hesitant, but not necessarily bashful.  
"Well. This way I got at least one kiss. You know. You can get away with a proposal kiss, one time."  
Now Chanyeol couldn't help it, a grin spreading across his face.  
"Really? And you thought I'd just freeze in place or reciprocate when someone kisses me out of the blue? Do you watch that many dramas, Do Kyungsoo?"  
Kyungsoo avoided his gaze and bit his lips. He was positive he heard him mumble something about animes, not dramas. He got himself together with a low groan.  
"Do you really have to make fun of me? Aren't you supposed to let me down gently? I didn't think you'd still dislike me to this extent..." Kyungsoo complained, his feet shuffling restlessly. Chanyeol's mouth formed a silent 'o' and he placed a hand on the other's shoulder, coaxing him to look at him. Which he readily did, looking mildly embarrassed, but also defiant.  
"No! No, no, I don't wanna make fun of you. That's. No. It's the opposite-"  
He cut himself off, but the other only looked at him questioningly.  
Chanyeol inhaled deeply.  
"I'm not in love with you!" he blurted out and Kyungsoo looked more startled than outright hurt. He wanted to facepalm internally.  
"That is, I barely even know you, so how could I love you? I mean, I do think you're attractive, even though you're kinda short, but I don't mind, but this is not a drama and we're not exactly fated or something to fall into each other's arms and I think I'm messing up the metaphors right now-"  
"Park Chanyeol. What are you trying to tell me right now?" Kyungsoo fell in, looking slightly alarmed, curious, scared-  
"Let's try."  
Kyungsoo blinked.  
"What?"  
"A... a relationship. Let's try." he stammered, beet-red and anxious by now.  
"I can't promise you anything but, yeah. We can try. I'd like to."  
Utter, genuine disbelief was displayed on Kyungsoo's face. Once again, he caught a glimpse of something Jongin might have been aware of all along.   
A glimpse of tiny, vulnerable but also lively Kyungsoo, hiding away behind blunt words and jabs.  
"Is this... your way of saying: 'Date me first'?" he asked and now he really did look hopeful, though the amused smile tugging at his lips was undeniable.  
This time, Chanyeol actually facepalmed.  
"Of course! That's how you say it. Ugh, you always make everything sound so easy. God, I'm such an idiot-"  
"Are you free on Friday?"  
"What?"  
"Friday. Are you busy?" Kyungsoo repeated patiently. Chanyeol shook his head.  
"Great. Let's meet for dinner?"  
"Dinner." Chanyeol repeated and he must have sounded more squeaky than his deep voice should possibly allow, and Kyungsoo's shoulders drew up in silent laughter.  
"Nothing formal, just hanging out. We can stay in or go out. Just no McDonalds, please."  
Chanyeol nodded dumbly and this time, he actually froze in place when Kyungsoo's slim fingers ghosted down his lower arm.  
"Thanks for letting me try to take you out." he all but whispered, deep, dark orbs fixed on him. He didn't know what made him so light-headed.   
Maybe the fact that he hadn't inhaled in a while.  
Again, he could do nothing but nod awkwardly.  
"No. Thanks for _wanting_ to."

 

* * *

  
 _Thanks for helping me out!  
Have a nice day, Jongin._  
"Fuck you..." Jongin muttered to himself, aggressively poking the straw into his drink, trying to dissolve the bubbles.  
Wishing him a nice day after Jongin cursed him out and actually meaning it.  
 _Fuck you, Park Chanyeol. You and your mental debility that makes you like me._  
Jongin huffed joylessly.  
Wishing him a nice day after ruining his entire week. Or month. Or year.  
His eyes had been burning for awhile, and now that the annoying cause of his misery had finally left, Jongin could afford roughly rubbing his sleeves over his eyes.   
It wasn't surprising, it really wasn't. He'd seen it coming. Kyungsoo would devote himself to Chanyeol for reasons he'd never understand and Chanyeol would play along, even though he didn't feel the same. Whether or not those two would play out, Jongin didn't know. He could imagine them working out. And he hated it.   
But most of all, he hated himself.  
With a harsh breath, he dropped his head to bury it in his arms, shield it from the near deserted café and its customers.  
Why did he have to be like this?  
Why couldn't he be any different?  
For even if Chanyeol had flat-out rejected the Northener, no, even if Chanyeol didn't even exist...   
Jongin would never have the right to even try and pursue Kyungsoo.  
He felt hot tears smearing across his arms and just prayed that Chanyeol wouldn't come back for him.  
He didn't.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My love for this fic is much higher than my reason and so I'm back already!  
> Chanyeol really has trouble reading Kyungsoo...  
> Oh, and though he is such a social butterfly, he isn't all that smart when it's about him.  
> What could be Jongin's deal~?  
> (Don't lose faith in the poor boy)  
> Love,  
> Sugar-and-Salt


	12. Simmering Comfort

  
  
Chanyeol was nervous. Very, very nervous.  
He was talking even more, laughing even louder, flailing even wider, already guilty of knocking over one jug of soy sauce and two glasses. It might not be obvious to outsiders but to Kyungsoo, it was clear as day. Chanyeol was uncomfortable. He silently sighed to himself, letting the wet rag drop into the sink with a soggy sound before quickly washing his hands with soap.  
This was so not going good. He didn't want the other to be this on edge, hence the informal date at home and casual, but homemade dinner consisting of mostly chicken followed by a simple pudding dessert. He hadn't even tried to dress up, not going beyond his usual routine (which consisted of showering, tending to stubbles -if needed- and wearing some clean clothes), though he did put in the effort to go for an outfit that wasn't entirely black, instead choosing an emerald-colored sweater. Everything about their meeting screamed 'casual hang out', at least in Kyungsoo's book, but it was no use. Chanyeol was talking, merrily so, but the atmosphere was definitely different from usual, giving it a slightly forced feeling.  
He inhaled deeply, giving himself a much needed pep talk, both hands holding onto the counter.  
_Alright. I got this.  
At least one of us ought to stay calm.  
Which is slightly ridiculous, considering it's clearly me who has every right to be nervous, but okay._  
With this thoughts in mind, he reached for a clean glass and returned to the living room where Chanyeol sat on his sofa, hands sheepishly placed in his lap.  
"Sorry about the glass."  
Kyungsoo only shook his head, keeping his voice mild.  
"Don't worry about it."  
The glass clicked audibly as he placed it on the glass table and Chanyeol naturally reached for the bottle of sparkling water to refill it, but Kyungsoo was quicker. He should be allowed that much of courtesy, refilling the glass of someone who'd never been to his home before, right? Chanyeol's hand still halted midway awkwardly and his whole body shifted away from Kyungsoo, avoiding their sides to touch on his small sofa; not in an exaggerated manner but again, Kyungsoo was attentive enough to notice. And again, it pricked him - to think that the distance between them had only grown in comparison to before.  
"Happens to me all the time, to be honest," Chanyeol rambled, accepting his newly filled glass with a grateful nod, "that's why I tend to drink from bottles when there's a risk of me ruining something important. You know, so I can close them after every sip."  
Kyungsoo nodded and this time, Chanyeol didn't seem to find another mindless thing to fill the silence, grinning tightly before occupying himself with his glass, as if it was immensely interesting. Alright, so maybe Kyungsoo wasn't half as outgoing as Chanyeol (who could really say that about themselves, anyway?), and while he wasn't averse to Chanyeol talking about everything and nothing per sé, he was very much capable of adding his own two cents. The problem was simply that Kyungsoo felt Chanyeol's uncomfortableness. No matter how interesting or engaging their possible conversation could be, it was of no use if Chanyeol was distracted and nervous. It frustrated Kyungsoo. He wasn't good with people, and the mere fact that Chanyeol was, made it twice as difficult to deal with him. After all, he went way past the ordinary social games, and quite frankly, Kyungsoo was a little at a loss. Sure, he could flat-out _tell_ him not to be nervous, but that's just adding pressure, right?  
Maybe he could distract him a little?  
"So... you wanna watch a movie?" he asked, trying to sound as non-threatening as possible.  
"Sure!"  
Chanyeol agreed quicker than his brain could process the statement and it was almost comically obvious in the way a wide smile made way for caution, as if he was belatedly freaking out over the possible implications of 'watching a movie together on a date'.  
Kyungsoo tried not to sigh.  
"I got a streaming service. What type of movies do you like?" he continued, already reaching for the remote control to close the music player displayed on the screen and open said streaming service instead.  
"Uh... I don't know, I like just about anything?" Chanyeol claimed, recoiling when Kyungsoo actually shot him an unimpressed look over the vague reply. People who claimed to like all the movies were on the exact same ranking as people answering the question 'what music do you listen to?' with 'everything', at least regarding to Kyungsoo.  
Still, if there was one positive character trait worth mentioning about Kyungsoo, it would be his patience. Sure, he was always ready to raise hell in order to get things done, but if he was convinced patience was afforded... he could be very, _very_ patient.  
"Fine, " he hummed, not completely unkindly, "let's see what we can find."  
  
In the end Kyungsoo chose the most harmless, inconspicuous and non-suggestive movie he could possibly find. The result currently hobbled over the screen in the animated form of a tiny, but terribly determined rabbit who aimed to become a police officer.  
A part of him had chosen this movie to spite his own, pitiful self with the ironic little cherry to top the cake that was this failure of a date. To his pleasant surprise, the movie wasn't all that bad and it had Chanyeol genuinely engaged. Kyungsoo couldn't help reminiscing about the time he'd gone to the cinema with Jongin. Whereas the surprisingly moody Easterner had complained over about anything, Chanyeol _loved_ everything. From the jokes, over the world-building, to the apparent softness of the animated fur. Whenever some little detail would catch his eye, he'd point it out excitedly and throughout the movie, even his posture relaxed a bit, though he was still careful not to touch Kyungsoo. The tough little rabbit had to fight all sorts of prejudices for being, well, a _rabbit_ , but she kept pushing forward, using her wit and perseverance to outdo all the other animals and reach her goals.  
Kyungsoo actually really liked that rabbit.  
Chanyeol, too, liked the rabbit, but he _adored_ her male counterpart, a sly fox who worked as a con artist.  
"He's so _smooth_! Look at him, ugh, he's the most gorgeous fox I've ever seen, and he's smart, too!" the tall Southener fawned(there was no better way to put it), the bag of potato chips in his hands just as forgotten as the fingers holding chips half-way to his mouth. Kyungsoo couldn't help smiling at the sight.  
"Are you crushing on a digital fox?" he asked, mildly bemused.  
"Are you not?!"  
"He is pretty cool."  
"Just pretty cool?" Chanyeol asked in rightful exasperation, turning to see Kyungsoo glancing at him. Instead of freaking out, he nudged him with the hand holding the bag of chips, nodding towards the screen.  
"Then stop looking at me and look at _him_ instead!"  
That was definitely more like it, Kyungsoo thought, and while Chanyeol did shut up after that, dully realizing that he'd slipped into very informal talk, only one smooth line of the fox was enough to paint the smile back on his face.  
  
"So, are you crushing on the digital fox now?" Chanyeol asked almost smugly, as he gracelessly licked the grease off his fingers during the credits. Pretending not to to have an affinity with his fingers or mouth at all, Kyungsoo shrugged.  
"He's still cool. I don't know, I guess I'm more of a fan of the rabbit."  
This statement was met with a serious nod.  
"Hah, I see. Well, then I suppose the fox is all mine!"  
His enthusiasm had Kyungsoo smiling. He did that a lot, when he was around Chanyeol.  
"I mean, I could see how you prefer the rabbit." Chanyeol continued, reaching for his half-empty can of beer.  
_Because it's like you,_ Kyungsoo thought.  
"Because it kinda like you!" Chanyeol claimed with perfect certainty. Kyungsoo knew he must be looking honestly baffled.  
"What?"  
"What what?" Chanyeol retorted cluelessly.  
"Like me? She's like you. Look how she's full of energy and always striving forwards... that's totally you." Kyungsoo argued, shifting in his seat to face the other, credits rolling in the back forgotten.  
"Huh? Nooo, no, no," Chanyeol dismissed with enough hand gestures to have the beer sloshing around noisily, "you see the vigor she practices daily? I'm too much of a chicken to push people like she does. Only you have the guts to do that. I mean. I sometimes wish I had those, but unfortunately, I don't."  
_Huh. So Chanyeol thought he was... brave?_  
"But the way she made friends with everyone and how she lied to her parents..." Kyungsoo began, coaxing a dramatic fake pout onto Chanyeol's face.  
"So you're saying I'm a liar? Ouch. That hurts."  
It sparked something in Kyungsoo, and he tilted his head, as if he could see the answer in the other's eyes.  
"So you're saying you're like the fox?" _  
Smoothly guiding conversations around with an easy smile._  
Said easy smile died into a small, dim one, as Chanyeol shook his head deprecatingly, averting his gaze to the can in his hand.  
"Nah. I'm not like that." he mumbled. Kyungsoo waited, curiosity making way for patience. It was rewarded when Chanyeol spoke up, voice tentative and somber, as if he was merely thinking out loud.  
"The whole story of the fox is about him experiencing rejection early on, making him bitter, and he sorts of bottles this negative feelings up and found a way to live rather comfortably, even though he carries them with him all the time. Right?"  
Kyungsoo nodded. Chanyeol hesitated.  
"I just... I'm not like that. No one ever told me that what I'm doing sucks, you know? No one put me down. Oh, but no one really _pressured_ me, either." he added as an afterthought and Kyungsoo wondered whether he'd ever seen Chanyeol this miserable, including the time he'd gotten secretly blackmailed. Was it silly, to get all sentimental over an animated fox? Kyungsoo was a practical person and that meant he felt that whatever got people thinking acquired a certain worth, simply for doing so.  
"I always had it pretty easy, I guess." Chanyeol shrugged.  
If Kyungsoo had been good with feelings, words, and people in general, he would've picked up on the different nuances, interpreted his expressions and whatnot. He wasn't, but for some reason, he'd always had a very good intuition regarding Chanyeol, and so he simply said:  
"Still sounds like the fox, if you ask me."  
This had the other looking up and wow, he really looked rather vulnerable. Was he tipsy already? Blinking the annoying flutter of affection away, Kyungsoo reached for his own can, just to keep his hands busy.  
"You just said it yourself. The fox stores his negative feelings away and even if they're _there_ , he sort of lives comfortably. It means that even if you're down, you're facing life with a smile and it's not even faked. I don't know. Sounds like you. Not that I'd know." he ended somewhat lamely, realizing how preposterous he must be sounding.  
Chanyeol looked vaguely touched, but still tried to brush him off.  
"No, but it's different. See, I never had a hard life."  
"Well, what does it even matter where the negative feelings come from? At the end of the day, no one can tell whether any feeling has a right to exist, so none is more important than the other." Kyungsoo calmly countered and it actually silenced Chanyeol. This was definitely a type of discussion Kyungsoo could see himself having - rather than the superficial emotions, he liked to think of the constructs below. And he knew Chanyeol was telling him something by the way he was acting, though he couldn't quite put his finger on it. He needed more time.  
"That's actually... kinda deep." Chanyeol began, chugging the last bit of his beer.  
"I feel bad for underestimating you before."  
Kyungsoo only chuckled, leaning in and there it was again, the flicker of nervousness in Chanyeol's eyes. But instead of making a move on him, Kyungsoo simply reached for a new can of beer on the floor, opened it and offered it to him. The other relaxed visibly and shot him a grateful smile. It would be a lie to say Kyungsoo _wasn't_ tempted rest on his shoulder, to touch his hand or even kiss him again. But this simply wasn't the time and if only Chanyeol continued to look this comfortable, Kyungsoo was very content with the way it was.

 

* * *

  
  
Kyungsoo was still pondering the hidden meaning of his words when he strode down the hallway to their office two days later. Golden sunlight was casting long shadows and illuminated the dust swirling through the air. It was getting late and while there were still people milling around the building, Kyungsoo and the others had called it a day ages ago. Yet here he was, returning after hours, on a whim. It wasn't like he was that crazy for his work (there was no immediate deadline or anything; they were mostly in the planning phase currently), but he felt like doing something for Chanyeol. After all, their date really had been nothing but a hang out and at work, the Southener seemed determined to act like it hadn't occurred in the first place. Kyungsoo had been serious about courting Chanyeol. Alright, maybe 'courting' was an old-fashioned term, but it was certainly closer to the truth than 'seducing'. Not that he wasn't willing to do _that_ , just... step by step. He shouldn't get his hopes up too quickly, so for the time being, he'd take it easy. Still, that didn't mean there was nothing to do, and after hearing Chanyeol whine about how slow his computer had become, Kyungsoo had gotten the idea to check up on it. He could probably run a few routinary checks and clean ups and the machine would be up and running again in no time. Maybe he'd change his desktop background to a pretty wallpaper of that fox he adored so much. The thought made him smile, but as quick as it had come, it vanished as dull sounds reached him. Was there someone in their office? Kyungsoo slowed his steps down.  
It was unmistakable - their office was the last door on the narrow floor and most surrounding rooms weren't even occupied.  
"Come on... you can tell me."  
_Was that Chanyeol's voice?_ Kyungsoo crept closer, carefully peeking inside the opened room. The first person he saw was Jongin, head buried in his own arms on the table, hiding his face.  
_Jongin, too? What was going on?_  
An arm on the corner of his sight told him that Chanyeol really was there as well, presumably sitting next to him.  
"Will you fuck off?" Jongin hostily replied, though his voice came out muffled. He rarely witnessed it, but the crudity in which Jongin interacted with Chanyeol remained off-putting for Kyungsoo.  
"Jongin, come on," Chanyeol continued, prodding gently, "this has been going on for days... seeing you like this hurts, so if there's anything I can-"  
"I said _fuck off_!"  
All of a sudden, Jongin lashed out with his arm and Kyungsoo flinched out of his sight, back pressing into the wall in order not to be seen. Was he going to hurt him? Because he was very much ready to interfere in this case. But after a surprised yelp by Chanyeol, no sounds followed. No wrestling, no punches, just nothing but slightly ragged breathing.  
What... was going on?  
His mind had already begun to paint the most ridiculous scenarios, when he heard it. A faint sniffing sound, the staccato breath. Kyungsoo peeked into the room again, seeing Jongin's back and a pair of bigger hands splayed across his back, nothing but a tuft of silver hair behind Jongin's curls telling him that yes, this was Chanyeol, and they were hugging. He couldn't see any of their faces, but the sounds didn't leave any doubt - Jongin was crying.  
This fact puzzled Kyungsoo, and it also sent a prick of worry through him. Sure, he might not be a fan of the odd Eastener, but he also wasn't a complete ass; and after that incident with people demonstrating against Jongin, Kyungsoo had learned that he very much did not want to see him suffer, unlike he may have originally thought.  
The sounds were heart-wrenching and Jongin sounded much more hurt than during that time he'd lashed out at Kyungsoo. Back then, he'd been at a loss - now he just sounded... broken.  
"I hate you." Kyungsoo heard the youngest mumble. Chanyeol hummed, and his hands moved to draw soothing circles on his back.  
" _I really, really hate you_."  
"I know." Chanyeol replied softly and neither of them moved away.  
Kyungsoo stopped craning his neck and instead leaned against the wall, staring at the old, gray carpet. Maybe he was an ass, after all, because there was an underlying feeling of jealousy he couldn't deny. Jealousy and anger.  
Jealousy over their intimacy. Over them sharing something Chanyeol hadn't spoken up about. All of this was an impending, obvious reminder that Chanyeol preferred Jongin over him. But he was also angry at Jongin, for standing between them like that. The whole reason Chanyeol was so hesitant to show even the slightest bit of affection during their job was obviously Jongin. And now he demanded even more of Chanyeol's attention, even though he claimed to not even like him. Still, Kyungsoo wasn't completely blinded. The Eastener didn't do it on purpose. Kyungsoo was being unreasonable, but most feelings were.  
_No one can tell whether feelings have a right to exist._  
His didn't, and yet they were there.  
Kyungsoo bit his lip, feeling terribly conflicted and kind of empty at the same time.  
And so he stood there for what felt like an eternity, listening silently.

 

* * *

  
  
Kyungsoo stared at the green progress bar over his data bank, mind completely wiped. He was feeling down. He hadn't spoken up about the scene he'd witnessed. Certainly not to Jongin, but neither to Chanyeol. He'd decided to be patient.  
_I just gotta have faith_ , he'd told himself. Faith in Chanyeol.  
Still, the Southener had neither bothered mentioning it, nor had he approached Kyungsoo at all during the last three days. Sure, they'd greet each other in the morning and say goodbye when either of them left, but otherwise, nothing had changed, really. They were still working together, half-bickering, half-actually-getting-stuff-done, and nothing pointed towards Kyungsoo and Chanyeol dating. It was discouraging, to say the least. Kyungsoo had his pride, too. It looked like Chanyeol felt ashamed of him, but he knew that wasn't the case. After all, he got Chanyeol more than anyone.  
He was trying not to make Jongin uncomfortable, at all costs. Kyungsoo sighed. That was nice and all, but wasn't he worth something as well?  
"Earth to Kyungsoo?"  
"What?" he snapped, realizing it had been Chanyeol talking to him and proceeding to shield his face with one hand, unable to keep in a tired sigh. He felt so pitiful. Pride, who was he kidding? The hurt look on Chanyeol's face just now was enough to make him realize the other could lead him on for quite some time before he'd snap.  
"I'm sorry. I was just surprised. What is it?" he asked, trying not to sound as exhausted as he felt.  
"I... I was gonna go on break now." Chanyeol hesitantly began and Kyungsoo looked up at him.  
"That's nice." he replied, not unkindly, and Chanyeol took it as a sign to carry on.  
"I don't know how busy you are, but if you want to..."  
Kyungsoo clearly noticed the way Chanyeol looked towards the door and now that he'd snapped out of it, he noticed that Jongin wasn't present.  
"...we could hang out. I just know this pretty good restaurant down the street. I usually go there; they serve mostly soups."  
This was the first time Chanyeol approached him like this, and he did felt slightly bitter over the fact that he only dared to do so when Jongin wasn't around, but alright.  
"Yeah. Sure."  
The smile on the others face was grateful, but also hesitant. Kyungsoo wondered whether this would be his final rejection. Willing away the sting, he got to his feet, hiding his narrow frame in a bulky jacket.  
_I gotta have faith._  
Even though the restaurant actually was close to their headquarters, Chanyeol had purposefully chosen a rather late time for their break, meaning that he saw no other familiar face in there. It was warm, cozy, and the soups did smell enticing indeed. Kyungsoo flipped through the menu, deciding on a slightly spicy one with tofu and vegetables, while Chanyeol ordered a mild one with thick wheat noodles. Their waiting time was spent in peace, with the occasional little remark here and there, but half-way through his coke and before their dishes arrived, Chanyeol dropped the facade.  
"So, Kyungsoo." he began, and while Kyungsoo knew his poker face was perfect, the nauseous feeling in his stomach was all-too clear.  
"Can I... talk to you about something?"  
"Yeah?" he replied easily, hoping his voice didn't sound breathy.  
Chanyeol looked fidgety, fingers tapping on his own arm relentlessly.  
"Could you maybe... be a little nicer to Jongin?"  
_What_.  
His thoughts must have shown on his face, since Chanyeol proceeded in an almost placating way.  
"I'm not accusing you or anything, just. I think he feels a little left out, so..."  
He looked into Kyungsoo's blank eyes and stopped mid sentence, lowering his eyes to the table.  
Kyungsoo still stared at him.  
_Why is this about Jongin again? Why is it always about Jongin?_  
He turned away to look out of the window, rapidly blinking, trying to suppress those initial thoughts.  
"I'm sorry." Chanyeol all but whispered, not even daring to look at him anymore and his wary posture stirred something in Kyungsoo. He had every right to be angry. Heck, Chanyeol had agreed to go on a few dates, see where things are going, but instead he pointedly ignored him in favor for their co-worker Kyungsoo didn't even particularly like. _Only to dare and ask him to be nicer to said co-worker_. Yes, Kyungsoo technically had a right to be mad. And really, all patience aside, he was. So he quirked a brow at him, softly rapping on the table until Chanyeol raised his gaze, looking utterly miserable.  
"You really want that? You're so keen on including him?" he asked seriously and he saw the tension running through the others muscles, saw it in the way his posture slightly straightened. He didn't even deny it.  
"I'm sorry." he repeated instead and what had been an inkling before, turned into an actual realization at last. Kyungsoo got it. He really did.  
"Fine." Kyungsoo stated, in an almost challenging tone, getting to his feet. Chanyeol attempted to follow, but Kyungsoo stopped him with nothing but a poignant look. He was good at giving those.  
"I'll be right back." he simply said, turned on his heels and left the table. Instead of ducking into the bathroom, as the Southener had probably assumed, he left the restaurant, stepping into cool air. Autumn was close. Soon, the leaves would turn colorful. These thoughts absently occupied Kyungsoo's mind as he walked until he'd taken the first corner, and broke into a jog afterwards. It wasn't necessary, but the excess energy had to be relieved somehow. He only stopped when he'd entered the main quarters, walking as fast as he could without drawing attention. His breathing was still slightly heavy when he burst into their office, to find Jongin listlessly poking around a container of fast food, eyes trained on his phone. The Eastener jumped at this, and looked more like a startled rabbit than the animated police officer had when Kyungsoo approached him directly.  
"We're out eating. Soups and stuff. Come join us." he almost demanded, the last bit of anger curling around his words clipping them.  
"I- I already bought dinner-" Jongin began, looking almost panicked at the prospect, but Kyungsoo nonchalantly moved the container of fried noodles away from him, not missing a beat.  
"I'll treat you."  
  
The Eastener gave in, if only because Kyungsoo could be very convincing in his own right, and their walk to the restaurant was spent in absolute silence. Jongin didn't apologize for interfering between him and Chanyeol, because of course he wouldn't. Still, Kyungsoo didn't really do this for him, so it was fine. The moment they entered, Chanyeol almost tumbled off his chair in shock. His whole expression was incredibly apologetic and Kyungsoo could _hear_ him thinking ' _I didn't mean it like that, you didn't have to get him right now'_ \- maybe he also feared Kyungsoo would cause a scene. A ridiculous thought. Kyungsoo wasn't a drama queen. Instead, he simply sank into the bench across him and Jongin followed along hesitantly, not quite sure what was going on. They certainly hadn't ever met for dinner during their breaks.  
"Here. I have no idea about this place, but Chanyeol said those three are really good." Kyungsoo casually said, pointing on a few small pictures on the menu. Jongin seemed a little startled by his proximity, but Kyungsoo pretended not to notice. The remark pulled Chanyeol out of his stupor and he gushed over different dishes on the menu, not unlike before, when Kyungsoo had first inspected the menu. Oddly enough, Jongin didn't seem in the mood to snap at him, not even passive aggressively. Maybe he was trying to behave, now that the other two had invited him, maybe he really wasn't feeling very well. Now that Kyungsoo thought about it, Jongin had been quiet lately. Well, he always was, but apparently there was more to it, judging by the incident he'd witnessed. The memory of the two hugging was chased from his mind when his eyes met Chanyeol's, who made a vague gesture telling him that their dishes were ready and he'd just held them back. He still looked overly anxious, eyes searching Kyungsoo's for a trace of anger. In response, Kyungsoo broke eye contact and turned towards Jongin.  
"So, when's your next dance performance?"  
Again, the boy looked startled for even being approached like that by Kyungsoo, but he replied regardless, his voice all quiet and soft.  
"Uh. Next month, probably."  
Kyungsoo nodded and wished the Eastener would drop the reserved act around him.  
"Same style?"  
He shook his head, sending the brown curls flopping softly.  
"It's freestyle. Everyone prepares something different."  
"Really?" Chanyeol piped up, a bit of his usually liveliness slowly seeping back into him, "so last time wasn't your own choreography? I mean, it was still awesome, but I'm wondering what your own style is."  
If Jongin was ticked off at Chanyeol butting in with way too much dedication already, he didn't show it.  
"It wasn't. It was alright, but... it's not my first choice."  
It went on like that, with Chanyeol coaxing a few things out of a reluctant and reserved Jongin, with Kyungsoo metaphorically watching from the sidelines. Still, he made sure to participate once in awhile. Made sure he was being patient with Jongin as well. It was hard to believe this quiet boy was the one who'd yelled at Chanyeol to fuck off, but there were tiny traces of it, shining through whenever Chanyeol was prodding too much, pushing Jongin a little too far.  
Kyungsoo mostly watched their exchange, listened to them bicker over who ate their soup the messiest and who'd been responsible for the latest mishap at work. Once in a while, Chanyeol would search his gaze and then the nervousness would flicker across his expressive orbs, but Kyungsoo only subtly dismissed him. He wasn't mad anymore.  
Jongin was actually the first one to leave, stating that he was expecting a call and though he still wore a distinct look of sadness, he was actually smiling gratefully at both of them. Kyungsoo looked after him, wondering whether they were doing the right thing. If Jongin really felt left out, there was nothing to do. Maybe he was feeling even worse now, rightfully assuming that Chanyeol had simply pushed Kyungsoo to be nice. Not that Kyungsoo had faked his interest. Having a civilized conversation with the youngest wasn't appalling or anything. Kyungsoo had simply never considered it.  
Jongin had barely left when Chanyeol asked for the bill, paying for both himself and Jongin (obviously not noticing how tactless this action was), and they made their way back to the office. After Jongin had left, Chanyeol had turned awfully quiet again but still, Kyungsoo had faith. The moment they stepped into fresh air, he was pulled into a firm hug from behind with a cut-off, surprised gasp.  
"I'm so sorry!" Chanyeol exclaimed, face buried in Kyungsoo's neck. It prickled, in a very good way. Pitifully enough, this was the closest they had ever been and wow, it had been way too long since anyone had touched Kyungsoo, even in a platonic way like this.  
"I ruined everything, didn't I?" he continued, deep voice laced with remorse so thick, Kyungsoo could almost taste it.  
"Now you think I just want to be with Jongin and you went along with it because you're so nice and shit. I swear that's not it-"  
"I know." Kyungsoo simply said, tilting his head until his cheek was pressed into the other's silver hair, closing his eyes. For a moment he relaxed, let himself get carried away by the moment, enjoyed the simple display of affection.  
"I know..." he hummed again and meant it. The thing that was bothering Chanyeol, one of the main driving forces he had actually bared to Kyungsoo - he had finally understood it.  
_I always had it pretty easy, I guess.  
I never had a hard life._  
Chanyeol felt like he had no _right_ to complain. Like he ought to function, to play his part and never ask favors from anyone, because he didn't deserve them. It was a little difficult to wrap his head around it, but Kyungsoo had had plenty of time during their little dinner. Sure, Chanyeol would ask for help here and there, but it was all in regards to his job, never on a personal level.  
And yet he had stepped forward and asked something of Kyungsoo. Something big even, something he knew Kyungsoo wouldn't like.  
It should be insulting. Just like Chanyeol had said, it should make Kyungsoo feel like he meant nothing to him, when it was the exact opposite. He had dared to step out of his comfort zone, to actually ask Kyungsoo for help, even if it had taken him quite some time. It was a sign of trust. Chanyeol was willing to let him in, the same Chanyeol who had silently endured the disappearance of his best friend and secret blackmailing.  
"I'm really sorry. I'll make up for it. Thank you." Chanyeol mumbled and it had Kyungsoo chuckling. Bittersweet pain, that's probably what it was called, he thought as his gaze roamed the sky, head still resting against the other's.  
Chanyeol preferred Jongin over him.  
Chanyeol was holding back for Jongin.  
Jongin didn't even like him though.  
Was that the only reason Chanyeol was giving them a try?  
_What a mess_ , Kyungsoo thought, silently hoping he could just keep standing on the deserted sidewalk, nuzzling into the backhug for the rest of the day.  
Some shuffling followed and then the sun was blocked. Kyungsoo opened his eyes to see Chanyeol waving something in front of his face.  
"Here." he stated unusually reserved, and Kyungsoo took what looked like a cut out from a children's sticker collection.  
"I meant to give it to you earlier, but then all of this happened. I was thinking of you when I saw it, though if you don't want it anymore, I'd understand..."  
It was a small, but devastatingly cute sticker of a gray bunny.  
Kyungsoo smiled, mindfully clasping the sticker and turning to daringly nose through the silver hair, leaving a fleeting kiss on it.  
"Park Chanyeol. You really don't get me." he sighed, but the faint smile remained.  
_What a mess indeed._  
But every mess could be sorted out somehow.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *cue hysterical laughter*  
> Guess who should be VERY occupied with something else at this very moment?
> 
> Anyway, this chapter was inspired by NCT 127's "Paradise", cause it's so soothing and melancholic, in a pretty way.  
> And yes, everything looks pretty messy at the moment... have some faith, please?
> 
> Love,  
> Sugar_and_Salt


	13. Spark

  
"We have it all to ourselves, amazing!"  
Jongin sighed in mild exasperation.  
"What did you expect on a Tuesday morning?"  
He knew by now that snarky comments like that wouldn't faze Chanyeol. Indeed, the taller boy only hummed happily and went straight for the water. Heck, he almost skipped on his way there and Jongin could see him slipping on the tiles, could see it with his inner eye-  
A splash followed as Chanyeol jumped in the biggest pool with a childish noise of glee, and Jongin exhaled. Wait, had he been worried? Well... obviously. Chanyeol breaking his neck while he was basically alone with Jongin in this indoor pool would cause nothing but trouble. Headlines in the newspaper.  
A destroyed Kyungsoo who might just destroy _him_.  
"It's so nice! Come on in Jongin, come ooon!"  
Jongin muttered a half-hearted curse under his breath, but sank into the water nonetheless, with much more grace than that big oaf, thank you very much. The water enveloped him smoothly; a cool, relaxing blanket, and for once, Jongin was rather glad they still continued with their bonding sessions. He knew he'd feel rather uncomfortable going to such a place alone, and with Kyungsoo, it would be a little weird. With Chanyeol though...  
  
"Let's see who reaches the other end first - and go!"  
"Who are you to boss me around?!" Jongin snapped back around a mouth of water as he struggled to keep up with Chanyeol, who'd definitely had an unfair head start.  
  
...with Chanyeol it was alright. Because he didn't have to look good in front of him. The atmosphere between them should be different after that _incident_ last week, but Jongin knew it wouldn't be. If he acted as if nothing had happened, Chanyeol would actually follow his lead. He didn't expect anything from him and didn't shrink away, even if Jongin had a flare of temper.  
A few months ago, Jongin had assumed that nothing could touch the dopey idiot. Today, he knew better. Park Chanyeol wasn't just a paper cutout anymore. He'd seen him happy, obviously, but also sad, uncomfortable, nervous, and even angry. He didn't know when it started, but somewhere along the way, he'd began to feel irked whenever people threw Chanyeol off balance, forcing those emotions out of him. They didn't even know him, so they had no right. They didn't even have to spend a lot of time around him, unlike Jongin, meaning that they had no right to feel burdened by Chanyeol. And they had no idea which jabs were alright and which weren't. Unlike Jongin.  
"I won! I won, I totally won!" Chanyeol enthusiastically said and Jongin defiantly splashed him with water.  
"In your dreams, we touched this wall the exact same second - and you cheated, anyway!"  
"I wouldn't call it cheat-AH!" Chanyeol yelped as Jongin dipped his head under water, in retaliation. If there was anyone cheating, it ought to be him.  
"Two lengths this time!" Jongin called after him, leaving the spluttering and protesting Southener behind.  
Yes, at some point he'd developed a twisted sense of protection over Chanyeol. That was probably the only explanation he had for not clawing his big, stupid, shining eyes out for that stunt with Kyungsoo. Because they lit up just a little more when Kyungsoo smiled at him. Because they looked good together.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
It was something that was on Jongin's mind a lot.  
Kyungsoo and Chanyeol.  
Chanyeol and Kyungsoo.  
And Jongin.  
It was never really the three of them, it was those two... and him. It was almost laughable, how he was upgrading his status as a third wheel while the other two got closer. He didn't talk a lot with either of them, but he was no idiot. Their dates seemed to be going quite well.  
Jongin aimlessly turned in his office chair, looking at the strips of sunlight on the wall that moved ever so slightly whenever the blinds shifted, his baked goods completely forgotten as his thoughts wandered to his two team members, who were out eating somewhere.  
  
He was curious. And jealous. He wondered what they were talking about, what they were sharing without him. But at the same time, he knew it was for the best that he didn't know. That Chanyeol was so overly secretive about them had puzzled Jongin at first, and even now he wasn't a hundred percent sure what his deal was. Chanyeol couldn't be the reserved type in a relationship, that was just absurd. But after Kyungsoo had so suddenly invited him to tag along a week earlier, Jongin got the lingering suspicion that Chanyeol was overly aware of the odd air between the three of them. That hopeless idiot.  
Surprisingly enough, Jongin hadn't felt as outcasted as he'd assumed. Mainly because Kyungsoo had actually made an effort to reach out to him. He should have felt like the object of a lover's dispute, maybe, but that day, Jongin had felt exceptionally shitty, and the whole ordeal had certainly distracted him as long as it had lasted. Besides, Kyungsoo was always real to the bone. He never even made the effort to fake interest, so Jongin felt as much as ease as it was possible around the person he felt so strongly for.  
  
Yes, Chanyeol was an idiot. He had no idea. Totally clueless. But he _noticed_ things. And he noticed much more than Jongin was comfortable showing him or anyone, for that matter.  
If Jongin was down, Chanyeol would always know - and even though he didn't, _couldn't_ know why exactly, he would put in the effort of approaching him, no matter how harsh Jongin would lash out. He stopped the chair with one foot and felt his cheeks still burning up in shame when he recalled that faithful day where Chanyeol had run in on him after work. Where he'd actually started crying. The mere memory made him want to bury his face in his arms. Fuck everything. How could he break down like that? How could he be so selfish and accept the others comfort, just because he was there and because he was Chanyeol, who wouldn't judge him and whom you could just... _use_ like that. He felt awful in retrospect. The him of a few months ago would have scoffed at Chanyeol being so pitiful to offer himself up like that, but the Jongin that was swaying in his chair right now was scoffing at himself for being so low.  
And Chanyeol certainly hadn't forgotten about his break down, that much was clear. All his attention, the way he metaphorically fumbled in the darkness, trying to pinpoint Jongin's exact concerns - it had him itching to just tell him, walk up to him and slap the truth across his face, just to see his startled expression and maybe shut him up for just a second.  
He would love to say that Chanyeol didn't get him, but he knew deep inside, that he did. This particular piece of information he was missing... he had no chance of guessing it. And the fact that he was kind of feeling what was going on with Jongin nonetheless was _scary_ -  
The phone rang and Jongin stilled in his motions, staring at the origin of the noise. It was the phone located on Chanyeol's desk. His eyes flit up to the clock and yes, they were still officially on break. The ring tone was loud and obnoxious, and Jongin hesitated. His first thought was to simply ignore it. But it was so loud, and what if someone entered and asked him why he wasn't answering or at least rejecting the call? With shaky steps, he went towards the desk, fingers gripping the phone lightly. With a deep breath, he lifted the device off its station, placing it on his ear.  
He hated phone calls. He really, _really_ hated phone calls.  
"Future Care, Kim Jongin here, what can I do for you?" he rushed out, words already a garbled mess.   
The voice on the other end was strict, unamused, and so harsh it had him physically flinching.  
" _What can you do for me_?" the voice mockingly repeated and yes, Jongin hated phone calls, "the nerve! You have canceled our contract! After ten years of cooperation! You made that contract with my father and canceled it just like this? I want a reason!"  
"I- I don't know what you're talking about Sir, who am I speaking with?" he asked carefully, hating how tiny he sounded.  
"Oh, so you're abandoning people left and right that often that you don't even know who I am? Park Changho from ITE corp, does that ring a bell?"  
It really, really didn't. How was Jongin supposed to know about all the stuff Chanyeol was dealing with?  
"Uhm. I'm sorry, but I can't help you-" he began, only to get cut off by more angry yelling, and he clenched his nails into the arm holding the phone, a habit of stress.  
"You dare thinking you can just hang up on me? I'm not a bloody fool and I won't get rejected by some office typist, give me your superior."  
Superior? Was he talking about their superiors in the actual CARE organization? He couldn't do that, right? Bothering them with this? The thought alone made him squirm.  
"Sir, w-we have no superior in the Future Care department, we're a team-" he mumbled clumsily, realizing how unprofessional and wrong this sounded. As expected, the man blew up even more at this, not giving him a chance to speak.  
"You have no superior? Are you fucking kidding me?"  
Jongin felt his eyes burning, nails digging deeper into his arm. Why did he kept yelling like this?   
Why didn't he wait for Jongin to actually write down his name? What _was_ his name again?  
"Are you telling me the fate of my business lies in the hands of some unauthorized kids, who-"  
"I'm sorry!" he loudly said, trying very hard to sound clear and controlled. Failing.  
"I'm not in charge of this case, it's Park Chanyeol. He'll get back to it, as soon as he can."  
"I won't end this call before-"  
"Thank you for your patience. Have a nice day." Jongin mumbled, pressing the red button with shaky fingers. The angry noises stopped and Jongin exhaled deeply, feeling miserable.  
Great. Now he could spend the rest of his break replaying the call over and over again in his head, re-thinking his answers and just overall hate himself for his inability to handle people on the phone. Or anywhere, for that matter.  
And the worst consequence was...  


  
"I'm sorry." Jongin mumbled, eyes so low they were trained on the tips of his shoes.  
"I should have tried to help him, but I just passed him on to you and I think I angered him even more- I'm sorry."  
He saw Chanyeol leaning into his personal space, craning his neck to try and get a look of his expression.  
"Who?" he asked cluelessly, looking more concerned for Jongin than angry at the fact how Jongin handled their client.  
"I'm not sure, some ITE thing?" he half-asked, not daring to meet Kyungsoo's eyes, who was probably judging him so hard right now. With a knowing and quite exaggerated 'ah', Chanyeol straightened his posture.  
"That guy..." he hummed and when Jongin risked a peek, he saw Chanyeol roll his eyes in annoyance.  
"Don't mind him, he's an idiot. Getting rid of him was long overdue, he so doesn't meet the standards of CARE at all."  
"You should really learn how to properly deal with clients." Kyungsoo bluntly said from where he stood nearby with his arms crossed, looking very unimpressed. Jongin didn't wince. It took him everything not to. Chanyeol dismissed the strict words, smoothing over them instantly.  
"Nah, that guy is just a jerk. There's no way to talk to him in a reasonable manner- wait, did he insult you or anything?" he asked, quickly changing directions from exasperated to worried, one hand placed on his shoulder. Jongin wanted to swat at him out of nothing but protest, but he'd really fucked up and could consider himself lucky that Chanyeol was so chill about it.  
"Just. Just some yelling." he muttered, still very uneasy under the piercing gaze of Kyungsoo.  
Chanyeol made a frustrated noise and drew him into a firm hug. It was over too quickly for Jongin to bristle and with a reassuring smile, Chanyeol patted his shoulder once more.  
"Seriously, don't think about it. I'll take care of it." he said with a thumbs up and strode to his desk, presumably to do just that, right now. Jongin was left to stare after him, until Kyungsoo's raised brow coaxed a meek 'Thank you' out of him. Chanyeol dismissed him with a wave, but that didn't change the fact that Jongin felt awful, for different reasons. Back at his own desk, he tapped his pen against a blank piece of paper.  
Reason one - he was a failure at social interaction, racked by completely irrational fear.  
Reason two - he had to actually lower his guard and apologize to Park Chanyeol.  
Reason three - he'd done it again. Rely on Chanyeol, _use_ him, just because he could. Sure, it had been Chanyeol dealing with this guy before, but the system was there and Jongin was probably better at using it than Chanyeol himself. He could have tried to solve this. But he didn't. He felt disappointed and angry at himself. Chanyeol probably knew, but didn't mind. Kyungsoo, though, was a different story altogether. Kyungsoo clearly wasn't as forgiving (which is to say, Kyungsoo was much more smart and reasonable), and really, Jongin wished he could disappear for today.  
A few minutes later, he listened to Chanyeol talking to the angry man. His voice was even, controlled and like a strong wall deflecting all protests and insults the man was probably spewing. It was slightly ridiculous, considering what a bundle of uncontrolled emotions Chanyeol was, but the way he talked to the client somehow made it clear that _he_ had the upper hand in this case. It pricked his ego to admit it, but he had definitely found a new form of respect for Chanyeol today.   
He dealt with nonsense like this on a daily basis. Stuff that would make Jongin cry or at least feel bad about himself for days to come, didn't even faze Chanyeol.  
  


* * *

 

  
Today, as well, Jongin stayed behind last, brushing off Chanyeol's reassurance that it was fine, that he could go home. Ignoring the pointed looks of Kyungsoo.  
Jongin just felt more useless than ever, and maybe he could find a few things _he_ could do. And maybe, just maybe, they'd get another late call and Jongin could... practice? Wow, he felt kinda pitiful, but all this conflicting feelings and second thoughts had woven themselves into the conclusion that he just had to improve to stop hiding behind Chanyeol. It was silly, how he knew he should do this for himself, and yet it was the total lack of social pressure by Chanyeol that ultimately sparked his fighting spirit. He huffed out a small laugh. At the end of the day, everything was a competition between them. And maybe that was just what he needed.  
Not even five minutes passed before their phone rang, and Jongin almost fell off his chair in shock, half-regretting his brave thoughts from earlier. It wasn't Chanyeol's phone either, it was Jongin's. Which was strange, because no one ever called Jongin. No one but the higher ups from the same building, occasionally. Rarely.  
The phone kept ringing.  
 _Alright, time to prove your resolve_ , he told himself. This was probably just someone from an office upstairs and they might be laughing at his formal introduction, but he'd do this right. He could do this. He was far away and nothing could really happen. With a quick inhale, Jongin reached for the phone.  
"Future Care team, Kim Jongin, how can I help you?" he said in one breath, but careful to enunciate the words, though they felt weird on his tongue.  
"Mr. Kim." the voice said, no, corrected, and Jongin blinked in surprise.  
"H-huh?"  
" _Excuse me_ , Jongin. Not 'huh'. You never get informal with clients." the other corrected yet again, and now he could place the smooth voice.  
"Kyungsoo?" he asked, dumbfounded.  
"I know my name, thank you very much. Besides, you're being quite rude."  
It was odd how conversational Kyungsoo sounded. The quality of his voice was a little screwed, like his honey-colored tone was stained by a few grains, but it had Jongin blush nonetheless. Because this was Kyungsoo talking to him, and on the phone nonetheless. He'd never called him before.  
"But... why are you calling? Did you forget something?" he asked carefully. A surge of white noise told him that Kyungsoo was sighing.  
"I'm calling so you can treat me like a client and get over yourself. I'm not gonna hang up before you get it right." he stated blankly and Jongin made a tiny, garbled noise of general suffering.  
"I'll take that as a 'Yes, thank you for your time'." Kyungsoo commented, and was that amusement in his voice? Jongin bit his lip, feeling mildly embarrassed, but also flustered by the mere attention of Kyungsoo. This was really nice indeed, but it would be less hard than talking to a stranger, right?  


  
  
"Hah... I'm telling you, I had an appointment scheduled with Mr. Park. He personally told me so."  
"Alright, let's check the time again," Jongin said, eyes closed in concentration, "Wednesday at two PM, in the Future Care office?"  
"Yes."  
Jongin hesitated. Kyungsoo waited. Then he got an idea.  
"On the 21st of June?" he asked carefully.  
"What? The 14th. Definitely the 14th. Or was it?" Kyungsoo said, almost unnaturally calm for someone who got their appointment date wrong.  
"I'm sorry, I only found an appointment a week later, maybe y-"  
 _You misheard_ , he'd meant to say. But that was the wrong approach.  
"Maybe there has been a misunderstanding. Since Mr. Park isn't here today, would next week be convenient for you as well, or would you like to set a new date with him?" Jongin asked, fingers still nervously wandering over his arm, but not adding any moon-shaped bruises anymore.  
"Ah, next week will be fine. I probably misheard, so embarrassing." Kyungsoo replied, tone much lighter than usual. Jongin couldn't help the small smile.  
"You're going easy on me?"  
Kyungsoo huffed, and Jongin heard the distinct sound of a refrigerator closing.  
"Only because you were doing so well."  
Being praised by Kyungsoo was infinitely precious and Jongin couldn't help it. He was practically glowing.  
It may be easier talking to someone you knew over the phone (even if that person was strict Kyungsoo), but Jongin also found out that he direly needed this easy start. Kyungsoo was the most patient in their team, and it clearly showed. True to his word, Kyungsoo hadn't hung up on him, and between made up conversations about missed meetings, complaints and miscellaneous concerns, Jongin had gingerly listened to the background noises. There had been the steady rumbling noise at first, telling him that Kyungsoo had immediately called him after boarding a bus home. The noises had been exchanged for street noises, for a silent hallway that had Kyungsoo's words echoing. Regular thumps of feet on stairs, a slightly breathy voice, jingling keys.  
It felt like he was oddly connected to Kyungsoo, accompanying him through his day.   
Combined with the occasionally odd scenarios they made up and sometimes interrupted because they were getting mildly absurd... it felt nice, all of it.  
"Only because you're such a good teacher." Jongin said and really, maybe sometimes talking over the phone was easier than talking in real life.  
"You sound much better like this." Kyungsoo said and it had his stomach flutter obnoxiously.  
"We'll see whether you can keep it up at work tomorrow. You should really go home, by the way. It's getting late."  
Oh. Jongin looked at the clock. It was half past eight already. He's been talking to Kyungsoo for about three and a half hours. And if he was concerned, he'd continue doing so for another hour, talking about non-work-related things, maybe. But that would remain part of his imagination for now.  
"Right," he said instead, trying to sound as sincere as possible. "Thank you for your help. I'll give my best tomorrow."  
Kyungsoo hummed and it sounded like he was taking a gulp of something. Jongin low-key wished he was with him. A dangerous thought he swatted immediately. After all, Kyungsoo was with Chanyeol.  
"See you tomorrow, then." Kyungsoo said and Jongin held him back before he knew it.  
"Wait!"  
A few seconds of silence followed, and he could basically see Kyungsoo's half-confused, half-impatient look. But he waited. He'd done that a lot the past hours.  
"You only do this for Chanyeol, right?" Jongin timidly inquired, and really, what was he even trying to achieve? Kyungsoo contemplated this for a couple seconds, and it was Jongin's time to wait.  
"So do you, don't you?" he finally asked. His voice was steady, the words simple and yet they carried a complex, heavy meaning.  
Jongin didn't know an answer to that. Kyungsoo bid him farewell shortly after, leaving Jongin to abandon the hot device in his hand as well as his deserted work place... to take this heavy meaning home with him.  
  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It may not seem like a big deal to some of you -handling calls- but to some people, it is. Social Anxiety has a lot of faces, and even though Jongin has stated in the past that he's not afraid of people, not in the way Kyungsoo is, there are different types of fear. Cause that's the key motif of this story, right?
> 
> Love,  
> Sugar-and-Salt ♥


	14. Bitter & Sweet

  
Chanyeol was seriously beginning to feel bored, when Kyungsoo brought up a new task one Wednesday afternoon. Sure, there was a bunch of routinely tasks passed on to them by their higher ups to keep them busy, and they certainly didn't lack ideas for future projects. But while their work place and salary was financed by the government, anything beyond it was crowd-funded or sponsored. Their first project had gained an overall positive feedback, and the unfortunate political trouble had barely affected most of their donors. However, they had mutually agreed on not rushing things. Rather than that, they'd concentrated on creating a transparent homepage to publicly document their activities, and announced that they'd start their next, big project at the beginning of the fourth quarter of the year. Now it was late August and they had plenty of time left. Time Kyungsoo had found more means to fill with work.  
"Like business consultancy. You know what that is, right?" he was just asking, looking at his two fellow team members. Jongin hesitated and Chanyeol could see the slightly strained, impatient look on Kyungsoo's face, but the Northener didn't snap at him. It was progress, no matter how small.  
"Yeah, my parents do stuff like that," Chanyeol began, clearing up Jongin's confusion in Kyungsoo's place, "it often means that you personally go to a company and help them sort stuff out. Kinda like a rented accountant or whatever it is that they need."  
Jongin nodded in understanding, though he didn't verbally thank Chanyeol. Again, progress.  
The stubborn boy still seemed so adamant on not 'losing' to Chanyeol, and he probably shouldn't find it as adorable as he did. Chanyeol was all for friendly competition, and he could definitely tell that Jongin was slowly losing his malicious edge, so he saw no harm in humoring him.  
"And you're saying you want to do that... without me." Jongin said and the disappointment was undeniable.  
It pricked Chanyeol's heart. Kyungsoo seemed unfazed as ever, merely bringing the facts to the table.  
"Someone has to stay behind. We only got one week to fix as much as we can, and out of all the applicants, I chose a facility that definitely needs us. I need a helping hand and Chanyeol has already agreed to accompany me."  
Jongin's eyes flickered between the other two, and Chanyeol saw him chewing on his lip.  
"But..." he began in a voice so tiny it just died after the first syllable.  
Again, Chanyeol felt sorry for him. If it wasn't for Kyungsoo, he'd probably protest by now, giving him his full load of snark, and he could practically hear his complaints.  
"Look, I know you're better at techy stuff than me," he began gently, undeterred by the fact that Jongin refused to meet his eyes, "but that's the reason you're needed here. You're our all-rounder, aren't you?"  
"This is a pathetic attempt at comforting me. I'm not a child." Jongin protested, sounding exactly like a sulky kid, though one that has already admitted defeat.  
"It would be very pathetic, except he's right." Kyungsoo said, surprisingly gently, and it had Jongin looking up at last.  
"You're the most well-rounded out of us three, so it only makes sense. Just one week, that makes five working days. We both know you can do that."  
As always, Kyungsoo wasn't one to offer praises or exaggerated enthusiasm, but the way he said it made it obvious he really believed in it, not to mention that he'd purposefully said 'we both', establishing some sort of connection between the two of them. It coaxed a half-dejected, half-grateful little smile out of Jongin, and Chanyeol felt the strong urge to hug Kyungsoo, simply for being so proud of him. He didn't. Obviously.  
  


* * *

  
  
"You only volunteered to accompany me because you were worried for Jongin, didn't you?"  
Chanyeol's head shot up at the question, the phone in his hands forgotten. He decided to switch into flight mode to save battery and give his eyes a break - he was beginning to feel a little woozy already with the vibrations of the train shaking the words on the screen. To his right, Kyungsoo looked at him expectantly, their sides touching ever so slightly.  
"What do you mean?" he asked, though he was fairly certain what Kyungsoo was alluding to.  
"I know you would've sent Jongin with me in an instant, just so the boy feels 'included'," Kyungsoo began, and there was definitely annoyance in the way he emphasized the word, "but you didn't, because of the location."  
Chanyeol felt the tips of his ears grow red, and the way his shoulders hunched up instinctively was an obvious giveaway.  
How could he have ever assumed Kyungsoo might not notice it? Kyungsoo noticed _everything_. There was no point in pretending in front of him. So he shrugged sheepishly.  
"Yeah. Kinda."  
Kyungsoo nodded to himself with an unreadable gaze, but while Chanyeol felt sorry, he couldn't take it back. Because it was true. There were a lot of facilities asking for assistance, and Kyungsoo in particular loved to provide it whenever he could, though he'd never taken a case that required his presence. A lot of orphanages were lacking the means and staff to keep their finances or technical systems in check, and free help was like a blessing to them. And because Do Kyungsoo was really, really dedicated, he'd chosen the facility that looked most like 'an utter disaster', as he'd called it, and now they were squished in a train that drove along the Western shore. After a long train ride and a following ride with the ferry, they'd be about as far away from any other nation as they possibly could. Meaning that they'd be on the most conservative territory possible, and if even the capital had demonstrations running against someone of Eastern decent, Chanyeol didn't want to picture the hate Jongin might get in this faraway place. Jongin was a complex bundle of emotions, a thick layer of feigned coyness hiding a strong attitude, which caused a whole lot of stress by being repressed all on its own. As long as he wasn't able to fully let go and live out this attitude of his, the hate would cut him with every word, and Chanyeol wanted to avoid this at all costs.  
So, yes. Kyungsoo was right, Chanyeol had merely made this decision for him.  
But...  
"That doesn't mean I'm not happy to spend a week with you." he added shyly, probing. Kyungsoo blinked, looking positively surprised, and settled for a mild smile.  
"This is not a vacation, Chanyeol. There's a ton of work waiting for us."  
"Yeah. Work we'll face together. I'll do my best." Chanyeol promised and in a surge of emotion, he nestled his head into Kyungsoo's hair, an odd mix of hiding himself and attempting to cuddle at the same time. He felt the Northener tense for just a fraction, before he let it happen with a low hum.  
"You better do, or I won't take you along next time."  
The train kept shaking them, and Chanyeol knew he was horrible at faking to be asleep -since he kept shifting his weight in order not to burden Kyungsoo too much- but he had run out of things to say, and Kyungsoo gladly took this rare display of silent affection. It wasn't like Chanyeol was running out of things to _think_ about though, quite the opposite. His head was a jumbled mess of thoughts, emotions and conflicts, all of them centered around himself, Kyungsoo... and Jongin.  


  
"You look pretty excited."  
This was an understatement - Chanyeol basically _vibrated_ with excitement, his fingers eagerly drumming on the railing of the ferry, as they waited for it to set off, completely unfazed by the strong wind around them.  
"Well, of course I am - you don't get to be on a boat everyday, right?" he asked, and the Northener tilted his head a little, eyes roaming the waves.  
"I suppose so."  
Chanyeol halted in the progress of hyping himself up, in favor of observing Kyungsoo for a bit. There was definitely something different about him. For all his nonchalance, Kyungsoo looked pretty attentive, eyes flickering all over the place, and both hands orderly placed on the railing. As if he was really unfamiliar with this situation? Chanyeol usually prided himself in being good at reading people, and while Kyungsoo used to be a mystery to him, things were getting easier the more glimpses of his character he got.  
"How often have you been on a boat, then?" he asked lightly, and dark eyes flitted over to him, before they found the waves again.  
"This is the first time."  
"Really?!" Chanyeol claimed loud enough to have people turn their heads, and Kyungsoo nudged his side in obvious embarrassment.  
"You're too loud."  
The words completely pearled off of Chanyeol's new-found excitement.  
"You've never been on a boat? Not even a simple ferry, like this?"  
"Is that so hard to believe? In an orphanage you don't really do cruises, if you know what I mean."  
Chanyeol nodded, mouth forming a silent 'o'. Of course, Kyungsoo had grown up with... nothing. Well, not _nothing_ , after all he'd been surrounded by plenty of loving people, but financially-speaking he'd probably been less than blessed, if it was anything like the orphanages Chanyeol had been to so far.  
It was something that regularly slipped his mind, but Kyungsoo didn't seem offended.  
"Are you nervous?"  
Kyungsoo shrugged, vainly trying to keep his hair under control.  
Chanyeol vaguely wondered whether it'd smell salty like the sea around them by now, and dismissed the traitorous thoughts. He shouldn't think about this.  
"Maybe I'll get sea-sick." he simply said, and with a generous smile, Chanyeol drew him in a firm side hug.  
"It'll only be, like, forty minutes. I'm sure you'll live!"  
The ferry did set off ultimately, and for once, Chanyeol didn't think about anyone other than the boy tucked into his side, silently marveling at how well he fit there.  
  
  
"What do you mean, you feel sick?!"  
"Sorry..."  
"But you were so excited earlier!"  
"I love the sea! The sea just doesn't love me back!"  
"Seriously, Chanyeol, get away from the railing, you should lie down..."

 

* * *

  
  
They arrived without a hitch (and without Chanyeol puking his guts out, thank god), and he really had to remind himself that this wasn't a vacation. Sure, the island consisted mostly of a rather shabby city, but the orphanage was so far outside that it was close to the shore again, and even though their cheap hotel room only had a tiny window, it showed a glimpse of waves clashing with a cliff almost leisurely.  
He'd barely opened his suit case, when Kyungsoo threw one of the hotel's towels at him.  
"Go take a shower, we'll go to the facility in half an hour."  
With his hands raised in defeat, Chanyeol trudged to the bathroom. This was going to be a fun week.  
  
It wasn't necessarily late when they returned, but considering that they'd promised to be back by seven in the morning, Chanyeol considered eleven PM to be late enough. With a relieved sigh, he toed off his shoes and gracelessly plopped down on the plush carpet around the tiny, low table, placing the containers of take out on top of it. Kyungsoo followed him moments later, a bottle of water from the fridge in one hand and two cups in the other.  
"This better taste good." he muttered pessimistically, and Chanyeol unwrapped the food like he'd open a Christmas present - eager and unceremoniously.  
"If your standards are too high, you're not hungry enough." he hummed, and Kyungsoo snorted, muttering a quick 'true' as he reached for a pair of chopsticks.  
Call Chanyeol a glutton, but nothing improved the quality of his life more effectively than hot food.  
"It's not bad." he said around a mouthful of fried duck, feeling stuffed like a hamster.  
"It's atrocious," Kyungsoo mumbled, picking around his noodles to scoop up as many as possible, "I love it."  
Chanyeol snorted and narrowly avoided making a mess for once.  
"Sure, it can't compare with the chicken you made."  
The compliment was easily dismissed by Kyungsoo.  
"Oh, that. That was nothing special."  
Chanyeol begged to differ. He wasn't a bad chef per sé, he just usually lacked the time. Still, he had enough skills to be able to tell that Kyungsoo was doing a fantastic job. Only after tasting the dinner on their first, awkward date, did he connect the dots that Kyungsoo's lunch had to be homemade as well. He was wondering...  
"Did you learn that at... home?" he asked, only hesitating for a split second. Kyungsoo decided not to mention it.  
"What, cooking?"  
"Yeah. I don't really know... ah, I feel so ignorant, but I have no idea how you actually grew up and stuff." Chanyeol stammered, tripping over his words.  
"You've visited a few orphanages with me."  
"Yes! But it's not really the same. I can't really know about your experiences and what it's like to actually live in one, right?"  
"It's not that different or special, I guess. Though I wouldn't be able to compare either, so there's that." Kyungsoo simply said, tone not betraying anything as he poked around his container in search for more tofu.  
"Are you angry?" Chanyeol asked carefully, observing his expression closely. Kyungsoo looked up, belatedly realizing that Chanyeol was getting antsy and shook his head.  
"Nah. It's alright. It's not like you're assuming I lived like the Little Match girl or anything. It's really nothing special though. It's like living at a boarding school, maybe? You always have a lot of people around you, and instead of parents you have many care-takers. Other than that..."  
He seemed to earnestly rack his brain about something worth mentioning, the food temporarily forgotten.  
"I can't speak for everyone, but a lot of us adapted a certain sense of modesty and responsibility, I think? Since you're being part of a rather big family and the means are restricted. Everybody has to play their part to make things work. For me, the best way to be useful was by cooking. It's easier to hold your ground if there's something you're in charge of, too, you know? At the end of the day, I definitely didn't like all the inhabitants or caretakers, but I wasn't terribly lonely or anything. It's not..." he trailed off, looking a little conflicted, and Chanyeol waited patiently, all but soaking up his words.  
"It's not exactly a sob story, unlike many people think."  
Chanyeol shook his head quickly.  
"I didn't expect it to be! Still, that sounds like quite the experience. And I get how you became such a cranky guy - you basically had like, what, thirty siblings? I only have one sister and we gave each other enough shit to last a lifetime!" he joked, and Kyungsoo nudged him half-heartedly. He looked a little out of his element, now that he was talking about himself. He didn't seem inherently reluctant to do so, and Chanyeol assumed that only few people had bothered to ask him about his past before.  
"You should talk more about yourself. It's interesting." he earnestly said and what was meant to be purely encouraging, had Kyungsoo raise a brow at him.  
"Now if that's not an ancient pick up line from the book."  
Chanyeol spluttered (quite literally, unfortunately, as he got food all over himself).  
"I didn't mean it like that! Just- I just feel like I don't know a lot about you-"  
"Talk about yourself." Kyungsoo retorted and Chanyeol blinked.  
"Huh?"  
"Where did you learn how to cook? You mentioned that you can do a few dishes." Kyungsoo asked calmly, and it helped grounding Chanyeol.  
"Ah. No one taught me, I was just by myself most of the time, and my parents refused to buy a lot of frozen pizza. I had to get creative at some point, and believe me, you wouldn't want to see a few of my earlier creations-"  
"How old were you?" Kyungsoo asked instantly, and the unwavering, genuine attention was oddly flustering.  
"I don't know, I started somewhere around the age of ten." he shrugged.  
"Alone in the kitchen at the age of ten," Kyungsoo mused, "your parents were quite the busy consultants, huh?"  
Chanyeol didn't know what to say to that, but neither did he want Kyungsoo to get the wrong idea.  
"They were barely home, but I wasn't too sad. I always had a lot of friends, hobbies and whatnot. Not a big deal. It may sound cliche, but really," he reassured Kyungsoo, who still gauged him intensely, "it's not that much of a sob story."  
The Northener smiled at this, and decided to pour some water into their empty cups.  
A hot surge of affection bloomed somewhere around Chanyeol's lungs, because unlike most other people, Kyungsoo _understood_.  
  
  
He still thought about this awhile later, when he lay in bed. Kyungsoo always understood, and yet he barely got anything of what was going on inside the tacit boy's head.  
"You really should talk more." he spoke into the silence, and somewhere across the room, a blanket rustled as Kyungsoo presumably turned towards him.  
"Hm?"  
"You should talk about yourself more often. About what you think, I mean. Anything, really." Chanyeol elaborated clumsily.  
"Why are you so hung up on this?" Kyungsoo asked sleepily, and Chanyeol replied before he could help it.  
"Because I'm stupid and I won't get you otherwise."  
He heard the other huff in amusement.  
"I'll consider it."  
Some more rustling occurred, and then it was silent. It took awhile, but finally, he heard the others breathing even out. Chanyeol suppressed a sigh and tried not to make too much noise, unsure whether Kyungsoo was a light sleeper or not. He'd like to blame it on the fact that he'd slept so much on the train, but it was obvious that it were his thoughts keeping him awake.  
He didn't know what to do. He really didn't know.  
There were moments like that time when Kyungsoo had gently, but firmly roused him on the train earlier. Moments where his heart twitched because of how mature he was, how he managed to make him feel safe even though he barely reached up to his shoulder. It would spark something in Chanyeol, a deep urge to offer protection in turn.There were also moments like the one on the ferry, where he'd look at Kyungsoo battling with his tousled hair and couldn't help thinking how handsome he was - in this pure, yet quietly demanding, captivating, way, that was just so distinctly Kyungsoo. This, too, would spark something in him, a yearning he'd felt for awhile and kept locked away in the depths of his mind.  
Because all of this was overpowered by a wave of guilt. Bitter, cold, relentless guilt over the fact that Chanyeol's heart _still_ skipped a beat whenever he saw Jongin. It had been clear from the moment their team had first come together and Jongin had glared at him with a scalding viciousness, that this crush was silly. And Chanyeol didn't _want_ to be Jongin's lover or anything, he really didn't. He just found Jongin really attractive, both physically and as a person. But still, how could he ever make a move on Kyungsoo, with the way his eyes had raked down Jongin's exposed body in the indoor swimming pool a week ago? How could he even look him in the eye? He couldn't wholeheartedly hand himself over to Kyungsoo when a part of him remained physically attracted to Jongin - it felt like cheating. But he would never cheat on anyone.  
With a groan, Chanyeol rolled to his side, wrapping himself up in a tight blanket cocoon.  
Stupid infatuation. Stupid him. It wasn't fair. Not to any of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This little arc was getting so long that I decided to split it in two.  
> Can you tell my infatuation with Chanyeol yet? Poor boy doesn't know what's the right thing to do... Good thing Soo is patient.
> 
> Lots of love,  
> Sugar_and_Salt ♥


	15. A Drop in the Ocean

  
  
"Chanyeol, get up, we'll be late."  
An undefined grumble reached him from somewhere inside the blanket cocoon, and with an exasperated sigh, Kyungsoo nudged him. Not too gently.  
"Park Chanyeol. Get. Up."  
"We only slept like two hours..." the half-dozing boy slurred, and Kyungsoo clucked his tongue.  
"Don't be ridiculous, it was four hours at least. Now stop being a baby about it."  
With the practiced ease of someone growing up surrounded perpetually by small (and big) whiny children, Kyungsoo tugged at the blanket. Unfortunately, Chanyeol had this stupidly long limbs which were tangled with the blanket like a lovesick octopus clinging on to his favorite stone, and Kyungsoo had to tug harder. As a result, Chanyeol landed on the ground with a numb yelp, and Kyungsoo was tempted to check up on him, when a head popped out of the lump, revealing the most impressive bed hair he'd ever seen.  
"Fuck you." he said blankly.  
"I don't think we're on that level yet." Kyungsoo deadpanned right back at him.  
Chanyeol changed his method of operation, holding out his hands to make childish grabby motions.  
"Kay, but what about cuddles in bed?"  
Kyungsoo didn't even blink.  
"Nice try. Now get ready, I'll get us some coffee from the lobby."  
Chanyeol incoherent whine of general discontent followed him to the door, and Kyungsoo made sure to close it behind him before he let the smile take over. Sleepy Chanyeol was cute. Sleepy Chanyeol, who was too incapacitated to be reminded of all the conflict he felt towards Kyungsoo was cute, Kyungsoo corrected himself. Maybe sleepy _boyfriend_ Chanyeol could even be hot. Not that he'd find out anytime soon, but alright, Kyungsoo was smiling anyway as he padded down the stairs.  
  
It was already Thursday, and so far, their little trip had been nothing but exhausting work and no sleep - just like he'd predicted. It was a little sad, having to make Chanyeol work this much, but that was exactly what they came here for. The orphanage's way of dealing with paperwork was shocking, and the databases and programs horrendous, to say the least. Kudos to Chanyeol for attentively listen to him rant about it for at least half an hour straight, even though the poor lad was the type of person to freak out at the mere sight of an open prompt window. The rest had been history - Kyungsoo diligently worked on improving the functionality and security of their programs, while Chanyeol continuously called almost everyone of relevance who'd ever gotten in contact with the facility over the last ten years, negotiated with officials or possible sponsors. They'd stay cooped up in the office room on the top floor, surrounded by two old, buzzing computers, piles of paperwork and a dysfunctional fan the whole day - and most of the night, too, adhering to Kyungsoo's belief that four hours of sleep were completely fine at a time like this. Chanyeol disagreed, with every fiber of his being. And yet it was him who seemed eerily awake at night, always insisting that he was fine, but that Kyungsoo clearly needed rest. Crazy world.  
  
Yes, it was Thursday already, and Chanyeol had reached the point where he'd stopped talking his ear off in the morning on their way to the facility, far-too occupied with sleepily trotting after Kyungsoo, completely trusting the Northener to not guide them in front of a moving car, when-  
" **Puppy**!"  
Kyungsoo turned around and blinked, panic rising when he didn't spot Chanyeol immediately, but there he was, crouching on the ground a few steps behind him, petting a little puppy. With a relieved sigh he approached the big man-child, whose sleepiness seemed completely forgotten, melted away by the fluffy pup which was eagerly trying to climb into his lap.  
"It's a dog, Soo, it's a puppy!" he exclaimed happily, petting the little thing with as much enthusiasm as the puppy himself had for him.  
"Doesn't look like a stray." Kyungsoo commented, though he remained standing.  
"I know right? It's so tiny, and so pretty!" Chanyeol replied, burying his nose in the dog's fur in a silly fashion that tugged at Kyungsoo's heartstrings.  
"That's because it's a shepherd pup."  
"Wah, you really know everything, don't you?" the Northener asked, though most of his attention was still focused on the little dog with its fluffy brown fur and dark nose. Kyungsoo only shrugged. Courtesy of one of his childhood friends who'd been obsessed with dogs as a kid, collecting all sorts of information on them. Some basics still stuck to this day. He watched the other play with the dog and talk to it in a gleeful voice.  
"You know, it's time we get going." Kyungsoo began, preparing for what he knew was about to come.  
"We can't leave it here!"  
The Northener sighed, but it was all in good nature, since of course Chanyeol wouldn't let a stray puppy be. After all, he was all over Jongin, too.  
"Then let's take it to the facility, so someone can bring it to a shelter." he reasoned, and Chanyeol shook his head, looking quite like a wet dog himself.  
"Nooo, I don't like that!" he whined, cuddling the dog closer as if daring Kyungsoo to take it away from him. An idea struck him, and Kyungsoo knew he wouldn't like it, could tell it by the way his eyes lit up.  
"The orphanage should keep it! I bet the kids will love it-"  
"Bad idea," Kyungsoo interfered, "what about the costs and everything?"  
"I'll provide the costs until we have a better solution!" Chanyeol argued immediately, and Kyungsoo fell silent. Something about the way he said it, about the defensive determination in his eyes... it made Kyungsoo realize something. Something vital, something that didn't necessarily hurt right now, but was scary nonetheless. What was meant to be an exasperated sigh, came out more like a breathy laugh, and Chanyeol looked at him in question, tilting his head until it rested against the puppy's.  
Kyungsoo dismissed the silent question with a shake of his head.  
"It's nothing. Let's try and ask them whether they'd like to take care of it. Shepherds get really big and need lots of playtime though, just saying."  
Chanyeol cheered happily with the clueless dog, moving the rather big paws with his own hands. When Kyungsoo didn't show an immediate reaction, still too engrossed in his earlier realization, Chanyeol lifted the dog a little, both looking up at him with their ridiculously big and shiny eyes.  
"Don't be like that, Soo... _I'm sooo thankful_ ," he said in an altered voice, moving the dog's paws as if it was gesturing along, " _and look at how cute I am - you just gotta love me, don't you_?"  
"I already love you though." Kyungsoo sighed, before he knew it. "What else do you want from me?"  
The statement had Chanyeol freeze in place, and to downplay his statement, Kyungsoo finally crouched down to pet the dog himself. It really was a lovely little thing, all naive and trusting, nudging his palm insistingly. He felt Chanyeol's gaze bore into him. Kyungsoo spoke up without meeting his eyes, voice slightly defensive, but also stubborn.  
"What? It's true. _You_ wanted me to speak my mind, now live with the consequences."  
For a couple seconds it was quiet, and Kyungsoo was beginning to worry he might have ruined the atmosphere, when Chanyeol pushed the dog right into his face with a playful bark, and Kyungsoo almost fell over in shock - much to Chanyeol's amusement, the ringing laughter smoothing over his worries.

 

* * *

  
  
It was Sunday night and Kyungsoo hated everything. If one wanted to be precise, it was an early Monday morning. 3:30AM the clock said. What a time to be alive and working. But he could always sleep on the train later, and if they left at around five, they'd still get their obligatory four hours of sleep. He rubbed his eyes, staring at the numbers on screen. Sweat was running down his back, gluing his thin t-shirt to his skin in the most disgusting fashion.  
"I'm dyiiiing..." Chanyeol whined behind him, and Kyungsoo had no energy left to reprimand him for wasting time on complaints.  
"I feel like a puddle of goo, why doesn't this room cool down?"  
_Because of its small size, the buzzing machines, the tiny window and our body heat_ , Kyungsoo could say, except they'd already uncovered this mystery days ago.  
"You can always go to the hotel already." he said instead, and Chanyeol dismissed him like the stubborn person he was.  
"No, that wouldn't be fair to you."  
At night, when making calls was no longer possible, Chanyeol would diligently sort and categorize the mess that was the orphanage's paperwork, emphasize lying on 'work', though there was plenty of paper, too. But he'd finished that task the earlier night, and now he was basically on standby, patiently waiting for Kyungsoo to delegate minor tasks to him. Unfortunately, Kyungsoo was buried up to his nose in his easy, but effective version control system, and there was absolutely nothing Chanyeol could help him with.  
"I'll be right back." Chanyeol called out, and Kyungsoo didn't even bother turning towards him, merely humming. If only they could buy some food - but everything had long closed. Kyungsoo would have loved to indulge the other, to treat him to some ice cream or a chilled coke, for staying up even though he didn't have to. Maybe he could instead tell him how much he appreciated it. Yeah. He should do that.  
The night they arrived Chanyeol had asked him to be more outspoken, in order to get through his supposedly dense mind. Kyungsoo wasn't afraid to embarrass himself, but still, he _was_ holding himself back, that much he'd noticed already. The reason should have been obvious, but the incident with the puppy had him finally realize-  
Something cold and wet was placed on his forehead from behind, and Kyungsoo yelped.  
"What the-" he began, shirking away from the touch and turning in his chair to reveal a grinning Chanyeol, who held up two silly hand washcloths of the kids, which were dripping wet, obviously filled with ice cubes.  
"I improvised!" he happily said, pushing one of them into Kyungsoo's hand.  
"Here. To cool yourself!"  
Kyungsoo silently stared at him, as an icy droplet of water dripped from his now wet bangs. Then he got up to calmly sit on the ratty old couch stuffed in the corner, plunging down and ignoring his cracking bones. Chanyeol followed dutifully, sitting down next to him. and the moment his butt touched the couch, Kyungsoo had pressed the wet cloth into the back of his neck. Chanyeol actually yelled in shock, and Kyungsoo couldn't help smirking in victory. Chanyeol retaliated and soon they were trying to get the other as cold as possible, wrestling each other until the couch got too narrow and they landed on the floor instead. Chanyeol was taller, but Kyungsoo was sturdy and quick, squeezing the cloth right over the others collar to have the water drip down his shirt, while the other practically doused his head. Ultimately, they resorted to fighting with the ice cubes themselves, and Kyungsoo was sure his voice had never gotten as high as it got when Chanyeol dropped one inside his shirt, supposedly accidentally.  
Chanyeol's laughter was loud, too loud probably, but Kyungsoo didn't have it in him to care.  
  
Soon they were both lying on their back, staring at the ceiling, all huffing and exhausted. And dripping wet.  
They were both chuckling breathlessly, and Kyungsoo twisted his head to locate Chanyeol, lazily reaching out for him.  
Chanyeol noticed it and met him halfway, their fingers only loosely touching since both of them refused to move. His skin was cold and wet.  
Kyungsoo smiled.  
"You're unbelievable." he said into the silence, voice slightly hoarse. Chanyeol hummed.  
"I'm trying."  
Kyungsoo closed his eyes, concentrating on nothing but breathing steadily and feeling the others fingers gently pressed against his. Why did he feel so peaceful like this?  
"Thanks for staying up with me." he murmured, feeling the urge to share this positive feelings of his in some way. Chanyeol squeezed his fingers in response.  
"Don't mention it. We're in this together, right?"  
"Still, having someone to keep me company is really nice." Kyungsoo insisted, and now the other was chuckling in embarrassment.  
"Wah, having you actually voice your thoughts makes me all flustered." he claimed lightly, but genuinely nonetheless. Because Park Chanyeol just had this uncanny talent of being honest and yet very aware of the atmosphere around him.  
"Is that so? Wanna have one more, then?" Kyungsoo asked nonchalantly, the smidge of nervousness perfectly concealed. The Southener hummed in question.  
"I..." he began tentatively, searching for the right words. Chanyeol waited.  
"I never lied about liking you. The reason that I'm hesitating to really give you everything..."  
He trailed off, deciding on a different approach since this didn't led where he wanted it to.  
"You remember when I told you what I'm most afraid of?" he asked instead, eyes trained on the ceiling.  
"Not being true to yourself." Chanyeol replied almost diligently, and of course he would have remembered it well.  
"Yeah. You said I wouldn't hold back on anything but emotions, and that's true. It's not like I don't like you, but... ugh, this is hard to explain." he claimed in frustration, covering his face with the back of his free hand. Icy fingertips began to caress his own, rubbing along the digits slowly, soothingly. It sparked more in Kyungsoo than a caring gesture should, and he tried to regain focus.  
"Alright, look. Standing in for your beliefs and whatnot is easy if your _'attitude'_ is resolute and certain. I know what my heart wants, I pursue it, and I never regret anything. But if something... touches your heart, maybe changes something... then it becomes hard to tell whether what you're doing is something _you_ want or something others want. It's like... not entirely belonging to yourself? Am I even making sense, this is such a bad way to word it-"  
"It's okay, it's not bad, very clear actually!" Chanyeol fell in, though he took his time in the following silence to ponder his words. His fingers never ceased playing with Kyungsoo's, and truth to be told, he reveled in the tiny display of affection. Usually, Jongin would be on the receiving end of Chanyeol's attention and care, because Jongin obviously needed it. Kyungsoo didn't resent him for that - he liked Chanyeol, and being a generous people pleaser was who he was. Still, it was nice to see that Chanyeol didn't hesitate turning towards him as well, should he ever voice out the need for comfort.  
"I think everyone's afraid of change, though to different extents." Chanyeol finally said, voice thoughtful.  
"It may not be the same, but I realized it while writing for my blog - that I've begun to accommodate my posts, holding back on stuff in order not to cause trouble since we're all quite in the public's spotlight, right?"  
Kyungsoo hummed in agreement, as he peacefully lay there and let the others deep voice fill the room and envelop him.  
"So in a way, my posts were becoming more and more fake. It's such a gradual process, but at one point you stop, look back and forth and ask yourself what even happened. Even you noticed it, back then. And I was so amazed that you would just fight people trying to sway you, so now I'm trying to regain control over myself again, until I'm more comfortable. So... _you_ actually touched _me,_ too. Maybe some changes are good, you know?"  
The little speech warmed Kyungsoo's insides, in a way more pleasant way than the heavy air fanning over his skin. He had changed Chanyeol, and the other liked it? To Kyungsoo, changes of heart had to come from the inside, otherwise they rendered him open and vulnerable. But maybe Chanyeol was right. And if the other entrusted him a part of himself, even though he may not love him to the extent Kyungsoo loved him yet... then Kyungsoo could be brave, too.  
"Maybe, yeah. I'll keep that in mind." he simply said, the pads of his fingers feeling for the tiny fissures in Chanyeol's nails, not minding the way they scraped his skin.  
"Uhm... what did I do to change your mind about anything, if I may ask?" Chanyeol inquired carefully, as if testing his boundaries. As if Kyungsoo would hold back after just baring a much more intimate part of himself.  
"Ah, it's just... when you were petting that puppy, I thought about this stuff. How the way you are, and the fact that I like you influence my judgment. Suddenly, I felt like something as irrational as carrying a lost puppy to an orphanage of all places would be a really good idea. I don't know, you make me believe in stuff, I guess."  
With a stretched out hum, Chanyeol pulled his hand away to roll on his stomach. Kyungsoo looked up at him, his vision almost upside down. The other looked surprised, but not negatively so.  
"You told me that before. You said _my voice makes you believe_. I guess that makes sense now."  
Kyungsoo shot him a small grin.  
"Don't let it get to your head."  
"Will you get to my head, then?" Chanyeol cheekily replied, avoiding Kyungsoo's flailing arm aiming at him in retaliation.  
"That doesn't even make sense!"  
But Chanyeol was only laughing as he sauntered away to get them some towels. Kyungsoo knew he should get back to work, but for awhile he just kept lying there, getting used to the way pieces of himself had been laid out, and possibly rearranged a little. It didn't feel all that bad.  
  


* * *

  
  
"Yay, it's the same ferry as last time!" Chanyeol cheered, padding around the deck. Kyungsoo could only shake his head at him.  
"How can you be so eager after your last disastrous experience?"  
Chanyeol turned towards him with a blinding smile, silver hair already severley tousled form the wind.  
"Because sailing is fun! Besides, this time I took your pill thingies, so I'll be fine, right?"  
"I can't fathom why you don't have those yourself." Kyungsoo deadpanned, but he still stepped next to Chanyeol, who shrugged and leaned over the railing to stare into the waves.  
"We never even enjoyed ourselves with all the work we had," he pouted, swaying a little as the ferry took off, "we should go to the sea again, for real vacations."  
Kyungsoo silently smiled to himself, leaning his head into Chanyeol's side. _We._  This time, he was perfectly certain that Chanyeol was talking about the two of them. Just the two of them, for once.  
"I enjoyed myself." he peacefully said, and he felt the others hand reach around to rest on his shoulders. Keeping him close. Pressing him closer.  
Kyungsoo craned his head to look up at him in question, but the Southener's eyes were glued to the waves, an unreadable expression in them.  
"You don't deserve this." he suddenly said, sounding distinctly sad and conflicted. "But my attraction towards him is still there."   
_Jongin_.  
Kyungsoo didn't draw away, and he wasn't angry that Chanyeol brought him up. Jongin played a big role in Chanyeol's heart. Still. It was only about the two of them.  
"What you feel for others has little meaning to me," Kyungsoo began, voice calm and neutral, "I don't care about that. I care about what you feel for _me_."  
He felt the Southener's grip relax, now that Kyungsoo had made it clear he wasn't going anywhere.  
"Really?" he asked, genuinely wondering aloud, his gaze roaming the clouds now. "Is it really that easy?"  
Kyungsoo let out a short, breathy laugh.  
"Isn't the world complicated enough already?"  
A look upwards revealed that Chanyeol was nodding to himself in confirmation, and then everything was suddenly shifting as the Southener used his arm to steer Kyungsoo away from the railing and against one of the cabin walls, sheltering them from prying eyes.  
There was no hesitation left in Chanyeol as he leaned in to kiss him, and Kyungsoo felt an immediate, pleasant shudder when their lips met. One hand came to a rest on the side of Kyungsoo's neck, firmly palming the slightly damp and salty skin, as the other lay on his hips, already sneaking below his shirt.  
It was everything he had expected and more, because this was not the pity kiss Kyungsoo had predicted he'd get eventually. Chanyeol _meant_ it, and he felt it in his devotion, in the way his lips boldly nipped at his, warm, eager, slightly moist. Sharing the impatience Kyungsoo had kept to himself all the time. Just letting go. A few stray drops of salt water hit his cheeks, and suddenly, Kyungsoo wanted to smile - just because they were standing on a ferry, kissing like they had no care in the world and he was just so, so happy. He couldn't, obviously, and so he chose to turn them around with determination, playfully pressing Chanyeol against the wall to show him exactly how he liked to be kissed.   


 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was brought to you by NCT's "Switch" and Taeyeon's "Why", because summer vibes!
> 
> Love,  
> Sugar_and_Salt ♡
> 
> P.S.: I cured Yeol of his allergy, because why not indulge the animal-loving soul?


	16. Child of the Universe

  
  
People. Too many people behind him, beside him, even below him, their endless chatter creating a numb buzz. Jongin wasn't too fond of crowds, and the metallic railing in front of him became his pathetic little shelter. He grabbed it tightly with both hands as he looked over the crowd, thoughts lingering with Kyungsoo. Surely Kyungsoo wouldn't be all that happy about this situation either, and maybe that was the reason he wasn't there. Maybe all that stuff about the video conference with that orphanage they'd returned from a week ago was just an excuse. Having Kyungsoo around him would have definitely lifted his mood. Who he got instead was-  
"It's already quarter past seveeeen," Chanyeol whined, and Jongin _felt_ his presence closely behind him, "when are they going to start, I can't wait any longer, I'm too excited!"  
Yes. Of course Chanyeol would be free to attend the beneficial concert they'd been invited to. Of course. To be very honest with himself (and Jongin was always very honest with himself), Jongin was aware of the fact that if he had to choose... he would've chosen Chanyeol over Kyungsoo, too. Because whereas Kyungsoo was strong, but also slightly reluctant and anti-social, Chanyeol was in his element at a situation like this. There was no reason to worry Jongin might represent their team in a bad way, because Chanyeol would surely take the lead and show enough enthusiasm for both of them.  
And also being around Chanyeol had stopped being a chore, really. In this odd way that his best friend Sehun had called love-hate relationship when they'd last skyped. Jongin would rather prefer something less strong, maybe _fond-hate_ , but the essence was right.  
Still. All these people were a different story altogether, and being so close to Chanyeol wasn't exactly what he'd had in mind either, though it was inevitable.  
"Do you still have enough room?" he breathed right into his ear and Jongin squirmed away, resisting the urge to slap him or better yet, tackle him. But the alternative option would be to have strangers press up against him, and that was **not** an option right now.  
When the music started, Chanyeol's obnoxious cheers almost drowned out the thrumming bass and Jongin swore his ears were ringing. He still put up a mask of cheerful, albeit shy interest, in case someone decided to take a photo of them. It wasn't that he disliked music, oh no. But he just wasn't comfortable in this situation. A nagging voice told him that it had been a long time since he'd been truly comfortable anywhere that wasn't his apartment.  
The concert was a collaboration of two artists. One of them, a girlgroup, brought a loud and daring image with lots of heavy instrumentals and energetic voices, and Jongin liked them. If only Chanyeol would stop yelling and clapping and jumping and-  
the Southener crashed into him from behind, pressing him against the railing, to which Jongin replied with a glare sent over his shoulder.  
"Sorry, I was pushed!" he yelled over the noise, and both his hands found their way to the railing, in order to prevent the incident from happening again. Jongin felt cased in and it made him feel odd.  
"Maybe you should stop jumping like a gummiball, then!" he retaliated, and with a laugh he rather felt than heard, Chanyeol placed his chin on Jongin's shoulder, nudging him playfully.  
"You should relax a little! Concerts are for fun! No one here is watching you, the photos will be taken later, so what stops you?!"  
Jongin shrugged him off stubbornly and he relented, though the Southener's hands remained on that railing. No one was watching them? Really?  
He wanted to mistrust the airhead behind him, but Chanyeol had this annoying talent of knowing exactly when a camera lense was pointed at him, posing and smiling almost compulsively whenever it happened. Probably a habit of being in the spotlight for too long. And really, Chanyeol had once again voiced out the exact same thing he'd pondered earlier.  
_You should relax a little_ \- when was the last time he'd relaxed? Even at the dance studio he still felt a little isolated and foreign. Both Chanyeol and Kyungsoo probably thought he was just very, very stuck up, which wasn't fair. It wasn't his fault that the circumstances hadn't been favorable thus far. But they were now, right?  
After all, he was in this big, anonymous crowd together with a familiar person whom he could trust. Sure, maybe he didn't _want_ to rely on Chanyeol, but it was a fact that he could, whenever he wanted to. And maybe he should prove him exactly what kind of a person he could be.  
The Eastener closed his eyes and wiped his mind blank of anything but the music. God, he'd missed loud music. Back at home he'd loved to go to clubs with his friend, just freestyling for hours on end. All the unique little audio tracks creating a song together, fierce synthesizers, pumping bass, strong vocals...  
It was amazing how quickly he could fall into the song and translate it to his muscles. Sure, he was a little rusty at first, but that dissolved after a mere minute. Maybe his body had been aching to let go for far-too long already. His motions weren't very big or attention-seeking at first - after all, he didn't have a lot of room to work with. Still, the mere feeling of the song flowing to the different muscles in his body, coaxing them to move, was immensely satisfying. At this point he'd all but forgotten about Chanyeol, who was around him like a barrier between him and the noisy crowd. He was reminded quite rudely when the momentum of the crowd pushed them together, making light-weight Chanyeol a rather firm and quite aggressive presence. To his surprise, the other sought distance quicker than before, obviously flustered over pressing up to Jongin who had been in the middle of his small, sensual grinds.  
It sparked something in him. A fond memory of the days when he'd been out to club and his friend would never fail to give him an exasperated grin.  
  
Because Kim Jongin could be a fucking _tease_.  
And this was such a brilliant opportunity, it was impossible not to take it and throw Chanyeol off for once. Biting his lip in concentration, Jongin changed strategies and began to move with purpose - and that purpose was to fuck with Park Chanyeol. Metaphorically-speaking. Mostly. With him dating Kyungsoo he was pretty sure he had the right gender for this. Now teasing was an art he'd perfected long ago. Start out slow with a few brushes of your bodies, all innocent and accidental. Notch it up a bit, but always stay one with the song, make the other question his own innocence. And for all the great understanding Chanyeol had of him, Jongin was pretty sure he'd catch the poor puppy off guard nonetheless.  
One song later had him openly grinding against the body behind him. It was almost too easy, with the way he didn't see his face, and Jongin was seriously enjoying this. His eyes were fixed on Chanyeol's white knuckles around the railing, which occasionally twitched, but ultimately stayed where they were. No matter how harsh and unwelcoming Jongin would be, Chanyeol was impossible to faze. But _this_... this worked almost too well. He arched his back into another hard movement that bled into a flowing one, and Chanyeol _squirmed_. Another provocative movement and Jongin shamelessly confirmed that he was hard, grinning to himself, his amused snicker drowning in the noise.  
"Don't do that...!" Chanyeol finally called into his ear and Jongin turned his head to shoot him the most innocent look he could muster, tilting his head in a questioning manner.  
Chanyeol didn't buy it for a second.  
"We both know you're doing this on purpose!" he whined, and no, Jongin couldn't contain his grin any longer.  
"But you told me to relax!" he protested, underlining the statement with another body roll.  
Chanyeol squirmed even more, one hand instinctively flying to his waist to stop him, but the gesture turned out too intimate, and Chanyeol stuck to the railing after that, looking adorably out of his element and mildly helpless with his flushed cheeks and shining eyes. If he thought this was bad, he definitely wasn't prepared for the second artist, a boygroup who brought the slow, filthy rhythms.  
Jongin thoroughly enjoyed his predicament, because he was a terrible person like that, and after the concert, the poor Southener had to awkwardly tie his jacket around his hips to hide the result of Jongin's skilled, naughty moves. His hands remained folded in his lap throughout the whole interview afterwards. and high strung on his own emotions, Jongin made the infamous v-sign for Chanyeol with a cheeky grin.

 

* * *

  
  
"Oh my god, you're so mean!"  
Jongin only smiled to himself in silent content while Chanyeol took the lead, padding down the hallway and towards his apartment. He still let him in, because that was the original plan and Chanyeol was stupidly nice and unable to stay mad at him for too long.  
"Oh no, the remorse. I'll never get over this, what to do." Jongin said monotonously, and earned himself an actual glare by Chanyeol (which was about as threatening as a man-sized puppy could get).  
"Whatever, I'll shower first." he said in a 'take that' voice, and Jongin whatever-ed himself to the couch, already flipping out his phone.  
When he stepped out half an hour later, he found a written note on the table that told him Chanyeol was out to get pizza downstairs. Even Jongin couldn't find it in himself to argue when pizza was involved, so he sank into the couch with a soft sigh, toweling his damp hair and looking around the apartment aimlessly. It was more of a loft, really, but instead of the street lights below, Jongin was more interested in the interior, trying to spot changes from the last time he'd been here. Soon he found himself pacing down the room, looking at the countless photos on the wall. He wasn't trying to fool himself - he was clearly looking for a photo, a memo, just something... indicating that Chanyeol and Kyungsoo were now a couple. It wasn't like he doubted it - ever since they'd returned from their little trip, the change was apparent. The Southener had begun to relax, to be more touchy and open, though their displays of affection remained subtle, at most. Still, Chanyeol was leaning towards Kyungsoo... and away from him.  
Jongin silently huffed in self-deprecation. Well, of course he'd pull away. Relationships were above friendships, they always were.  
Still. That didn't change the fact that there was not a single sign that Chanyeol was in a relationship now. Nothing. The only addition to the already plastered wall was a photo of the three of them, obviously printed from the net and taken during their summer project. Hm. He wasn't sure how to feel about that. He saw his name out of the corner of his eyes and found it on a little sticky note on the crowded desk. It was taped to a simple USB stick and said nothing but:

**_Jongin - track 1!!_ **

Unable to contain his curiosity, Jongin reached for the stick. The note had caught quite a bit of dust. Maybe Chanyeol had changed his mind about showing him this? With a shrug, he approached the ridiculously big stereo in one corner of the room. It looked rather expensive, to the point that even Jongin touched it gingerly as he switched it on. Plugging the USB stick in was easy, switching into the correct mode wasn't any more of a challenge. Track one was called 'Child of the Universe', and started out rather quiet, with a female voice speaking over a minimum of acoustic guitar, voice rather hollow and a tiny echo making it sound like she was talking into empty space.

_Is it wrong to love more than one person?  
Whom did I borrow this luck from? _

Jongin's fingers froze on the button, and just like that, he was hooked. The words hit and resonated like he was the empty space she was singing into.  
Chanyeol wanted him to listen to this, because Chanyeol understood Jongin in a subconscious, eery way. And maybe he was one step ahead of Jongin himself yet again.

_Why is falling in love this easy?  
Are the best things always elsewhere? _

"Hey Jongin- no, wait, don't listen to this-"  
He hadn't even heard the other arrive, but now he was by his side, fumbling on the stereo in an uncharacteristic effort to stop him. Jongin protested almost instinctively, latching on to the song that was flooding the speakers, pushing at Chanyeol's hands.

_Why am I under your spell?  
When will my life finally begin? _

Chanyeol's resistance was fading, and soon they were both standing there, hands oddly intertwined on the stereo as the song launched into the refrain, and Jongin felt the goosebumps running down his arm almost painfully.

 _I, a child of the universe,_  
am perpetually seeking completion  
Seeing that truth will forever be out of reach

This hit home so hard that it pressed the air out of his lungs. Why? Why did Chanyeol see all this in him? Why did he have to understand what he shouldn't be able to understand?  
And why was Chanyeol the one whose fingers were shaking?  
Jongin turned his head to see... that he was crying. Not flat out wailing, but harshly blinking against the silent tears running down his cheeks, and _Chanyeol was crying_.  
Jongin stared at him with wide eyes, the song currently forgotten.  
Normally, he'd be all snarky and make fun of the Southener at any given instance, but he'd never seen him like this before.  
Before he could begin to think of something to say, Chanyeol lowered his gaze, attempted to draw away, and Jongin acted out of instinct. In one swift move, he'd pulled the other into a hug which sent them tumbling, and Jongin pulled him down to the floor, into a comfortable, sitting position. The tall body in his arms was warm, and Chanyeol only hesitated for a second, before accepting the gesture and leaning into it, burying his face in Jongin's neck. What a role reversal, Jongin numbly thought, as his hands reached up to pet the silver strands., feeling the shivers racking the other. He wanted to ask him for the reason of this outburst, but he didn't. He didn't... _dare_ to. Chanyeol was always simple and open, like a loyal little puppy, but this side of him was deeper, and Jongin didn't understand any of it. It went way deeper than the superficial hurt others had inflicted on him before, or maybe it was just different really seeing it in person. It was like looking into a loyally serving mirror, only to find out that there was a whole world beyond the glass. Hot tears stained his freshly showered skin, and he felt the others hands draw him in even closer.  
One thing was certain - it was the song. The song which was reaching its second chorus.  
  
_I, a child of the universe,_  
am perpetually seeking completion  
Seeing that truth will forever be out of reach  
  
Under the brilliantly shining stars I'll find what I'm yearning for  
A place in the universe of my dreams

  
"It hurts," Chanyeol mumbled, voice rougher than usual as he drew away to look at Jongin with red eyes. "It just hurts so fucking much. I'm sorry..."  
_What are you apologizing for_ , Jongin wanted to ask, but his mind and body were so numb and fuzzy. With shaky fingers, the Southener reached out to wipe at Jongin's face and oh, he was crying, too.  
Since when? And why? Was it because of the song, because Chanyeol was breaking down, because of something else altogether?  
With a choked huff, Chanyeol pulled him closer again, either hiding his own pathetic expression or saving Jongin from having to bare his. Maybe a little bit of both.  
"I meant to show you this because it reminded me of you," he began, hands firmly pushing against Jongin's shoulder blades, who just let it happen as he stared at the carpet with glassy eyes, "but... but now it reminds me of _myself_ , too. What a joke..."  
  
Jongin didn't reply, but he didn't laugh either. For the longest time, they were sitting huddled together on the floor while the song found its end in an endlessly repeated question that was calling out into the emptiness.

  
  
Why is falling in love so easy?  
Why is falling in love so easy?  
  
...why is falling in love so easy?

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short, but impactful chapter...!  
> I've been itching to write this, and I could have ventured into a much longer chapter, but it felt right to leave it at this for now.  
> The song I mentioned is indeed called 'Child of the Universe' by Austrian singer Christina Stürmer.  
> There are multiple versions of this song and basically no good translation, so sorry for not providing a link. I might add the rest of the verses at a given time.  
> It's basically Jongin's song, though the exact reason for that will only surface later.
> 
> Much love,  
> Sugar_and_Salt~ ♡
> 
>  
> 
> P.S.: If you're interested, the band Nini was jamming out to was Blackpink - and the one after that was NCT c:


	17. The Inventor of the Kiss

Chanyeol inhaled deeply, getting a whiff of his own shampoo and the distinct scent of Jongin lingering on the boy's sleep shirt. He didn't know how many songs had passed, but they were still sitting here, embracing each other. It was pretty intimate, the way he felt the boy's chest rise and fall. Soft and steady. And though it was definitely not uncomfortable, it couldn't quite compare with the familiarity that had become Kyungsoo. Chanyeol was good with words, but he felt like there were none to describe the difference in their scents and feel.  
Both he and Jongin had stopped crying, and maybe this should feel awkward, but it didn't. The only thing he felt was quiet, simmering guilt watching his every move. Relentlessly reminding him that this was not his boyfriend. Warning him not to enjoy this.  
 _I'm loyal_ , he thought to himself.  
 _I'm loyal._  
All of a sudden, Jongin huffed out a breathy laugh. Chanyeol _felt_ it.  
"Why are we like this?" he asked into the room, so quiet that his voice broke into a whisper along the syllables. Was he talking about their current position, their odd push-and-pull relationship, or the fact that they had both started crying pathetically over a song?  
Chanyeol didn't know. So he hummed noncommittally. He felt Jongin's fingers tighten on his back, as if preparing himself, but it took him a few tries to actually pull away. He was probably dying of embarrassment right now over being so lenient with him, Chanyeol guessed. He could basically hear Jongin's inner conflict of having to face him. He'd noticed it before, more than once even, that Jongin was much less reserved when he wasn't forced into direct confrontation.  
Squabbling with Chanyeol over a video game while staring at the screen came easy to him.  
Getting playful with him -in a questionable manner- while facing away? That had caught him off guard, but he'd taken it as a sign of affection. Now he'd even held him for comfort while hiding his own face. It was a big step, and he could only imagine how hard it must be for the withdrawn boy to face him now. To be honest, Chanyeol was rather distraught himself, and worrying over Jongin was strangely grounding. It helped push his own conflicts to the back for the time being. He had already cracked way too hard. It was like he was being held together by nothing but a thin, silken thread at this point, and he couldn't break down completely in front of Jongin.  
He kept his gaze studiously lowered as Jongin probably looked him up and down, both palms resting on Chanyeol's upper arms.  
"Why would this song remind you of me?" he ultimately asked, voice still quiet and almost dull. Chanyeol peeked up at him, and seeing the other this raw and vulnerable was almost too much. It didn't help that Chanyeol didn't know. He couldn't put it into words. It was just that the song was about someone who looked further than simple love and lust, questioning social rules and striving for nothing but a state of completion. He couldn't help it, Jongin would just keep popping up in his mind.  
"I... don't know. I thought that it suits you. I felt like you'd just want to be happy," he uttered lowly, correcting himself with an unsure grin, "I mean, sure, everyone wants to be happy, but not... like this."  
Alright, he really couldn't find the appropriate words. Jongin still seemed to get him for once - maybe because this was about him, not Chanyeol. His expression melted into one of mild resignation.  
"Why don't I hate you anymore?" he asked, more to himself than anything, voice quiet and almost gentle. Chanyeol ignored the shudder running down his spine at this, jumping in to cool the situation in advance with a light response.  
"Because we're friends now."  
To his surprise, Jongin's eyebrows twitched in annoyance and he averted his gaze again.  
His hands were sinking down Chanyeol's arms to rest in the crook of his elbow. They stayed there.  
"I **_hate_** the word friends." he breathed out, and the actual agony lacing his words was strong enough to have his voice break. Chanyeol tensed in worry, thoughts racing as to what he'd possibly done wrong. Usually, he had a pretty good idea as to what was moving Jongin. Right now, he didn't, though.  
"Why?"  
Jongin silently shook his head, a gesture of pulling away, while his fingers tightened. Others would be irritated at Jongin's habit of giving mixed signals, but Chanyeol knew which ones to trust. If Jongin truly wanted him to back off, he'd have shoved him off long ago. Jongin wanted to talk, and if he needed time, Chanyeol would give him as much as he needed. He waited. Patiently.  
"Did you hear that one line of the song? _Who invented the kiss_?" he finally asked, still not meeting his eyes. Chanyeol hummed in affirmation.  
"Do you ever ask yourself that?"  
He blinked, not having expected this type of question. Chanyeol was a naturally curious person, but this was not something he'd ever consciously wondered about.  
"Not really." he replied a little helplessly, unable to see where this was going.  
"I do. A lot." Jongin whispered, sounding almost broken, and in a careful attempt to console him, Chanyeol placed his own hand over one of Jongin's. His fingers felt slightly cold, suggesting that Chanyeol's skin was warmer. They also twitched, but remained where they were.  
"Why would you think about that?" he asked softly, and Jongin looked up. He should have felt it sooner with their close proximity and the heavy question about kisses hanging in the air. But it was something about the look in Jongin's eyes, something searching, something vulnerable and soft.  
 _This atmosphere is wrong_ , Chanyeol thought, and his chest tightened.  
 _Wrong_.  
"Because I wonder about the value of kisses." he said quietly, and Chanyeol wanted to squirm under the uncharacteristically steady eye contact, "if it's not that, what about this song is getting to you?"  
In a split second, Chanyeol's eyes had flitted down to their hands, feeling caught red-handed. He should've expected that Jongin wouldn't let his slip up go like that. Because whenever Jongin did actually notice something to be off about him, he wouldn't stay passive.  
Usually, Chanyeol would revel in the chance to get closer to Jongin, but now things were different. He couldn't possible tell him about this stupid crush he's had on him since he first laid eyes on him in person. This stubborn little infatuation that was now becoming a serious issue. Because Chanyeol was with Kyungsoo now, and he had to quickly get over this. But like the song said, falling for someone was all-too easy.  
Jongin was still looking at him in serious intrigue, and Chanyeol fumbled for appropriate words.  
"I just. I'm just scared I might fuck up. That I might ruin... things." he trailed off, hoping that Jongin would simply interpret it as him being worried about being in a relationship in general. It always filled him with regrets to do so, but if he wanted to, it was decisively easy to misguide Jongin with words.  
It seemed to work, and Jongin actually smiled in fond exasperation. He looked a little tired now, maybe the aftermath of his earlier emotional breakdown.  
"You're really just the opposite of Kyungsoo, aren't you?"  
 _Because he's a good person and I'm not, because I'm fickle?_ , Chanyeol thought, but bit his lips to keep the comment to himself.  
"You pretty much lack all intuition regarding what you're capable of, just like Kyungsoo, and yet completely unlike him. Kyungsoo overestimates himself all the time, don't you think?"  
Chanyeol gave his best not to show the shock he felt at this accurate statement. Jongin hadn't been present, of course, but it was true, and Chanyeol only really understood it during their trip. That despite looking collected and in control, Kyungsoo was overly ambitious, simply lunging himself into challenges, spurred on by confidence. He had confessed to Chanyeol, exuding this perfect certainty, when in reality he wasn't prepared for an actual relationship at all.  
"His strong resolve alone gets him pretty far," Jongin voiced out Chanyeol's thoughts, "and it just makes you want to rearrange the world into a state wherein his believes work. There's no need to do that for you though, because you accommodate without breaking all the time..."  
He didn't know whether he should blush at this or not, but it definitely felt like a compliment he wasn't sure he deserved. Jongin sighed, and again it felt like Chanyeol wasn't in on his worries, like the sigh was directed at something bigger.  
"Both of you suck at self-evaluation so much."  
Chanyeol attempted a self-deprecating grin, which slowly died at Jongin's next words.  
"Unlike you, I know what I can take. I always do," he began, voice dying down into a whisper, "and I know I can't take any of _this_ much longer."  
"Any of what?" Chanyeol asked immediately, worry chiming louder than his own fears and conflicts, because he felt that he was getting close to something important, an essential information he was lacking.  
"What don't I understand?" he prodded urgently, and Jongin snapped back into it, looking at him with poorly concealed pain, mouth opening and closing, before settling on a simple question.  
"When did we all stop hating each other?"  
Again, Chanyeol hesitated, and Jongin didn't give him the time to think it through, finally drawing away. The Southener wasn't sure whether he felt relieved or sad at the loss of warmth. He looked up at the other, who had gotten to his feet, toweling his damp hair a last time. Their eyes met, and Jongin looked almost defiant, as if a bit of his child-like defense mechanisms had returned by now.  
"I shouldn't be the only one pondering the value of kisses." he began, and Chanyeol blinked as he tried to keep up with the sudden throwback in their conversation.  
"Why do people regard them so highly, anyway? After all, you make me feel everything, and we never kissed."  
 _What?_  
Chanyeol could do nothing but look after the Eastener, who disappeared into his bathroom.  
 _Was this... a confession? An actual confession?_  
Why? Jongin used to hate him though. And Chanyeol was with Kyungsoo now.  
 _He couldn't do this._  
Unable to do anything at all, Chanyeol just sat there on the floor, mind mostly blank. It didn't necessarily have to be a confession. There were all sorts of feelings Chanyeol had certainly sparked in him before. Anger, annoyance, exasperation, yes. But lately he could probably add joy, security and maybe even affection. Platonic affection.  
Yes, it didn't have to be a confession, and Chanyeol still felt like he was missing another piece of information. Just... something.

He was still sitting there when Jongin emerged, now fully dressed as he muttered something about how he should probably go home now. Only when he straightened up after tying his shoe laces, did Chanyeol call after him.  
"Wait. You asked when we stopped hating each other." he said, standing in the hallway at a fair distance, looking probably as lost and distraught as he felt.  
"I think it was around the time you proposed we be honest with each other." Chanyeol said, sounding much braver than he felt. Praying for Jongin to enlighten him, to open up and really be honest. He didn't. A second of hesitation later, Jongin turned away and after a soft click of the door, he left Chanyeol to stand in his lone apartment like an abandoned kid.  
Left him alone, surrounded by the echo of their conversation that kept replaying in his mind. Again. And again. The way they had held on to each other, the way Jongin had looked at his lips while talking about kissing...  
Chanyeol silently cursed as he slowly sank to his knees, one hand on the wall for safety. His surroundings were starting to blur.  
 _I'm loyal._  
He recalled the tempting, heavy atmosphere earlier, and how an undeniable part of him _wanted_ Jongin, and it was wrong. He tried to think of Kyungsoo, of the wonderful comfort he'd felt the day before, when he'd forced the shorter guy into back hug he eventually reciprocated, offering him shelter and a break from all the work. He liked Kyungsoo. Really. He really, really liked him. It was more than just practicality. Really.  
But there was also Jongin, and the conflict was crushing him. As if the stress was manually increasing gravity, pressing the air out of his lungs, and _oh no_ , not this.   
_Not now, not ever, please_ , Chanyeol chanted inside his head, one hand pressed against his chest, vainly attempting to relieving the pressure on his lungs. His insides constricted and inhaling became tortuously difficult. He knew the signs, and he knew that keeping calm was the most important thing right now. The sudden cold, the fear, shivers... he definitely must not give in to them. But his mind was incapable of not thinking about it.  
 _I'm loyal, I'm loyal, I'm loyal._  
It had been years since this last happened, and Chanyeol knew he shouldn't do this. But he had to go to work tomorrow, and it was late already, so there was not a lot of time left to recover. So instead of forcing his body through the wave of panic, he stumbled through the apartment until he found the pills stuffed into a forgotten drawer. His fingers were shaking so badly that he broke a glass, and instead messily drank from a plastic water bottle to speed up the medicine's effect. Afterwards, he blindly stumbled towards his bed, and tried not to curl himself together, in order to ease the strain on his twitching muscles. Tried to just breathe.

The next day, Chanyeol didn't appear at work.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're probably asking yourself: Whaaat, another update already?  
> Well, the previous chapter has been pretty short, and... alright, I just love writing this. Sue me.  
> This chapter is even shorter, but as things are happening at a quicker pace, the intervals of pov-switches have to shorten, as well.
> 
> Love,  
> Sugar-and-Salt ♥


	18. You, I get

  
  
It was Tuesday and Chanyeol had yet to make an appearance. The atmosphere in their office was glum, and though Kyungsoo did get some work done, his mind was distracted. His eyes would flit to the clock above their door, his fingers would absently check his phone for new messages. Of course he had contacted him. When Chanyeol hadn't shown up on Monday, Kyungsoo had first texted him, assuming the ditsy boy had finally overslept for good. Chanyeol stated he was sick.  
Kyungsoo immediately offered to come over after work.  
He told him that no, he'd rather not, but really, thank you. That it was no big deal.  
Kyungsoo could hardly force him, so he feigned more patience than he had, assuring him that it was fine, and that he should get some rest.  
Now it was already Tuesday though, and well past noon.  
Sure, Kyungsoo _would_ be patient. If only he knew what exactly was going on. He tried not to exhale too loudly, to not make it sound like a sigh, tapping his pen against the stack of bills he was working on. _Tap, tap_ , just like he'd used to, in the way he knew agitated Chanyeol. Would it now annoy Jongin, instead? Kyungsoo wouldn't know, because the Eastener was perfectly quiet, save for the occasional clicks on his keyboard and rustling sounds of paper. The silence was thick and for once, Kyungsoo didn't enjoy it.  
Maybe the mood wouldn't be this strained, if Chanyeol wouldn't have gone missing in action just after that concert on Sunday. The concert he'd attended with Jongin. Kyungsoo had been planning on waiting to hear about it from Chanyeol in person, he really had.  
But...  
"Hey."  
He tried to keep his voice neutral, and even before he turned, he heard the typing cease. Jongin was looking at him questioningly over his monitor, but there was also misery swimming in his eyes. Right, Jongin had been looking even more miserable than usual today. Kyungsoo had given him the benefit of doubt, since maybe Jongin was just missing Chanyeol and their banter. Maybe all of this was a coincidence and Jongin was squirming at the idea of being alone with Kyungsoo. But something about the look he was giving him right now reinforced his suspicions. Was it guilt?  
"Did anything happen between you and Chanyeol on Sunday?" he asked, straight-forward and yet as non-threatening as possible. Chanyeol was always nagging him to be 'more gentle' with the elusive boy. Kyungsoo was generally willing to humor him, and he had begun to think that maybe there could even be some odd form of colleague-ship between them - but if Jongin had somehow hurt Chanyeol, he surely wouldn't let him off easily.  
Jongin didn't avert his gaze, didn't show any physical sign a liar would.  
"No."  
But the silence had stretched on for an unnatural amount of three seconds. Kyungsoo had never been able to pinpoint what was going on in Jongin's mind, and without Chanyeol's constant reminder, he would still be tending towards the answer 'nothing'.  
...alright, this wasn't true. He'd gotten odd little glimpses at Jongin's actual personality before, and considering them and especially the 180 degree turn he made when interacting with Chanyeol, Jongin might actually be one hell of a liar. After all, he was putting up a sweet and naive front to everyone who wasn't the Southener, which was not too different from lying. Why anyone would weave themselves into a net of so many lies was beyond him. So at this point, Kyungsoo was mainly very damn confused about Kim Jongin. And unwilling to play games.  
"Don't play coy with me. I'm not an idiot." he snapped, and Jongin actually flinched, though it looked less like shy, flighty Jongin being intimidated and more like actual pain.  
"What went on between you two?" he repeated his question, and for a second, Jongin closed his eyes, as if summoning the will to keep his composure. It was a rare gesture for Jongin, but a rather common gesture for either agitated or miserable people who were about to break down. Kyungsoo certainly did, without warning.  
"Don't even think of giving me another lie right now!" he hissed, slamming his palm on the table. Jongin jumped at the sound, looking mildly scared, and this still didn't feel right, and Kyungsoo wanted to scream.  
" _Just get real for once, goddammit_!" he yelled, getting to his feet, glaring Jongin down from his position. Emotions flit over the others face, quickly hushing over his wide orbs, not reaching his lips. Kyungsoo didn't get them. Jongin kept staring at him.  
With a frustrated groan and hearty curse, Kyungsoo grabbed his phone and jacket, rushing out of the office. Getting out of there before he might actually try to punch this guy.  


  
  
He'd walked a good five minutes, but the cool autumn air didn't do anything to calm him down. Because Kyungsoo wasn't driven by _impulsive_ anger. That is, he might get angry very quickly in certain situations, but never without a reason. And he wouldn't just cool off in time. No, only a solution to his problem would actually fix his emotional state, too.  
He came to a halt, slightly wet leaves making dissatisfying sloshy noises beneath his shoes. Not paying them any heed, Kyungsoo lifted his gaze to the rather showy apartment complex, that really looked more like a modern hotel with all the glass twinkling in the lazy afternoon sun. From this point he didn't have to raise his head too high. From this point, he knew Chanyeol could see him, should he choose to look outside his ridiculously high window. He'd see a tiny red blotch at the seam of the nearby park, too vibrant to be a fallen leaf. He dialed his number and pressed the phone against his ear, careful not to touch himself with his icy fingers. It rang thrice, before Chanyeol accepted the call.  
"Hello?" he asked, sounding hesitant but not necessarily sick, and Kyungsoo tried not to think about the thing he had for his voice, especially when it filled him over the speakers, where Chanyeol's general goofiness had no chance to ruin the moment.  
"Hey." he replied simply, and for a few seconds, neither said a word.  
Suddenly, Kyungsoo didn't want to say any of what he'd planned. Suddenly, just the fact alone that they were on the phone felt like they were connected at least somehow. As if this alone was already good enough. God, he was such a goner for this guy.  
He licked his lips, mindlessly staring up at the general area he assumed Chanyeol's apartment to be in. There were many things he could say now.  
"When will you come back?" he ultimately asked.  
 _I'm confused, worried, and I'm missing you_ , he thought. But he'd promised Chanyeol to do more than this, and he was determined to do this right.  
"I want us to hug, and to fall asleep like that." he added, a little clumsy as he tried to put his exact feelings into words.  
"I'll only let go when you regained your trust in me," he announced, no, _promised_ , staring at the row of glass windows, as if Chanyeol was looking at him right now, "so if it takes days, you better be prepared."  
"I am trusting you!" came the immediate reply, and he could all but see Chanyeol desperately gesturing with his hands.  
"Really. I really, truly trust you. Please try to believe me?"  
His voice sounded so genuine, and Kyungsoo huffed out a laugh at the irony.  
"Great, you're cheating. If I protest now, it would be me who lacks trust, huh?"  
Chanyeol whined at this, though it lacked the usual amount of drama and fun. It was more of a wince.  
"No, I wasn't- look, I just needed some time. And... maybe I'm a coward, too. No, I _know_ I'm a coward. But never was I planning on shutting you out. I'll tell you everything. Promise."  
"Then come down here, Rapunzel." Kyungsoo said, and it actually got him a quick, breathy laugh.  
"Okay," he mumbled after a while, as if making up his mind right now, "Okay. I will. I kinda look like shit right now, but yeah. I'll join you later at the office."  
"Dolling yourself up for me?" Kyungsoo asked lightly, but he was unable to keep the concern out of his voice, "we don't have to meet up at the office. We can go anywhere."  
"I'll just snatch you away from your precious work, and then we can go and get something to eat, how does that sound?" Chanyeol asked, and it was nice to hear a trace of the familiar lightheartedness seeping back into him. Kyungsoo smiled, and turned around to return to the office.  
"Deal. I'll try to get your work done until then. Oh, and Chanyeol-" he said, stopping in his tracks. The other hummed in question, and Kyungsoo drew a deep breath.  
"Don't stress yourself too much. If you tell me to wait, I will. As long as you give me a sign, I can calmly take it. Just don't leave me hanging, okay?" he ended, sounding more insecure than he intended to. Because true commitment really was this scary, and a minor incident like this was already swaying him more than it should.  
"I'm sorry, Soo. I won't do it again. Thanks."  
"I'm taking apologies in pizza slices."  
"I'll make sure you won't want me to apologize again for the next year or so, then."  
Kyungsoo smiled, and the world felt remotely alright again.  
  


  
  
He tried not to exude too much happiness when he returned to the office, since he was still pissed at Jongin, and there was no reason to make him believe a little walk in the park would make his overall fake-ness alright. Fine, he did feel a tiny bit of guilt over his outburst, but only because at the end of the day, he should have silently waited for Chanyeol to approach him. He should've just ignored Jongin, but impatience had gotten the better of him. Well, now it was decisively easier to leave the boy be, as Kyungsoo attacked his work with newly-found vigor. He didn't even hear the other typing anymore; Jongin had probably given in to laziness. Whatever, Kyungsoo wasn't in the mood to fight him any more.  
Minutes ticked by, and even though Kyungsoo was highly anticipating finally seeing Chanyeol, work finally managed to stop him from counting the minutes.  
"What would you do..." a voice suddenly spoke up, ripping Kyungsoo out of his work-induced stupor. It was so obviously Jongin, and yet it didn't _sound_ like Jongin. It was too pensive, too void of the usual hesitance, shyness, or even temperament he used to talk to Chanyeol. He looked over his shoulder to see the other absently playing with a fountain pen, eyes observing it with a calm fixation he rarely showed.  
"...if I told you I'm into Chanyeol?" he asked, almost casually.  
 _Don't take him from me,_ Kyungsoo thought before he could help it.  
 _You're too late!  
He's with me now._  
Kyungsoo blinked.  
"Excuse me?" he ultimately asked purposefully slowly, turning completely in his chair to face the other. Seeing his movement, Jongin's eyes flit up to meet his. He'd never seen him so damn _calm_.  
"You wanted to know what happened on Sunday? I confessed to him. Are you going to punch me now?" he asked with something akin to mild interest.  
 _Yes_ , his thoughts instantly yelled. But Kyungsoo stayed put, frozen in his seat. This didn't make sense.  
"What are you saying? You hated Chanyeol." he stated, suppressing the instinctive wave of anger. Because Kyungsoo was a person of reason. This situation was odd and uncertain, and Kyungsoo could only really let his anger out if the target was clear.  
Jongin had the nerve to shrug.  
"So? He used to hate you, too."  
Kyungsoo didn't know what to say to this. Not only because it was true, but because he knew Chanyeol also liked Jongin. Had liked him all along, and still did, to whatever extend, like him _right now_.  
Numb fingers clawed into his own thighs, gripping at the rough jeans fabric. Things were slipping his control. He was losing Chanyeol. But no, he had to have faith, he told himself.  
It had worked before. _Just have faith in Chanyeol_. _He wouldn't hurt me on purpose_.  
Meanwhile Jongin was gauging his reaction, a shadow of conflict ghosting over his features.  
"And I liked _you_ first, you know?"  
"Me?" Kyungsoo asked, voice actually cracking in disbelief. His face was heating up at the confession without his consent, and he hated it.  
Jongin liked him? Since when? Was he just the type to be reserved towards someone he liked? He hadn't even realized Jongin was swinging this way.  
But all this was slipping into the background, as his anger was fighting to surface. For all this time, Jongin had silently pined after him, just to switch to Chanyeol, presumably because the Southener had been so nice to him? What was his intention of coming forth now? Did he want to stand between them, was he announcing that he'd fight for Chanyeol? Kyungsoo took a deep breath.  
 _Don't. Don't start yelling just yet._  
"Why are you telling me this?" he asked, voice exuding a tension so thick that Kyungsoo himself didn't dare making a move, realizing just how close he was to truly making a scene.  
Jongin just stared at him, wetting his lips almost absently, fingers still twirling the pen in his hand.  
"Because I couldn't keep it to myself any longer." he began, eyes breaking contact for just a second before meeting his again.  
"And also to tell you that I'm not planning to act on it."  
Kyungsoo must have looked confused, despite everything, because Jongin visibly swallowed and elaborated.  
"I will not try to get closer to any of you, because I literally can't."  
Kyungsoo imagined hearing the tiniest sound and looked towards the door. It was slightly ajar, but he remembered all-too well how he himself had stood there once, watching Chanyeol and Jongin hug. Continuously worrying about the traitorous shadows on the ground-  
"Chanyeol."  
His voice was strict and much more certain than he himself felt. Jongin stared at him with wide eyes, but Kyungsoo's gaze was fixated on the cheap carpet.  
"Park Chanyeol, I know you're standing there. I believe this concerns you, too, so feel free to join us."  
He saw Jongin's eyes flit between him and the door, and a quiet creaking sound told him that the other was entering from his vantage point. For some reason, Kyungsoo didn't dare look at him. Was he afraid of the emotion he'd see on his features?  
"How long have you been standing there?" Jongin asked, no, demanded, and Kyungsoo felt the other shuffle around and pull out a chair to have a seat next to him. At least he chose him right now, huh?  
He stealthily watched the other, took in the sight of his familiar, not too worn-out hoodie, let his eyes roam over his thighs to the hands clasped tightly in his lap. The mere presence beside him was filling a space he hadn't realized was there, and the faint scent of his cologne was grounding. Chanyeol was here, seeking his proximity. He just had to hope the other wasn't driven by guilt.  
"How long?!" Jongin repeated, sounding almost panicked, and Chanyeol flinched visibly.  
"Long enough," he began, voice all shaky and uncharacteristically weak, "I-I think I got the gist."  
His whole posture seemed stiff, and had the whole confession done this to him? Was it pure stress and pressure making him sick? Because he hadn't sounded simply scared, but genuinely _sick_ , and seeing him like this confirmed his suspicion. It wouldn't be a strange thought, since Chanyeol was always all-too eager to make things right, and to function __properly , to be a perpetually turning clog in the complex arrangement that were social relationships, never to stutter and hinder others. It had taken him a lot to open up to Kyungsoo, but now he was experiencing pressure from two opposing sites he was actually emotionally invested in. Maybe Kyungsoo should feel alarmed over the fact that Chanyeol was this unwilling to let Jongin go, but he wasn't. He was also unwilling to let Kyungsoo go, and that meant all hope wasn't lost just yet.  
"I. I think I also finally get it. The problem, I get you-" Chanyeol all but stammered, forcing Kyungsoo to split his attention and acknowledge Jongin's presence in the room. The latter had gone awfully pale.  
"You're asexual, aren't you?"  
  
Just like this, the perpetually twirling pen slipped his fingers and hit the desk.  


 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally...!  
> I've been seriously looking forward to this moment, so that's why I'm updating this quickly lately.  
> I bet most of you have seen it coming by now, haven't you? With all the hints Jongin dropped throughout the last chapters...  
> Let me know whether you were surprised or not~ ♥
> 
> Love,  
> Sugar_and_Salt ♥
> 
> P.S.: it's up to you how to interpret the title of this chapter - whether you'll think of 'get' as an acronym for 'understanding' or 'receiving/being gifted' with.


	19. Keep Me Together

Jongin stared at him, all pretense wiped off his face.  
He looked... scared.  
As it was so often the case, Kyungsoo was the first one to get himself together.  
"What does that mean?"  
His voice was calm, but there was a speck of uncertainty to his question. Chanyeol felt bad for him, no, for both of them.  
"If you're asexual, you're not-" Chanyeol began timidly, but was swiftly cut off by Kyungsoo.  
"I know what it means," he stated, and Chanyeol physically flinched at the sharp undertone that Kyungsoo hadn't used on him in a long time. "I know the textbook definition, and it says that there are many different interpretations," Kyungsoo continued, putting an obvious effort into staying calm, "that's why I'm asking."  
Jongin stared at him now, and Chanyeol could see the way he was desperately searching for words, could see it in the way his fingers were slightly shaking, nails pressing into his tan skin. It was a habit of Jongin's, one he'd fall into whenever he was very nervous. Kyungsoo, on the other hand, remained an enigma to him. He'd been rather quiet and controlled throughout the whole exchange, but this reveal had him close off even more. Or maybe Chanyeol just couldn't read him because he was blinded by fear. Fear that he had messed up for good, fear that every further step would make their situation worse.  
"I..." Jongin began, and now the attention was on him alone. Jongin had told him that he knew very well what he was capable off, so he must have been aware of how though his would be for him, too. Chanyeol wanted to comfort him, but even if Jongin was right next to him, he knew he'd be too afraid to move a muscle. He didn't even dare look Kyungsoo in the eye right now.  
Jongin exhaled deeply, and met Kyungsoo's gaze with all the strength he could muster. It wasn't much.  
"I don't have sexual relationships. By choice," he began, speaking very slowly to control the tremble in his voice, "what I feel and do, is defined as 'platonic' relationships."  
Chanyeol wanted to intervene, just because the brunet's eyes were beginning to shine with unshed tears, but Jongin appeared determined to get this over with.  
"So what I'm saying is- I'm not-"  
Jongin swallowed hard and forced his body to relax, forced himself to look at them.  
"I'm not going to come in between you."  
"How would you define it?" Kyungsoo asked, not missing a beat. And still, Chanyeol was only left to watch the exchange, dearly wishing he could escape it, escape the whole messy situation. Because the way Jongin was behaving, the way he had talked to him at the night of the concert, didn't suggest platonic. And somehow, Kyungsoo must've sensed it, too.  
"Why do you care? It wouldn't make a difference-"  
"It does make a difference!" Kyungsoo fell in, and now a bit of his anger was flashing up. "Whether we like it or not!"  
" _It does **not** make a difference_!" Jongin yelled right back at him, jumping to his feet as he raised his voice against Kyungsoo for the second time ever. The first tear was already wetting the corner of his eyes, and his face was dusted red by both anger and desperation alike.  
"Whether I'm telling you I love you or not won't affect the outcome if what I feel is platonic friendship for _everyone else_! It doesn't fucking matter! I can't prove my feelings, I can't prove that I'm in love - because apparently, love is defined by sex!"  
Not even Kyungsoo said anything as Jongin furiously rubbed over his eyes with his sleeves.  
"No one would ever take it seriously, especially not if it's two persons - it's nothing but a proof to the world that this are fucking worthless, platonic feelings!" he spat, full of disdain, and Chanyeol opened his mouth before he knew it.  
"They're not worthless! I like both of you, too, and I'm not asexual-"  
He sucked in a deep breath, stopping abruptly. He'd said it out loud. That he liked Jongin. He'd said it out loud, like an intentional slap to Kyungsoo's face. Jongin, too, seemed more than surprised by this, judging by the way he stilled in his outburst.  
"I-I'm sorry..." Chanyeol mumbled, eyes flitting down into his lap. He's said it, and now Kyungsoo must think he'd leave him, and there was this pressure in his lungs acting up again-  
Kyungsoo placed his hand over Chanyeol's in one swift move. Soft and pliant skin over his tense, white knuckles. It was the first time he had reached out to him that day. It felt good, much better than such a simple gesture should.  
"What do you even- you have no idea what you're talking about-" Jongin stammered, more startled than accusing, but Kyungsoo jumped to his defense either way.  
"Don't be so presumptuous. Complaining about people don't taking your feelings seriously while doing the same, and to someone who claims to like _you_. Get your shit together."  
But Chanyeol only shook his head, gripping Kyungsoo's fingers tightly.  
"It's okay. He didn't mean it like that," he murmured, and the Northener only huffed, before snapping so suddenly, that Chanyeol actually looked up.  
"Don't you dare leave now, Kim Jongin!"  
His eyes found the brunet, who had frozen in his previous movement.  
"You are not going to leave this room before we settled this, don't even think about it."  
Jongin looked pained, conflicted, but also stubborn and angry. Still, he complied and sank back into his chair very slowly, fixing Kyungsoo with a defiant gaze. Chanyeol looked back down into his lap before Jongin's eyes could find his.  
The seconds ticked by, and for once, Chanyeol was at a total loss. All the secrets were out, spread across this room which had always connected them, and he could do nothing but twist and turn them in his head as he for once waited for someone else to step up. It couldn't be him somehow being the buffer this time. Because both of them were invested in him to some point, so neither of the two would tolerate him sacrificing himself in any way. Any move he'd make would only tip the delicate balance that was keeping them from shouting at each other right now.  
It was laughable how long it had taken Chanyeol to get this part about Jongin, especially considering how well he usually understood the complex boy. But in retrospect, it all made so much sense - _because_ Jongin was asexual, Chanyeol had misinterpreted his affection towards not only Kyungsoo, but now him. Because his interest in Kyungsoo had never been of a sexual nature. He'd never shown any of the usual subtle signs that betray physical attraction. As for him, Jongin had shown nothing but ease regarding physical contact. He'd tug Chanyeol around, straddle his lap or even grind up against him, thinking not much into it. Or maybe that's not exactly right, Chanyeol corrected himself. Jongin _knew_ what it was doing to others, but was completely unaffected himself. Maybe, if Chanyeol had actually read the signs earlier, he wouldn't have been so surprised by Jongin's confession. Chanyeol had always assumed that Jongin had somehow taken a liking to him, despite being unwilling to show it and encourage him in any way, but that he'd treasured what they had to _this_ extent...  
"Fine."  
Ripped out of his thoughts, Chanyeol's head whipped up to regard Kyungsoo, vaguely registering that Jongin was doing the same. The Northener was subtly wetting his lips, nodding to himself ever so slightly. No one voiced out the obvious question, though Jongin's and Chanyeol's eyes actually met in mutual confusion. Kyungsoo inhaled deeply, gaze flickering up to regard Jongin.  
"You want to be with both of us?"  
His voice resembled his gaze. Firm and unwavering.  
"Fine."  
The following silence was so heavy that Chanyeol swore they were holding their breath. All of them.  
"What?" Jongin breathed out, looking mildly panicked. Kyungsoo appeared much more unfazed than he actually was, judging by the way his fingers pressed into Chanyeol's.  
"It's the most logical solution. You like each other," he began, looking over at Chanyeol for a fleeting second, "and I like Chanyeol. I may be selfish, but I can't keep him by force. He's not ours to rip apart. So this is the only possible solution allowing me to stay with him."  
Chanyeol couldn't do anything but blankly stare at him, trying to comprehend the meaning of this.  
"But... but you don't like me," Jongin protested weakly, looking as overwhelmed as Chanyeol felt.  
Kyungsoo's grip was tight enough to color both their fingers white, and Chanyeol squeezed back in self-defense.  
"Then convince me. Try me."  
It was a bold statement, something akin to a challenge. Chanyeol knew his answer already, and wasn't surprised when Jongin slowly shook his head, looking stunned and still frightened.  
"But- I can't be with you like that, it doesn't-"  
"Do you want us or not?" Kyungsoo cut him off, the challenge bleeding into accusation, "this is a fucking mess, obviously, but I'm putting in some effort here! Don't just pull out and leave the chaos behind - take responsibility, goddammit! I'll ask you once more: _do you want us or not_?"  
In a twisted way, it felt like a conflict at work, and the location wasn't helping. The way they were approaching this, with Kyungsoo pushing through and Chanyeol himself just trying not to mess things up. They had clashed like this all the time, and still did, occasionally. The one bringing them to the turning point... was usually Jongin. Jongin with his unconventional ideas and Kyungsoo with his will to give them a chance. Now the tables had turned, and Kyungsoo stared at him in expectancy. Now Jongin was the one expected to catch the opportunity thrown at him.  
And he did catch it.  
"I do."  
He still looked a little shell-shocked, but the words came out without hesitation.  
"I don't know how this is supposed to work out, but-"  
"Doesn't matter," Kyungsoo cut him off, though his tone actually softened, and Chanyeol could feel a bit of the tension leaving him. "You want it, that's all we need right now."  
Kyungsoo finally turned to him, dark orbs searching his.  
"What about you, Yeol? Do you want to do this?"  
After not being involved for so long, Chanyeol was startled to be addressed this suddenly. Why was he even asking? It should be a matter of course that he agreed - after all, he and Jongin were the ones making this complicated, and Kyungsoo was willing to make amends-  
"Don't think about what you _should_ do," Kyungsoo continued, as if he'd read his thoughts, "think about the way you want it to be."  
Chanyeol swallowed hard, but followed the request.  
It was difficult to picture it, being with two persons. It would be a constant struggle of balance and jealousy, right? On the other hand, he did like both of them.  
Kyungsoo gauged his reaction patiently, and something about it sparked the realization that with Kyungsoo, he could just be honest. Kyungsoo had always encouraged him to rather lean on him with the heavy truth than to keep him at a distance.  
"I don't know..." he began slowly, and for a moment, the presence of Jongin was wiped off his mind. "I don't know if this is a good idea, or if I can do it. But I'd try. For us. For all of us, I'd try."  
He was rewarded with a small smile, and Kyungsoo bumping their foreheads together, to whisper a quiet 'alright' against his lips. When he drew away, the little slip of attitude vanished as quick as it had come, making way for determination.  
"Alright," he repeated a little louder, and Jongin spoke up again, unable to keep it in.  
"But how? How are you imagining this to work out?" he asked, almost exasperated at this point, but it all but pearled off, lost on Kyungsoo, who countered calmly.  
"One step at a time. Just let it sink in for awhile. We'll talk about it tomorrow."  
With this, the Northener got up, closed his laptop and reached for his jacket. He looked at both of them, and his voice dropped to a softer tone once more.  
"Good night you two."  
And for once it was Kyungsoo who left first, laptop left behind as a clear sign that he wasn't planning on doing any work today. That his mind was occupied enough already. He had barely slipped out of the door when Chanyeol jumped to his feet, determined to follow him.  
"He's doing it again."  
Chanyeol ignored Jongin's quiet words, but the next statement had him stop in the door frame.  
"He doesn't know what he signed himself up for."  
He bit his lips, shoulders tensing.  
"Then maybe you should try to be strong for him, for once," he mumbled, not doing as much as look Jongin's way before scrambling down the hallway and after Kyungsoo.  
  
  


* * *

 

  
Hot. So hot.  
Kyungsoo's slightly more tan skin was damp and sticking to his where their exposed bodies were pressed together. Kyungsoo wasn't very vocal, but the way his breath hitched and hips bucked told Chanyeol all he needed to know.  
They hadn't said a word to each other ever since that whole incident at the office. He'd quietly padded after him, and Kyungsoo had tolerated it without a word. The moment he had let Chanyeol inside his tiny apartment, the Southener had pressed him up against the door, kissing him almost feverishly. Now they were both lying on his bed, clothes strewn somewhere on the floor, as Chanyeol sucked a hickey to his collar bone, not too far from the previous one. They hadn't ever gone this far, usually sticking to kissing and maybe light teasing. Now Chanyeol had almost desperately tugged off the other's shorts, yearning to feel him. Kyungsoo let him.  
The body beneath his was burning up, and sensitive enough to quiver at every light stroke of his fingers. Chanyeol reached around until he could drag a firm palm down Kyungsoo's back, pressing them together. He silently arched into it, hands looped around Chanyeol's neck, and actually panted when Chanyeol pinned him to the mattress in a grinding motion.  
His fingers wandered down the surprisingly solid upper body, skirting around his inner thighs... and Chanyeol kissed up the side of his neck yet again, almost restlessly.  
Minuscule pressure was enough for Kyungsoo to pliantly lift his leg and loop it around Chanyeol's waist. Licking his lips, Chanyeol dove down, leaving a trail of wet kisses in his wake, until he was crouching between the other's legs, lips resting on the soft skin of his inner thigh, one hand keeping it up.  
And he hesitated yet again.  
Pressed distracted kisses up his thigh and towards his knees.  
And then he made the mistake of looking down at Kyungsoo, whose eyes were fixed on him. Pupils blown, lightly panting, fringe already beginning to stick to his forehead. Kyungsoo, who was almost painfully hard, and hadn't made a single move on him going beyond reciprocation of what Chanyeol was initiating.  
Kyungsoo, with his deep, dark orbs.  
And Chanyeol gave up.  
"I can't," he whispered, softly placing Kyungsoo's leg down. "I'm sorry."  
He fully expected Kyungsoo to be disappointed, to seek distance, but before he could attempt to climb off him, strong arms were looped around his back, tugging him back down. With a huff, Chanyeol settled on the smaller body, and let his weak self cling onto him. He buried his nose in the side of Kyungsoo's neck, fighting the misery as he whispered against his damp skin.  
"I can't do it. I'm sorry."  
He felt fingers settle in his nape, rubbing comforting circles, and Kyungsoo let out a breathy chuckle.  
"It's okay."  
Chanyeol wanted to die of embarrassment. What was he even doing, leading him on like this? Starting something he couldn't finish?  
But when he began to squirm, Kyungsoo only hugged him tighter, folding his leg over Chanyeol's to keep him in place.  
"I don't have condoms, anyway. Or lube."  
Oh. Somehow, he'd just assumed Kyungsoo had those. Now his face was positively burning.  
"Why didn't you say anything?" he asked quietly, feeling like crying. Kyungsoo shrugged, Chanyeol felt the alluded motion running through his body.  
"I trusted you."  
He winced. Of course Kyungsoo had felt it. That this was a pitiful attempt at proving his devotion to him. That he was desperately clinging onto Kyungsoo. But he had still trusted him to realize his mistake in time.  
Kyungsoo always trusted him, no matter how much of a fuck-up Chanyeol was.  
The fingers in his nape never ceased moving, playing with the strands of messy hair.  
"You've never disappointed me so far," Kyungsoo hummed into his hair.  
That night, Chanyeol actually cried a bit. But it wasn't the bad kind of crying. Neither the lonely nor panicky one. No, this was the good kind, the one where you let out all the pressuring emotions and someone catches you, hugging you tight enough to keep you together.  
  


 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another crucial turning point in the story~  
> Did I mention that there will be smut in this story? I hope y'all are alright with that :o  
> I was itching to get to the point explaining why Chanyeol was so 'ignorant' about Jongin's affection, so now I'm pretty content~
> 
> Love,  
> Sugar_and_Salt ♡


	20. Barrier

Jongin was chewing on his lips. He should really stop that, they was dry enough already.  
He was also wringing his hands in his lap, blankly staring at his desktop. It was 8:25, and usually, Kyungsoo would be here before the official start of their work time at 8:30. Chanyeol was always either on time or slightly late anyways.  
Only five minutes to go over the mess inside his head and secure everything that might fall apart.  
He'd slept terribly the night before, and maybe his eyes were still a tad red. They surely burned a bit.  
He'd been _so_ close to admitting it to Kyungsoo the day before, when Chanyeol burst in and cut him off. Really, he was going to say it himself. Stupid Chanyeol. Of course he'd gotten the hint. Because Chanyeol might be stupid, but he wasn't blind. Still, the fact that Chanyeol even considered asexuality a thing was once more speaking for the dopey Southener. Because to most people, asexuality wasn't foreign, but it wasn't something that was on their mind either.  
_And now Kyungsoo wants me to be with them._  
Be with them. As in a relationship? Or as in "we're tugging this poor, asexual puppy along who's head over heels for us, yeah, he's totally part of our relationship, wink wink"?  
Okay, no. Kyungsoo didn't do winking and Chanyeol wouldn't be this heartless. Kyungsoo wasn't this heartless, either. But then what was this all about? What did they expect him to do now? Give clever suggestions like that one time with the scribbled notes? To be honest, Jongin had definitely run out of clever ideas this time. The problem seemed so vague and overwhelming-  
"Oh my god, if you don't stop whining in the next five seconds, I'll make sure you're here for work at six in the morning tomorrow," Kyungsoo grumbled as he entered the office with Chanyeol in tow. The latter looked a little ruffled and wore a half-playful, half-pained pout.  
Jongin blinked at them, and at the clock on the wall. At exactly 8:33, Kyungsoo and Chanyeol had arrived together. They'd never done that before. Maybe they'd had a sleepover.  
Images of the two lying in bed together flashed up and were quickly extinguished by Jongin's guilty conscience. He shouldn't think about them like that.  
"Morning Jongin," Chanyeol greeted him as he shrugged off his ridiculously big, padded coat, and while it lacked the usual energy, it didn't seem like a fake smile.  
Not that Jongin was in any way good at interpreting Chanyeol's smiles. He'd just come to accept that Chanyeol wasn't fake, no matter how much he'd wanted him to be when he first met him. Sure, he forced himself to smile all the time, but that didn't make the smile itself fake. Unlike Jongin, who considered himself an expert on faked smiles and friendliness.  
He weakly nodded in response, and when Kyungsoo turned around to greet him as well, Jongin felt himself tense up from head to toe. The shortest even approached his table and oh no, this was it, what would they expect him to-  
"There."  
With a dull thud, a cup was set on his table, and Jongin flinched in the slightest.  
"Chanyeol chose it. Because of course Chanyeol would find a way to make us late even though we're arriving with a timely bus. Of course."  
The last part was mostly muttered to himself, with a whiny response by Chanyeol that went unheard by Jongin, who cautiously popped off the lid to reveal nothing but a thin Layer of whipped cream and red sauce skillfully decorating it.  
"It's a fruit smoothie," Chanyeol piped up now, though he wasn't invading his personal space like usual, instead saying it from his own desk. "Because I know you don't like coffee."  
Jongin couldn't help a short, huffy laugh.  
"Just like you don't like coffee, huh?" he muttered, and the memory of that drunk incident where Chanyeol had claimed to not even like water, let alone coffee, left the Southener pretty flustered.  
Jongin kept the lid off as he sunk his straw in the drink and took a cautious sip. It was hard to say what it all contained, but he could taste peaches and oranges, with a tiny, but distinct note of pineapple.  
He nodded to himself before daring to meet Chanyeol's expectant eyes.  
"It's good. Thank you," he said, almost as an afterthought. Because Chanyeol had never expected him to give anything in return, and Jongin had only recently found out that he _wanted_ to anyway.  
"You're welcome!" Chanyeol beamed, and started talking about the great menu of the place, and really, was that it? Shouldn't they... talk?  
As if on cue, Kyungsoo shot the blabbering boy a glare.  
"More working, less talking."  
_What?_  
"Shouldn't we talk about... yesterday?" Jongin burst out, losing his courage halfway. Kyungsoo didn't straight-out glare at him, too, but the no-nonsense attitude was clear on his face.  
"Are we getting paid to talk about private matters? I don't think so. Designated working hours go to five and we wasted enough time yesterday already."  
  
With his hands lifted in playful defeat, Chanyeol shot Jongin a helpless look and shrugged, sinking into his seat.  
  
  
Needless to say the day wasn't overly productive. How could anyone even work under this circumstances?  
...was what Jongin wanted to ask, but the others seemed to be doing quite well. Kyungsoo was fine-tuning the presentations about their next possible projects, while Chanyeol was calling all the people Jongin had pinpointed as possible supporters.  
And soon enough Jongin ended up bickering with Chanyeol about what he'd offered them, as if yesterday (or the previous weeks) had never even taken place - because that's how they were. This morning, he wouldn't have thought it possible behaving anything close to normal around Chanyeol, and yet it just happened naturally. Maybe he _was_ able to push back conflicts, after all. Then again, their whole situation wouldn't be as messy if they weren't all so fantastic at pushing back important matters.  
The nervousness had returned around half past four in the afternoon, but when the clock struck 5:13 (because Kyungsoo never finished work on time, almost on principle), Kyungsoo got up and slipped into his jacket nonchalantly.  
"Alright then. About yesterday..." he began, massaging his neck with one hand as he looked over at where Chanyeol and Jongin had been bickering without any real venom.  
"You know where I stand, and you two are the flighty ones. How about you talk it out? Talk about whether you want this, what you want, I don't even know. Whatever it is you wanna talk about. I'll just take my leave for now. Since Jongin won't talk in my presence anyway," he said, and his last words surprisingly lacked active accusation. Then again with Kyungsoo, it was all about facts. It wasn't that he was lacking emotions though - the way the Northener's fingers grazed Chanyeol's hair as he passed by him was such a subtle, but clean display of affection that it had Jongin's heart twitch.  
The stunned silence stretched on until the hallway's door cut off the sound of Kyungsoo's footsteps.  
Then Chanyeol laughed rather quietly for his standards - because it was always him breaking the silence.  
"Aww man, it's like being locked up with that scrawny girl I had a fight with at school all over again. I bet Soo won't grant us with his presence before we hold hands and present handwritten apology letters or something."  
"Yeah..." Jongin muttered, shutting down his laptop purposefully slowly as he gathered his notes.  
The ball was in his court now. An Jongin didn't even know what game they were playing.  
"How about we hang out at my place? Get something at the pizza place downstairs?" Chanyeol suggested lightly, and Jongin snorted.  
"Do you ever eat something that's _not_ pizza?"  
Unperturbed, Chanyeol watched him patiently with his jacket in one hand and leather bag in the other.  
"Okay, but consider this: they also sell pasta," he earnestly said, and at the judging look of Jongin, he rolled his eyes with an exasperated smile.  
" _Fine_. Then we'll go to the supermarket and I'll cook something for us, how does that sound? Wouldn't wanna risk ruining your fit body. Up with you, come on!"  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
Yes, maybe Chanyeol was just as good as him at avoiding pressing matters. It was kinda ridiculous how he was skirting around the matter in such a nonchalant, light-hearted manner.  
They made it to the market, to Chanyeol's home, and now they were facing empty plates after a more than healthy portion of homemade casserole without touching any critical topic.  
"Okay, maybe this will kill my physique more than pizza," Jongin admitted, much to the lazy amusement of Chanyeol, who was also too stuffed to move from the couch right now.  
The seconds ticked by, and when had Chanyeol's oddly minimalist apartment had become so cozy?  
"You know, I've been thinking," Chanyeol began, rousing Jongin from his drowsy state.  
"It's probably a surprise to you, but I actually did think a lot the past days," he added, weakly joking.  
Jongin hummed in a negating manner and sat up straighter to regard the other.  
"It's not... surprising," he said quietly, eyes trained on the fabric of the couch.  
Because he wasn't anywhere near as brainless as Jongin had originally taken him to be. He knew that now. And he knew that what he felt for him wasn't all that platonic either. Ever since that song, he'd come to realize that.  
"I thought this was a pretty bad idea at first. What Kyungsoo suggested," Chanyeol elaborated, and now Jongin was forced to look at him, trying to interpret his reactions. He looked a little hesitant.  
"After all, this whole construct would be so fragile, right? And to be honest, I'm just... scared I might fuck up."  
Jongin blinked at him. It wasn't a surprising statement. But why did it feel so important then?  
Maybe because Chanyeol didn't usually talk about his fears to Jongin.  
"But as I said, I've been thinking," Chanyeol hurried, downplaying his previous statement, "and there was this thing you kept saying. About Kyungsoo always overestimating himself and lounging into challenges too big for him and me doing the opposite and underestimating myself. So I thought that I could maybe just trust you on this. And if you're right, I might be worrying for nothing, you know?"  
"Where is this going...?" Jongin asked carefully, and Chanyeol squirmed in his place.  
"I'm saying that yeah, I'd try to be with you and Soo. I'd genuinely like to try. If you want me to."  
With a sigh, Jongin sank back into the couch, head thrown back.  
"Why does this sound like a sacrificial offering? Are you pitying me that much, Chanyeol?"  
"What are you- why would I pity you?"  
_Because I'm asexual and I can't have what you have._  
"Stop the bullshit, we both know what I'm talking about," Jongin returned with a frown directed at the ceiling.  
"You're already with Kyungsoo. You shouldn't feel entitled to care about some guy's emotional drama."  
"But I _do_ like you!" Chanyeol began, only for Jongin to cut him off.  
"Oh really? But do you like me any more than the dozens of colleagues you greet every day, huh?" he began, now sitting up to shoot the other an angry look. "Do you like me enough to be in a relationship with me? Are you okay with it or do you _want_ it? Do you want me? Would you get turned on if I kissed you right now?" he asked in a challenging tone, realizing his mistake the second the words had tumbled out of his mouth, but it was too late now. Chanyeol grimaced, but instead of getting angry, he only sighed in something akin to frustration.  
"Would you get turned on by kissing Kyungsoo?" he asked in a perfectly calm manner that only helped rubbing the humiliation in. Of course he was right, how could Jongin insist on other people's bodies being the most reliable proof, when he himself didn't fit into this schematic? It was like clinging to cheap tricks, exploiting the fact that other people had a more active libido than him, while at the same time undermining their feelings.  
This statement had been nothing but pretentious and stupid and... why did he have to be like that?  
Jongin hid his face in his hands. This was such a terrible mess and every step he took made it worse.  
"I wouldn't," he whispered ultimately, and a careful palm on his shoulder caught him by surprise.  
"See?" he heard the deep voice ask softly, void of any sarcasm. Jongin wanted to hit his head on the table in frustration.  
"I'm the worst. No wonder Kyungsoo hates my whiny ass. It's because he's smart."  
Chanyeol chuckled, started to gently rub his shoulder.  
"He hasn't even seen any of your whiny ass attitude yet."  
"Shut up," Jongin protested halfheartedly and leaned forwards until his forehead was resting on the other's shoulder. Chanyeol pulled him against the back of the couch, seeking a comfortable position.  
"This is such a horrible idea. Kyungsoo doesn't even casually like me. He's tolerating me at most," Jongin voiced out what was actually troubling him the most. Chanyeol hummed somewhere above him, fingers idly tapping a rhythm onto Jongin's thigh.  
"Really though, he doesn't even know you. You shouldn't give up that easily. He told you to try him, didn't he?"  
When Jongin didn't reply, Chanyeol continued all on his own, talking into the silent room as they both stared out of the window front and into the sea of skyscrapers.  
"I mean, think about it. When did Kyungsoo ever really turn you down? Like, really turned you down. Refused to help or acknowledge you when you had something to say?"  
Despite feeling whiny, Jongin did think about it. Kyungsoo snapped at him a lot at work, though it had become decisively less scalding ever since his ideas had proven to be efficient more often than not. And now that he was getting some strict lessons on how to handle the programs, he could watch out for the Northener's pet peeves.  
There was that time when Kyungsoo had yelled at a crowd of demonstrators to have them stop harassing Jongin, after he'd seen him cry.  
He'd given him tips on how to draw after Jongin himself had bravely approached him with tips of his own.  
He'd given Jongin a lesson on how to handle phone talks after seeing how much Jongin needed it. He'd even laughed together with him at the cinema, where Jongin had badmouthed the cheap blockbuster.  
In short - whenever Kyungsoo was prompted to react, he'd do so in favor of Jongin.  
Whenever Jongin had approached him, Kyungsoo hadn't turned away. Even if he was annoyed, he never flat-out rejected him.  
Kyungsoo was always _there_. Maybe not waiting, but not going anywhere, either.  
So if he approached him earnestly, maybe... just maybe...  
"So? Did he?" Chanyeol asked finally and Jongin gave in.  
"No. He didn't."  
"Look, you've always known Soo better than I do. It's a fact. You always seem to know what's going on in that cryptic mind of his," Chanyeol continued, fingers finally coming to a rest on his kneecap. "So you should know he'd give you a chance, if even I know that much."  
Jongin nodded vaguely into his shoulder. It made sense. He'd just have to try it.  
He drew away from the comforting warmth that was Chanyeol, who seemed a little disappointed. In one swift move, Jongin plucked his phone off the table and unlocked it. Dialed Kyungsoo's number before his brain could catch up with him.  
He had to do something right now, before he could change his mind.  
It rung three times before a faint crackling resounded.  
"Hello?"  
Jongin swallowed, suddenly completely out of things to say.  
"Hey. It's me, Jongin."  
"Yeah, I saw your number on the display. What's up?" he asked, and even though his naturally warm voice was soothing, Jongin had no idea how to proceed.  
Chanyeol observed him attentively, and when Jongin shot him a helpless look, he replied with an encouraging smile. Alright then. Alright. Approach him.  
"I was just thinking... maybe we could meet up some time," Jongin stammered, internally cringing at his awkwardness, "When you're free, I mean."  
"I'm free right now," came the neutral reply, and Jongin felt a wave of panic.  
"Right now? Uhm. Yeah. Sounds great," he muttered, absently playing with Chanyeol's fingers. Kyungsoo huffed on the other end.  
"It's your choice. You know where I live. You can come over whenever."  
"Oh. Okay. Then... I'll be there in an hour or something," he said stiffly, and Chanyeol interlaced their fingers, squeezing them.  
"Sure. See you later."  
"Yeah."  
He all but held his breath as he ended the call, waiting for the main screen to appear before he exhaled deeply. A side glance told him that Chanyeol was grinning, and their fingers were still intertwined.  
"That wasn't all that hard," he stated quietly and Jongin hummed.  
"So... I should leave now. I guess."  
"Yeah, maybe you should," Chanyeol replied lowly, and neither of them made a move. Jongin knew he was owing Chanyeol a proper apology.  
He was the one making this hard, and he'd thrown way too many ugly words at him today. Without a warning, Chanyeol leaned in, slinging his free arm around Jongin's shoulders to draw him even closer, mashing their cheeks together. Even though his whole presence was warm, his cheek felt cold, probably because Jongin's was burning up from all the emotional tumult. But then he felt his lips brush his cheeks, and those were warm. And soft. Jongin felt his heart rate pick up as Chanyeol placed another kiss to his cheekbone, slow but firm, and he suddenly felt so light. As if he could drown in this sensation, just like that. In an unhurried move, Chanyeol dragged their intertwined hands below his own shirt, gave Jongin the fleeting feeling of bare, hot skin, while he placed another kiss close to his ear. Up, and up, until he had Jongin's palm pressed into his chest, right over his heart.  
  
It was racing.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, this was getting so long that I had to put a cut here.  
> It may be obvious, but the way Jongin keeps clinging to the fact that others have sexual desire, the way he's almost in awe of this difference and turns it into this huge wall separating him from others... might already tell you what the real problem at hand is.
> 
>  
> 
> Love,  
> Sugar_and_Salt ♥


	21. Shards of Glass and Ice

  
  
Jongin had always been a little different from most other people. This had nothing to do with his sexuality, or maybe it had, but Jongin was not a psychologist. The number of people who liked to look deep inside other's minds and analyze them might be big, but the number of those who were good at it was probably tiny. Jongin had never wanted to be one of them - because those selected few people surely must be terribly lonely.  


* * *

  
_"Oh my god, look at how greasy her hair is."_  
 _"I bet the fat in her body needed another way out-"_  
 _The statement was cut off by laughter, hysterical, high-pitched, choked noises joined by the low, bellowing laughter of some guys._  
  
_What a joke, Jongin thought. What a hormonal-driven, sad, sad, joke. Girls and boys dancing around each other, desperately trying to appease to each other in such a tasteless, cheap way._  
  
_"Don't you think it's gross?!" someone called out, seeking more confirmation and nudging Jongin non-too-gently._  
  
_"I think it's way too obvious that this isn't grease. It's just hairspray," he simply said, eyes mostly trained on the homework he was currently copying from his friend. "What's there to laugh about someone attempting to look good? So what if it kinda failed. You gotta start somewhere."_  
  
_This reaction obviously displeased the people around the table, who immediately went into a passive aggressive, defensive mode. Because god forbid if someone might find out that they hadn't been thinking much._  
  
_"If she wants to look good, she should think about buying herself a treadmill. Or maybe a hamster wheel!"_  
 _"Or maybe stop eating so much crap, I bet she basically lives at the 24/7 chicken place."_  
 _"Why do you keep defending her, anyway?"_  
  
_You are the one who's sticking out now, explain yourself!_  
 _...was what no one said, but everyone thought._  
  
_"I just said what I think about it, because you asked," Jongin replied with unhappily furrowed brows. But it was no use and the discussion began._  
  
_Is it because you wanna look good by defending her?_  
 _Have you been bullied, too? Because you're such a weirdo sometimes?_  
 _Just stop defending her, it's no use because of the following reasons-_  
  
_The next time, they made fun of a teacher for having a stick-like figure. When they asked Jongin what he thought about it, he only shrugged._  
 _It wasn't worth the effort._  


* * *

  
Jongin never studied psychology, but for some reason, he couldn't help but continuously analyze himself. Maybe that was normal behavior, maybe he was taking it further than others. Either way, Jongin felt comfortable with himself. He knew very well what he was capable of, and if needed, he was mostly able to set aside his bias.  
  
But now that he was looking at the slightly familiar entrance of a shabby apartment building... he wasn't so sure of himself anymore. Was he able to handle this situation? It was difficult to come to a conclusion when he wasn't sure what was expecting him.  
  
Jongin touched the button labeled with Kyungsoo's name, but instead of pushing it, his fingers trailed down the long, long row of other, cheap plastic buttons. Hesitating. Calculating.  
Kyungsoo didn't particularly like him, but he didn't dislike him either. He was willing to get to know him, but so far, all their encounters hadn't been playing out all that well - even though Jongin had been so nice all the time. So nice and so... compliant.  


* * *

  
_"Yes, but what do you want to study, Jongin? It's really time to think about it."_  
 _He looked up from his soup and into the expectant expression of his mother._  
  
_"I was thinking about dance, actually."_  
 _Her expression fell like a flame blown out._  
  
_"Dance?! Sweetie, dance is-"_  
  
_"Expensive, I realize that," Jongin cut her off, trying hard not to be annoyed. "I've already prepared applications for various dance schools and talent agencies. Maybe, if they take me, I won't have to pay anything-"_  
  
_"No way," his father intervened firmly, actually tearing his eyes away from the television screen, "this is all just fooling around, a temporary thing. If you don't study after school, your career will never kick off."_  
  
_"But-"_  
  
_"No buts. You might think this is a good idea now, but at the end of the day those people will just use you and you'll end up with absolutely nothing, meaning that-"_  
  
_Jongin tuned out after that and left the speech wash over him._  
 _So troublesome. So boring. So **annoying**._  
  
_A few weeks later, his parents asked him what he'd decided to study. Business, Jongin had replied. He'd still applied at dance schools. He'd always wanted to do both, anyway. But why tell them? It wouldn't lead anywhere._

* * *

  
With a heavily thumping heart, Jongin padded down the hallway, towards the slightly opened door near the end of it. Just how exactly did he have to present himself in order to appeal to the tacit guy? So far, he'd been on his best behavior at all times, but it only seemed to worsen their relationship.  
  
Jongin really, really liked Kyungsoo. The moment he'd walked into the waiting room before holding the press conference with the other two, Jongin had been star-struck. It was just something in the way he held himself. In the way he'd curtly nodded towards them. And especially in the way he'd talked in front of the flashing cameras. Because Kyungsoo, too, was a little different. And unlike Jongin, he refused to adapt to other's expectations. He didn't try to confuse anyone by using big, empty words. He didn't sugar-coat, didn't cower under prodding questions. Jongin saw a little bit of himself in him. Except that he was way too lazy to expose himself to the uncomfortably invasive questions.  
He'd rather just smile and get it over with.

* * *

  
_"We can't go on like this, Jongin. And you know it."_  
  
_He knew. But he didn't say anything, because for once, he wouldn't even know where to start, even if he was completely honest. His partner jumped out of bed and reached for his shirt._  
  
_"I'm starting to think I'm some sort of joke to you," the blond guy began, clearly agitated by his silence. "If you're not into guys, after all, maybe you should just say it! Did you start this as some kind of experiment and now you're staying with me out of pity? Cause I definitely don't need your pity!"_  
  
_"It's not like that."_  
  
_No, I **am** into you. Just not the way biology might have wanted me to, Jongin thought quite bitterly. He'd assumed that maybe it would be different with a guy, but it obviously wasn't. He knew that now._  
  
_"Then why? You're **never** in the mood, Jongin. Never. I don't suppose you're cheating on me, so whatis it?!"_  
  
_Would this guy understand it? And more importantly - would he be able to live with the explanation? Jongin looked at him for a couple seconds, thinking of the way the other constantly pawed at him, trying to get a reaction out of him. How he'd whine and complain and get actually angry the moment Jongin completely refused to sleep with him. And he came to a conclusion._  
 _No. No, he wouldn't._  
  
_"Let's break up," he whispered._  
  
_This was the easiest way._  
 _All the fights and tears would be a waste of time, if the result stayed the same._  


* * *

  
"Hey. Come in."  
  
Jongin's head whipped up to see Kyungsoo standing in the door way, looking a little puzzled over the fact that Jongin hadn't entered yet.  
Right. This wasn't his ex. This was Kyungsoo.  
  
"Hey..." he murmured and took him up on the offer, orderly placing his shoes aside. Kyungsoo looked homely in his simple, woolen sweater, jeans and soft, tousled hair. Nonchalant, casual, comfortable. It made his heart twitch with affection. He just felt so drawn in by him, and now he had a chance to actually act on this. It was mind-twisting.  
  
"I'm sorry it took so long," he unsurely began, but Kyungsoo dismissed him with a wave of his hand as they moved to the living room.  
  
"It's alright. I wasn't doing anything in particular, anyway."  
As always, Kyungsoo was curt, straight to the point, but not unfriendly. Still, Jongin squirmed, unsure of what to do, how to act, what to say. He awkwardly took a seat on the sofa while Kyungsoo was already on his way to the kitchen.  
  
"You want a coke?"  
_I **hate** coke, Jongin thought._  
  
"Uhm. Sure," he said.  
What if Kyungsoo only had coke? He wouldn't want to cause him the trouble of getting anything else. Or even worse - make him think he's picky.  
  
A minute later, Jongin's hands were clasping an icy glass with noisily sparkling coke. Maybe the sizzling sound just appeared to be so distractingly loud in the absolute silence weighing them down.  
  
"So..." Kyungsoo began, shooting him a neutral look, "you had a good time with Chanyeol?"  
Jongin just stared at him, wide-eyed and clearly taken-aback. Catching up on the innuendo, Kyungsoo spluttered a little, a surprising crack in his composure.  
  
"Not like that!" he defended himself, looking half-accusing, half-embarrassed. "Don't look at me like that - I thought it was clear by now that you're not into that."  
  
_You don't know exactly what I'm into. And Chanyeol did kiss me, sort of. Maybe I should tell him, see how he reacts_ , Jongin thought.  
  
"I'm sorry," he said instead. "It was good."  
With a barely concealed sigh, Kyungsoo shifted in his seat.  
  
"Look, I don't wanna be rude, but I was about to make myself some food before you came. You mind me finishing it? I was thinking about pasta. Are you hungry?"  
_I'm still so stuffed from that casserole earlier, just thinking about food makes me sick._  
  
"A little..." he said.  
  
With a hum, Kyungsoo got up and went to the kitchen, saying something about how he'd be quick about it. Jongin was left behind with a heavy feeling of uneasiness. This was going so badly. Everything was just awkward between them. He surely could have brought up his meeting with Chanyeol - Kyungsoo had even asked himself. He wouldn't get angry, Jongin was fairly certain of that. He had a good feeling for what Kyungsoo was like. If he asked him, he was interested enough in the answer. If he was someone who turned jealous easily, he wouldn't have proposed the whole thing in the first place.  
But still... why couldn't he say it?  
  
He hadn't always been like that. When he was younger, he'd never had trouble expressing himself. Just because he refused to share his opinions with stupid people, didn't mean he _couldn't_. There had been so many times where his best friend Sehun had shaken his head over Jongin's distinct, and oftentimes quite harsh opinions. So why couldn't he say them now, when he was sure Kyungsoo wouldn't mind?  
When had this shitty act become reality?  
  
"So what do you wanna do?" Kyungsoo asked from the doorway and Jongin jumped to his feet.  
  
"Uhm. I don't know, uh-" he stammered unintelligently, clutching his still very much full glass.  
_Talk? Nothing? No, they had to do something. Think, Jongin, what does Kyungsoo like?_  
  
"We could- maybe we could watch a movie?" he asked almost cautiously, belatedly adding an unsure smile. Kyungsoo's dark eyes lingered on him for no longer than a second.  
  
"Sure, if that's what you want," he said, disappearing into the kitchen to tend to his pasta, leaving Jongin to stand there, feeling like the biggest fool on the planet.  
  
_If that's what you want._  
  
Movies were alright. But was it really what he wanted? He didn't know. Why didn't he know, why was he beginning to feel so trapped in his own head? It was a strange and scary feeling. Jongin was good at voluntarily putting distance between him and others - when had this distance become a solid wall? An invisible pane of glass stopping him from closing the distance? Why couldn't he even answer such a simple question like that truthfully? When had his fear of rejection even surfaced? He hadn't always been like that. Right?  
  
Jongin just stood there, staring at the lit doorway, faintly listening to Kyungsoo bustling around the kitchen.  
He wanted to be close to him. He really wanted to. But he was there, behind this invisible wall Jongin hadn't ever noticed forming, because he hadn't bothered reaching out for a long time.  
  
So why was it so easy with Chanyeol, then? What made him so different? Maybe Chanyeol hadn't approached him from the front in the first place. He'd snuck up on him from behind, suddenly placing his hands on his shoulders. Jongin had flinched, swatted at him and complained. He'd been himself right from the start. Because Chanyeol hadn't even bothered acknowledging this wall.  
  
And now he was standing next to him, one hand on his shoulder and the other palm on the glass. The fingers on his shoulders squeezed gently. Jongin imagined baling his hands into a fist, just slamming it into this thing that his own mind created.  
  
If that's what you want.  
  
The glass slipped his fingers and shattered into a thousand pieces.  
  
Coke was splattered against his pant legs and shards of ice and glass were skidding across the floor.  
Kyungsoo immediately hurried back to the living room, a look of worry on his face.  
  
"What happened? Are you alright?"  
  
"I hate coke."  
  
Kyungsoo cursed lowly, and Jongin couldn't gauge his reaction. He was too busy looking at the way a particular shard glittered in the artificial light, feeling dazed. When Kyungsoo appeared beside him with paper towels, the spell was broken, and Jongin knelt down in an attempt to clean up the mess he'd made. Kyungsoo only made a disapproving sound in the back of his throat, gently swatting at his fingers.  
  
"Don't fish around for glass shards with bare hands. I'll take care of it."  
Jongin watched the paper towels soaking up the liquid and crumpling together. While adding more of them, Kyungsoo silently shook his head.  
  
"You don't like coke... just say so next time," he muttered in something akin to disbelief over Jongin's antics. Still, it didn't feel like he was actually angry.  
"First Chanyeol and now you. I'm getting the feeling you have it out for my kitchen interior. If you keep trashing my glasses, you'll get plastic cups next time."  
  
Jongin just watched him half-heartedly complain with a look of wonder. Wonder at the overall situation. How had he managed to create such a big mess?  
A hand came up to ruffle his hair, and Jongin felt the other's dark eyes on him. They were calm. Collected. Reassuring.  
  
"There, it's all gone. You want some water instead? I also have tea."  
  
Jongin looked after him from his position on the floor, one hand tracing the faint, sticky trail Kyungsoo's careless fingers had left on his temple. The sound of a cupboard closing had him snap back into it. He jumped to his feet.  
  
"What kind of tea do you have?"  
  


 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two Jongin-centered chapters in a row, Nini keeps messing up the order of things!  
> I think this one finally clears up a bit of what has been going on inside Jongin's head all the time. Not regarding his sexuality. Just his general train of thoughts.
> 
> Also, a wonderfully kind soul nominated this fic at the Asian Fanfic Awards, as I mentioned before. Now you can actually vote - it's just two clicks, really, and if you feel like supporting this story, you can do it here:
> 
>  
> 
>   
> [Click me :D](https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/SHT3NGY)  
>  
> 
> Love,  
> Sugar_and_Salt ♥︎


	22. Let's talk about you, Let's talk about me

  
  
Kyungsoo was a little tired when he trudged into the office the following Monday morning. Sure, they shouldn't be overly busy at the moment - their next project had been easy to plan and was currently running successfully. Christmas was approaching and the big Secret Santa event they'd meticulously planned for weeks was in full swing. Sure, they could (and probably should) share the workload, but Kyungsoo couldn't resist the urge to keep track of things over the weekend.  
He was the first to arrive, which was a little unusual. It wasn't like Jongin was an especially timely person (or even a morning person in general, for that matter), but due to him having the longest way to work, he was usually forced to take a certain bus. A look outside the window and over the thin layer of frost stubbornly covering the area reassured him that the bus was probably late. If he wouldn't arrive in half an hour or so, they could still give him a call.  
  
He sank into his seat and had his laptop half-way booted when Chanyeol entered the office with an almost insulting amount of noise.  
"Morning!" he huffed out, cheeks red from the sudden cold that had washed over the city overnight. Kyungsoo eyed the tell-tale paper bag of the coffee shop nestled in between the very short way from Chanyeol's apartment to the CARE building.  
  
"You do waste all your money on drinks, don't you?" he asked with very half-hearted accuse, watching the other shrug off his bulky, padded coat. It was endearing, how such a tall, lanky person could look that much like a fluffed up bird.  
"Not true!" the other argued immediately as he sat down his laptop bag, and rustled through the bag before turning towards him with a proud grin.  
"I also buy sweets sometimes!"  
With this, he placed a transparent plastic box with an assortments of mini donuts on Kyungsoo's desk.  
"Ta-dah! You don't eat a lot, do you?"  
With an amused smile, Kyungsoo looked from the colorfully decorated, baked goods up at Chanyeol.  
"And those replace a healthy meal?"  
He gestured Chanyeol to come closer, and with a half-confused, half-intrigued look, the Southener followed, leaning down with a palm steadying himself on Kyungsoo's desk. Patiently, he repeated the gesture, eyes firmly trained on Chanyeol's. When he got the message and his eyes fluttered close, Kyungsoo gladly followed suit, enjoying a gentle, tender kiss, that he'd come to associate with Chanyeol. When he drew away way too early, probably a useless question on his lips, Kyungsoo placed a palm on the back of his neck and tugged him back in for another, much harder kiss. God, he'd missed this feeling. The last time he had seen him was on Friday, a mere three days ago. But back then, they had only shared an innocent peck. The last time they kissed, like this, with lips nipping at each other and the occasional sneaky lick of a tongue, had been on Wednesday (not that Kyungsoo was counting the days).  
  
Now Kyungsoo wasn't impatient or upset about this - he believed in over-indulgement being the wrong way to go regarding most aspects of life. Like this, the sensation was just as intense as the very first kisses they'd shared, albeit the taste of salt had been replaced by the one of coffee and whipped cream.  
Just when Kyungsoo was considering to stand up in order to soothe the strain on his neck, did Chanyeol withdraw, probably for similar reasons. He still had this undeniable look of wonder in his eyes whenever they parted, and it made Kyungsoo want to cuddle him and push him further at the same time.  
Chanyeol seemed inclined to say something when Jongin entered the room, silently huffing and equally red-faced. The Southener didn't jump away from him, though his face was undeniably dusted pink for different reasons altogether when he nodded towards Jongin. Kyungsoo counted this as a small success.  
"Good morning."  
Jongin looked between them for a fleeting moment before replying with a sleepy 'Morning' of his own. Chanyeol approached him to draw him into a clumsy hug, that painted a tiny smile on Kyungsoo's face. Jongin, on the other hand, huffed something about getting suffocated and being too hot, though his free hand was instinctively flying up to Chanyeol's back.  
 _Always so difficult_ , Kyungsoo thought.  
Really, he didn't get Kim Jongin at all.  
But he'd vowed to give this a try, to give Jongin a chance. He'd never considered himself as someone trying to actively bring Jongin down, but there was a difference between giving him the chance to prove himself as a co-worker and as a... lover. A potential lover. Kyungsoo couldn't say he was quite accustomed to this idea yet, but he was also aware of the fact that he didn't know him well-enough yet to come to a conclusion.  
So he stared at them, waited for the two to part, before gesturing Jongin over, not unlike he'd done to Chanyeol before. Clearly anxious, Jongin followed his instructions until he stood right next to him, and Kyungsoo could feel the attentive eyes of Chanyeol on them.  
Jongin looked almost frightened, so Kyungsoo attempted to sound as non-threatening as possible.  
  
"Where's my hug?"  
He saw a glimpse of wide eyes, before he felt cold zippers and buttons being pressed into him by a solid body. It wasn't very intimate, and Jongin was a little awkward, to be honest, but instead of quickly pulling away, shy hands pressed them closer together and Kyungsoo felt him exhale. As if he was actually relishing in this.  
Kyungsoo neither pushed nor denied him - he made it a point to keep the pressure of his own hands on a light, but sincere level. Kyungsoo may not love this boy at this point, but if he reveled in a gesture as simple as this, he had no qualms indulging him.  
When Jongin did withdraw himself to all but scurry to his own place to get out of his jacket, Kyungsoo couldn't help examining the look on Chanyeol's face. He looked a little at a loss. Had he actually expected them to kiss, too? Kyungsoo was fairly certain that even if he asked him right now, Chanyeol wouldn't have an answer himself. He blinked a little, caught himself, and Kyungsoo could _see_ his mind shutting the topic out for now.  
  
"What was that?!" he asked dramatically, prancing after Jongin to hug him from behind. "Kyungsoo gets this nice hug and I only get complaints? Me too! I want cuddles...!" he whined, drawing out the words as he cuddled (or rather wrestled) with Jongin.  
Tuning out the conflict and instead turning to balance the atmosphere instead. It couldn't be considered a mask, not with the way Chanyeol was looking at the struggling Jongin.  
Kyungsoo could only smile at that. And shake his head, as he typed in the password.  
He was generous enough to give them three more minutes before bringing up the projects at hand.  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
"You haven't asked me anything about Jongin so far."  
It was a simple statement, just thrown in like it was one of the printed photos they had spread out on Chanyeol's coffee table. The effect was immediate though, and Chanyeol's fingers froze mid-air, one of the photos they had taken in a shopping center hovering over the table for a full three seconds.  
Chanyeol resumed placing the photo in a spot he deemed nice, before turning towards him with a look of open anxiety.  
"I- I thought it wasn't my place."  
Kyungsoo sighed, just a little, before fully turning towards the boy next to him.  
"How can it not be your place?" he asked in a purposefully neutral voice. At the sight of confusion blooming on Chanyeol's face, however, he sighed.  
"This is aspiring to be three people in one relationship, right? Not three people being in three relationships. If there's anything you are curious or anxious about, you should voice it out."  
The other's lips formed a silent 'o' as he nodded in understanding.  
"I just. I was just afraid you might feel pressured or anything," he admitted, the task of designing a collage long forgotten. Even Kyungsoo admitted that work was over for now (after all, they were at Chanyeol's apartment now, not at the office), and leaned back into the cushy sofa.  
"What do you want to know?" he asked softly, and though Chanyeol still looked torn, there was definitely something he was itching to say now.  
"Well, what do you think about him? Are you two getting along? Has he opened up a little?"  
The questions all but burst out now, and Kyungsoo had a hard time not chuckling at his overly eager (and worried) fellow team member.  
 _Funny how I'm not considering him my lover yet_ , he thought in the back of his head. But there was no reason to rush. Them being actual lovers was the goal he wanted to diligently work towards.  
  
"You're worrying too much. Stop feeling obligated or guilty or whatever is going on in that messy head of yours," he said with a good-natured smile, watching surprise bloom on Chanyeol's face, followed by guilt over being caught, denial and finally defensiveness. Because Chanyeol was an open book like that.  
"I was not-okay, maybe you're right. But... I'm trying, okay?" he finally said helplessly, "I know I shouldn't feel any obligations. I'm working on it, I swear. So, how _are_ you and Jongin doing?"  
He accepted the other's quite desperate attempt to divert the attention from himself, and hummed thoughtfully. Jongin. What were his current thoughts on Jongin?  
"I'm not sure I get him. To be completely honest, I have no idea what's driving this boy," he admitted. "I used to think he's one of those shy, withdrawn people, but it doesn't match the way he's talking to you at all. So I guess you could say I acknowledged that I _don't_ know him."  
The statement seemed to amuse Chanyeol, who bit back on a grin. Kyungsoo's eyes unconsciously lingered on his lips for a second too long.  
"What's so funny?" he asked quickly, while silently watching his mind be swayed by Chanyeol's mere existence. Such a curious feeling indeed.  
"It's just that I felt the same about you, too. At first, I mean. I know you better now," he added hastily under Kyungsoo's (joking) glare.  
"I think Jongin is a very strong-willed person... there's a lot going on inside of him," Chanyeol mused, thoughtfully slumping into the couch with his eyes darting around the room aimlessly. "He has a bunch of controversial and strong opinions, but he usually tries very hard to stay low, in order not to cause trouble. I feel like his world view is pretty interesting and captivating..."  
Chanyeol trailed off, giving Kyungsoo an unsure look as if asking whether he was fawning too much already. But Kyungsoo had meant what he said - he usually did - and talking to Chanyeol about Jongin wasn't uncomfortable at all, quite the opposite. It helped having someone who was (quite literally) in on all this, and not only listened, but also had a fair share of input to give. So he nodded slowly.  
"There is definitely something else about him. I don't think I saw enough of him to have formed an opinion, but there are glimpses that won't fit his usual behavior. He's so... skittish around me though? But I know he has this sarcastic side to him. I can't do anything but wait and see at this point," he concluded with a shrug, and Chanyeol hummed. "Unless this was you asking whether I'm attracted to his looks," Kyungsoo added, and Chanyeol actually spluttered. Adorable.  
"I can't say I'm too drawn to him at the moment, but I usually develop attraction to the mind first, so I'm not too worried about that. He sure is drop dead gorgeous, look-wise."  
With every word he added, Chanyeol's ears seemed to darken a shade or two. Undoubtedly, Chanyeol was very much attracted to Jongin's physique himself. Kyungsoo would be a liar to say he didn't feel a tiny pang of jealousy at that, but he reasoned that it had to be due to them never going beyond semi-innocent kisses. He hadn't ever gotten the message from Chanyeol that the Southener _wanted_ him, desired him on a physical level. Kyungsoo wanted to be able to share, but he didn't _have_ a lot to share yet in that department.  
But well, that could be changed, right?  
  
In a swift and determined move, Kyungsoo had placed a hand on Chanyeol's shoulder to steady himself and settled right in the other's lap, straddling him. Chanyeol's eyes widened, followed by a confused sound in the back of his throat as he instinctively placed his hands on Kyungsoo's waist. His skin still looked a little flushed, his eyes a little dazed, and it was all oh-so _tempting_.  
Kyungsoo looked down at him, and... waited. His initial courage was being tested with every stretched out second. Chanyeol looked almost somewhat frightened by the situation, and Kyungsoo couldn't stop thinking back to the way he had undressed him before. Technically, they had gone further than this, but that situation had been different. It didn't count in Kyungsoo's head, because he'd been busy _thinking_ and willing himself not to react, while Chanyeol had forced himself through something he wasn't quite into with all his heart.  
  
"You wanna sit here now?" Chanyeol asked clumsily, albeit a little breathlessly. Kyungsoo shrugged nonchalantly.  
"Why not? You don't want me to?"  
"No, that's not it. It's okay," Chanyeol murmured, driving Kyungsoo insane.  
 _Give me a sign_ , he thought, no, yelled internally.  
 _Come on, some type of signal, anything!  
Do you want me or not?_  
Kyungsoo was patient, and he was willing to wait longer if Chanyeol told him he needed more time. But even he was beginning to feel anxious if there was no clarity at all.   
_Just a confirmation._  
  
He slid a little closer, eyes locked on Chanyeol's, waiting for a reaction. He received it when he was close enough to have their crotches touch through the fabric, and the fingers on his waist tightened as Chanyeol's breath hitched audibly.  
His eyes were flickering between Kyungsoo's eyes and lips. That alone sent a shiver through him, want prickling under his skin.  
"We've talked about Jongin, and we can keep doing so..." Kyungsoo mumbled, daring to run his hands up his toned upper arms, feeling the muscles tense beneath his fingertips. His eyes flit up to meet Chanyeol's slightly widened pupils bearing barely concealed excitement. Kyungsoo dared to lean in closely, just close enough for him to be able to still keep their gazes locked, voice dropping to a whisper.  
"...later. Let's not think about Jongin, just for a bit. Can you do that?"  
  
It was like breaking a spell. A second of hesitation later, Chanyeol made the final move and closed the distance almost too eagerly. Kyungsoo did _not_ melt into the kiss this time. Melting would suggest going lax and pliant, gently falling into the sensation. Kyungsoo groaned into the kiss embarrassingly fast, eager hands locking around Chanyeol's neck. This was different from usual. The focus didn't lie on gentle exploration, or reassurance. It was all hot affection and almost impatient tugs and nips at each other's lips. It made his head swirl, and if it weren't for the firm hands on his waist, he would probably tumble at the way he was pressing closer, pushing their bodies together in a slow, but hard rhythm. Chanyeol made a breathy noise of being helplessly turned on, and Kyungsoo swallowed it greedily. Greedy for the affection, the desire, for _him_. Chanyeol wanted him, was guiding him by the grip on his waist, and when Kyungsoo's motions got distracted by the hot tongue dipping between his lips, Chanyeol actually pulled his body down to keep rubbing him just right. Kyungsoo was torn between mewling and challenging him for dominance, but his mind was too clouded with the blissful realization that _yes_ , Chanyeol wanted this. And how now that he didn't have to worry about Jongin, nothing was holding him back anymore. This had been the right thing to do, after all-  
  
"Hah- _wait_ -" Kyungsoo huffed against the other's lips in between eager kisses, nails digging into the skin of his shoulderblades on the side where he'd slipped below the woolen collar to feel skin.  
Chanyeol only grunted in question, but instead of stopping, he only added more force to his movements and pressed kisses into the column of his neck that felt like they could leave hickies. Kyungsoo wanted to sigh, moan and cry at the same time. Because-  
"We should stop," he muttered, shocked at how needy his own voice sounded. A large hand was cupping the back of his head, and Kyungsoo followed the pressure, nuzzling into the crook of his neck.  
"Why?" he heard a raspy voice, and god, since when did being small feel so good? Kyungsoo usually hated being shorter and of an overall more petite built, but when Chanyeol was embracing him like this, all but forcing him to rut at a quick, hard pace, it felt right. Perfect, even.  
"I don't have a spare pair of pants with me," Kyungsoo mumbled into his slightly sweaty skin. It was extremely embarrassing, but he really was this close already. He had been looking forward to this way too much.  
  
He'd expected Chanyeol to slow down. To quickly back off with a flushed face and awkward grin. Because Chanyeol was still walking on egg shells around him, always careful with his words and actions.  
Instead, he felt a small laugh being huffed over his damp skin, as a hand slipped around to dip inside his pants without any caution whatsoever. Kyungsoo felt the strain of the waistband and the pressure it added to his lower regions, before a warm palm was kneading him languidly, teasing along the seams of his briefs, all the while keeping up the rhythm. He gasped and wriggled a little in his grasp, only to suppress the tiniest moan when Chanyeol's second palm pushed down between his shoulder blades, keeping him in place. It was all too much, way too much. When he felt the other lick a hot stripe up his neck, he lost it and felt the climax hit him, shaking his trembling body and straining leg muscles. He wasn't thinking anymore at this point, nothing beyond the strong urge to make Chanyeol follow him on his mind. So he spread his legs as obscenely wide as he could in his current state, lips all but crashing with Chanyeol's as he tried to ride out his orgasm and sloppily palmed Chanyeol at the same time. The other was barely responding to the kiss, harshly panting into it as his fingers clenched and unclenched on Kyungsoo's behind as if he didn't know what to do with himself anymore. He followed suit with an almost shocked groan only shortly after, when Kyungsoo's fingers must have done something right through the flimsy fabric of his sweatpants. Kyungsoo _felt_ it, felt the warmth on his fingers, and it made him feel unreasonably good. His own pants were sullied and disgusting, but knowing that Chanyeol had just actually cum in is pants made him feel so incredibly content and yet needy at the same time. Not needy for more stimulation, but needy for a very firm hug.  
  
He didn't have to wait long, as Chanyeol was already looping his arms around Kyungsoo's neck, pulling them down into a lying position on the couch. Kyungsoo mewled unhappily at the ache in his thighs and the sticky feeling of his underwear clinging to him.  
  
For awhile, they lay there, panting heavily. Kyungsoo was still dazed. It was hard to believe that this event had actually transpired. He closed his eyes and inhaled the faint scent of Chanyeol's aftershave, feeling the warmth radiating off him and the way his woolen sweater tickled his nose.  
  
"I have a spare pair of pants for you."  
Kyungsoo chuckled in tired disbelief, halfheartedly poking the other's side, causing Chanyeol to flinch and whine in equally lazy protest. He apologetically ran his hand up to soothingly card it through the silver strands. Gratefully? Yes, maybe he was grateful, too. For Chanyeol being able to fully focus on him, too.  
"Now we can get back to talking about Jongin," Kyungsoo murmured, never ceasing the petting motion. A heavy arm rested around his waist, drawing him in close. Chanyeol nudged his nose into Kyungsoo's hair to leave a warm kiss on his forehead.  
"M'kay," he mumbled sleepily. "Gimme a minute."  
He got five. And fell asleep. Kyungsoo nuzzled closer and dozed off with his hand still lingering on Chanyeol's nape, a vague feeling of general content serving as a warm blanket. And the odd, tiny wish to see Jongin.  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! I'm alive!
> 
> I feel like I'm tumbling a little with this story, but I'll get it together soon, promise :3  
> Either way, it is an important turning point for Kyungsoo.
> 
> I wanna take this chance to formally thank you guys again for voting for my story on the Asian Fanfic awards. Your support means a lot to me, and I hope you'll continue to enjoy this story in the future! ♥
> 
> Much love,  
> Sugar_and_Salt ♥
> 
> P.S.: No, the smut is not some kind of 'gift' for voting *haha*


	23. Onyx, Pearl, & a Tiger's Eye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can't talk much. Smart me took a job today that requires her to get up at 4AM in the morning.  
> I might change this note later though~
> 
> Love y'all!  
> Sugar_and_Salt

  
  
"Are you nervous?"  
Jongin's head whipped up at Kyungsoo's question, and the insecurity was written all over his face in bold letters.  
"Uhm. Not really, I mean. Just-"  
"He'll faint if we don't watch out for him," Chanyeol threw in helpfully. Helpfully, because it caused Jongin to hiss a halfhearted 'Fuck you' at him, and to elaborate that it was natural to feel nervous around kids if you weren't used to them. So it served as a nice outlet for Jongin and a hint for Kyungsoo, who was quick to reassure Jongin.  
"You will be fine. Kids will probably love your pushover attitude," he said in a blunt, but not hostile voice, "besides, Chanyeol made it work, too."  
"Hey! You can't team up against me, that's not fair!" Chanyeol whined instantly, looking over at where Jongin shot Kyungsoo a shy smile.  
"Don't be such a baby," Kyungsoo, who walked in the middle of the three, said in a placating manner, and Chanyeol pouted, just to make a point. They were already walking down the pathway to the city's orphanage, so Chanyeol was still sulking when they shrugged off their jackets in the entrance hall. The Secret Santa event -where various companies bought presents for selected orphanages around the four countries- had been a complete success. The past days had been extremely stressful for all of them, but now Christmas had come and gone by, and all they had to do was properly wrap up the promotions later. Keyword being later. Today was the second day of Christmas, and they had embarked on their own, personal Secret Santa mission to deliver presents to the orphanage Chanyeol had already visited with Kyungsoo before.  
  
Kim Jongdae was still in charge, it seemed, accordingly dressed in an awful, yet charming woolen sweater and a nose that was painted red. Neither of the three asked him about it as they stepped out of their shoes and Jongin was already cornered by the first, nosy kid asking whether he was a Secret Santa with glittering eyes. Chanyeol almost yelped dramatically when a hand landed on his lower back, leading him after Jongin and Jongdae, who carried most of their bags. It was Kyungsoo, who now looked up at him with a neutral expression.  
"Don't be so jealous," he said in a voice so quiet Chanyeol barely heard it, and then the hand was gone already as Kyungsoo wrestled a bag out of Jongdae's hands to assist him. Chanyeol felt an uncharacteristic blush creep up his cheeks as the ghost of the already fleeting touch seemed to linger and stirred something in his stomach. The memory of last week, where they'd been intimate for the first time, was still so clear on his mind. Sometimes, he felt almost painfully shy and unable to look at Kyungsoo, after doing something like... _this_. It had seemed like a really good idea back then, and he still wasn't _regretting_ it. It was just the first time he'd ever done such a thing with a boy, and it would take him some time getting used to the idea. At the same time, he felt even more attached though. Kyungsoo had seen the less proper and accommodating side of Chanyeol, the one that demanded, instead of just offering. And he didn't seem very put off, maybe even quite the opposite?  
"What's wrong with you, you wanna be our looming shadow, you big beanstalk?" Jongin asked half-moodily, half-anxiously, and Chanyeol graciously complied and caught up to them, giving Jongin a little security.  
  
Chanyeol was actually a little giddy to meet all the kids of the orphanage again. On deeper consideration, he came to the conclusion that he was mostly giddy to see Kyungsoo being around kids, and to sort of see Jongin's reaction to this very different side of him. Was that silly? Maybe, but Chanyeol had no interest in sorting out the complexity of emotions that was currently reigning his mind. This was not the time for worries - it was Christmas, and they were seated around a comfortable table decked in an obviously old tablecloth made of green, shiny silk. Various plates of self-made cookies were spread out and all the children that were not occupied with their new presents, were currently seated around the table, waiting for Kyungsoo to shuffle the cards, eager for a repeat of their last session. Next to him, Jongin fidgeted.  
"It's okay if you've never played before!" Chanyeol threw in, ready to scuffle to his feet. "I can help you during the first rounds-"  
"If you help him, he'll probably lose," Kyungsoo cut him off with the hint of a teasing smile, "after all, you're just a newbie yourself. I'll play with him."  
Chanyeol pouted again, though mostly for show. Even if he wasn't included, seeing Kyungsoo calmly guide Jongin through the game (who got evidently flustered whenever Kyungsoo leaned in close to get a look at his cards) was strangely rewarding.   


  


* * *

  
  
"Good thing you didn't help me, cause I would've obviously never won a game. Are you sure _you_ know the rules?"  
Chanyeol stuck out his tongue in a childish manner that amused most of the present kids.  
"I just had bad luck. Besides, why do you only pick on me? What about Sarah here? She lost as well-"  
The girl a few seats down threw in an unhappy 'Hey!', but Chanyeol was already nodding at Kyungsoo, "-or Kyungsoo? He's not exactly giving us a stellar performance, either!"  
Jongin looked like he'd just told him his fly had been open for the better part of the day. Next to him, Kyungsoo looked at the boy with the usual intensity that attention from Do Kyungsoo came with.  
"You can make fun of me. I can take that."  
Jongin looked like he was about to bolt, but with his fingers turning white around the cards, he stayed put, ultimately shaking his head viciously.  
"I don't want to make fun of you though. There is nothing to laugh about," he admitted quietly, and with evidently burning cheeks that went blissfully misinterpreted by the children.  
"Is that so..." Kyungsoo hummed, already plucking a card off the staple in the middle of the table. Jongin's eyes were glued to his own cards, and no more words left his lips.  
"Gee, so there's plenty of stuff to laugh about when it comes to me. Mean," Chanyeol said light-heartedly, causing a few children to generously jump to his aid.  
"I don't wanna laugh at you-"  
"He's just joking, don't be sad!"  
"Do you have a girlfriend?"  
Chanyeol spluttered, but it was nothing against the way Jongin froze mid-turn, staring at him with wide eyes.  
"What? W-what has that got to do with anything?" Chanyeol asked defensively, and the girl who had asked - she must be 10, at most - didn't seem fazed at all.  
"Well, if you have a girlfriend, she can kiss it better, right? As long as she likes you, it's not important if other people laugh, right?"  
Chanyeol blinked. His eyes flit over to Jongin, who still seemed on the verge of panic, and to Kyungsoo, who displayed his usual stoic demeanor, though his eyes _were_ resting on him. Chanyeol grasped at straws and did what he did best - he smiled.  
"Wah, aren't you jumping to conclusions, Missy!" he teased playfully, leaning towards her. "How do you know I have a girlfriend and not a boyfriend?"  
That took the steam from the sassy girl, whose little hand immediately flew up to cover up her dumbfounded, open-mouthed expression.  
" _Oh_ . Do you have a boyfriend, instead?!" she asked, eyes wide as saucers.  
The rest of the table became much more interested, too, and Chanyeol could see that not only Jongin was burning up. No, even pale Kyungsoo's cheeks were colored in the faintest, dusty pink. He flashed them a reassuring smile before turning back to the nosy kid with a sing-song voice.  
"Wouldn't - you - like - to know?" he asked, poking her little button nose, which she took with a mewl of protest. Both Jongin and Kyungsoo exhaled in relief - one more visually so than the other. Chanyeol just grinned and wrestled with the girl's hands that were swatting at his.  
"It's... a... secret!"  
  
Today, as well, Chanyeol seemed to be the butt of all jokes. Funny how he the looks he got from the other two still managed to make him feel so _admired_ at the same time.   


  
  


* * *

  
  
"This was pretty exhausting," Jongin admitted many hours later, when they stepped onto the cold street. Chanyeol agreed with a vague hum, feeling quite ruffled and tired himself. Kyungsoo still seemed rather chipper - as chipper as Do Kyungsoo could get, that is.  
"Your stamina is amazing," Jongin commented, his filter definitely chapped from exhaustion. Kyungsoo huffed out a quiet laugh and shot him a tiny, indulgent smile.  
"That sounds mighty wrong."  
Jongin squeaked out a weak 'what?', and before Kyungsoo could open his mouth, the Eastener had turned on his heels to look for Chanyeol, who had stopped in his tracks, a few steps behind them.  
"W-why did you stop walking?" he asked accusingly, walking back to Chanyeol and all but planting himself into his side, as close as his pride would allow. Chanyeol snapped out of his thoughts, only to see Jongin next to him, and Kyungsoo approaching with a mysterious smile.  
"Huh?"  
Jongin poked his side hard enough to make him feel it through the layers of clothing.  
"Not 'huh?' - you wanna stay here, sleep on the curb today?" Jongin asked, and was he pushing himself closer?  
Chanyeol shook his head and gathered his thoughts.  
"No. No, of course not. I was just... remembering the last time I was here. With Kyungsoo."  
He could see the emotions reflected in Jongin's eyes adjust quickly. The distracted, teasing spark immediately died down in favor of a slightly insecure, but attentive look.  
"Oh really?"  
He looked up at Kyungsoo's voice, to see the boy's gaze roam the area, just to rest back on him. Chanyeol cleared his throat.  
"It's just. Right here, I apologized to him before. I've been such an idiot, dragging Soo into an orphanage, trying to prove, I don't even know, _something_ . At the end of the day, I just prove that I'm an ignorant person," he concluded, laughing weakly. It was a little odd, saying this in front of Jongin, but this was about three people being in one relationship, as Kyungsoo had rightfully said. He was a little ashamed over admitting his past mistakes so openly, but instead of anger at Chanyeol's misbehavior, Jongin looked strangely thoughtful. Soft, even.  
"Oh..." he said quietly, and something about him seemed to speak of regret - as if he regretted not having been a part of this. Chanyeol wondered whether Kyungsoo saw it, too, but he probably didn't.  
"You've been an ignorant person who has the guts to apologize on the spot," Kyungsoo corrected him nonchalantly, with both hands buried in his simple jacket. "So don't beat yourself up about it. Except this is your way of reminiscing fondly. It was-" he began, actually hesitating for just a second before he obviously gave himself a push, "it _was_ the first step. It's worth remembering."  
Instead of delving into a long list of first steps between them, Chanyeol decided to actually _take_ a step, and produced a nondescript little paper bag from his jacket.  
"See, I was thinking," he started, ignoring Jongin's amused snort, "that we, too, deserve a Christmas present, don't you agree?"  
Kyungsoo actually frowned at him, while Jongin flat-out groaned.  
"No presents, Chanyeol! We had _one_ rule. One! It was such a nice and uncomplicated one, too-"  
"Hmhm, yeah. Well, now it's too late," Chanyeol said without an ounce of regret as he poured the content into his own palm. Three leather bracelets stood in stark contrast to his fair skin. Kyungsoo leaned in to get a closer look, while Jongin snatched one to scrutinize it. They really were simple - just a braided band of dark leather with a tiny, round stone embedded in the middle. It wasn't easy to see in the pale light of the streetlamps, but Chanyeol knew that Jongin was looking at the one with the black stone, while the ones remaining on his palm were of a pearly white and brown, reflective mineral each.  
"Couple bracelets, huh?" Kyungsoo asked quietly, seeming objectively curious. Chanyeol masked his nervousness with a small smile.  
"I thought it might be nice to have something connecting us. I don't know."  
He remembered the amount of time he had spent in front of the little booth offering handmade leather accessories. Would it be too much? They were still in a test phase, right? Was it alright to take this tiny step, or would the others feel pressured?  
In the end, Chanyeol had decided to go for it, and now he gently plucked the bracelet with the black stone out of Jongin's grasp.  
"I just thought - hold this for a second?" he began, before handing the other two leather bands over to Jongin, "that they suit us pretty well. And they're rather unobtrusive, too."  
He reached for Kyungsoo's right wrist, hoping that the tremble he felt wasn't all-too visible. Dragging up his sleeve, Chanyeol carefully put it around his wrist, fiddling a little with the adjustable fastener.  
"I was thinking black for Soo..." he hummed, making sure that the bracelet was neither too tight or too loose.  
"Because his eyes are so dark," Jongin said surprisingly. Chanyeol looked up with a fleeting grin.  
"Exactly."  
When he was content with the result, he blinked up to see those dark orbs trained on him. And though they might resemble a starless night sky, the emotions flickering in them were so intense and yet sprinkled with vulnerability, that it did funny things to him.  
Kyungsoo licked his lips, and instead of saying anything, he took both of the bracelets from Jongin, examining them closely. Chanyeol's eyes were magically drawn to the dark ring that was now resting around his wrist like a mark.  
He came to a conclusion and stretched out a hand, waiting for Jongin to offer his wrist. It took a second of confusion before Jongin hurried to comply, holding up his hand with his fingers restlessly going from digging into his palm to forcefully loosening up.  
Chanyeol craned his neck to get a look at Kyungsoo's choice, seeing that he'd chosen the white one with a certain satisfaction.  
"So mine is white," Jongin stated calmly.  
"It will contrast nicely with your skin," Kyungsoo said without missing a beat. In reality, it was because in a certain way, Jongin symbolized someone really pure to Chanyeol, and he suspected that Kyungsoo knew that, even though words didn't come easy to him.  
The way he fastened the accessory was deliberate and surprisingly tender. When he was done, both his hands and gaze lingered on the white stone a little longer, and Chanyeol wondered what he might currently feel. Jongin looked actually dazed by the simple, yet affectionate gesture, which was why he reacted so belatedly - Kyungsoo had already grasped Chanyeol's wrist when Jongin's hasty fingers reached for the last bracelet with a cut-off 'let me', causing it to fall to the ground. He quickly dove after it and when he re-emerged from his bent over position, the flush on his cheeks was visible even in the bad lighting. He made a point to dust the leather it off, bottom lip caught between his teeth. With a fond smile, Chanyeol easily offered his wrist. Jongin's fingertips were icy cold. Maybe that's why they tingled so much.  
"My color has no meaning," he admitted with a small laugh masking the flurry of feelings that even the tiniest physical contact from Jongin brought. Kyungsoo tilted his head, watching closely how Jongin awkwardly fiddled with the fastener.  
"But I think it does," he protested calmly.  
Jongin didn't say a word until the bracelet was fastened, and while holding Chanyeol's hand with one of his, he tugged at the bracelet until the reflective brown stone was in the middle.  
"Because you're shining," he said very quietly, unwilling to let go of Chanyeol's hand.  
He wasn't sure what was going on, but if Jongin was enjoying this moment, Chanyeol would surely be the last to rip him out of it. He was surprised at the gesture, at the way the pads of his fingers rubbed Chanyeol's hand. Jongin claimed to like him, and while he knew it, _feeling_ it was very different.  
Jongin wasn't meeting either of their eyes as he carefully reached out to get a loose hold on Kyungsoo's wrist, as well, who let the other take the lead without a hitch. Jongin placed their hands together, waited until Chanyeol and Kyungsoo had laced their fingers, before he cupped their hands with his own. Keeping them together, shielding them from the cold.  
For awhile, he held them, just like that, and Chanyeol had never seen him so content and peaceful. Then he placed his free hand around Jongin's shoulders, just as Kyungsoo decided to place his hand on top of Jongin's.  
  
For the first time in forever, Chanyeol felt perfectly safe. Perfectly balanced. Everything felt right.   
  


  
  
  
  


   



	24. Droplet

  
Kyungsoo hummed a tune to himself as he stacked away the last plate before hanging the towel over the oven's handle to dry.  
It was a late Sunday afternoon, and he had it all to himself. Chanyeol and Jongin had went out on Friday, something about volunteering at a pet shop. Kyungsoo hadn't pestered either of them with questions, just asked Chanyeol if they had fun per text message afterwards - only to receive a flurry of excited texts in return.  
  
Kyungsoo had always picked himself as a rather possessive and, quite frankly, jealous person. Seeing Chanyeol interact with Jongin, knowing they might be intimate when he wasn't around... it _did_ do things to him, but not exactly in a way he would have expected it. He wasn't sure whether the idea made him happy for them or not. He was definitely not turned on, but he wasn't _worried_ either. Chanyeol's affection seemed unwavering and true as ever. If anything, the overgrown puppy seemed more free and easy in expressing it, now that Jongin was an official part of their relationship.  
Yes, things were mostly confusing at this point. Kyungsoo wasn't very good at analyzing himself, but this had been going on for weeks, and he was starting to suspect that he didn't feel threatened as Chanyeol's lover because Jongin was asexual. That would be bad though, right? It would mean that he didn't see Jongin on the same level as them. He scrunched his brows into the lightest frown, made a decision and padded into his bedroom, going through his drawer without haste.  
  
It was difficult to see Jongin on the same level though, because the boy had a habit of making himself _look_ smaller. Kyungsoo got that it was more of a compulsive habit and less a result of bad intentions. Recently, Jongin seemed keen on crawling out of his shell. It just obviously gave him much more trouble than he seemed to have when it came to Chanyeol. The results showed sporadically at best, and made things rather confusing, to be honest. Sometimes Jongin would be pleasant and reserved for long stretches of time, only to throw in a surprisingly biting remark out of nowhere. Kyungsoo wanted to make things easy for him, but he was suffering from the permanent threat of getting whiplash from the sudden change in attitude. He'd pondered being more confrontational, verbally, but seeing as Jongin was already trying - and this was the best he could come up with, at the moment - this didn't seem to be a good idea.  
With a fresh towel over one arm and a bundle of clothes stacked on top, he wandered off to the bathroom with a small yawn. Jongin was so complicated.  
  
With a soft thump, the clothes were dropped on the narrow row of tiles bridging what would otherwise be a small gap in between the bath tub and the wall. Kyungsoo's bathroom was tiny and cramped, as everything about his apartment was - the narrow room was mostly filled by a regular-sized bathtub squished in between two walls to his left, leaving barely enough space to walk and reach the toilet. Kyungsoo didn't mind. Strangely enough, it felt more cozy like this.  
He had just opened the tiny cupboard beneath the sink, when his phone vibrated. With a good-natured sigh, Kyungsoo let go of the plastic bottle he'd already found, deciding that this had priority. The signature sound of this particular app could only mean that it was Chanyeol texting him. That silly boy couldn't survive a day without him, after all, huh?  
To his surprise, it wasn't Chanyeol. It was Jongin, asking whether he was free.  
For awhile, Kyungsoo just looked at the little speech bubble on the screen. Then he had an idea, shrugged to himself and typed a reply.  
  
When the doorbell rang not too long after, Kyungsoo opened it to a sheepish-looking Jongin. There was no reason to look like that, but he was becoming used to it being the default look on Jongin, who seemed a little guilty over any second he took from Kyungsoo's supposedly precious time.  
"Hello," he said almost meekly, and Kyungsoo huffed in amusement.  
"Hey. Come in."  
Jongin followed the invitation with a fleeting smile that looked more eager than he probably planned on letting on. Kyungsoo only shook his head at the other's demeanor and went for the kitchen.  
"I'll get you something to drink. Orange juice is fine?" he asked over his shoulder, already reaching for a glass.  
"Y-yeah. Of course!"  
  
Ever since that fateful coke incident, Kyungsoo had made sure to always pick up some juice at the next trip to the grocery store. He wasn't a bad host, and if he were to expect Jongin over ever so often, there was no reason not to buy something he liked. Kyungsoo didn't mind. It was a much healthier choice, anyway.  
  
He was just screwing the lid back on the package of juice, when Jongin started _rambling –_ or rather butchering what was probably a well-prepared speech.  
He did that a lot, so it was no surprise at this point.  
"I know it's Sunday and you probably wanted to relax, so I thought we could maybe just, I don't know, watch a movie? Unless you're kinda sick of that, of course. In that case we could also play some games, or you just do you and don't mind me at all, that would be fine, too-"  
"I was about to take a bath when you texted me," Kyungsoo interrupted him nonchalantly. It was almost comical to see Jongin's expression fall into a pit of uncertainty.  
"Oh," he muttered unintelligently, and, quite frankly, a little crestfallen. "That's okay. I can just watch some TV in the meantime-"  
"Wanna join me?"  
" _What_?"  
Jongin looked like Kyungsoo had just proposed them to rob a bank. Shocked, sort of scandalized, and like he assumed Kyungsoo was joking. Now, against his public image, Kyungsoo _did_ do jokes - his deadpan attitude was suited perfectly for them. But he wasn't utterly insensitive to timing, and this certainly was neither a time nor thing to joke about. So he only looked him in the eye and shrugged ever so slightly.  
"Why not? Sitting in a hot tub is certainly more relaxing than the couch. I think it's obvious that I'm not gonna jump you, and you don't swing that way anyway, right?"  
Jongin slowly closed his mouth, blinking dumbly.  
  
Admittedly, it was a rather bold statement, but essentially true. Jongin was asexual and therefore not planning on ever having sex with him, anyway. So with all the possibly sexual intentions out of the way, taking a bath together wasn't such a big deal anymore, right?  
  
"You can always say no if you're uncomfortable with that," Kyungsoo simply offered, watching Jongin's face closely. The boy seemed like his brain had stopped working and was now quickly rebooting.  
"Uhm," he stammered, eyes flitting through the room as he seemed to consider the offer earnestly. Kyungsoo waited patiently, taking the time to store away the orange juice.  
"If... if it doesn't make _you_ uncomfortable... I guess it's alright?" he said slowly, hesitantly, and Kyungsoo shot him an amused look.  
"That's what you're worried about? I offered it, after all. Either way, I should switch off the water."  
He passed by Jongin, who only followed him with obvious caution. The bathroom was already rather damp from the amount of hot steam filling the tiny room.  
"The worst that could happen would be me getting a boner," Kyungsoo casually said as he tested the temperature - which was pleasantly hot - and turned off the stream of water, "and that would most likely make _you_ more uncomfortable than _me_ , so..."  
"You're so blunt," Jongin said from the door frame, sounding both astonished and still mildly scandalized. Kyungsoo only hummed, drying his hands on a towel.  
"And you aren't?"  
He looked up to see Jongin biting his lips, and added a light "That's right, only towards Chanyeol, huh?"  
"That's- it's not because I don't like you, it's just-"  
"I know," Kyungsoo cut him off softly, saving him from further embarrassment as he brushed past him once again, "you can go in first, I'll get you a towel and stuff. Do you need pajamas or anything?"  
"If it's okay for me to stay overnight? I didn't bring a toothbrush though..."  
Assuring him that it was fine, Kyungsoo slowly made his way to the bedroom. He purposefully took his time, to the point that he first checked his phone for messages and then flat-out stopped and just stared at the pile of fresh towels for awhile, listening to the faint sounds of rustling clothes. Then he reached for Chanyeol's pair of sleepwear. Chanyeol had brought it one evening and Kyungsoo had definitely missed reminding him to take it back home the next day, cause he may or may not enjoy the thought of his lover having a spare set of clothes at his place a little too much (while Chanyeol was evidently not thinking much into it).  
He considered undressing in the bathroom, to show Jongin that he was really alright with this, but it wasn't like he wanted to give him a show, either. It could always backfire. Jongin still seemed sort of terrified by anything that could be interpreted in a sexual way; the last time an innuendo had slipped his lips, Jongin had all but ran away.  
Kyungsoo couldn't deny the fond little grin that was tugging at his lips while he slipped out of his clothes. It had been sort of adorable, how Jongin had tucked himself into Chanyeol's side in an attempt to hide away. Really, Jongin was so strange...  
  
When he entered the bathroom, loosely holding a towel around his waist, Jongin was sitting at the far end of the tub, knees drawn up high as he peeked up at him with slightly wide eyes.  
_You_ _ **were**_ _serious about this, right?,_ he seemed to ask. Kyungsoo pretended not to notice the way Jongin's eyes flickered down his exposed upper body, placed aside the spare clothes and took off the towel with purposefully calm motions. Though he'd be a fool to deny that he was avoiding Jongin's eyes as he slowly stepped into the hot water, giving his skin a little time to adjust to the temperature. The water had the characteristically bright green color Kyungsoo had come to associate with his favorite bath gel - not to mention the distinct fragrance of horse chestnut that was already calming him down tremendously. He sighed involuntarily when he sat down, fully dipping into the water until it reached just above his chest, blessing him with a wave of heat that his body mistook for cold for a second.  
"You like your water scorching hot, huh?" Jongin asked, and his voice had a dull echo to it. Kyungsoo leaned back a little to bless the rest of his goosebumps-ridden skin with hot water.  
"Too hot?"  
Jongin lightly shook his head.  
"I'm good."  
With a hum, Kyungsoo wriggled until he got comfortable.  
"I didn't take you for the type to take lengthy bubble baths," Jongin suddenly burst out, and by the look on his face, he obviously regretted the statement already. Kyungsoo raised a brow in question.  
"Why not? What's there to say against lying in a hot tub, reading a book and just relaxing?"  
"N-nothing," Jongin immediately said, making a dismissive hand gesture that sent a few bubbles flying. "I guess... I just really don't know you all that well."  
Kyungsoo shot him a little grin.  
"You literally just saw every inch of me."  
"I didn't look!"  
"Sure you didn't," Kyungsoo hummed, touching a few bubbles that burst with the tiniest sounds between the pads of his fingers.  
"Okay, I did," Jongin admitted immediately, "but I didn't really see anything, I swear."  
"Why are you even worrying about that?" Kyungsoo asked lightly. "If we three are a thing, you'll probably see me naked sooner or later, anyway, no matter whether you're involved in sex or not."  
Jongin stared at him, and now he reminded him of a little boy seeking an answer to a question so blatantly obvious that he'd never really asked it.  
"I guess..." was all he could ultimately come up with, and Kyungsoo couldn't help but ask.  
"Are you scared of the topic? Are you scared Chanyeol or I might try to talk you into sleeping with either of us?"  
"No!"  
The reply came surprisingly quickly and firm, going by Jongin's standards. Realizing this, the boy licked his lips and tried again.  
"No, that's not it. I know you wouldn't. Neither of you would."  
He was still thinking, eyes lingering on the sea of white bubbles, when Kyungsoo spoke up before he could.  
  
"Would you mind turning around?"  
Jongin blinked at him in question, and Kyungsoo only made an encouraging turning motion with his hand. Jongin followed warily, turning only his head and then, on Kyungsoo's insistence, his whole body.  
"Okay. Come here."  
"Huh?"  
Kyungsoo leaned forwards and stretched out his arm to graze the other's back. Jongin initially flinched, but still followed the gentle pressure on his shoulder and scooted towards Kyungsoo. He was being bold again, but why stop now, Kyungsoo thought to himself as he spread his legs to make room for Jongin, who advanced until only a hand width of space was separating them, and Kyungsoo's thighs were all but bracketing him.  
"See - now you can stretch out your legs."  
For awhile, Jongin just sat there, before stretching his legs out almost mechanically. Kyungsoo eyed his bare back, watched the subtle dips and grooves of his shoulder blades, spine and muscles until a barely audible whisper broke the silence.  
"What are you trying to accomplish right now? Test whether I'm as ace as I'm making myself out to be?"  
  
The water was still very much hot, but he could also feel the heat radiating off Jongin.  
"Do you have that little faith in me?"  
He heard the water splash as Jongin presumably played with the surface.  
"No. Just. What else would it be?" he asked, voice so small that if he weren't so close, he would have clearly missed it.  
"Don't be silly. If you tell me your sexual preferences, I can only believe you. How would I know them better than you?" Kyungsoo gently asked right back at him, reaching out slowly to grace Jongin's shoulder with a fleeting touch, testing his reactions. He didn't flinch again, but the way his muscles tensed up was perfectly visible on his bare back.  
"I just wanna know what you're comfortable with," Kyungsoo quietly said, not moving his fingertips.  
"I don't care about online definitions," he began, fingers skidding over his skin to the other shoulder.  
"they don't tell me what you want and what not..."  
His second hand joined the spot where his fingertips had just been, slowly coming to a full rest, palming his shoulder.  
"...what upsets you and what makes you feel _good_."  
With this, his free palm came to a rest on Jongin's other shoulder. The skinship had fleetingly increased, and while Jongin didn't swat at him, the tension was still there.  
Kyungsoo waited, while Jongin was obviously thinking. Maybe he was trying to muster up the courage to get out of this situation. Maybe he considered just how much he trusted Kyungsoo.  
  
"It's okay."  
It were just these two words breathed out into the sea of sizzling bubbles.  
"This is okay?" Kyungsoo asked for confirmation, applying the tiniest pressure on his shoulders. The muscles in his back relaxed almost reflexively at that, caving into the touch, accommodating.  
"Yes."  
Kyungsoo started out slow, rubbing his thumbs into the tanned skin, watching and feeling the tension seep in and out.  
  
"You're really something," Jongin muttered.  
"Because of this whole situation?" he asked lowly, concentrated on feeling up the muscles, getting a feeling for Jongin's body. He felt it when Jongin huffed.  
"That, too. No, I mean... the way you assume I might have things I _want_ , even though I'm... me."  
"But it's true, isn't it?" Kyungsoo asked right back, sliding his palms up the sides of his neck, and back down over the curve of his shoulders and down his arms, until he dipped into the water. A thin sheet of water was left when he back-tracked, serving as a poor excuse for the goosebumps crawling up Jongin's upper arms.  
"Maybe. Maybe it's true."  
Jongin leaned into his touch ever so slightly, and it didn't go unnoticed.  
"It's not like I hate touches. I'm not all that different actually, you know?"  
Kyungsoo let him talk, only throwing in a hum as he explored the area around his nape, always keeping his touches symmetrical in location and pressure.  
"I get turned on when I touch myself. I can have sex, too. The pressure, the orgasm, it's all there. I even wake up with morning wood occasionally."  
  
His palms wandered from the shoulder blades downwards, just a little lower. Just enough to dip back into the water and cup his sides. Jongin shuddered, and Kyungsoo felt himself twitch, an unexpected spark that caught him off guard.  
"There's just a tiny part in my head that's missing, something that's broken," Jongin said thoughtfully, and the sound of swirls drawn into the water trailed off. "And that's the part making me want it. Or actually enjoy it, really."  
Kyungsoo huffed out a small laugh and carded his wet fingers into the dry curls, wetting them slowly, but thoroughly.  
"You're not broken," he argued, a tinge of amusement shining through, "it's a feature. Following your logic, we'd all be broken. _I'd_ be broken, for not being into boobs."  
  
"Since when did you know?" Jongin asked with a sudden focus, turning his head, though it was more a symbolic gesture than him trying to get a look at Kyungsoo.  
"Hm? Always," he replied, scooping up more water to wet the other's hair and massage his scalp in the progress. "I just knew. Maybe I didn't always consciously _know_ , but liking girls was never an option."  
"And you didn't get shit for that? Did people know all along, too?"  
"Who knows. I didn't bother telling it to many people, cause there was never a real reason for it. You'd be surprised at how little attention people really pay to those around them. You might think your downfall is their priority, but most of the time, you're worrying for nothing. Sure, you get a few half-assed jabs here and there, but why care?"  
Jongin hummed, sounding pensive and a little down.  
"Right. Of course you'd be unfazed. I used to think there's nothing that could affect you or bring you down... but that's not true either, right?" he continued, voice raising with curiosity. "What would manage to shake you up?"  
He actually turned his head to meet Kyungsoo's gaze with an almost playful one of his own.  
"What are _you_ uncomfortable with?"  
  
Kyungsoo smiled, flicking a bit of water at him, which Jongin took with a wrinkled nose, quickly turning back to the front. He reached for the nearby plastic bottle behind him, squeezing a bit of red gel out and began to lather it on the wet hair, rubbing it in until it turned to rose-colored foam. Only then did he speak up again.  
  
"It's a little specific and hard to put into words," he began, and Jongin hummed in a way that reminded him of the purr of a content cat, "but I guess if someone wants to take the lead, and I let them... if I pass over the handle. And the person uses that trust to turn on me. That sort of stuff really irks me."  
He tugged at Jongin's shoulder, silently asking him to lean back so he could rinse his hair. Jongin followed without a hitch, eyes closed at the welcome sensation of Kyungsoo carefully working his fingers over his scalp.  
"Not necessarily because I'm hurt, but because I'm getting angry at myself. I could have prevented that, if you know what I mean."  
Jongin's eyes blinked open, seeking his.  
"Did something like that happen before?"  
Kyungsoo shrugged.  
"Not really, I guess."  
He watched Jongin's expression tug into one of mild confusion.  
"Then why...?"  
_Why?_ That wasn't something he had ever put much thought into.  
  
"I don't know?" he asked honestly, and when Jongin sat up again, he turned towards Kyungsoo, who took this chance to awkwardly rearrange his legs before he'd suffer from a cramp.  
"You never thought about that? Why you feel like this?"  
When Kyungsoo only shot him a questioning look, shaking his head a little, Jongin seemed positively incredulous.  
"Really? You don't think about stuff like this at all? I mean," he hurried to take it down a notch, because face to face discussions were obviously harder for him, "it's just such a strange concept to me, since I know myself inside out. I know exactly which experiences cause me to think or feel or act the way I do. I can't _not_ watch, analyze or judge myself."  
  
"Oh really?" Kyungsoo asked, looking at his face that was rosy from heat. "Isn't that tiresome? Depressing?"  
Jongin shook his head, leaning his back against the tub with his knees drawn up, leaving just enough wriggle room for Kyungsoo to stretch out his legs which bumped into the small of his back.  
"Actually not. It's... reassuring? Knowing my inner workings gives me a feeling of safety."  
His eyes dropped to the remaining suds on the surface, cheek mashed against his knees.  
  
"I usually know what's going on inside myself, or at the very least I can trace it back to _understand_. There is only one thing that came completely out of nowhere, and I only noticed it when it was all up in my face."  
"Chanyeol," Kyungsoo said, and an almost bitter grin spread tugged at Jongin's generous lips.  
"Totally. Maybe not Chanyeol, but my... affection. Yes. It just came out of nowhere. One second it was all good, the next I felt like dying when I realized."  
Kyungsoo actually snorted at this.  
"Wow, aren't you positive."  
"It was all messy enough already, okay?!" Jongin defended himself, but the faint grin was still there, putting Kyungsoo at ease. "Crushing on this giant idiot was the last thing I needed in my life, seriously."  
"Or maybe it was just what you needed," Kyungsoo argued with a smile. "Time will tell-"  
  
A clicking noise from somewhere had Jongin tense up, eyes widening in shock. Kyungsoo was quick to shut his worry down with a calm look.  
"It's okay, it's probably just-"  
  
_"Hey Soo!"_ an all-too familiar voice boomed through the hallway, and Jongin looked horrified.  
"Hey," Kyungsoo called back, looking not the least bit surprised, "take off your shoes and jacket."  
" _Yes, sir!_ "  
"Did you know he was coming?" Jongin asked in a hushed whisper, already scrambling to cover himself up as good as possible, dipping his legs back into the water.  
"Yeah, he asked me. Earlier, when I was getting you a towel and stuff."  
" _Soo? Are you talking to someone?_ "  
"Yeah, Jongin is here."  
"Oh, really?"  
Jongin made an incoherent, whiny noise at that, and Kyungsoo shot him an alarmed look.  
"Should I tell him to leave?" he asked quietly, earnestly, and while Jongin looked like an emotional mess, he shook his head, sending a few droplets of water flying. Kyungsoo soothingly rubbed his back as he turned to call out towards the entrance.  
"Bathroom, Yeol."  
Lowering his voice, he turned back to Jongin with a lowered voice.  
"Don't you wanna see his face? Cause I do."  
At the mix of wondrous confusion on Jongin's face, he couldn't help but smile.  
"He'll be so envious."  
" _Why would you guys be in the bathroom_ -Oh."  
Kyungsoo craned his neck to see Chanyeol towering in the doorway, looking a little ruffled from the wind that was howling outside. He was positively gaping.  
  
"Hey," Kyungsoo offered simply, utterly casually. "Sorry, there's no more room for you. You'd be too tall for this tub, anyway."  
Chanyeol spluttered, hands coming up to cover his mouth as he was talking.  
"I-I wasn't expecting this- sorry if I came at a bad time- I didn't know-"  
"Yeah, yeah, come down here," Kyungsoo ordered him with a good-natured lilt of exasperation. Chanyeol followed without thinking, knees bumping against the tiles noisily. A look told him that Jongin was trying not to meet the Southener's wide eyes that were trained on him. Kyungsoo tapped his cheek, pushing him away from Jongin and towards him instead.  
"Hi," he said again, giving him a chaste, but lasting kiss. His lips were cold and slightly dry, causing him to melt against the complementary touch. He looked a little dazed when Kyungsoo drew away, eyes flickering back and forth between the two.  
With a mock sigh, Kyungsoo pinched his cheek a little.  
"Don't worry, you came right on time."  
He leaned towards Jongin, causing the water to splash in protest. With one hand steadying himself on the frame of the tub, he had enough leverage to pull Jongin in with the other hand lightly pushing on his nape. Jongin's hands flew up to steady himself on Kyungsoo's shoulders to avoid slipping, and then they were already pressing their lips together. It was the exact same kiss he'd given Chanyeol - simple, chaste, but with a purpose. Unlike Chanyeol's lips, Jongin's were warm and moist. And just as soft as they looked like. Kissing Jongin was definitely a pleasant sensation, Kyungsoo concluded, as he drew away just enough to break the touch. He'd planned to play it off nonchalantly, but had to belatedly realize that the kiss had shaken him up more than he'd initially thought it would. Jongin's breath was lightly fanning over his lips when he whispered against them.  
  
"You've been hard for awhile, but I swear it just got worse."  
With an incredulous huff, Kyungsoo halfheartedly shoved him back by his shoulder.  
"Take it as a compliment, you brat!"  
Half-amused, half-embarrassed, he turned towards Chanyeol, who had his arms crossed over the tub's frame, chin resting on them as he stared at them in sheer _awe_.  
"And you," Kyungsoo began in a challenging tone, "what are you looking at? You want in on this?"  
"No!" Chanyeol all but yelled immediately, startling both of them, "I mean yes. But no! Don't mind me, you keep having your moment there, this was sort of amazing-"  
His deep voice climbed up high for an undignified squeak when Kyungsoo downed a palm of water over his head, roughly rubbing it in.  
"Tss, what a voyeur, I don't believe you."  
He slung his other arm around Jongin's shoulders.  
"Don't worry, I won't let the pervert touch you," Kyungsoo reassured him in a perfectly dead-pan demeanor over Chanyeol's whines.  
  
Jongin leaned into the touch without hesitation this time.  
  
  
  
  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The whole way they're going at this might look a little controversial, I get that. But while physical contact does mean something to Jongin, it is still different from what is perceived as the norm. I don't think I'll have to repeat this all the time, but just as anyone of us, Jongin is an individual with individual needs - asexuality has a ton of forms, and this is just my interpretation of one possible type.
> 
> Always ready to spread love and respect,  
> Sugar_and_Salt ♥


	25. Just a Finger's Breadth

A serene soundtrack filled the air, and Jongin got nudged by Kyungsoo's elbow. Not too gently. He flinched.  
"What did I do?" he whispered, and if his voice had been any louder, the pout would probably be audible. Kyungsoo's expression was barely visible in the current darkness.  
"You keep _sighing_. Can you keep it down, people are staring at us."  
"But-" Jongin began, but thought better of it, and with unhappily knitted eyebrows he turned back towards the screen currently displaying a futuristic bedroom.  
 _But it's not my fault that the movie **sucks**_ , he thought stubbornly.  
As if on cue, Chanyeol let out a low 'woah' at the hologram on the protagonist's wall. Or something. Of course Chanyeol would be impressed by anything and everything. Jongin rolled his eyes. Unfortunately, he must have made a sound while doing so, because Kyungsoo actually groaned.  
"That's it," he began, and now people were really starting to glare and quietly complain, as Kyungsoo got up and demanded Jongin to switch places with him. Bewildered, Jongin complied, plopping into Kyungsoo's seat, leaning into the comfy jacket the Northener had bundled up to cushion his back. Even Chanyeol had torn his gaze from the screen and he could feel his gaze on them.  
"Kyung-"  
"Shh. Let me watch this in peace," Kyungsoo cut him off gruffly, and Jongin meekly obeyed, zipping his mouth shut and turning back to the front. Just when he was starting to overthink, he felt a hand coming to a rest on his right arm, sliding down until it came to a rest on the back of his hand. Jongin calmed down and relaxed almost instantly. So Kyungsoo wasn't too angry. Jongin was genuinely distracted for the following minutes, to the point that he didn't even notice a ridiculous bump in the screen-writing, or the time where they obviously forgot about a device that was introduced awhile earlier. Ever since that time they'd taken a bath together last Sunday, Kyungsoo seemed very willing to initiate skinship. It would have looked casually if not for the fact that he usually wasn't the type for that. Heck, he touched Jongin more than he touched Chanyeol (in public, at least). It served as a constant reminder that last weekend was not a dream, that this really happened, that this was all real. Jongin found it hard to wrap his mind around it. There was someone who didn't mind being physically close to him, even though sex was off the table. Not to mention that Kyungsoo wasn't even particularly drawn to him. Friendly, casual, but genuine skinship. So strange. Then again, he wasn't exactly normal, either. This was perfect, wasn't it?  
Maybe it shouldn't be - maybe Jongin should feel belittled, like Kyungsoo doesn't take him seriously. But for some reason, he didn't. This was more than alright, Jongin thought as he basked in the weight of Kyungsoo's hand on his as he stared at the screen almost absently while Chanyeol muttered something about how nice the space ship looked.  
Could this just be the way they dealt with things? Could skinship come first, feelings (hopefully) after?  
"She loves him...!" Chanyeol half-rumbled, half-squealed next to him, and Jongin snorted quietly.  
"Their relationship is based on a big, fat lie - she'll obviously find out soon and give us the typical drama."  
"Maybe she'll love him so much by then that-"  
Angry shushing noises came from the back row, and a sideglance told him that Kyungsoo was blissfully ignoring both of them, eyes following the movements on the screen.

 

* * *

  
  
Kyungsoo let go of Jongin's hand, in favour of stretching his arms with pleased, little groan.  
"Well, this wasn't too bad of a movie!" Chanyeol chirped, scurrying along with the purposefully small steps reserved for the company of short people.  
"It was a disaster," Jongin argued blankly.  
"You two are the disaster," Kyungsoo retorted in mild exasperation. "Remind me to never watch a movie with both of you ever again."  
Jongin pouted, if only a little. Kyungsoo hadn't seemed that annoyed when it was just the two of them at the theater. As if reading his thoughts, Kyungsoo looked at both of the sheepish guys.  
"One of you I can deal with, but both? My brain can't take that."  
"But Soooo..." Chanyeol whined, clinging on to Kyungsoo's side, who stumbled with a noise of protest.  
"Don't gimme that now. You don't even have an excuse, this is just aimless whining-" Kyungsoo said strictly, though it lacked venom, nudging Chanyeol away from him. "Go and cuddle Jongin, maybe your positive and negative attitudes will clash and outbalance each other."  
Jongin looked up at Chanyeol, who met his eyes with a wry smile, slung his arm around his shoulders to tug him a long for a bit, before silently letting go again.  
Awkward.  
It was something Jongin had been pondering for awhile, though maybe now was no good time to be absent-minded, with the three of them being together. They headed towards the station and bid their farewells to Kyungsoo, who had to take a different underground train than them. It got silent immediately after they were left to themselves. Jongin was about to take the lead, when a strong hand suddenly gripped his upper arm.  
"What-"  
"Let's go somewhere else, before we go home?" Chanyeol asked. Jongin nodded slowly, suspiciously even, but Chanyeol just tugged him along with a poorly concealed sigh of relief.  
Sometimes, like right now with them silently standing next to each other in a crowded train, Jongin felt how little he actually knew about Chanyeol. Sure, he was now aware of the fact that there were actually things going on in that big head of his, but that didn't mean Jongin could follow along or actually _understand_ his train of thoughts. But that was a big part of what drew him towards the Southener, too - his ability to genuinely see the good in the world, and especially his understanding of everyone around him, the ease in which he molded the atmosphere.  
It seemed like him turning quiet meant he was gnawing on some heavy topic, so maybe this silence should make Jongin nervous. Maybe he _was_ getting nervous, and maybe Chanyeol noticed, because he always did, and looked up from his phone right this second.  
"Sorry, I'm a little social media addict," he laughed, rubbing his neck sheepishly before putting his phone away. "And also I might have tried to distract myself, so I won't annoy you with my endless talking."  
 _But you don't seem to like that_ , was the unspoken implication. Jongin wasn't sure how to make him feel like he was doing something right by talking, so he simply shrugged.  
"I guess I just gotta get used to it," he said in what was hopefully an encouraging tone. Why was it so hard to be open towards Chanyeol, of all persons? _It's probably the same reason it was so easy to be with him in the first place_ , Jongin mused as he half-paid attention to Chanyeol ranting about the ups and downs of leading a successful blog.  
Because Chanyeol effortlessly got him. Unlike Kyungsoo, whom he had to serve every information clean cut, Chanyeol just took a peek and saw more than Jongin might be ready to share. It was a little scary.  
  
They got off at a station Jongin hadn't been at before, though it wasn't too far from the city center or Chanyeol's home, it seemed.  
"I was just thinking that it's been a long time since we did something together, you know?" Chanyeol rambled, as they strode down the streets filled with artificial lights and laughter echoing from various restaurants. "It would have been our turn this weekend, right?"  
"Well. It's all three of us from now on," Jongin stated, though it clearly came out as more of a question.  
"So?" Chanyeol only asked back at him, and they stopped in front of a lit building. It looked like an... art gallery?  
"This is a museum, and it's only open at night. Let's go inside?"  
A museum? Out of all places, Jongin would have penned Chanyeol to rather avoid museums. Weren't those usually boring, anyway?  
But Chanyeol was unfazed and went ahead like he felt completely at home. He paid the small entrance fee and led Jongin to an elevator.  
"The gallery is actually on the 18th floor. Pretty cool, don't you think? It's a private project by a very passionate art lover."  
Jongin nodded, taking in the brightly lit entrance area, until the elevator closed. It was hard to believe that midnight was approaching when everything seemed so brightly lit and awake.  
"You visit museums in your free time? Didn't take you to be the type," he joked dryly, and while Chanyeol did pout, it was obviously hard to keep up the facade.  
"Well. I would visit museums on topics that interest me," he defended himself, and Jongin watched his playful expression through the mirror across them. "But you're right, that's not why we're here."  
Jongin could of course pester him and bug him until he got a proper reply, but if Chanyeol wanted to play mysterious, fine.  
They stepped into an admittedly nice-looking gallery, and Chanyeol kept leading the way with purpose, tugging him towards a lone corridor towards the... toilets? Jongin was about to actually protest when Chanyeol stopped at a random-looking door and opened it, slipping through with a bewildered Jongin in tow. This could not be legal. The door led to some sort of staircase that looked entirely industrial.  
"What are you doing?" he hissed, but Chanyeol only dismissed him with a wave.  
"It's cool, no one will see us. Didn't take _you_ to be the type who sticks to rules."  
  
And Jongin looked at his back as he followed him up the stairs, and thought _that's because I'm not_. The reputation of the team was the only thing that was restraining him, really. Jongin had never been one to play by rules. Maybe he could not be Jongin, representative of the East, but just Jongin, the boy who believed he'd never outgrow the dumb teenager inside him. Just for a little, it would surely be alright, wouldn't it?  
The funny thing was that if they were to get in trouble, Jongin was perfectly sure Chanyeol would step up and take all of the blame without hesitation. And maybe it was even funnier that he wouldn't want him to. Chanyeol - and Kyungsoo, too - were always so ready to protect him... it sparked an odd sense of competition in him. Was that selfish? Maybe that was the reason why people liked to call love a selfish feeling.  
Chanyeol finally came to a halt in front of another door, and cool air hit Jongin's face as soon as it was opened. It looked like a small balcony, just below the roof of the building.  
"I guess employees usually smoke here?" Chanyeol replied an unanswered question and sank to the ground in front of the railing, only to look up at Jongin and gesture for him to follow.  
"Didn't we just spend hours sitting at the cinema?" Jongin huffed out half-heartedly, but complied. Chanyeol chuckled.  
"Wouldn't want the view to knock you over. We're pretty high up here."  
And it was a stunning view indeed. Judging by the stairs they took, Jongin would estimate them to be on the 21st floor maybe, and they had a perfect view over the sea of colored lights below and less aggressively shining stars above their heads.  
For awhile, Jongin just aimlessly looked at the tiny lights zooming down the streets. It was cold enough for his breath to become puffy, and he blessed his warm jacket for accompanying him through the years.  
 _I wouldn't have taken you to be so cheesy_ , Jongin would have liked to say. Except he did.  
"We'll be in trouble if we get caught," he said instead. The following shrug was noisy due to Chanyeol's ridiculously bulky jacket.  
"If any employee catches us now, he or she will be too sleep-deprived to actually get us in trouble."  
Jongin hummed.  
  
This was the perfect opportunity for some real talk, he thought to himself. Up there, sheltered by darkness, with a stunning view to distract him and fueled by the emotions trickling down from the night sky (or maybe it was just Jongin getting emotional at night).  
But where to start?  
It was funny that with all the stuff they'd been through to reach this point... they were the weakest link in this triangle. Not Jongin and Kyungsoo. Jongin and Chanyeol. How and when did that happen?  
Chanyeol used to be all over him, in every sense of the word. He used to seek Jongin's attention and skinship alike. Ever since that one faithful day where he had kissed his cheek, nothing even remotely similar had happened. Heck, he felt more distant than before the whole messy confession. So when had that stopped? With a small sigh, Jongin leaned forwards until his forehead touched the cool metal, completely disregarding how silly he must be looking.  
It all changed when Kyungsoo had proposed letting Jongin in on their relationship. When he'd confessed to being asexual. Even though Chanyeol was quicker to notice, because of course he was.  
  
"Everything alright?"  
Chanyeol sounded mildly worried, but Jongin didn't look up immediately.  
Maybe it was all because Chanyeol didn't want to lead him on too much. Because if sex was not a thing to consider, maybe he thought he'd give Jongin the wrong idea by being touchy?  
"Chanyeol."  
"Yeah?"  
Jongin fidgeted a bit. How to voice this out? Without sounding like an idiot?  
"If you only like me in a platonic way, then you should tell me, you know?" he finally asked, eyes still trained on a particular light of an apartment complex that slowly switched colors. It was currently a vibrant shade of orange. When had _he_ become this hesitant and anxious towards Chanyeol?  
"W-what?" Chanyeol spluttered dramatically. "Why would you even _think_ that?"  
Jongin bit his lip, gathering the courage to shot him a fleeting glance at least. Chanyeol looked scandalized, even in the dim lighting. Maybe Chanyeol liked him in a way that might make his heart beat faster, but not made him want to touch Jongin?  
"It's okay, you know? Or maybe it's not, but at least we could kind of work something out, I guess-"  
"What do you mean by platonic?" Chanyeol cut him off. "Are you seriously doubting whether I find you attractive right now?"  
Jongin tore away his gaze from the intense, yellow light, to look at him defiantly.  
"I mean, it's kinda obvious," he began, and in one swift move, he placed his hand on Chanyeol's thigh, who jumped at the touch. "See?"  
For a blissful few seconds, Chanyeol gaped at him, and Jongin wasn't sure whether there were any gears turning in his head right now. But then he laughed incredulously, startling Jongin.  
  
"Are you blind?" he asked, and he'd never heard Chanyeol use such an exasperated, almost snarky tone on him. It was off-putting, and that must have shown on his face, because Chanyeol didn't wait long for an answer.  
"If there's anything obvious going on, it's the way I constantly drool all over you like a fool?"  
Jongin made a grimace at the image, and Chanyeol rapidly shook his head.  
"No, really - are you kidding me? You even used that to fuck with me, during that concert back then-"  
"That was just..." Jongin began, but trailed off. He had wanted to play a little with Chanyeol, being sure that he was both into guys and too proper to actually go further. Had he assumed Chanyeol would have reacted like that no matter whose behind was grinding on him? Wow, that actually sounded kinda terrible, even in his head, now that he thought about it. So complicated.  
"I even tried to prove to you that I like you in a not- _only_ physical way before? And whenever we went swimming, I was constantly concerned about getting a boner, and I'm not sure I kept myself in check all the time, so don't try to tell me you didn't notice me constantly ogling all over you and your bared skin and- god, you even made me say all this, you can be so cruel," Chanyeol trailed off with an embarrassed, high-pitched whine as he buried his face in his hands in pure embarrassment. Now Jongin was just confused.  
"But... you seem to hate touching me," he stated blankly.  
"I don't!" Chanyeol swiftly protested, muffled by the fingers still hiding his face.  
Jongin blinked. He didn't? He found him attractive, even? So why?  
"I just- I didn't wanna push you or make you uncomfortable-"  
Oh? Jongin scrunched up his brows, eyes flitting around the area. He felt like he was on to something now. This was Chanyeol, who always tended to underestimate himself.  
 _I'm not sure I kept myself in check all the time_ , he'd said just now, right? The word choice suggested that-  
  
"It's because I'm ase- because I'm not interested in sex," Jongin stated, fairly certain of himself this time. With a sigh, Chanyeol's shoulders dropped along with his hands. He'd been spot on. Jongin felt a flurry of nervous, conflicting emotions, but there was no going back now.  
"You're afraid you'll go too far? Or somewhere I don't want you to, in general? You think I wouldn't stop you?"  
"I know you would," Chanyeol protested weakly. "But... you'd still be hurt in your trust. Even if you'd pretend not to be."  
Well. This was true, but-  
"Are you maybe stupid?" Jongin asked slowly, almost mockingly curious. It was like the tables had turned, and now Chanyeol was blinking at him cluelessly.  
"Huh?"  
"Do you actually think you'd jump me and force me to do stuff I wouldn't want you to? Your faith in yourself is disturbingly low, like please. **I** have more faith in you than you do, and that's saying something."  
Chanyeol didn't look completely convinced, and so Jongin went on, running on auto-pilot now.  
"You think I'd climb into a bath tub for naked cuddles if that made me uncomfortable? And don't gimme that whole 'but that was Kyungsoo' nonsense," he cut him off before Chanyeol had a chance to open his mouth, "because it's supposed to be the three of us being together equally, right? You don't need to treat me like porcelain, like I might break at a wrong touch, cause I won't-"  
"Okay, okay!" Chanyeol fell in with hands raised in defeat, and Jongin immediately shut up, fearing he might have taken it too far with his attitude.  
"But try seeing it from my point of view," Chanyeol began, hands wringing together to keep away the cold. "You used to hate me for the longest time. And then, all of a sudden, you wanna be together with Kyungsoo _and_ me. Like, I know we've become friends, sort of. I trust you if you say you wanna be with both of us. But."  
Sensing that he was getting nowhere, he shook his head, shaking off any hesitation as he looked Jongin straight in the eye.  
"Do I have to always assume everything? I can be wrong, too. I could be wrong about you and what you think."  
He didn't sound accusing, just a little helpless. And while Jongin stared at him, he realized that maybe he _should_ sound accusing. For if he was actually doubting Jongin's feelings, it was clearly his fault for not expressing them right. Especially since this was Chanyeol, who was basically a mind reader.  
  
"I'm not good with words, I guess. Sorry," Jongin said awkwardly, unconsciously seeking out what was now a pink light.   
_But I really like you. I'm crushing on you.  
Soon, I'll be able to call it love, I can feel it._  
He opened his mouth, but none of these words would come out. It was like his throat was blocked.  
"It's okay," Chanyeol said, placing his palm over Jongin's lower arm in a touch so fleeting that it was impossible to feel it through the jacket. It was frustrating.  
"Just tell me... tell me since when you felt that way for me, maybe?"  
Everything about his voice screamed _help me out here_ , and Jongin still noticed how he was making it easier for him, by asking the questions and not putting a label on what Jongin may or may not feel. He placed his own palm over Chanyeol's, pressing down generously, until he could feel him.  
"Since when. I don't know, it just... happened."  
  
He bit his lip, trying to swallow all pretense and just be honest and straight-forward with Chanyeol for _once_.  
"I really don't know. I know I realized it when you played that song, remember? The universe one?"  
Chanyeol made a quiet, acknowledging sound, patiently waiting for him to continue.  
"That's where I really understood. That being around you is not a chore, but something I... enjoy," Jongin said slowly, trying not to claw at Chanyeol's hand. "I can be myself and relax around you - which probably sounds stupid, since I'm obviously not relaxed at all right now, but point is: I really want to be with you. As more than just team mates or friends or whatever. If that's okay with you."  
His resolve admittedly faltered a bit towards the end, and his eyes had been constantly flitting between Chanyeol's and their hands, but at least he'd said it. A couple seconds passed. It felt like an eternity.  
  
"Okay."  
The response was a whisper, so quiet Jongin almost didn't hear it over the wind.  
The pressure on Jongin's arm increased as Chanyeol placed his second hand on top of Jongin's and leaned in.  
"I want to," he murmured as he inched closer. And closer. Until Jongin felt the cool air being blocked, until he felt the warmth Chanyeol's radiating off burning cheeks, until-  
Until Jongin ripped his hand free to smack his fingers over his own mouth, just in time. Chanyeol backed off a bit immediately, looking startled and flustered.  
"W-what now?" he asked, clearly embarrassed. Jongin hoped the beginning of a blush on his face wasn't that obvious yet.  
"Kyungsoo isn't here."  
"So?"  
"It's unfair to him," Jongin protested quietly, still refusing to fully remove his fingers from his lips. Chanyeol scratched his head, looking all sorts of confused.  
"So I should only kiss you when he's around?"  
Jongin shook his head before he knew it. Before his mind consciously knew what his body knew already.  
"No. Just. This is the first time, and Kyungsoo waited for you, too. So..."  
Chanyeol blinked as understanding trickled in. Then he broke into a small grin that grew into a smile, and Jongin was kind of shocked how much it actually put him at ease.  
"That's adorable," he chuckled, and before Jongin could remove his hand to complain, Chanyeol had grasped his wrist to keep it there.  
"Okay, I'll wait," Chanyeol hummed, leaning back in to press his lips against the back of Jongin's surely icy fingers. He was close that Jongin's eyes fluttered shut instinctively, senses sharpening to focus on the sensation of warmth. It wasn't a simple, innocent peck that went by in a flash. No, Chanyeol placed an open-mouthed kiss on his fingers, languidly nipping at his knuckles as if trying to map them out. So close.  
Meanwhile, Chanyeol's hold on his wrist was noticeable, but loose, with one finger casually sneaking below the leather bracelet, making Jongin's breath hitch. Sensing this, Chanyeol's lips slowly came to a rest as he tugged at the leather, ever so lightly, and Jongin let out the tiniest gasp. The bracelet. Their symbol of belonging. He was theirs. And Chanyeol was his.  
His head was still spinning when Chanyeol drew away, and Jongin wanted to get rid of this unusually confident, stupid grin. But also snap a picture beforehand, so he'd not forget the sight. As if in trance, Jongin finally lowered his hand.  
  
"You're a weirdo," he mumbled, not sure how to act, feel or think. He was a mess. God, Park Chanyeol could turn him into a mess this easily.  
The tension melted like a snowflake landing on your palm, and with a bright smile, Chanyeol reached around to forcefully tug him into his side.  
  
"I'm trying," he said in an airy, maybe even breathy voice, but he trusted Jongin not to be freaked out.  
Just like Jongin trusted him when he silently leaned into the side hug.  
  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might not be the best chapter, but I've been getting back into writing after a two week break, so... be gentle with me?  
> Does it get across that Jongin thinks a lot? To me, he thinks more than the other two, by far~
> 
> Love,  
> Sugar_and_Salt ♥
> 
> P.S.: Jongin is my boyfriend as we watched Passengers. Srsly though, don't spend money on that one. At least not if you wanna see some interesting characters...


	26. Of Braids and Cords

Kyungsoo was annoyed. Sure, that wasn't a completely uncommon occurrence, but usually, his annoyance was directed at something or someone, meaning he could fight against the source. Today, though... today was just a really bad day. Just thinking of all the little and big things grating on his nerves today made Kyungsoo feel an upcoming headache. He'd slept terrible the night before, forgot his lunch at home, and the company's menu has been awful that day. Then there was this stupid new secretary who kept giving him a speech about wrongdoings he wasn't fucking responsible for, and then he got drenched from head to toe on his way home after work, meaning he had to take a shower before hurrying off again, because they had promised to meet up over at Chanyeol's place, _meaning_ he had no time to sit down and relax, either.   
He was in a shitty mood, and he knew it, and neither Jongin nor Chanyeol deserved to be on the receiving end of this.   
  
Currently, he was standing in Chanyeol's kitchen, taking an unnecessary long time to pour himself a glass of water.

With a heavy sigh, he closed his eyes and leaned against the kitchen counter, with his back facing the door. His head wasn't pounding anymore, but there was this distinct little knot of annoyance in his stomach, making him feel cramped up and, well, annoyed. He'd just left when Chanyeol's bellowing laughter made him flinch from the sudden noise. Today, he just wasn't capable of looking at  _ anything  _ with kind eyes, and the mere fact alone ticked him off even more. He should have stayed home, but he didn't want to deny the other two. What a stupid move he could now pay for.

He'd just stay another hour or two, and then leave them alone.   
  
With these thoughts in mind, Kyungsoo returned to the living room (slash bedroom, because there was really not a lot but this single room in Chanyeol's fancy loft), only to find the other two somewhat wrestling on the couch for the wireless mouse. To anyone else, it might have looked intimate, but Kyungsoo was wiser than that. And also he just really wanted a place to sit.

"Are you two done yet?" he asked in the most neutral voice he could muster. Chanyeol looked up at his voice, and sneaky Jongin used the chance to snatch the mouse, and thereby control over the movie menu on screen.

"Hah!"

"That wasn't fair!" Chanyeol whined loudly, pawing at Jongin's unrelenting, protective grip over the mouse.

"Yes it was-"

"Was not!"

"Then we can always let Kyungsoo choose the movie-"

"The only thing I want right now is a place to sit," Kyungsoo cut them off, and forced himself in between them. "Just choose any movie, I don't care."

He got a glimpse of Chanyeol's eyes widening in guilt, and damn if it didn't instir more guilt in him, for turning his partner into a kicked puppy. Under normal circumstances, Kyungsoo would have apologized, but today, no words wanted to leave his lips after that. He hoped they'd just turn on a movie and leave him be. He felt pretty ugly right now.  


The other two seemed to catch up on it, and after turning up an easy sci-fi film, they got unusually silent. But the ugliness knew no end and even that annoyed Kyungsoo. The fact that they were walking on eggshells now, the lack of Jongin's snark and Chanyeol's fawning... They were all just silently sitting there, with Jongin barely touching his right side, and Chanyeol leaning into his left. And Kyungsoo was still pretty unhappy with the whole situation.   
  


He was looking at the screen alright, but his mind was too busy to focus on it. He kept thinking about Chanyeol and Jongin. About the three of them. They still had a long way to go, but even in his annoyed state, he couldn't deny that everything was going so unexpectedly... well. They were professional at work, they met up after work. They met up with two people as much as they met up together, all three of them. Jongin and Chanyeol seemed to always work together well enough, while Chanyeol and him felt more like actual lovers with every passing day, and Jongin was growing onto him as well, albeit in an unusual fashion. They seemed to take a route over physical attraction first, feelings later, which was certainly a path Kyungsoo had never seen himself taking before, but with Jongin, it felt natural. Even now he was all but cuddled up into his side (when had that happened?), with a soft grip on Kyungsoo's lower arm.    
  
Was it really that easy, being in a relationship with two people at once? Would the jealousy hit later, and then ruin it all, just when it would hurt for real? He was just having a bad day, and that alone made him feel like everything was so _frail_ between them. Kyungsoo felt like a bit of an idiot for only really considering these things now. It was obvious now, why Chanyeol had been so hesitant about this. He probably thought about all this way earlier than him, because Chanyeol was good when it came to people. If even he’d had his doubts-  


A spark went up his body, and Kyungsoo blinked away the haze, looking down at where Jongin's hand had somehow found its way to the inside of his right leg, tracing out the inner seam of his soft pants. For a moment, all his thoughts blanked out. What was he doing? This wasn't a collegial, simply affectionate touch, not even by Jongin's standards. The movements were too deliberate for that. And with every stroke, they wandered higher. And higher.  


"What... are you trying to accomplish there?" he asked calmly, trying hard not to betray a thing. Jongin only hummed in a short 'who knows?' fashion, and that's when his fingers traveled up a bit too high, when his nails scraped over the fabric just where Kyungsoo was too sensitive _not_ to twitch, even though he was mostly confused.   
  
Really. This was such a bad timing to explore Jongin and his fun in sexually riling other people up, and Kyungsoo had to tell him so, before he ruined something that could not be undone easily. He could feel Chanyeol's eyes on them, and even though the Southener stayed quiet, he was observing the scene play out more attentively than he usually looked at any screen.  


"Jongin," Kyungsoo began, and when the other lightly, but nonetheless boldly cupped his crotch, Kyungsoo placed his own hand over Jongin's with determination. The way his bigger, slightly more calloused hand went limp under his touch immediately, did something to Kyungsoo. As if he was expecting - and _accepting_ , maybe even waiting - for Kyungsoo to move his hand as he pleased. He was handing over the control with such ease, such trust. But this was far from what Kyungsoo was intending, and he slid their hands away and onto his thigh.

"I'm not really in the mood for your teasing," he announced as friendly as possible, "tomorrow, you can try me again, if you want. Sorry."

If this was Chanyeol, Kyungsoo was dead certain he'd have apologized and kept it down to cuddles, until Kyungsoo could fall asleep, and wake up refreshed. A part of him wondered how he could still be so foolish as to assume Jongin would be anything like that.  


Because in a flash, Jongin's hand had slipped away and back to its previous position, digging his heel into Kyungsoo's crotch almost roughly, and he squirmed in a mix of shock and arousal. Jongin leaned in close, to mouth along the side of his face - a thing he hadn't ever done like this.

"I can stop teasing, too," he murmured, fingers tracing out his soon-to-be erection, if he kept this up. "Now that I have your attention."

Kyungsoo held his breath, the hand that wasn't trapped between Jongin and him unconsciously grabbing for support and settling on Chanyeol's thigh. This new, determined and sexual version of Jongin was foreign, and he'd be a filthy liar to deny the interested spark he felt. But really, why today of all days-  


"Close your eyes," Jongin mumbled, and his free hand flit up to brush down his forehead and over his eyes, temporarily taking away his vision. A brightly lit living room turned to darkness, warmth against his face and a strong grip stroking him through his pants. His breath hitched involuntarily, and a soothing palm landed on top of his left hand - Chanyeol.  


"Just lay back," Jongin hummed into his ear, lips tracing out his ear in a complete contrast to his rough movements. "You've been way too stressed today, you should loosen up a bit."  


Oh.

_...oh. _

If Kyungsoo had voice this syllable out, it would have been embarrassingly breathy, but he didn't. Jongin had noticed just how stressed out he was, and this was his way of getting him to relax? By getting him off? This was so... unexpected, and yet so _Jongin_.

The other moved his hand, up and down, and again, Kyungsoo thought that the rough edge might be what he was needing indeed - it was strangely gratifying, tugging at his cramped up insides.

But was it a good idea? His body screamed  **yes** , but the remaining sharp corners of his mind weren't all that sure. And if there was anything Kyungsoo was proud of, it was his self-control.

Jongin's nimble fingers were already working over his button and fly, when Kyungsoo grabbed his wrist, with his eyes still closed, and lips parted just a tiny bit.  


"Stop."

For a second, their hands remained where they were, and Jongin evidently held his breath, too; he could feel it against the side of his face.

"But-" he began, doubts sprinkled into his voice, and Kyungsoo firmly guided his hand away. Jongin drew away, and with this, Kyungsoo's vision was clear again. He blinked against the bright room, only to focus on Jongin having dropped his gaze to their intertwined hands, regret all over his face.  _ God, no. _

Hurriedly, he squeezed Jongin's hand, willing him to look up.  


"Hey. I appreciate this, I really do," he began, unusually uncoordinated and hesitant - Do Kyungsoo didn't usually hesitate; he prided himself in just saying what was on his mind. But currently, he wasn't so sure what he felt, and how he could achieve his goal of not upsetting Jongin, so he figured it out as he talked.

"It feels good, too. I never thought that I'd need this, but I can see it now, the appeal - so don't beat yourself up. Just..."

Jongin was looking at him now, all cautious questions and hesitation swimming in his eyes. Kyungsoo took a deep breath, unconsciously squeezing Chanyeol's hand, who squeezed back.

"I just thought we should save this for another time. When we're more comfortable. I mean... this is something you should do later, just. God, I'm talking nonsense, give me a second," he ended, figuring that making it up as he went would only turn him into Chanyeol. Jongin waited, and when Kyungsoo had a vague idea what his mind was even on about, he tried again.  


"I just don't want our first time doing this to be in such an unpleasant situation," he finally said, and yes, that made sense. "I don't want you to give and give, and me just being pissed for no reason and not really returning anything. It's not a nice way to start this off, don't you think so?"

Jongin nodded in vague understanding, and he didn't seem completely embarrassed anymore, so Kyungsoo patted himself on the shoulder for that.

"Okay," Jongin breathed out, barely audible, and Kyungsoo shot him an encouraging little smile.

"I'll take you up on the offer in the future."

There, that cleared out the last doubts on Jongin's face, and he shyly returned the smile.

"Okay."

Jongin was so odd, going from moody to very sexual, and back to being a cautious introvert in a manner of seconds. It was still a little hard for Kyungsoo not to get whiplash, but a part of him  _ liked  _ it. Liked the exciting way Jongin's character was built, the way he'd catch him by surprise, and the way he was so different from Chanyeol.

Kyungsoo leaned in to press a soft kiss to Jongin's cheek, speaking of gratitude and lowly simmering affection. Then something plopped down into his lap, and the moment was broken as he flinched in shock.    
  
A quick look told him that it was just Chanyeol, who had decided to nestle his head into Kyungsoo's lap, considerate enough not to rub against his half-hard bulge. He didn't say anything, didn't demand for attention or whined about them interrupting the movie - he simply mashed his cheek against Kyungsoo's thighs, eyes fluttering close. Kyungsoo felt an immediate, hot surge of affection for the tall guy who was trying so hard to be small, and curl up on the couch to fit his head onto his lap - being a part of them without intruding.    
Without hesitation, he carded his hands through the silver strands, and Chanyeol relaxed visibly. Kyungsoo couldn't help a fond little smile as the other leaned into his touch.

_ You're one step ahead as always, aren't you? _ , he thought to himself.  __ We're still trying to figure out how to cord a string while you're already braiding it.  
Jongin, too, looked down at Chanyeol now, and his gaze was unusually soft. Chanyeol had told him the two had had a nice bonding session, and now Kyungsoo could see it. Jongin was much less hesitant to show affection, and albeit a little awkward, he reached out to carefully graze his silver hair as well.  


In a manner of minutes, Kyungsoo had one hand buried in the hair of each of the two overgrown puppies in his lap, with Jongin squeezing on a small part of his thigh, so their foreheads touched. Chanyeol seemed completely blissed out, and while Jongin's eyes were still open, he looked a little like Kyungsoo felt - like he couldn't believe his luck, couldn't believe that he was allowed to have something like this.  


And Kyungsoo? Kyungsoo was struck with the fact that they were an item, all three of them. He'd never felt it as clearly as he did now, and while it was still a little scary, the benefits outweighed his wariness by far. Like this, they didn't feel all that fragile anymore. He could see the appeal now, too, could understand why Chanyeol kept looking at them with such awe whenever they interacted, not even stepping in, in fear of breaking something. Looking at the way Jongin nuzzled his nose into the other's’ hair felt like an intimate, precious experience.    


Eventually, Jongin pulled himself further up on Kyungsoo's lap, until he could place a quick, soft peck on Chanyeol's lips. The Southener blinked in surprise, but didn't hesitate diving in for another kiss, despite the more than awkward angle. Kyungsoo watched him place a kiss on his chin instead, before catching his lips. Jongin huffed out a little laugh that had Chanyeol mewl in protest before peppering his face with little kisses, purposefully avoiding his lips. Kyungsoo only watched the way both their cheeks were dusted in a light shade of red, despite the playful attitude they displayed. It warmed his heart, but unfortunately also another part of him that he'd prefer stayed unexcited - since two people were already lying in his lap, squirming and never staying still, and he'd prefer none of them to notice.  


"We should go to bed, since we're not watching the movie anymore," he began, and as they simultaneously looked up, they were greeted by nothing but the title screen. They'd even missed the credits.

 

Only much later, when Kyungsoo found himself in bed with two other people and one of them all but clinging to him (Jongin), did he notice. The tight knot of annoyance he'd felt... was long gone. There was nothing but the close, warm presence of Jongin hugging him from behind, and the occasional warm palm on his waist, whenever Chanyeol's hand snaked around Jongin. This was too warm, too nice and too exciting to be focusing on the insignificant regrets of a bad day.

****  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello~
> 
> You’ll probably judge me for saying that I wasn’t even planning to update this fic atm - I was planning to finish another story first, but real life happened (I almost got a fulltime job, wohoo), and even though I had deadlines, I HAD to write this, for my own sanity. It’s a little short, but… yeah. This story is still my favourite one ;_;
> 
> Love to all of you ♥


	27. Roadblock

 

  
"Alright, so... I'll add videos," Kyungsoo said, and shortly after, his black marker squeaked against the white board in protest as the Northener tried to coax the last bit of ink out of it.  
  
Chanyeol watched him, swinging from left to right with his chair, knowing full well that it was only a matter of time until either Jongin or Kyungsoo would put an end to his fun. Just as predicted, Jongin placed a foot on the chair's construct a second later, halting his motions with a sharp movement.  
  
"Okay, but what kind of platforms are we even gonna use?" Jongin then asked, perfectly casual and unwilling to address the incident. Chanyeol could be annoyed, of course, but he just got up from his seat to step behind Jongin, seeking a different outlet for his need to move. Jongin only spared him an exasperated look over his shoulder before turning towards the whiteboard again - both Chanyeol and Kyungsoo had the habit of moving during brainstorming, while he himself preferred perfect stillness. Chanyeol felt entitled to follow his habits nonetheless, since quite frankly, his opinion was needed the most right now. They were talking about their social media presence and how to solidify it and maybe nurture an active community to spread awareness (and maybe even spark some activism). Chanyeol had quite the media presence himself, and therefore his fair share of experience, too.  
  
"I say videos are the quickest way to build a foundation," he now said, slowly pacing from left to right, eyes taking in his surroundings without really processing them, "since in this day and age, people are too lazy to read lengthy blog posts. I gained most of my followers through Picto myself, and you gotta carefully construct blog posts if you wanna keep people's attention."  
Kyungsoo hummed and started a new box at the bottom right corner, listing _Picto_ , a network that focused on posting images and photos, with barely any more than a short description. After a second of thinking, he added more common platforms that came to mind. Jongin made an unhappy sound.  
  
"I don't like it," he announced, and there was the moody Jongin Kyungsoo had loved to hate back then. Chanyeol found it funny how Kyungsoo had managed to resent this very real part of Jongin, but with a greater knowledge about his personality, had ended up encouraging it.  
  
"Showcasing children to the public can't be a solution. It's like exploiting them," he stated, and Kyungsoo hummed in contemplation, obviously lost in possible scenarios.  
  
"Where's the difference between posting children's pictures or handwritten stories and posting videos of them, really?" Chanyeol asked, and Jongin turned to face him, frowning.  
  
"You'd really wanna push children into the spotlight like that? What about privacy and the likes? They're kids, Chanyeol-"  
  
"Yes, and they're the kids people are supposed to _care_ about," Chanyeol interrupted him impatiently, "building an emotional connection is really easy this way, and there's no need to exploit them!"  
  
"How could a video aimed at gaining sympathy not exploit them? What if the kids are disgusted, looking back on it, and regret it all?" Jongin argued, crossing his arms.  
  
"Posting pictures or other works is different, considering that if you expose them on video, people could recognize them on the streets," Kyungsoo suddenly spoke up, sounding thoughtful. "Can we be sure that's safe?"  
Chanyeol suppressed a groan.  
  
"They're kids living in the safe environment of orphanages. You think some evil pedophile will sneak in there and snatch them away? Or turn into a stalker who waits for them to leave the facility years after? Wouldn't it be way more likely that people would be encouraged to actually adopt them?" he asked, throwing his hands up in exasperation.  
  
"Are we toying with lives based on probabilities now?" Kyungsoo asked with narrowed eyes. Chanyeol sighed.  
  
"Of course not. I'm just saying that if you want people to care, you need to show them exactly what or whom to care about-"  
  
"Let's just stay clear of videos for now," Jongin said in a pacifying tone, and Chanyeol pouted angrily. Why wouldn't they listen? He's been making a name for himself online for years and years, and knew what he was doing. Exposure was something that could be regulated, but had to happen one way or another - after all, every form of online representation was a form of exposure.  
  
"But it doesn't have to-"  
  
"Chanyeol, please. Let's drop it for now," even Kyungsoo added, and this wasn't _fair_.  
  
"Are you two teaming up against me now?" Chanyeol asked without thinking, and Kyungsoo shot him a surprisingly firm, serious look.  
  
"Yeol, this is about work, not about us."  
The simple statement was enough to silence Chanyeol, who froze in place. Only now did he realize just how stressed and tense he'd become.  
  
Right. This was work. Nothing personal.  
  
He placed both palms over his face and inhaled deeply, gave his messy thoughts some time to settle. Separating work and private life was something he was used to, but not in regards to something or someone _this_ close to him. Was it a proof of how close they all were and how much they meant to him, if he got vulnerable and riled up so easily? Either way, this was an obvious no-go on his part.  
  
He gave himself five more seconds before he got to his feet and slowly walked over to Jongin to give him a fleeting peck on the cheek and move over to Kyungsoo to do the same, ignoring the half-unhappy, half-worried expression he wore.  
  
"I disagree," Chanyeol said calmly, the moment his lips broke contact with Kyungsoo's skin. "And we should talk this through properly, instead of brushing it off."  
  
"This is just you trying to manipulate us with your affection," Jongin complained, though he was grinning. It infected Chanyeol.  
  
"Maybe," he said airily as he took the pen out of Kyungsoo's limp grip. "I say we make a list of pros and cons. Doesn't that sound fair?"  
For a second, Kyungsoo looked at him intensely, as if assessing his feelings - as usual, he could probably read every emotion off his face, and what he found was apparently satisfying. He relented and went over to sit on Jongin's desk, handing the reigns over to him.  
  
"Good, then let's start with a couple cons," he said calmly, and Chanyeol smiled gratefully, shaking his pen in a vain attempt to gather the last bits of ink.  
  
"Sure!"

 

* * *

 

  
  
Chanyeol was humming along to the music blasting from his stereo system as he pushed his hoodie on top of the shirts, stuffing them together into his medium-sized bag. His actual trunk would be a total overkill, considering that their trip was only scheduled to last three days.  
  
He was in a good mood - sure, he'd caused a little slip up earlier, but after overcoming it, he felt a bit more secure in their relationship. Getting the dynamics of work and relationship right and cleanly separated was something to look out for but it wasn't impossible, and the other two weren't making it too hard, actually.  
They had settled on a compromise that saw them being closely involved if any video-making was on the table, preferably even being physically present to ensure everything was going well. But that wasn't the reason he was currently stuffing his small washbag into a corner of the bag.  
  
One of the higher ups had paid them a visit in the late afternoon, telling them to pack their stuff, since they were invited by the Eastern government to partake in CARE's annual press conference. He didn't seem too happy about it, and Chanyeol got that - they were mostly there to look good; an easy attention seeker, possibly charming people with their youthful attitudes and serving as a nice reminder of equality to the simple folk. Chanyeol himself wasn't all that keen on attending the event. It wasn't like he himself minded being a spokesperson, but it wasn't a position he liked to see Jongin or Kyungsoo pushed into. On the other hand... this would take place on Eastern soil, Jongin's birth nation. Surely Jongin would love the little trip home, considering that he hadn't gotten around much ever since they'd started to work for CARE, when they had all been thrown together on foreign ground. He had even stayed back when Chanyeol and Kyungsoo got the opportunity to board a train and see some new landscapes.  
  
He was very much aware of the fact that this was not some honeymoon-like vacation, but that didn't stop him from looking forward to this. Although the fact that he had to refrain from getting too close in public added a grain of salt. Still, they had mutually agreed on keeping their relationship private for the time being and so be it - it was an unusual construct, never mind the impact it could have on the company and their work, and professionalism came first for now.  
  
Just when he was about to add the last bunch of clothing, his doorbell rang. Chanyeol smiled at the sound of Jongin and Kyungsoo, who were lightly bickering, saying something about their luggage; he heard it through the door. The moment he opened it, the two snapped out of it, but Chanyeol's grin was already so wide that he was probably looking like a fool.  
  
"You guys... I'm so proud of you," he said as a greeting, and while Kyungsoo wore a tiny smile, Jongin rolled his eyes.  
  
"Of us arguing?"  
  
"Yes!" Chanyeol replied without hesitation, and the Eastener pushed past him with a sarcastic "Wow, Chanyeol," on his lips. It didn't matter because Jongin was obviously joking, and so Chanyeol just wrestled Kyungsoo's trunk out of his hands to put it away. The other protested half-heartedly, but once in awhile it was alright to do something for stoic Kyungsoo, who was honestly flattered someone would go out of their way despite it being unnecessary.  
  
"It's been ages since I've been to the East!" Chanyeol provided merrily as he went to the kitchen to get some glasses and drinks.  
  
"I've never been there," Kyungsoo offered, just as he offered to carry aforementioned glasses, in wise precaution - it's become a running gag among them that both Jongin or Chanyeol weren't to be trusted around glass. In the main living area, Jongin was crouched on the carpet between Chanyeol's open bag and the couch.  
  
"Are you going to show us around, Jongin?" Chanyeol asked as he placed down the juice and coke, to plunge down into his beloved couch, joints protesting from all the time he'd spent on the floor earlier.  
  
"I never lived in the capital, we'd get lost," Jongin shot him down immediately, watching Kyungsoo pour three glasses in the natural manner of someone who grew up with many siblings. When he noticed the pout on his face, Jongin added a pacifying "but I can give you food recommendations - we got a few dishes you've been missing out on."  
  
Jongin was so funny, Chanyeol thought as he took a deep gulp of icy coke. He was such a little mess, torn between being his snarky self and actually showing affection, wavering in between them as he was trying to regain a balance he had evidently not needed in forever. And yet that made it fun to interact with him, to tease him and comfort him, to outbalance him where he needed it the most. And all the fun aside... Jongin liked him. _Liked_ him. He felt it more with each passing day, and he'd felt it so dizzingly clear when they had shared their first kisses the week before. The mere thought made him all fluttery inside. Not just the kisses themselves, but also the fact that Kyungsoo had been watching, approvingly at that. Did that make him kinky?  
  
As if on cue, Kyungsoo leaned into his side, ripping Chanyeol out of his thoughts. He slung an arm around his slim shoulders, and while Kyungsoo didn't comment, he did press closer. Kyungsoo wasn't someone to seek lots of skinship, god forbid public display of affection. Just a light, casual and reassuring touch - that was usually all Kyungsoo initiated. And that was fine by Chanyeol. Quiet, subtle reassurance was rather new to him, and he found it to be grounding and soothing.  
  
"Stuffed animals, really?" Jongin said, breaking his train of thought by reaching on top of his luggage and lifting up a small, black dog by its feet. "Won't our bed be crowded enough already?"  
The thought of them all sleeping together made him happy, but this was Thoven who was on the line here, so Chanyeol snatched the stuffed animal away to cuddle it close to his chest.  
  
"I never said he'll sleep on the bed," he defended himself and Thoven, the little brother of Bee, Baekhyun's plush corgi. They had won them on a fair as kids, and the coarse little thing accompanied him everywhere, so this trip would be no exception. Kyungsoo casually reached out to pet the dog's head, and Chanyeol fell for him all over again, just from that gesture alone.  
  
"What are those?" Jongin asked curiously, and Chanyeol looked up to see a certain white and dark blue package in Jongin's hand. He froze.  
  
"Xanax," Jongin read out loud, turning the packaging in his hand to study it further. "You got any allergies or something?"  
Chanyeol opened his mouth, a flimsy 'yes' on his lips that never quite made it out. He was feeling really cold all of a sudden.  
  
"Are you alright, Yeol?" he heard Kyungsoo ask, but he was already reaching out to snatch the medication from Jongin, who instinctively held it out of reach.  
  
"Woah, relax," Jongin mumbled, sounding more surprised than anything, and before Chanyeol knew it, he'd grabbed Jongin's arm to get a hold of the package.  
  
"It's nothing," he mumbled. "An embarrassing allergy, don't ask-"  
  
"Alprazolam?" Kyungsoo read the description out loud, and then the package changed hands again, this time wandering to the Northener, who regarded it with a sceptic expression. Chanyeol wanted to cry. Kyungsoo held up his free hand, and somehow that was enough to stop him from trying anything though.  
  
"I've heard this before..." Kyungsoo mumbled, turning the packaging around. When his eyes widened, Chanyeol knew there was no escape for him.  
  
"Isn't this like Valium? Something close to a drug?"  
Jongin gasped audibly.  
  
"You're doing drugs? Shit-"  
  
"That's not it," Chanyeol argued immediately, feeling a nervous lump forming, heavy and unsettled, and the prospect of what was to come made him antsy.  
Jongin didn't look all that convinced.  
  
"How often do you take this stuff?"  
  
"Not often, I've had this package for years-" Chanyeol began, but was cut off by Jongin yet again.  
  
"Then it's probably expired by now, right-"  
  
"Jongin, _please_ ," Kyungsoo said in a strict voice that managed to temporarily shut the other up, though he looked mighty unhappy about it. Kyungsoo shot him a warning look before he turned to Chanyeol, shaking the package a bit. It had Chanyeol's eyes flit from the ground to the medication, and eventually to Kyungsoo.  
  
"You don't need to tell us," Kyungsoo said as he placed his free hand on Chanyeol's thigh and it felt like a soothing blanket, heavy enough to press him down and keep him grounded. "We can't and won't force you. Just know that you can tell us, whenever you're ready. Take your time."  
_  
Take your time._  
  
Chanyeol did, and for a long moment, he focused on breathing, eyes trained on the carpet. It was alright. It wouldn't happen now. It's been forever, anyway, so something like this shouldn't trigger him. It was just that nobody knew about this pills. Not his friends, certainly not his family and not even Baekhyun - there was a time when Chanyeol had scraped together the courage to tell his best friend and better half, but Baekhyun hadn't quite understood, hadn't realized just how serious Chanyeol had been. Back then, Chanyeol had been easily discouraged and kept this particular issue to himself afterwards. He'd silently visited a doctor, denied theraphy sessions because it wasn't _that big of a deal_ , and now nothing but this innocuous little package told of his secret.  
  
A package that Jongin had found, and now they were both looking at him. Jongin with an expression that told him he was not agreeing with Kyungsoo at all, and that he'd very much like to get answers. Kyungsoo with a stoic, calm one that cracked just enough to reveal that he, too, was worried. He'd probably look up the specific medication and read up everything about the possible diseases it could treat.  
He should really tell them. It would be alright, he told himself. But it was unexpectedly hard to color the words with his voice. They were just soundlessly waiting, stuck in his throat.  
  
A touch told him that Jongin was palming his leg, just a silent sign that he, too, meant well.  
He licked his lips and tried again.  
  
"They're against panic attacks."  
The sentence hung in the room, heavy and uncomfortable, and now that it was out, he had to do quick damage control.  
  
"I don't get them often, I have no panic disorder or anything; I'm just keeping the pills to be safe," he said, not sure where to look. "Just in case. Sometimes it won't happen for years."  
  
"So you haven't taken them in years?" Jongin asked, now more curious than upset.  
Chanyeol hesitated. Kyungsoo noticed.  
  
"It makes sense now. I remember," he said, and Chanyeol looked at him quizzically. Kyungsoo rubbed a thumb over the back of his hand, as if to soothe him in advance.  
"That time where you skipped work. You weren't physically sick, but... it was something like that, right?"  
  
Oh. Right.  
There was no use denying it, and as he nodded, he could see the clogs turning in Jongin's head. Could see him remember just what had happened back then. Kyungsoo had already connected the dots, because of course he had. Back then, Jongin had confessed to him in this weird and clumsy way, and Chanyeol hadn't been able to handle the pressure well. It was his fault, really, not theirs. This brought problems though. If Chanyeol was sensitive to emotional pressure, then that would influence both Kyungsoo's and Jongin's behaviour. They'd treat him differently, like he was made of glass. It was an added factor of pressure for their relationship as a whole, and he really didn't want to-  
  
"Chanyeol. Breathe."  
He blinked, looked into Kyungsoo's dark orbs and allowed himself to get a little lost in them. He hadn't noticed that he'd been holding his breath.  
  
"I'm sorry," he mumbled, grasping Kyungsoo's hand with his one hand, while reaching for Jongin's with the other. Physical touch was save and reliable - not in general, but coming from these two.  
  
"I'm not usually this- like this," he said for the lack of a better term, "it's just that I never told anyone. And I don't wanna influence how you treat me. Just. Pretend it's not an option."  
Jongin looked hesitant, but Kyungsoo agreed without a hitch.  
  
"Sure, I can do that."  
He should maybe feel a prick at how easy it was for Kyungsoo to dismiss all this, but Chanyeol just felt relieved at being accepted and treated normally.  
  
"But if it happens nonetheless," Kyungsoo began calmly, "then what do you want us to do?"  
There was no accusation, just an honest question that aimed to help. Chanyeol hesitated. It was hard to picture the situation.  
  
"I'm not sure," he said slowly, still seeking an answer, "I usually just withdraw to deal with it. I've never been around people before, when it happens."  
Kyungso nodded.  
  
"Very well. It's up to you whether you take these," he shook the package, jostling the pills inside, "or whether you wanna try us. Just know that it's always an option. Right, Jongin?"  
He looked towards the Eastener, who still looked reluctant.  
  
"No," he said firmly, and a spark of insecurity flared up, pricking Chanyeol for real this time - but before he could withdraw, Jongin had tightly gripped his hand. "I don't think this is quite right. I can treat you like panic attacks aren't even an option, but _you_ shouldn't treat yourself like that. Suppression and denial only give you unconscious fear."  
  
He leaned forwards to pull the medication out of Kyungsoo's hands, watching Chanyeol closely.  
  
"This is a part of you," he said firmly, his voice unwavering. "Know your enemy, so you can fight it."  
With this, he placed the medication back into his bag with a meaningful gesture.  
  
Yes, that was very much Jongin - know yourself to the core, so you can gain control. Maybe Jongin would be a very miserable person without the insight he had. And while Chanyeol knew that he was right, he also appreciated Kyungsoo. Patient, calm Kyungsoo who kept a distance while still holding his hand. Who gave him all the time he needed.  
What a lucky guy he was, having two personalities as different as theirs supporting him.  
  
With a strong pull he tugged Jongin towards the couch, and with a shared oomph, they were all tangled up on the couch the moment after. It was a mess, and someone's elbow was painfully digging into his sides, but it was also warm and comforting, and Chanyeol sighed happily.  
  
"I'm just giving you guys trouble today, huh? First the thing at work and now this," he mumbled into Kyungsoo's collarbones, who chuckled and tightened his grip on them.  
  
"You're a dense idiot sometimes, Chanyeol," he said, and a hand was ruffling his hair. He leaned into it without thinking.  
  
"You think we're perfect? A relationship like ours isn't easy, and we'll stumble just like you do. In fact, I bet by the time we discover all the obstacles to tumble over, you've already finished the parcour and will cheer us on from the finish line."  
  
"What a nice metaphor," Jongin said sarcastically, but he didn't stop petting Chanyeol's hair. "I'd hate it to be right though. Watch me catching up with you, Yeol."  
  
"You never called me Yeol before," Chanyeol noticed happily, and when Jongin began to ruffle his hair more viciously to shut him up, he yelped and nuzzled into Kyungsoo's neck to hide.  
  
There was no fear right now, no anxiety. Jongin was right, it _could_ happen, and that was nothing to be ashamed or afraid off. A concept that was a little hard to believe, and sounded almost too good to be true, but the two of made him want to believe it, and he'd try. There was nothing to truly _fear_ \- after all, he had medication and not only one, but two people ready to catch him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Their conflicts don't seem to end, despite them being happily together, huh? It's almost as if relationships need to actually grow, even after confessions are made... *weird*
> 
> Okay, I'm just tired and will stop talking nonsense now. 
> 
> Looove to everyone reading this! :3
> 
> Sugar_and_Salt ❤
> 
> P.S.: why is the chapter called 'Roadblock' and not something less dramatic like obstacle? Because roadblocks are usually consisting of people, and the three mostly tumble over each other on their way. At least that's how I see it~
> 
>   
> P.P.S.: Come talk to me (and other authors/writers) on Discord - [click me :D](https://discord.gg/XkCdrEx)  
>   
>   
> 


	28. That One Puzzle Piece

 

Kyungsoo had never been to the East before. He had grown up in the North and taken a trip there to find Chanyeol's childhood friend. He was working in the West and had taken a trip to an island, to support an orphanage with Chanyeol. As a person of Northern descent, he knew plenty about the South, the country's unofficial rivals, but the East? This was new. The architecture was very foreign with lots of wood and glass, a clean and modern look meeting quaint designs. The people were dressed differently - in lots of powdered colors and simple cuts. Even the air was different, including the scent emanating from the booths around them. Kyungsoo had to be honest, it was a big off-putting, but he was also very aware of the fact that this was the foreigner in him talking - Jongin had grown up in this area, and around this scents, too, and they were probably in no way better or worse than the environment Kyungsoo had grown up in. Which is why he decided to trust the other on his dinner choice, too. Jongin seemed to have something in mind, clearly, for he led the way and moved with purpose and nonchalant confidence which was an unusual, but a good look on him. Kyungsoo would like to say he didn't think about his job at all, but he silently hoped Jongin would be able to maintain that rush of confidence for the press conference tomorrow.

An arm around his shoulders ripped him out of his thoughts when Chanyeol slipped on the wooden bench next to him, placing a cheap paper plate on the table before him.

"There you go, please enjoy your meal - wave if you need me," he joked cheerily, and Kyungsoo looked at what seemed to be triangular-shaped, thick pancakes with applesauce.

"Are those potatoes?" he asked with mild interest, already carefully tearing off an edge with his fork.

"Yeah," Jongin mumbled around a mouthful of food. He was all but inhaling them, much to Kyungsoo's amusement. He waited until Jongin had chewed and swallowed.

"It's a really cheap and common dish, sorry," he said sheepishly, licking some stray apple sauce of his generous lips. Kyungsoo wondered whether Chanyeol was following him closely as he did so, and silently observed how he, too, had apparently noticed.

"I just really fucking missed this," Jongin added before he was back to focusing on his food like a starved kid, moaning in delight so unapologetically that it made Kyungsoo smile. Funny how it just took some familiar food to get Jongin to let down his guard.

"It does taste really good!" Chanyeol readily agreed, and then he was all up in Kyungsoo's face, and a plastic fork nudged his lips.

"Chanyeol,  _ no _ ," Kyungsoo muttered, feeling the traitorous heat already crawl up. Even as a child, he'd been one to blush way too easily. The slightest embarrassment? His cheeks would be glowing. It only ever added to his humiliation, causing more blushing and- it was a vicious little cycle that had made it easy for kids and adults around him to tease him all his life. Stubborn (and desperate) as Kyungsoo was, he'd read countless tips online on how to get rid of this habit, and ironically, the most effective tip was to remain calm. Accept your situation, take a step back and make it less personal. So that's what he did now, too.

"Chanyeol, we're in public," he said in a hushed, blank voice, leaning away from him. For a second, surprise flashed over the other's features, as if he'd forgotten about that - granted, this wasn't the biggest deal in the world, but it would still look very... gay. Not that this would be a big problem in the East - as far as he knew, people were open-minded enough, albeit rather private - so public displays of affection weren't too welcomed. But they  _ had  _ agreed to keep their relationship a secret for now.

To Kyungsoo's surprise, actual hurt spread across Chanyeol's features, as he slowly lowered the fork.

"Can't I even do that?" he murmured with a lowered gaze, and Kyungsoo felt guilt hit him like a truck.

"I'm sorry," he replied without thinking. Just because he wasn't big on being all touchy in public didn't mean others weren't - of course Chanyeol would be disappointed about hiding their relationship, and he hadn't meant to rub it in or seem cold-

The air was knocked out of his lungs as he was pulled into an awkward, enthusiastic side hug.

"Gotcha! I'm just kidding, Soo!" he sing songed, and Kyungsoo blinked in honest surprise, before he went slightly cross-eyed at the fork nudging his lips again.

"And now quit being a baby," Chanyeol ordered merrily, and Kyungsoo had parted his lips before he knew it. Goddammit. Now the blush had returned and there was no possible hope of getting rid of it anymore.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

"Are you disappointed in our relationship being a secret?" Kyungsoo asked, eyes flickering between Chanyeol and some brochures on their desk. The hotel room of Jongin and him was of a decent size and they hadn't even thought of using Chanyeol's room. Currently, Chanyeol was lying on his stomach, wet hair falling over his eyes and t-shirt slightly clinging to his wet frame. He had obviously not used any of the hotel's shampoo, since the familiar scent of cherry lingered in the air. The lighting was dim, the curtains drawn closed, and the atmosphere made Kyungsoo rather sleepy. Maybe that's why the question had slipped out.

"Are you still thinking about that?" Chanyeol asked, sounding a little exasperated, even though it was but a thin layer of playfulness over actual worry.

He wriggled himself into Kyungsoo's personal space to place his head on his thigh, looking up at him with his big, stupidly shiny eyes.

"Of course I’m not. What does it even matter? I don't feel the need to go all alpha-male on you - if anyone were to hit on you, I know you'd rip them to shreds all by yourself!" he laughed, and Kyungsoo smiled, too.

"True. You would probably pull some smart, social stunt and reject them without rejecting them," he hummed, taking in the slightly rosy skin and the way his dimple appeared without warning when Chanyeol smiled even wider.

"You think too highly of me, like I'm some kind of magician," he joked, and Kyungsoo shrugged.

"Knowing how to deal with people is certainly a form of art. The real question would be how we're gonna protect Jongin from being hit on in public."

"You mean how we're gonna protect those poor souls from  _ him _ ?" Chanyeol asked with an arched brow and now Kyungsoo couldn't help but huff out a small laugh.

"You're right. I've seen that side of him before," he mused, being reminded of that person who had dared to blackmail Chanyeol and how surprisingly vengeful Jongin could be. The Southener made a questioning sound, but Kyungsoo only shook his head. This was a story for another time.

"What are you two lovebirds talking about?" Jongin suddenly asked, and they both craned their neck to see him pad inside the room, toweling his hair. He wore the hotel's bathrobes over a pair of pajama pants. The pure white made for a very nice contrast with his skin and hair, Kyungsoo thought. Recently, he'd thought a bit too much about how attractive Jongin was.

"About us being still a secret," Chanyeol said easily. "What about you, does it bother you?"

Jongin hummed thoughtfully, but waited until he was seated next to Kyungsoo before replying.

"I mean, yeah, a little. But there's nothing to do, right?"

"Really?" Kyungsoo asked, genuinely surprised. Jongin shot him a shyly amused look.

"Don't worry, I'm not gonna expose us on the holy, annual press conference. I'm not suicidal."

"That's not it, I just... didn't expect it," Kyungsoo admitted, and he didn't hesitate to place a hand on Jongin's thigh as the other leaned in - physical reassurance just naturally happened between them, he barely consciously noticed it anymore.

"What exactly bothers you about it?" Kyungsoo asked, and at the weird look he got, he added "I mean what kind of a difference would it make for you if we were official?"

He heard Chanyeol chuckle at his probably highly insensitive way of asking, but Jongin took him seriously and replied with a question of his own.

"Well, wouldn't you like to let your family and friends know that you're in a relationship?"

Kyungsoo furrowed his brows.

"I mean, it would be practical, but it's not like I need anyone's blessings?"

"Well, I'd like it if everyone knew," Jongin stated surprisingly decisive. "I'd like it if anyone looking at you or Chanyeol, or even me would always have the fact in the back of their head that we're taken."

This whole concept was one that Kyungsoo always saw in movies, but never really thought to be real. People actually, genuinely wanted this?

"Isn't this all about one's ego and protectiveness though? Are you scared someone will snatch us away? I've always thought people who feel the need to show off their partner's just wanna bask in their glory. ‘Look at this amazing person, he's all mine’. Kinda like that," Kyungsoo said, and again Jongin didn't take it personal, because he always  _ got  _ Kyungsoo. After a moment of consideration, he shook his head.

"No, I disagree. I mean, for one I'd like people close to me to know about my life; like my mother, for example. And also I don't feel the need to show you off, as you said it. I would just like to be able to stand up for my partner in public. Support him as someone more than a friend."

Kyungsoo nodded with a small 'ah' - he hadn't thought about it that way. It wasn't something he personally felt at all, but people were different.

"Don't get me wrong though," Jongin added as he idly played with Kyungsoo's fingers. "It's not so bad that I'm deeply bothered. It's just a little nuisance. I can take it."

"Such deep discussions," Chanyeol said, voice drifting into a yawn. "Meanwhile I low-key hope my mother never finds out."

"You're not on good terms, huh?" Jongin asked, and the Southener hummed, stretching himself in Kyungsoo's lap like an overgrown cat.

"I mean, depends on where 'terms' even begin - we only call each other on holidays and birthdays. Though she almost forgot mine this year. If she found out I was bi and in a relationship with two guys, she might cut ties for good."

His tone was light, and despite his expression not asking for it, Kyungsoo wrapped an arm around his chest. Chanyeol sometimes casually hinted at this, and maybe that, too, was a story for another day.

"Either way, what I wanted to say by this is that I personally really don't mind," he began anew, looking up at Jongin while nuzzling closer. Kyungsoo's clothes were already very damp - not that he was about to complain.

"Making it public might have some repercussions but nothing I couldn't deal with. I don't care how long we'll wait. Anything you guys decide? I'm fine with it. Besides," he added with a mischievous smile, "I can get away with anything in public, since I'm me!"

Jongin groaned and went into a half-hearted litany of complaints about how touchy and embarrassing Chanyeol was in public, and how he'd make the most annoying official boyfriend, anyway, as Kyungsoo wriggled out of their grasp to finally claim the shower.

As the hot water blissfully loosened the tight muscles in his back, the image of Chanyeol's mother wouldn't leave him. He imagined a tall, cool business woman giving her son a condescending look. And how he and Jongin would protectively stand at his sides, glaring back without Chanyeol noticing it.

So that was what Jongin was on about. Like this, he got it a little better.

 

 

Kyungsoo was still mulling over this when he exited the shower, but all those thoughts were instantly wiped from his mind when he was greeted by the side of Chanyeol and Jongin making out on their bed. A closer look told him it was Jongin doing all the work, pinning Chanyeol down with his own body weight, back arched as he did something Kyungsoo suspected was aimed at the other's nipples. Whatever it was, it apparently hit home and Chanyeol bucked up with a tortured little groan. Both their shirts were nowhere in sight, though Jongin still wore pants, very much unlike Chanyeol.

"Oh," Kyungsoo said numbly as he just stared, his brain to mouth filter temporarily disabled. Jongin stopped immediately and looked up, without changing anything about his suggestive position.

"Oh, there you are," he said, voice just a tad lower than usual, and Kyungsoo swore he looked a little ruffled, too. With one hand placed on Chanyeol's chest as a silent demand for him to stay where he was, Jongin waved him over. Kyungsoo obeyed, too curious and turned on by the mere idea of what was happening to overthink things.

When he stopped next to the bed and got a full view on the extent of the situation, he subtly licked his lips. There were a couple suspiciously red blotches spread across Chanyeol's chest, and the boy himself looked half-way ruined, with his hair being plastered to his face, eyes glazed over and half-lidded as he looked at Kyungsoo, panting ever so slightly.

Just what had Jongin done to him in the past ten minutes? Kyungsoo hadn't been showering that long, no way.

As if he'd heard this, Jongin turned to look over his shoulder and up at him.

"Look, I prepared him for you," he said in a deceivingly soft voice, though Kyungsoo saw the twinkle in his eyes. Jongin had always been a minx. He saw the dancer in him, too, saw it in the elegant way he swung his leg over Chanyeol to move out of the way with grace, only to get comfortable at the side of the bed and nod encouragingly.

"Help yourself."

Kyungsoo stared at Chanyeol, waited for the other to whine and protest about Jongin teasing him, but the reaction wouldn't come. Chanyeol just angled up a leg, a pathetic attempt at hiding his hard on, and looked at Kyungsoo with dilated pupils, still breathing a bit laboured. He looked kind of expectantly, and Kyungsoo needed no further prompting. In a slow, but decisive move, he palmed Chanyeol's thigh to press it back against the mattress, to settle on top of him without a real plan. He considered sitting on his crotch, but opted out of that, and went for his thighs instead. Warm hands settled on his waist immediately, fingers splayed so they could dip into his sleeping pants just enough for Kyungsoo to notice. He didn't address it though - it was obvious that Chanyeol wasn't about to make a move right now - the other was still looking at him,  _ waiting _ . And Kyungsoo had wanted Chanyeol for almost as long as he'd known him, so making him wait was not an option.

He let his fingertips run across bare skin, right down the middle of his chest and down to his belly button, tracing it fleetingly, playfully even, before wandering lower. The finger sitting on Kyungsoo's waist tightened, and he watched the other's expressive eyes flutter closed, shutting down one sense to  _ feel _ . There was a whole lot of trust brimming under his skin, electricity that prickled against the pad of Kyungsoo's fingers. It reached his heart all-too quickly, and Kyungsoo withdrew his fingers - from skin to blankets, from leaning on his palms to lower arms, until he was able to place an experimental kiss along the other's collarbones, right next to one of the red spots. And then another one right on top of it. A more hungry one, nipping at the skin, pressing his face into his neck to feel the slightly sticky skin against his. He heard Chanyeol's breath hitch, and when he reached his ear, experimentally tracing the shape with his tongue, Chanyeol pressed against his palms against Kyungsoo’s back, pushing their upper bodies together with a sudden force that was both unexpected and hot. Out of sheer reflex, Kyungsoo grabbed the other's upper arm to steady himself, and the pressure was gone immediately as Chanyeol opted to bury his fingers in the blankets instead - as if Chanyeol had interpreted this as a scolding, a warning even. And… enjoyed it?   
Kyungsoo nosed around the side of his face, catching glimpses at the other's closed eyes, at the way he faintly bit his lip. It was a rather ridiculous idea.. or maybe it wasn't, not to Chanyeol, not right now. Maybe he liked being submissive in bed. Kyungsoo would be a filthy liar to say he never imagined this, but he was versatile in what he imagined. Who was doing what, who moaned more, talked dirtier - it wasn't like Kyungsoo wasn't flexible. If that was what Chanyeol liked, he'd love to please him, he thought, hands trailing along the other's sides, up and down, still exploring, but also teasing.

He'd love to.

...could he go below the belt line already?

"I knew you're a virgin," Jongin hummed, and a look told Kyungsoo that the other was grinning like a Cheshire cat - it would suit the lazy way he was raking himself on the sheets.

Kyungsoo didn't know what to say. He was tempted to tell him to shut up when Jongin inched closer, a palm covering the back of Kyungsoo's hand, subtly leading it down a bit, to really grasp the bony part of the other's hips. Chanyeol seemed to like that, judging by the way he squirmed without really trying to move away.

"It's been forever for this puppy and it's not like he has ever done it with a guy, either, so I doubt you got an image to live up to," Jongin hummed as he continued to lead his hand, seeming to be rather focused on his task. "You shouldn't be afraid, you know?"

It was distracting, and just when Kyungsoo let his guard down, Jongin roughly pressed his hand into Chanyeol's crotch, and the other half-yelled, half-moaned in surprise - the sound shot straight down Kyungsoo's own spine and lower still. God, he wanted to hear more of that.

"Of course you'd be loud," Jongin sighed with a hint of amusement, and Chanyeol rasped out a half-hearted 'Fuck you', and bit his lips to swallow the next sounds begging to be released.

Kyungsoo got more daring, his fingers rougher, and when his fingers teased beneath the fabric so he could scrape his nails against the sensitive skin, he simultaneously sucked what he hoped to be a hickey into his inner thigh, and Chanyeol really spoke up for the first time. His voice was unusually quiet, something just shy of being nothing but a whisper, all needy and nervous, forward and yet cautious.

"Take it off. Everything."

 

Chanyeol made small noises, and Kyungsoo bit his lip in concentration, suppressing an upcoming wave of panic. Were those noises of content or discontent? He just wasn't sure.

He gave his best to not neglect his left hand, which had just begun to found a real rhythm stroking Chanyeol. It was difficult though, for his right hand was starting to cramp up a bit. The faint scent of lube was lingering in the air (of course Jongin would have brought lube), and Kyungsoo had notched it up to two fingers just a moment ago. It was a very weird feeling, tight and hot and... weird. Kyungsoo was excited about the prospect of feeling this tightness around him, which had become very apparent after he'd kicked off his underwear earlier. The mere idea of being allowed to be  _ inside  _ Chanyeol put him in awe. And yet he was mostly worried at the moment, because having two fingers prod at your insides must be painful and Chanyeol seemed to feel the discomfort. If he'd manage to find his prostate, that would be great. But where exactly did he have to search? Would he really notice it immediately if he did find it?

A hushing sound made him look up to see Jongin carding his hands through Chanyeol's hair, encouraging him to relax, to stop thinking, and Kyungsoo was torn between feeling like a failure and being turned on even more by the casual, reassured attitude of Jongin. The other leaned in to whisper something into Chanyeol's ear, making him mewl. The mere sound made Kyungsoo want to groan himself, and while this was hot and he genuinely wondered what Jongin was saying, he was also starting to feel competitive. He wanted to be the one making Chanyeol feel good, he was the one who had his hands on him. So he tried to take a rougher approach, imitating what Jongin had encouraged earlier - he didn't dare moving the fingers of his right hand like that though, instead opting to stroke him harder. To be honest, he'd never had another guy's dick in his hand, but the basics stayed the same, and he grew more confident with every little noise Chanyeol made now. He tried his best to maintain a certain rhythm, to push Chanyeol, still attentively listening for a complaint, but the other seemed halfway gone and drowning in pleasure. From his position, Kyungsoo couldn't see his face - only the smooth slope of his throat and the muscles on Jongin's exposed back; he couldn't know whether the garbled mess of small groans and whimpers were his doing or Jongin's; but the way Chanyeol's leg twitched and pressed against him told him all he had to know. And then Chanyeol actually told him.

"Kyungsoo- Soo, wait-"

And Kyungsoo would have waited, was about to slow down, really. But Jongin pinned the other down almost brutally, keeping his squirmish form in place by pressing down on his shoulders and leaning over him to keep his hips in place, too. The movement jostled Kyungsoo's fingers inside him. It made Kyungsoo move them without thinking too much, and then a violent tug went through Chanyeol's body, a shudder accompanied by muffled groan and wow, he was  _ really  _ tight around his fingers. Kyungsoo felt  the release hit him somewhere around his collarbones but he tried to focus, to stroke him through it the way he himself enjoyed it. He seriously regretted not having a free hand right now, because he was so turned on that he didn't know what to do with himself.

Everything about Chanyeol was so damn attractive and seeing considerate, polite him lose it like that made it simultaneously better and worse, and  _ Kyungsoo wanted friction _ .

He stopped his ministrations before Chanyeol complained about over-stimulation and subtly palmed himself, nuzzling into the other's damp thigh, before remembering the thick substance sticking to his own, sweaty skin. Chanyeol's breathing was still heavy when he audibly swallowed and tried to form actual words.

"Fuck, I'm so sorry," he rasped out, and Jongin silently made room so the Southener could attempt to sit up and face Kyungsoo. "It was just- new and-"

His words were stuck in his throat and Kyungsoo only belatedly realized that it might be because of the way he lapped at his own finger, tasting a stray streak of cum.

Salty. Not delicious, but not disgusting either.

"You're every bit as sensitive as I thought," Jongin joked, and Chanyeol whined.

"You're lucky Kyungsoo is so damn gone for you-"

"I am not a bad lay," Chanyeol protested as sharply as his hazy mind allowed it, and before Kyungsoo had a chance to grasp the situation, his back hit the mattress and Chanyeol was literally all over him. He gasped, being both surprised and turned on when a hot tongue licked a stripe across his collarbones and hands roamed his chest and sides. Chanyeol hooked a leg over his waist as he licked and sucked and occasionally bit his way down, all the way down to his hip bones - and while Kyungsoo didn't know what exactly he wanted, his body apparently did, since he groaned embarrassingly loudly when he felt the other bite a little harder. Chanyeol was hasty, probably even sloppy, but Kyungsoo was impatient, too, and loved the rush of stimulation. Everything was suddenly happening all at once. Fingers digging into his thigh, groping his butt, teasing around his rim quick and rough. The spike of pain was a sharp contrast to the hot lips and tongue against his skin, leaving a scorching trail along his thigh. With slightly parted lips, Kyungsoo blindly fumbled around until he could bury a hand in the other's hair, unsure whether he wanted to tug him away or push him closer - and he wasn't sure what he ended up doing when Chanyeol unceremoniously put his lips around his head to suck. He heard himself moan Chanyeol's name and he even whined when the sensation left - only to accidentally tug at the coarse strands when a nice, big hand was wrapped around him instead. He sucked in a sharp breath, and his head was wiped clear except for the word  _ Please  _ echoing around.

_ Please _ .

Kyungsoo felt the tongue lapping at the base of his length, adding even more intensity, and then a hand was roughly pulling him back by his hair and Jongin popped into view, looking down at him all calm and calculating. Maybe even powerful. Kyungsoo knew what that the thumb probing at his parted lips meant, and sucked the saltiness away like it was a treat. He lost it when Chanyeol dipped his tongue inside him without warning, fingers simultaneously tightening and stroking relentlessly. Kyungsoo closed his eyes, holding on to Chanyeol's hair with one hand and keeping Jongin's wrist in place with the other as his orgasm rippled through him. It was mind-numbing, hot and satisfying. He closed his eyes and just fell into it, full of trust for the hands on him. Not just the one stroking him, but also the fingers rubbing circles into his hips and the palm cupping his face as he kept sucking on Jongin's thumb.

It was mind-numbing indeed. Kyungsoo felt fuzzy and thoroughly messed up when it all ebbed down. A little like a part of him had broken into pieces. It made sense - these two had lured out his most intimate side, made him throw away his pride and moan and whimper without inhibition. He'd even licked cum off another person's finger like a porn actor, for god's sake. He could feel every bit of the daze he'd seen on Chanyeol earlier.

They ended up lying next to each other, with Jongin squished between them and lying flat on his stomach.

"That was..." Kyungsoo began as he looked at the ceiling, voice unsure on which volume or words to settle. "...unexpected."

Chanyeol hummed.

"I'm still sorry," he said, and Kyungsoo half-heartedly swatted at him, mostly hitting a protesting Jongin in the middle.

"Don't you dare be sorry."

"You're both adorable," Jongin provided, and Kyungsoo snapped back into it. Right. They weren't done yet.

"So," he began casually, "are you all tired out now?"

The question was clearly addressed at Chanyeol, who lazily lifted his head from where he'd face-planted into the cushions.

"Only a little. Why? You really want a second round already?"

He looked mildly panicked at the thought of it and Kyungsoo got that - he himself felt still a little wobbly, both physically and mentally, if that was possible. But he only shook his head and gestured at Jongin with a subtle nod of his head. Chanyeol's brows furrowed in question, until understanding finally blossomed.

"What?" Jongin asked suspiciously and then yelped when hands held him down and the other two shifted.

"You little minx," Kyungsoo muttered lowly, watching the way the other's muscles tensed on his back. "You enjoy toying with us, huh? You thought we'd forget about you?"

"What do you mean?" Jongin asked, a general layer of confusion with a tiny, tiny sprinkle of worry on top.

Chanyeol placed a palm on his shoulder blades, smoothing over the expanse of skin.

"It's your turn, Jongin."

Kyungsoo gave in to the urge to touch, too, running a palm down the curve of his back to the hem of his pajama pants. They  _ could  _ pry him out of those, but not today. Jongin still seemed tense, and the fact that there was a tiny, maybe even subconscious level of wariness left in him made Kyungsoo lean down to leave a simple, lasting kiss right between his shoulder blades, above his spine, and Jongin gasped barely audibly. Kyungsoo waited a couple seconds before drawing away, careful to move slowly, surely. When he noticed Chanyeol looking at him, they shared a small smile before dipping down to leave more kisses along Jongin's back. From his hairline to the hem of his pants. Always careful to match the pace of the other, they unhurriedly attempted to cover every inch of skin in kisses, until the tension had bled out of him. Until Jongin lay all pliant and lax beneath them, eyes closed and breathing deep and steady. Kyungsoo, too, felt himself calm down, felt the slightly cracked pieces of himself melt back together as he pressed his lips on tanned skin, one hand warming Jongin's upper arms while the other was intertwined with Chanyeol’s. And who knows, maybe their pieces were melting together, just a bit.   
  


When they lay down long after, both with an arm around the tanned skin of a thoroughly kissed backside, Jongin opened his eyes to hesitantly look at Kyungsoo. Dazed disbelief was dancing inside his orbs and Kyungsoo thought that there was a piece inside all of them that was perfectly identical. A key they could all build around, a place where they connected.

He ruffled Jongin's hair with a faint smile. Chanyeol's fingers immediately sought his, and maybe this was truly how they were meant to be.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...because you should have all expected Jongin to be the death of him.  
>  What might he have told Chanyeol? Hmm~
> 
> Love,  
> Sugar_and_Salt ♡
> 
> P.S.: I very rarely write smut, so please be gentle with me :<  
>   
>   
> 


	29. Triangle

 

The day started out well. Or maybe more than that. Chanyeol was high on emotions as he fixed his hair in the waiting room.

"You're grinning like a creep," Jongin said to his left.

"You're grinning like you're the nation's boyfriend," Kyungsoo stated to his right, and he sounded deadpan, but they knew he meant it. Jongin complained about him being cheesy in a hushed voice. He was talking quite a lot, considering they were in public - a sign that he was nervous. Chanyeol slung an arm around his shoulders, a gesture just harmless enough not to be misinterpreted. Jongin stiffened a bit, but slid closer nonetheless.

Unlike him, Chanyeol wasn't nervous at all. To be fair, he'd given many more interviews and whatnot in his past, so this press conference couldn't be any worse than those before that. They were doing great at the moment, after all, and had results to prove it. Instead of worrying pointlessly, Chanyeol reveled in the the phantom feeling of Kyungsoo's fingers inside him. He wasn't really hurt or anything, but the experience had been unusual enough for him to still feel a bit weird and empty, to suddenly remember what it had felt like, just to clench around nothing. He was also aware that this was a once-in-a-lifetime experience (not the way Kyungsoo had touched him, hopefully, but the way he reacted, with this being the first time and everything), so he couldn't help but thinking back to it. That wasn't the only reason to smile though. He had woken up snuggled up against Jongin, bare, sticky skin against his, and to top all that off, it was decided that he would get a dog over breakfast. Not any dog, but the still rather tiny shepherd that he had found back then and that was currently living in the orphanage. Chanyeol had pestered the landlord long enough to get permission to take him in, and he couldn't wait to drive up there and embrace the fluffy little thing. He had always wanted a dog. And then there was another thing-

"Okay, it's time to go up there," some staff member said and before the other two could enter the conference room, Chanyeol tugged at both their sleeves, (much to their chagrin, since it wrinkled the perfectly ironed fabric).

"Guys, when we're done with this, I got something to tell you."

"Say it now?" Jongin asked, annoyance brought up by sheer insecurity. Maybe he was just eager for positive news before the conference - nowadays, Chanyeol wasn't always _perfectly_ sure what was going on inside Jongin anymore. He was changing, every day, like all of them. He wondered whether one day, Jongin would completely catch him off-guard with something.

"Can't. Just be patient...!" he whined, and the three shared a small, determined smile before following after the others.

All in all, Chanyeol's life was going great right now, maybe better than it had ever been. He should have known that this wasn't a state the world liked to see for long. If your day starts out too good to be true, reality usually makes sure you stayed grounded sooner or later.

Their question panel started harmlessly enough, with people asking about the way the children received them, whether the adoption rates have increased in any way already, which results stuck out the most to them. It got critical after that.

 

"To Do. You grew up in an orphanage - do you support this specific orphanage?"

Kyungsoo, who was clearly unhappy about this question, replied with his usual, stoic seriousness.

"We do not play favourites due to personal backgrounds. This specific orphanage I grew up in isn't even on Western ground, so we did not get in contact yet."

Chanyeol's smile stiffened a bit at the uncomfortable question, but another journalist spoke up already.

"To Kim. Did the political tension influence your work and did it die down by now?"

He watched Jongin's expression twitch into a forced smile. He saw him gulp as he leaned into his microphone.

"Any active threats and unconstructive hate is being taken at bay by our seniors at CARE, who watch out for us. Of course that doesn't change the fact that intolerance is a big problem between nations and influences the lives of children, whether we are involved or not."

His voice was unexpectedly fierce and no-nonsense. So different from the first press conference they had attended, where Jongin had been all shy smiles and docile behaviour. Chanyeol was so distracted that he almost didn't hear the next question.

"To Park. Your mother is apparently very influential - does she do beneficial work, too?"

Really now? Chanyeol's smile didn't twitch as he leaned forward, but Jongin intervened by pulling the microphone towards himself.

"I don't see how this question is relevant," he stated with a raised brow. "Influence should not be a factor in whether or not you are active in charity. Please hold back on private questions for private events."

Chanyeol was surprised, to say the least. A little worried, too, about where this whole interview was going, so he made an effort so smile heartily to paint Jongin in a more endearing light. He could see the impending trouble on the face of the journalist who had asked the uncomfortable question directed at Kyungsoo. He saw it, and if it was him, he wouldn't have handed the word to this man, but the Care staff member wasn't that insightful.

"Yes?"

"Question to all of them," the man began, and Chanyeol could hear the cool tone hidden beneath fake neutrality.

"Private sources say that the three of you aren't getting along well, personally, and that you disagree a lot on your decisions."

Chanyeol's heart dropped, despite his expression staying perfectly composed. Shit.

"Do you think your different outlooks on work might be linked to your upbringing?"

A low buzz arose, and both Jongin and Kyungsoo were looking at him in, in varying amounts of understanding, but agreeing that only Chanyeol should answer such a loaded question.

Chanyeol had to think, and think fast. They found out about the fact that their teamwork used to be a facade, and they wanted to pen their disagreements on racism, which would be a disaster.

"Everyone has an individual outlook on life. Diverse opinions are what make us strong as a team," Chanyeol said confidently, "and I'm sure that every person defines their values due to those around them. Thanks to the love we all got from families, friends and teachers throughout our life, we continuously question and evaluate that outlook, in order to grow."

"We heard you used to heavily dislike each other to the point that it wasn't uncommon to hear shouts come from your office," the reporter interrupted him with an almost smug expression. "Was it hard to contain that attitude in front of the children?"

Chanyeol stared at him, momentarily shell-shocked by the sheer nerve, by the aggression and vile intentions. He was about to metaphorically duck his head and look like the bigger person, when Kyungsoo chuckled next to him.

"Ah, I guess that's mostly on me," he said into the microphone with an apologetic smile, one that Chanyeol couldn't recall having ever seen on Kyungsoo's face. It took everything not to give that away. "I got a really short temper and at first, I'd give the other two a really hard time," he said almost casually, and Chanyeol resisted the urge to look into an imaginary, hidden camera. This was surreal.  
"They had no chance with me, cause right from the start, I'd argue with them like I'd argue with one of my brothers, which was off-putting to them, to say the least. It took awhile for us to get used to each other’s ways, but I can assure everyone here that we're running smoothly now."

Chanyeol wondered whether Jongin was wearing a poker face as good as theirs.

"None of the children had to suffer from disagreements on our end as they were all private. Not that there's a shame in arguing and making up. It suggests growth, like Chanyeol here said," he ended smoothly, with a smile that almost reminded of Chanyeol's, all free and open, disarmingly so. There were lots of flashes and Chanyeol used the opportunity to subtly communicate with Yixing, who was worryingly observing the whole thing from the back, and just waited for the cue to save them by starting his final speech.

Like this, the conference ended on a rather positive note, but Chanyeol wasn't too sure whether they were truly good.

 

* * *

 

 

 

"I can't believe the stupid headlines," Jongin grumbled, flipping through news on his phone as the train peacefully rocked them back and forth. They were sitting in a private compartment, with Chanyeol sitting at the window, across Kyungsoo and Jongin. The mood was rather somber, with Kyungsoo looking unhappy and resigned - meaning he looked like Chanyeol felt - and Jongin being the only one to actively fume.

"Some of them even actually dare using the word 'racist', what the hell is wrong with them?! You can't run around accusing people of being racist-"

With an angry huff, he nuzzled into his own scarf he hadn't taken off, seeing as he was too busy being upset.

"They call us out on being fake and whatnot-"

"In a _way_ ," Chanyeol began, but was swiftly cut off by an angry Jongin.

"-we have _never_ been racist."  
Well. That was true.

"I didn't manage to save the situation, after all," Kyungsoo said, monotonously to most, but Chanyeol heard the dejection lingering like a bitter aftertaste and hurried to lean towards him, placing both palms on his knees.

"You saved as much as one would have been able to," he said firmly, waiting for Kyungsoo to glance at him. There was a tinge of rue reflected in his dark orbs, and Chanyeol understood. Kyungsoo was a no-nonsense person to the core. Being vulnerable made him uncomfortable as much as being anything but himself. Back there though, he had spoken up in a manner that was not him, that was a carefully chosen filter. He'd lied, too. If Chanyeol was concerned, he'd give everything to create an environment in which Kyungsoo could be himself at all times, but he also respected and appreciated the move. In the end, Kyungsoo had merely picked a reasonable approach and even took a lot of blame upon himself, simply to save them.

"You were perfectly convincing," he added softly, and Jongin made a breathy sound of agreement and disbelief at Kyungsoo's behaviour. "If I hadn't known you, I would have bought it."

"It was super creepy," Jongin added with a good-natured grimace. Kyungsoo huffed and nudged Jongin's arm.

"You too. Good job," Kyungsoo said, curt but genuine, and Chanyeol felt pride flicker up. Pride for Kyungsoo, who had acknowledged Jongin's brave and straight-forward behaviour at the press conference, as well as pride for the man himself. Jongin, too, was willing to face his fear of being ostracized and had given them a pretty good taste of how sharp his tongue actually was. Both of them were so amazing. Chanyeol smiled as they both started to list all the answers they would have loved to give instead, but deep down he wondered whether he had failed them this time. Public appearances were his job, and yet he hadn't managed to avoid all of this. What a mess.

 

* * *

 

 

The mess turned out to grow even further, but Chanyeol only noticed when he exited the train and his phone caught on to a stable wi-fi connection. The next time he checked it, he had countless new notifications from various apps, and his whole subway ride home was spent skimming them. There were hot debates going on everywhere on his social media accounts, debating whether he was fake, after all, but that wasn't even everything. A photo started popping up left and right, a snapshot from the press conference that people used to argue in his favour. It showed Kyungsoo's obviously fake smile and Chanyeol smiling at him.

_'don't you think they're gay? Look at how they look at each other'_

_'they love each other, maybe even more than they admit...'_

_'think they're banging in the office and that's the screams they heard?'_

It... hurt a bit, no denying that. It weren't even the first rumors he'd heard in regards to his love life. Chanyeol should know better than to feel anything about this at all. But he was sensitive with what happened today, and seeing the disrespectful way people talked about Kyungsoo (and Jongin, the 'third wheel' in their equation) made him feel a little sick. All these crude, naughty words were just wrong and disgusting, considering how much he deeply cared for them. Yes, Chanyeol was way too upset about this and aware about it. When he entered his dark apartment and carelessly threw his luggage into a corner, he stopped being reasonable and texted Jongin, asking him whether he could come over, after all. For one, he felt like having company, and secondly he couldn't shake the thought of what Jongin might feel, reading all these things. He was the one who yearned for their relationship to be public the most, after all. Chanyeol sighed, and then sighed some more when Jongin curtly replied that he was in bed already, proposing they meet up tomorrow, all three of them.

Was he disappointed? A little. There was still Kyungsoo, whom he hadn't meant to bother but... if he just came over for a harmless sleepover, that should be fine, right?

His finger hovered over the screen, but then he decided against asking. Kyungsoo always emphasized how he could just visit him whenever, and really, Chanyeol didn't even want any attention. If Kyungsoo wanted to read a book, he'd be content dozing on the couch next to him.

 _Yes_ , he convinced himself, shrugging his jacket back on and reaching for the keys. It would be fine.

He wondered whether Kyungsoo, too, would have fallen into bed face first, but when he walked down the dark hallway, there was an obvious strip of light coming from his door. With a small smile and a tiny smidge of nervousness, he opened the door with the spare key he'd been given ages ago. He had expected Kyungsoo to laze on his couch, laptop perched on his lap as usual. Kyungsoo was on his couch alright. But he wasn't alone and that was definitely not a laptop in his lap, but Jongin, arms slung around his neck in a suggestive way, looking a bit ruffled. Both their heads whipped around to Chanyeol. He was just looking at Jongin though. At the shock that quickly blurred into guilt.

For a few seconds, he just stood there like an idiot, the door handle still in his hand, silently staring as the other two stared back.

_I'm already in bed. Let's meet tomorrow._

Chanyeol's first instinct was to just duck his head and leave and he knew that the former him would have done that without hesitation, feeling sad and embarrassed over misinterpreting their relationship. Feeling like _he_ was the third wheel, had been so all along and how he should have noticed sooner and should just step down so they could be happy.

But that was not what Chanyeol did. He closed the door, still conscious enough of the neighbours, and then raised his voice.

" _What the fuck?"_

Jongin flinched a bit at his angry tone. It may be the first time Chanyeol had ever been outright mad at him. Chanyeol took a few steps until he stood in the doorframe of the living room.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" he asked again, every syllable sharp with anger, and Jongin looked torn.

"There's an explanation for this-" he began, but Chanyeol wasn't just having it and cut him off.

"I can't possible think of a good one though," he said sharply, crossing his arms. "You ditched me and _lied_ about being oh so sleepy, only to sit in Soo's lap? Really now?"

He was hurt, mostly because he had really wanted company and comfort and felt both disappointed and betrayed - but he was also angry, and Jongin seemed to truly realize it now. Slowly, he slipped out of Kyungsoo's lap, and the defiance made way for apology.

"I'm sorry," he said, biting his lip and sounding rather mellow. "Sit down so I can explain? Please?"

 _Please_. Jongin rarely ever used that word on him, and while Chanyeol was still angry, he wasn't going to be unreasonable. He didn't break eye contact as he slowly walked over to the armchair, shrugging his jacket off to sit down, expectantly staring at Jongin. He was definitely wary of what was to come but for now, his anger protected him. Kyungsoo looked all kinds of torn and didn't interfere. Jongin inhaled, eyes flickering from the carpet back up at him.

"We were wondering whether the insider who gave us away was the same person who blackmailed you back then."

This put a temporary halt to everything Chanyeol had been thinking, and he felt an uncomfortable jab just remembering that incident.

"How do you know about that?" he asked skeptically, and Jongin grimaced.

"We found out back then and may have been responsible for the old tapes resurfacing to stop it. And maybe... maybe I was responsible for the man getting fired," he added, a mix of disgust and guilt on his face. Chanyeol just blinked dumbly.

"You did that? You two? Wait, how did you get him fired?" he asked, one question stacking on the next.

"It's a long story, but the point is that we wanted to discuss whether or not to expose that guy," Jongin said, obviously in a hurry to get to the core of this and soothe Chanyeol's temper. "We never did, but maybe we should? Maybe he's taking revenge now and if we reveal that he was already trying to bring you down, that guy will lose all his validity? But we wanted to discuss this first before we'd bring it up to you, so..." he trailed off, looking at Kyungsoo for the first time, who seemed a bit calmer already - or maybe his sight was just generally calming to Chanyeol.

"It's true," he simply said, and with a groan, Chanyeol ruffled his hair.

So they had been behind the sudden, way too convenient appearance of the old tapes. Jongin even said he had gotten the guy fired. Chanyeol wasn't sure what he felt about all this right now, since it put many past events in a different perspective, but overall, there _had_ been a reason for them meeting up in private first. There was just one thing left to address, and Kyungsoo saw it on his face, apparently, for he suddenly spoke up.

"We've been done discussing it, when Jongin decided that it would be hilarious to try and tease me."

Jongin looked half-pouty, half-guilty, but Kyungsoo only flicked his hair good-naturedly.

Maybe Chanyeol should feel embarrassed about reacting this aggressively - he could have probably calmly asked for an explanation and would have gotten it either way. But when Jongin carefully climbed into his lap next, arms light and cautious on his shoulders, he realized that he'd done the right thing. Jongin looked sorry and conflicted, and it may sound mean, but he was... taking him seriously right now. Jongin was showing him a form of respect he hadn't displayed prior, not even after becoming a couple. He looked conflicted and apologetic, instead of just taking Chanyeol's understanding and forgiveness for granted. Chanyeol hadn't realized that he missed that feeling until now. Missed feeling not only appreciated, but respected.

His expression softened, furrowed brows smoothing out as he looked up at Jongin. Slowly, he tilted his head to place a kiss on his arm, and the other relaxed immediately, though he didn't push him further.

"So, you think we should make it public?" Kyungsoo asked from the couch, sounding nonchalant as ever. Chanyeol considered it, but shook his head seconds later.

"We don't know whether it was him," he said, leaning into the fingers playing with the hair at the base of his neck. "And finding out would take forever. There has to be a better solution."

"I agree," Kyungsoo said, watching the two absently. Chanyeol fleetingly thought of lifting Jongin up to settle on the couch where they could be closer to him, but decided against it. Jongin would never let him live it down if he failed carrying him.

"How about we go to bed for now?" he suggested instead. "We can still brainstorm there, the day has been long enough, and god knows we've been sitting for a long time already. My butt is already flat, but it feels worse today."

When Kyungsoo got up to stretch his hands over his head, Jongin refused to move with a mischievous little smile. Chanyeol just shook his head at him.

"I can't believe you got someone fired for me. You're pretty scary, after all," he joked, and Jongin shrugged, expression completely devoid of regret.

"He deserved it. Pathetic person-" he hummed, and Chanyeol shut him up with a quick kiss. Jongin's hands tightened in his neck and he seemed to radiate at the affection, but climbed off his lap nonetheless, so they could change into more comfortable clothes and try to huddle themselves together under two blankets, squeezing themselves into Kyungsoo's bed, because really, they weren't complete until it was all three of them.

 

* * *

 

 

 

"Guys, wait," Chanyeol said, and Kyungsoo and Jongin turned around, one looking curious (Jongin), the other exasperated (Kyungsoo).

"What now?" Kyungsoo asked, crossing his arms. "If you wanna thank us again for that stunt back then... we get it. We're all good. Now let's go, we'll be late."

It was almost noon, marking the time they had announced their livestream to begin earlier this morning. Everything was set up and ready, but Chanyeol wasn't too concerned about being late.

"Remember the thing I wanted to tell you yesterday? Before all of this drama started?"

They both nodded, and Kyungsoo's posture relaxed.

"What is it?" Jongin asked. Chanyeol licked his lips and then pushed himself to say it.

"The apartment next to mine is empty at the moment," he burst out, hoping this wasn't too much to spring on them. "I know moving together would be a bit soon and a bit too much maybe, especially with three people and the dog we'll get soon, but two separate apartments might not be too bad? So everyone can have their own room, maybe? I'm not sure about the technicalities yet, but it is close to work and-"

"You think I wanna spend as much money as you on a luxury loft?" Jongin asked, but there was a light, teasing quality to it. Chanyeol was prepared for that though.

"It would only be half the rent, right? And it's rather quiet up there-"

"I like the idea," Kyungsoo said. It was simple and genuine, just like the Kyungsoo he had become so, so fond of. Chanyeol beamed at him, unable to contain the giddy smile. Jongin tried his best to look exasperated.

"What is this? I was first to agree - can't you read between the lines a bit better, Park Chanyeol? I thought you know me so well," he complained, and Chanyeol drew both of them into a quick, excited hug.

"You're amazing, I'm sure it will be great!"

Kyungsoo insisted on pecking his cheek before letting him go.

"It'll be messy, but nothing we won't manage," he said good-naturedly, before glancing at his watch. "But let's save it for later, we're late-"

"One more thing!" Chanyeol interrupted, grabbing his arm. Now Kyungsoo was starting to get irked, he could see it in his raised brow.

"What _now?"_

"Hold out your hand, like this," Chanyeol said, stretching out the arm with the bracelet, fingers balled to a fist. The other two looked mildly confused, but complied.

"What, you wanna pull some power ranger move now?" Jongin asked dryly, but Chanyeol only gently, but firmly grabbed Jongin's arm, fingers going all around it. For a second, Kyungsoo just gave him a puzzled look, before a subtle nod made him understand. He reached for Chanyeol's arm, and in turn, Jongin had no other logical choice but to hold Kyungsoo's, forming a perfect triangle.

"That's even cheesier-" he began, but Chanyeol wasn't deterred.

"Don't you think it's funny that right from the start, we've been sort of... tied together?" he asked quietly, almost nostalgically, and Jongin shut up, looking at their hands in a different light. Chanyeol holding on to Jongin, Jongin to Kyungsoo and Kyungsoo to Chanyeol. They had disliked each other so much, had clashed and chafed and worn each other down. But in a way, they had always been tied together, right from the beginning.

"Triangles are pretty sturdy and stable," Kyungsoo added with a small smile, and Chanyeol was convinced that they could do the form justice.

"We'll be, too," he announced confidently. They shared a smile, and then Jongin rolled his eyes playfully.

"Now are we gonna do this or what?" he said, not letting go of Kyungsoo's arm. "We already know we're an amazing team. _They_ just don’t know it yet."

With a small cheer, Chanyeol went ahead to take a seat in front of the computer, where messages were already flooding the chat with people all over the world waiting for the three controversial guys of three different nations to make an appearance. As soon as the other two were seated, they switched on the camera, and the game was on. They'd talk a lot about racism, about the way they experienced it, reading and engaging with commenters, giving different input and putting themselves out there for people to understand. To understand their team, their dynamics.  
Would they expose their romantic relationship? ' _Most definitely not_ ,', to quote Kyungsoo's words. ' _Not now. Not to prove a point_.'

Chanyeol was fine with this, and so was Jongin. They didn't need the cover of romance to solve this - they just needed to be a team.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo, it's over, who would have thought the day would ever come?  
> I'm really sorry for taking so long with the last chapter...  
> I'll keep this short and simple: Due to various reasons, I burnt myself out writing for fests, to the point that I wasn't sure I could get any fic written ever again - so if the writing style seems a bit wonky, I hope you can forgive me. It's been awhile since I wrote something I'm actually invested in :<  
>   
> About the chapter:  
> Surely, you all noticed the conclusion in this, right? Instead of big drama, kinky smut or cheesy marriages, I wanted to emphasize how every single one of them is now capable of overcoming the fear that strongly defined them from the beginning. The circle is complete~  
>   
> I'm not ruling out little sequels for this, though I can't promise anything. Still, I might return to this when I'm free, cause I enjoyed this story a LOT. So if you wish to see certain things, feel free to suggest them, no harm in that~ ♡  
>   
> Last but not least I wanna thank everyone who reads this - it's been awhile and no matter when you joined this fic, it's also a high amount of words, so Kudos and love to every single one of you!  
>   
> Feel free to communicate with me on Twitter (@sugaryandsalted) >♡  
>   
> Much, much love to everyone~  
> Sugar-and-Salt ♡ 


	30. [Mini Sequel] - Intention

The alcohol was starting to sink in. If he could tell without moving up from his chair that was probably a bad sign. Jongin had been naive to think he could get away with one or two more beers if he only stayed long enough to sober up again. He should have known better that his body took to alcohol like... like a cat to water, he thought, narrowing his eyes in thought as someone next to him slammed his fist against the table and caused him to flinch. The idea that anyone could laugh louder than Chanyeol was almost offensive. Jongin wasn't sure he had the right. Around him, many of the Eastern politicians and associates were loud. His people were known for being rather reclusive and laid-back... until alcohol was on the table. If it came to celebrating, they were rather infamous, and that was part of the reason why Jongin stayed away from the bitter beverage - it attracted so many fools.

Right now, though, he was clearly one of them for trying to look sober and invested in the ongoing talk about  _ someone's  _ job, while on the inside, he just wished Chanyeol and Kyungsoo were here. For one, Chanyeol could handle the social communication stuff, and secondly, he wouldn't be so alone then.

Jongin was certainly blaming this on the alcohol, but he really wanted to be around the other two right now. Maybe this was the closest he could get to being horny. He just couldn't stop imagining the feeling of wrapping his arms around Kyungsoo while Chanyeol pressed himself into his back. He wanted to snuggle into their necks and kiss their skin until it felt hot to the touch. That would be so great-

That very moment, someone slapped his shoulder and asked him whether something similar had ever happened to him. Jongin smiled sweetly, albeit a bit clumsily, as he denied. What were they even talking about? He wasn't even trying to find out. That might make him the worst representative in the history of CARE, but the buzz he was currently feeling was so pleasant and prickly, it reminded him of that time where Kyungsoo and him had taken a bath together-

He really had to go home. A glance to his watch told him that it was way too early. In half an hour, he'd make an excuse of being too drunk.

Just to be sure, Jongin refilled his glass. Generously.

  
  
  


Jongin had chosen Chanyeol's apartment over their shared one that night. Not because the one next to Chanyeol's was mostly a big storage room as of now (they were planning on assembling their furniture as soon as they decided what to put where and which ones would go to the tiny basement). No, he had been walking down the hallway and saw the strip of light coming from Chanyeol's apartment. He didn't bother knocking and just entered, after fiddling with the keys for a bit too long. Damned be the alcohol.

He found Chanyeol lounging on the couch, wearing his big headphones. A bit blearily, Jongin looked around for a sign of Kyungsoo, blinking against the rather harsh light. When he couldn't find him, he unceremoniously approached Chanyeol from behind, plucking his headphones off.

"Where is Kyungsoo?"

Needless to say, Chanyeol almost got a heart attack.

"When did you come in?" he asked, a hand over his heart like the dramatic idiot he was. Jongin paced around to take a seat next to him, but then he hesitated, unhappily staring at the laptop perched on Chanyeol's lap. Chanyeol shot him a quizzical look.

"You're drunk? How did that happen?" he asked. Jongin didn't reply and instead grabbed the laptop to place it on the table so he could slip into Chanyeol's lap.

He actually sighed at the natural way Chanyeol's hands landed on his waist, securing him.

"That drunk?" he asked, half-worried, half-amused, and Jongin shut him up with a kiss, harsh and demanding. There was one thing he could always count on when it came to Chanyeol - no matter the context, he would always kiss back without question, just like he did now, while Jongin's fingers already snuck under his shirt.

Right now, he felt so, so warm. Chanyeol's lips were warm, his skin was warm under his fingertips and Jongin insisted until he could say that yes, his tongue was also warm, and amazingly so. His buzzed mind kept wondering whether this was what it felt like to be horny. Because somehow, he wanted more. More of Chanyeol, more body contact. He wanted Chanyeol to feel what he was feeling right now. Warmth, gratitude, appreciation, need. So he did what seemed logical, and went for his pants.

"Woah there, take it easy," Chanyeol hummed against his lips, lightly holding him back. "What's this supposed to be when it's done?"

"Want you-" Jongin mumbled, trying to sneak around Chanyeol's fingers, but the other didn't relent.

"No you don't," he said, slightly amused, slightly breathless. Jongin made a frustrated noise he realized was childish. Still, if Kyungsoo had said this, Chanyeol would probably be throwing his pants off right now. Why didn't Chanyeol believe him? Didn't he understand? Why did Chanyeol always understand him but never when Jongin was desperate for it?

"I want you... to want me," he elaborated, trying to unbutton Chanyeol's shirt. The other let it happen, at least for the moment, since he was too busy looking at Jongin. There was a sense of wonder and confusion on his face, a silent question lingering in the air. And Jongin was reminded of that time when Chanyeol had told him to convey his feelings a bit better. He bit his lip as he halfheartedly rocked down on his lover, who twitched, but didn't make any attempt at reciprocating the motion. Damn his self-control. Maybe his choice of words had been wrong. Maybe he should try to be as direct as possible, maybe Chanyeol would understand then? He opened his mouth, eyes probably glazed over, but no syllable would come out. Suddenly, his tongue felt so heavy. Then he leaned in, close enough to feel the heat radiating off both their cheeks as he pressed them together, brushing his lips over Chanyeol's ear, enjoying the way his silver strands tickled his nose.

"I love you," he whispered, small and breathy.

Goosebumps were wandering up his own arms and he wondered whether Chanyeol felt the same. His internal monologue was cut off when Chanyeol pressed him close with hands on his upper back. So close that the air was knocked out of his lungs, and then the world was turning, his back hit the couch and Chanyeol was covering him from chest to toe, pushing him into the couch as he nosed along his neck.

"That's not the same thing as want," he hummed against his skin, and Jongin found it hard to think straight because this was what he'd wanted all along. To be encased, to feel Chanyeol all over him to the point that breathing got hard. Yes, this was definitely it.

He was tempted to whine when Chanyeol sat up on his elbows, cupping both of Jongin's cheeks. The light from the ceiling was mercifully blocked by his messy hair, making it seem black at the tips. Unlike awkward, flighty Jongin, Chanyeol looked him straight in the eye, with his cheeks dusted in red and eyes shining - not from exertion or lust, but sheer joy.

"I love you, too," he said quietly, but surely.   
  
Later, they made their way to the neighbouring apartment to join Kyungsoo in their double bed, trying their best not to wake him up (and failing).   
  


Maybe Jongin would regret his obnoxious behaviour in the morning, and maybe he would even realize what an idiot he was. He still tended to make everything so complicated, while Chanyeol and Kyungsoo had no trouble handling him at all. It only served as further proof that Jongin still had a long way to go before he could claim to be perfectly balanced. Before he could fully understand how a relationship between a sexual person and someone like him could work, before he could finally step over the last remains of the barrier he had unconsciously come up with himself. Good thing that the other two never failed to remind him of that.

_ There is no barrier between us. _

It was a nice thought that even if he was awkward, insensitive and sometimes rude, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo were patient and always trying to understand him. They were so good at it, too, Jongin thought as he snuggled closer into the side of a soft, sleepy Kyungsoo side while squeezing Chanyeol’s hand. It was pretty amazing.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo, this was just a little something that has been ghosting around my mind ever since someone asked whether Jongin was aromantic, too.  
> As you can see he's not *haha*  
> He's just a little dense sometimes, and still pretty insecure about... a lot of things. They'll cuddle it out of him pretty soon, I'm sure~
> 
> Love,  
> Sugar_and_Salt


End file.
